Wish I May (11 page)

Seven Years Ago

“
S
HE’S NOT
taking my calls.” I throw the phone against the locker room wall. It hits with a sharp
crack
. Brand fucking new phone ruined. I’m not even like that. I don’t lose my temper over shit. But Cally left, and I’m not even myself anymore.

At first it was okay. We talked all the time. I sent her a new cell since her mom missed the payment on her old one and it got shut off. We shared the mundane details about our days. We texted. We made plans for prom. I sent her emails with the web links about the little cabin I booked. We traded text messages about the strawberry wine I snuck from Grandma’s basement. We whispered late until sunrise about our first night together. And I confessed how I can’t stop thinking about what it’s going to be like to finally slide inside her.

Those stolen moments weren’t enough, but they kept me sane. And now I don’t even have that much.

Max and Sam exchange a look. They’ve been holding their tongues where Cally’s concerned, but I can see they’re done with that.

“Man,” Max says, “you’re about to start college. It’ll be awesome.”

“Maybe you should just…let her go,” Sam says. “Be young. Date around.”

I set my jaw. “Right. Sure.” But they don’t fucking understand. I don’t want to date around. I want
Cally
.

I drag a hand through my hair. My stomach burns. She’s been ignoring my calls, blowing off my texts with occasional vague responses about being “busy.” The last time I did get her on the phone, she was distant, not saying much, not bothering to laugh at my jokes and making excuses to get out of the conversation before it even began. “I sent her plane tickets to come home for prom. That’ll help. I shouldn’t have gone so long without seeing her. Prom will fix things.”

“Long distance is hard when things are good,” Max warns. “It’s no way to fix a relationship that’s broken.”

“
We’re. Not. Broken
.”

Sam shoves his hands in his pockets. “Are you sure she’s still coming?”

“Of course she’s still coming. She hasn’t said otherwise.”

The guys both nod and exchange those damn knowing looks again.

“She’s not cheating on me,” I mutter. They haven’t said it, but that’s what they’re thinking. They’re thinking I’ll be better off without her. But they don’t know Cally like I do. They don’t understand how she gets me like nobody else, how she fills the aching hollow places that I’ve had since Mom and Dad died. “She wouldn’t cheat on me.”

“Okay, man,” Max says.

“Of course not.” Sam slaps my back. “Is there anything we can do?”

Their kindness pisses me off. They wouldn’t drop the subject so easily if they believed she was being faithful. “Just…leave me alone for a while.”

After they’re gone, I grab my phone from the floor. The glass is shattered, making a starburst on the screen that reminds me of the girl I’m too afraid to admit I’ve lost.

Present Day

Another blast of thunder rattles the glass in the gallery windows, and I’m fucking glad. Rain pelts the back deck and hits the river with a vengeance. The day is gray and the weather violent. It matches my mood.

Soon, Cally will take the girls to her dad’s and then she’ll leave town. Maybe forever this time. Or maybe she’ll be back often, since her sisters are here now. The hope is almost worse than the despair.

I slam my palm so hard against the glass, it stings. “Fuck.”

“Well, hello, sunshine.”

I don’t bother to turn toward the sound of Maggie’s voice. I’m glad she’s working today. She can cover the gallery so I can get the fuck out of dodge and blow off some of this steam. A run in the rain might help. Or a bottle of whiskey.

“I’ll make coffee,” she calls, and then I hear the click of her heels on the stairs as she climbs up to the kitchenette in the loft.

I drop my head and lean against the cool glass. I want to go back to Cally’s hotel and beg her not to leave. I want to taste her again, just to make sure I won’t forget the flavor of her lips, to touch her one more time so I remember the sound she makes when she comes. I want to drown in the feel of her hair and the softness of her skin until the bad shit washes away.

And at the same fucking time, I want to fight with her. I want to call her out on what she did to me seven years ago. I want to make her understand how much she screwed me up.

Maggie’s footsteps sound above and before I know it, she’s back down and shoving a hot mug of coffee into my hands. “Drink before I have to put you down,” she scolds. “I left a very sexy, very willing man in bed to talk fall exhibition with you. If you’re going to be a grumpy ass, I’ll go right back out that door and spend my morning screwing his brains out.”

“I’m so glad we’ve reached a point in our relationship where you can be so open,” I mutter, though truthfully, I am.

She returns my scowl with a smile. “I know. Isn’t it special?”

I watch her sip from her coffee, her red hair flying in loose and wild curls around her face. In the last two months since she worked out everything with Asher, she’s been happier than I’ve ever seen her. I wouldn’t have thought it was possible, but she’s even more beautiful when she’s happy.

