Winter's Path: (A Seasmoke Friends Novel) (12 page)

Rock leaned his elbow on the counter beside me, gaze on Jenny. “You ever hear her sing?”

“No.” But if her singing voice was anything like her speaking voice, I couldn’t wait.

“Look at the room,” he said, jerking his chin. “Not a person speaks when she’s up there.”

Jenny played the first few chords of a song, and her gaze darted to Amber in a silent tribute.

The music from the guitar strings was a haunting melody that had my attention from the first pluck. But when she opened her mouth and lyrics came out...the breath ripped from my lungs.

He’s a victim of the past,

Trapped in his mind,

Searching for an answer,

A fragile link he won’t find.

An unanswered creed...

And we all bleed.

“Holy shit,” I whispered. Her voice was like the sea. No other word to describe it. Smooth as glass at times, others a little rough, bordering on gritty with the low chords, and had a bluesy note that registered so deep I felt it in my soul. Fathomless. Dark.

“Told you.” Rock crossed his arms.

His eyes are hollow,

But his smile’s just the same.

I’d give everything I own

If he’d just remember my name.

He begs to be freed...

And we all bleed.

I shook my head, torn apart by her lyrics and how I knew she wrote them about her grandfather. Her resonating grief and desperation registered in her tone, clung to every note. She had such a quiet, demanding presence on stage that I couldn’t look away. The music picked up momentum as her fingers strung faster, harder. Gutting.

There’s no answer in sight

As his soul is stripped bare.

Those blips of consciousness

Catch me completely unaware.

A wind through the weeds...

And we all bleed.

Tears stung my eyes as she hit a crescendo, let the note hang, stilling her fingers.

A pain no one sees.

To home, I will lead.

And we all bleed.

Oh, how I bleed.

I dragged in air, the effort cutting my lungs. The audience was silent, then erupted into cheers so loud I thought the windows might crack. “Holy shit,” I muttered again. What else could I say when my world had crumbled and erected in the span of five minutes? Biblical, damn it.

Rock nodded. “She’s really something.”

A middle-aged Hispanic man came out of the kitchen wearing a greasy white apron and a towel slung over his shoulder. Gaze only for Jenny, he leaned against the wall as she cued the next song.

This one was more upbeat. A little Imagine Dragons meets Goo Goo Dolls. She sang about dreams and the wayward Carolina sea pulling hope into the abyss. Her perfect lips hugged the mic, her half-mast lids proving she was lost in the music. Her fingers strummed the guitar like a lover and my breath caught again. Part eviscerated, part turned-on, I hung on her every note.

And when she was finished, not a person was in their seat.

She announced last call and stepped down, heading toward the man who’d exited the kitchen. With a nod from him, they both came my way.

“This is Antonio,” she said, a little breathless. “He runs my kitchen. Antonio, Matt.”

He gave me an enthusiastic hand pump and winked at Jenny. “The eyes are smiling, senora.”

She laughed, pink tingeing her cheeks. “Naw. I’ll give you half my tips if you make me a grilled cheese sandwich.”

“I’ll make you one because your voice is reward enough.” He disappeared back into the kitchen and Jenny turned to me.

“He makes the best grilled cheese you’ve ever eaten.” She groaned as if coming right in front of me, and damn if my other head didn’t respond.

I attempted to focus on something else. Anything else. “The eyes are smiling?”

“He meant yours. His way of saying you’re besotted.” Her laugh was a little nervous and her gaze darted away. Interesting. “So, you met Amber?”

“Yes. Turns out we’ll be colleagues on Monday.” She nodded, her smile slipping. I took her hand in mine, brushing my thumb over her knuckles. “You were fucking amazing up there.”

Wide golden brown eyes met mine as if she had no clue she could make angels fall. For a split second, she looked like the lost girl I’d found on the beach our first summer. “I...thank you. That means a lot.”

As I lay in bed later that night, her voice still in my head and her beauty haunting me, I tried to get a grip on my visceral response to her. If I wanted to keep her in my life—and there was no choice—I needed to gain some semblance of control.

But, unlike when we were young, whatever I’d let out of the box by kissing her last week had been a tsunami compared to what my desire had been ten years ago. She was creeping into my every waking thought. My dreams. I wanted her with a bone-deep intensity I’d never experienced with another. Not even Cara. Truly, Cara had never made sense from the starting gate, but the physical jolt had been hard to ignore. Jenny...Hell. Jenny was wrecking me on another level. With her, it wasn’t just about my body. She’d had my trust and my heart for years. And she wasn’t stopping there.

Worse, I didn’t think this desire could be caged again.

CHAPTER EIGHT

Jenny

April—Four Years Ago

H
e’d come. Again, when I’d needed him the most, Matt had come. What had started as a frustrated Skype chat about Grampy’s fading memory and how he’d been wandering out of the apartment, resulted in Matt instilling a three-day weekend to drive down.