I’m so fucking glad we’re past those awkward early days after she chose Asher over me. We got there faster than I expected. Not so long ago, I wanted Maggie more than I wanted anything else. Or I thought I did. It’s so obvious we shouldn’t be together. I didn’t want a life with her. I wanted to save her from my screwed up past and save myself from my guilt. There’s a big fucking difference. We would never have worked. I think Maggie understood that, but me? I hold out for the dream. Maybe Cally taught me that.

“Who’s the girl?” she asks, peering into the dreary day. “Is this about that Meredith chick? She was here looking for you the other day.”

Meredith.
Crap
. “Why do you assume there’s a girl?”

She lifts a brow and snorts. “Because. You’re Will. With you, it’s always a girl. Usually a broken one or a forbidden one.”

I guess I earned that. “Cally Fisher’s back in town.”

She whistles, low and smooth. “As in, your high school sweetheart?”

“That’s the one.”

“And you’ve seen her?”

I don’t answer, but the truth must be in my eyes because Maggie steps back and holds a hand to her chest. “Holy shit, Will. You slept with her? How fast do you
work
?”

“As if I’d tell you.”

“I thought you were taking a break from relationships?”

“I am,” I growl, my jaw set tight. Two failed engagements in as many years is more than enough reason to step back from the dating scene for a while. Not that my feelings on the matter have slowed my grandmother’s attempts to set me up with Ms. Right.

“So Cally’s back in town. You still have feelings for her, but you didn’t sleep with her—though, clearly, you did more than have a nice little chat. And now you’re trying to convince yourself not to dive headlong into another super-intense relationship. Especially one that’s doomed to failure because she dropped you like a bad habit. Is that about right?”

“There’s no danger of a relationship. She’s not staying.”

“Oooh. That explains the mood.”

“I guess.”

“I remember when she left,” Maggie says, looking thoughtful. “She screwed you over. Why would you even want anything to do with her?”

“I know.”

“Did she ever explain?”

“Explain what?”

Maggie narrows her eyes and crosses her arms. She’s not going to tolerate me being obtuse today.

“Explain why she broke up with me via text message the night she was supposed to come back for the prom? Why she sent back the cellphone I bought her so I couldn’t get ahold of her anymore? Why she was fucking another guy when I tracked her down in Vegas?”

Maggie lifts a brow. “Yeah, something like that.”

“No,” I growl. Thunder cracks and shakes the entire building. “I didn’t ask.”

“Because you don’t want to know?”

I shove my hands in my pockets and walk away from Maggie. She understands me too well, and I’m not sure I want to be understood right now. I just want to be dark and broody and pissed off. And yet I answer anyway. “I didn’t ask any of those questions because I knew she wouldn’t spend any time with me if I did. I wanted her too much to risk that.”

“Oh. My. God. You’re still in love with her.”

I drag a hand through my hair and avoid her eyes. I don’t know what I am. “I see her for the first time in seven years, and I want her back so damn badly—despite all logic. She’s here and she’s beautiful and she owns a piece of me I’d forgotten I even had.” I lean against the wall and sink to my haunches. “She was in town and
lost.
Of all the places she could have been lost, she found herself right in front of my house.”

“I can see how that might suck, but….” She trails off.

Maggie doesn’t get it. “
Cally
used to tell me that destiny would bring us together again and again, that she was mine. What are the chances of her showing up on my street? In front of the house I built?”

She looks skeptical. “She didn’t know you lived there?”

“No. I don’t think she even wanted to see me, but there she was. And now…what? Am I supposed to just let her go?”

“Do you really want me to answer that?”

I swallow hard. I wouldn’t want to hear it from most people, but I trust Maggie. I nod.

“Yes,” she says softly. “You need to let her go.”

“Goddammit.”

“Listen to me. You are quick to give and quick to love. You want to share your life with someone. I get that. You want marriage and the family you didn’t get as a kid. I get
that.
But that’s why you need to let her go. Because you need some distance to figure out how you really feel about her. Right now you’re flying high on nostalgia. You need to know if you can forgive her before you ask for more.”

I drag a hand through my hair and nod. I know she’s right.

“I remember what everyone said after she dumped you,” Maggie whispers. “I remember the rumors.”

“They were rumors,” I growl. “Nobody knew.”

She shrugs. “But what it they’re right? What if the guy you found her with was the reason she broke up with you? What if she cheated on you? What if she was in Vegas, sleeping with some older guy, while you were here, waiting like the good boyfriend you were? Can you really get past that?”

I stare at her. Because this is Maggie and of all people, she knows just how much I’m willing to forgive.

“Not me,” she whispers. “I know you forgave me, but that was because you were trying to save me. That’s not the case with Cally. Everything is different with her. I’m not asking if you can forgive just anyone. I’m asking, can you forgive
Cally
?”

She’s right. There’s a difference. I’m not sure it makes sense, but it’s true.

“Let her go, Will. As a favor to yourself. If all that destiny crap is real and you’re meant to be together, she’ll be back. Right?”