After two hours in town, he’d taken charge, calling our attorney and getting papers in order while Grampy still had links to sanity. Winter’s Den was now officially mine, the bills transferred to my name, and a power of attorney was in place for healthcare and financial. I had a sinking feeling we’d need to invoke that last bit soon, and my stomach knotted.

When we’d first been given the diagnosis, I’d tried to have Grampy to get this stuff under wraps. But days turned into weeks, then months, and three years passed in a blink. Every tick of the clock had brought him further and further from reality.

Matt had fixed the legal end of my concerns. He’d had a private chat with Grampy during a lucid chunk of time and talked him into action. I still don’t know what he’d said, but it had worked. I was so damn grateful I could’ve cried. It was a load off, but fear and grief were eating away at me. Grampy was getting worse by the day, and I was spotting less and less of my gentle giant.

“You okay, darlin’?”

I tore my gaze away from the ocean and looked at Matt, where he sat by my hip in the sand. A cool breeze went right through me and the squawk of seagulls pierced my ears. I wasn’t sure how to answer him, so I didn’t.

“What can I do?” He nudged my shoulder.

I wanted to climb in his lap and burrow into him, where his arms were safe and I felt less of the world’s weight on my shoulders and more like a cherished somebody. Some days I just wanted to say screw it all and tell him how I felt.

Pulling in a breath of brine-scented air, I put my attention back on the water. Longing clung to me like an unwanted lover, stronger now than it had ever been. “You’ve done more than enough, handsome. I can’t ever repay you for this. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.”

He turned his gaze to me. “Good thing you’ll never have to find out.”

A sad smile curved my lips. God, this man. I love you was on the tip of my tongue, but instead, I said, “Yeah,” and left it at that. Seconds passed, and I wanted to fill the silence. Hear his voice. “How are your parents doing?”

He sighed. “Good. They’d like you to come up for Easter.”

“I’ll let you know.” With Grampy a loose wire and me having no backup to watch him, I didn’t think I’d be able to. I’d finished the certifications for mentoring the Alzheimers support group, was interested in running the team if an opening occurred, and had friends there, but they all had a lot on their plate, too.

“You ever think about moving away from here?”

Surprised, I looked at him. His dark strawberry hair wafted in the breeze, his hazel eyes intent on mine. Such a handsome man. As a boy, he had the cute thing going. But hell, the guy grew up into something special. “Why?”

He shrugged. “Would be nice if we lived closer. Plus, it would give you a fresh start. You could stay with me until you found an apartment. Your grandfather, too. My folks would love to have you nearby.” His gaze roamed my face and his expression indicated he had more to say, but was measuring his words. That was Matt, always thinking too hard. Adorable. He swallowed. “I miss you when we’re apart.”

It took an insane amount of concentration to breathe. Spots dotted my peripheral as my heart beat erratically. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out.

A wrinkle formed between his brows and he looked down at his hands. “Something to think about. You’d have some support if you came to Greensboro, not so alone like here. I don’t have a lot of friends I’m close with, not like we are. My reasons for mentioning it are selfish.”

He didn’t have a selfish bone in his body. Matt made friends easily. Between his all-American appearance, quick smile, affable sense of humor, and outgoing personality, he was easy to be around. People liked him. Trust-worthiness and kindness went a long way. I had a hard time believing he didn’t have someone back home who filled my void. We often chatted about other friends or the Seasmoke crew but, come to think of it, no names were ringing a bell.

I shook my head. Didn’t matter anyway. My life was here. Grampy, the tavern, my support group, Mama’s grave. I didn’t know how to be someone else, somewhere else. I barely scraped by here and I’d grown up in Myrtle. Plus, my work skills included bartending only.

“Greensboro could never handle me.” At his laugh, I lay back on my elbows, smiling. “We can get into enough trouble down here on your occasional visits. Just remember, if we get caught, you’re deaf and I don’t speak English.”

His laughter roared at the sky. “See what I mean? I need my daily Jenny-isms.”

“Eh, I can email ‘em.” Oh, how I wanted to take him up on his offer, though. The chance to see him everyday was tempting. The reckless hope of us ever becoming more swirled inside me. Around everyone else, I kinda felt like the first slice of bread in the bag. Everyone touched me, but no one wanted me.

There was a Jenny-ism for him.

Matt

Present

M
y first few days at the firm had gone better than I’d anticipated. Amber and I had a private meeting to get things squared away, then met with the team. We had two junior bankers who’d work directly under her and two associate analysts who’d work under me, plus our receptionist. They all seemed efficient. Two were barely out of college and the other two were in their forties with experience under them. Patty, our receptionist, was in her fifties, round, and chipper. She’d brought in doughnuts in the morning and left daily mantras on the fridge in the staff room. It made for a variety to counterbalance.

Most of our clients were already established and had transferred from Greensboro, but corporate had a stack of investments for us to weed through in the coming weeks. We’d be busy.

Our office was located on the top floor of a ten-story low-rise in the downtown business district of North Myrtle. The two bankers and analysts had cubby spaces just past the main reception door. Amber and I had adjoining offices. Corporate had designers come before we got here, and the result was methodical and a little cold, but it functioned. The walls were a deep beige, thin carpet the same, and the prints they’d chosen were abstract art. Ugly coffee-colored vases were scattered about. Waiting room chairs were cocoa and impersonal.

Amber’s office was in muted yellow tones and she’d done a lot to make it hers. Pictures and knickknacks rested on the floor-to-ceiling walnut shelves behind her desk. Flowers in a vase on the small table under the window. I’d yet to do anything with my blue-gray office besides stare at the degrees I’d hung and litter my desk with files. Maybe I could sucker Jenny into coming by for lunch one day and helping a guy out.

Speaking of...I was counting down the hours until day’s end. She’d be coming over for dinner tonight. Wednesdays were her day to go into the bar late, thus we agreed that was a good night for us to connect and catch up. I liked the routine of knowing when I’d get to see her. And I’d be at the bar on Friday nights. I was thinking of asking her if Sundays were okay to visit with her grandfather, since I knew she spent half the day at the home, then perhaps we could do lunch or something.

Leaning back in my office chair, I closed my eyes and smoothed my tie in place. Better. Things were better. I was settled in at home, at the firm, and I had a routine restored. Finally, I could breathe. All I had to do now was keep my errant sexual thoughts of Jenny in check and life would progress as normal. At the office, I was so busy it was easier to not slip, but at home was a different story. Everywhere I turned, she was there. Even her damn scent seemed to linger, driving me insane.

I debated what to make for dinner while I locked my files away, and Amber walked into my office through the adjoining door. Her gaze scanned the empty shelving unit behind my desk. My office was a mirror image to hers except the color schemes.

I grinned. “Work in progress. I’ll figure out something.”

Her sweet smile was reassuring. She buttoned the green blazer of her power suit and pointed to one of the black chairs across from my desk. “Do you have a second?”

“Sure.” I had another thirty minutes to my day, even though I’d wrapped up for now. I sat down after she did the same. “What’s up?”

“Have you had a chance to look at the Cozy Creations account?”

“Yeah. Just put it away.” That particular client was looking to open a storefront in Myrtle to showcase local artists. On paper, it looked good, and she’d done her research, but without proper location and investors—which was where we came in—it would flop in under a year. I was still looking into long-term projections. “Is there a problem?”

She shook her head. Not a single lock of blonde hair fell out of place from her tight bun. “No. I came across the file when it accidently landed on my desk first.” Which made sense. New potentials came to me for analysis before passing to her for numbers. “If you want to work with them, I have a list of realtors who would know the perfect location. I’ll email it to you.”

“Thanks. I appreciate it.” Amber was from the area, and though I knew it pretty well from vacationing, she had a better grasp.

We chatted for a few minutes about other accounts before she rose. “Well, have a good night. See you tomorrow.” At the doorway between our offices, she paused and turned, biting her lip. Her tentative blue gaze met mine like she wanted to say something more. An internal debate warred over her expression.

I liked Amber a lot. She had a sharp mind and was easy to get along with. She, thus far, had managed her team with the coddling of a grandmother and the poised professionalism I’d expect from a leader. A bureaucrat with heart. Great listener, too. I didn’t want her to feel she couldn’t talk to me.

Offering a gentle smile, I came around my desk and leaned against it. “Something else on your mind?”

“Yes.” She cleared her throat, lashes lowering. “It’s...um, not about work, though.”

Our professional life blended a bit with personal since she knew Jenny, too. Also not a problem for me. “I’m listening.”

Pulling a breath, she looked me in the eye. “I was wondering if you’d maybe like to get dinner some night? With me.”

Oh. Oh boy. My fingers clenched the edge of my desk.

My first thought? Crap. Followed by more crap. Then I subtly ran my gaze over her and considered.

She was a few years older than me, but there wasn’t a big age gap. Three, four years, perhaps. Her calm, quiet personality spoke to me, was what I’d been seeking in a partner. She was lovely in a classical sense. Nice body, subtle curves. Conversation wasn’t an issue. But was there chemistry? Enough to risk going out with a colleague? I didn’t have a rule about that, per se, but if I said yes and things went south, it would create problems I didn’t need.

“I’m sorry.” She waved her hand, dismissing the offer. “Pretend I never said anything.”

“No, no. Wait.” Drawing air, I paused for the proper words to come. Delicate subject, this. “I want to say yes, but we work together. That’s my hesitation.”

She swallowed. Nodded. “Exactly the reason it took me a few days to ask.” She laughed nervously. How endearing. “I had fun at Jen-Jen’s on Friday hanging out with you. I don’t normally date co-workers, but we met outside the office first, so I guess...” She shrugged. “I can keep the firm and home separate, if you can. If not, no harm.”