Witch Is When Life Got Complicated (14 page)

“I’m not really hungry. I’ve just eaten two pieces of Victoria sponge.”

“You were right to call me.” She finished off the last of the fries. “Where and when have you arranged to meet them?”

Chapter 21

Daze had to get back to her fast-food job. If everything went according to plan, I intended to meet up with her again later that afternoon. I had some time on my hands, so decided to hit the shops. I know what you’re thinking, but I wasn’t buying a new dress because I had a ‘date’ with Maxwell. The timing was entirely coincidental. It just so happened that my wardrobe was ready for refreshing. I didn’t give a flying fig what he thought of me, and I certainly wasn’t going to go out of my way to impress him. What? It’s the truth. I swear on a packet of custard creams.

This could
not
be happening! The zip was stuck. I couldn’t pull it up or down. I’d only just managed to squeeze into the little black number, which obviously had the wrong size-label. Either that or I’d gone through more custard creams than I thought this month. The dress wouldn’t slide down or up—it was well and truly stuck. The surly girl on the changing room door had barely been able to summon up enough enthusiasm to ask how many garments I had, let alone crack a smile. I wasn’t about to embarrass myself by calling her for help.

Hang on a minute; I was a witch wasn’t I? Surely I could come up with a spell which would get me out of this situation. The ‘power’ spell was the first to come to mind. It would probably have done the job, but it could just as easily have ripped out the zip or torn the dress. Then I remembered a spell, which I’d memorised, but hadn’t yet had a chance to try out. What did I have to lose? The ‘shrink’ spell was supposed to make me—shrink—duh! One nice aspect of the spell was that I could reverse it at any time. Ideal! I’d shrink myself so that the dress would fall off me, and then I’d reverse the spell. What could possibly go wrong?

The shrinking sensation was really weird. It felt as though someone was sucking all of the air out of me. My first mistake was not to realise that my underwear would also fall off me. Whoops! Tiny me was left naked underneath one of my bra cups. My second mistake was not to anticipate that the dress would slide under the changing room door.

“Madam, are you okay?” Surly girl’s voice sounded much louder to my tiny ears. Somehow, I had to prevent her from opening the door, so I shouted, “I’m fine.” My voice was so tiny; I could barely hear it myself.

“Madam!” She said again. “Can I come in?”

“No please don’t come in.” I tried to lift the bra, but the under-wiring was too heavy.

“I’m coming in.” The door creaked open. “Madam?” I could hear the confusion in her voice—hardly surprising seeing as I’d done a Houdini on her. Suddenly the bra disappeared leaving me in the middle of the changing room floor—one inch tall and butt naked. The girl had gathered up the dress and the rest of my clothes. She obviously hadn’t spotted me or she’d have freaked out. Her gigantic feet were only inches from me—one wrong step and I’d be history. I rushed across the cold floor and took refuge in the corner of the cubicle under the seat. The girl was still tutting as she left. I was all alone, naked and one inch tall. What was I supposed to do now? I couldn’t reverse the spell because I was naked, and she’d taken all of my clothes. How did I manage to get myself into these situations? I had to find my clothes, reverse the spell, and then get dressed. No problem. Nothing to worry about at all.

I sneezed the world’s tiniest sneeze; who knew the floor was so dusty? A few moments later, I’d formulated a plan. Rather than trying to cover the distance to the changing room entrance in one go, I’d do it in stages. Trust me to have chosen the changing room furthest away from the exit. I made a dash for the next cubicle—running naked was not something I’d ever done before—I don’t recommend it. I took a few seconds to catch my breath, and then ran again.

I’d made it to the third cubicle—I was half way to the exit. Just then, two young women came charging into the changing rooms and, just my luck, chose the cubicle where I was standing. A handbag hit the ground next to me with such force that the backdraft knocked me off my feet. I slid across the floor on my backside. That hurt!

Phew! I’d made it past the last of the cubicles. The surly, changing room girl was staring at her phone. Behind her, slung over a chair, were my clothes. Could I cast a spell while I was this size? The only way to find out was to try. The ‘invisible’ spell did the trick. I was now standing next to the chair, immediately behind surly girl. I had to somehow distract her before the 'invisible' spell wore off.

“Miss? Miss?” The voice came from the changing rooms. It was one of the giddy girls who had almost flattened me with her handbag. Surly girl groaned, but then set off towards their cubicle.

It was now or never. I reversed the ‘shrink’ spell, grabbed my clothes and slipped into the nearest cubicle. I’ve never dressed so quickly. As I rushed out, I caught a glimpse of surly girl, staring at me—her face was a picture.

The address turned out to be a small terraced house in the back-end of nowhere. I checked my watch—I was dead on time. After the escapade with the zip, I’d gone to a different shop where I’d bought a cheap hat and sunglasses. Even my own sister wouldn’t have recognised me in those.

He answered on the first knock.

“I’ve come about Henry,” I said in my Danish-Welsh accent.

“Are you Russian?”

“No.”

“You sound Russian. Never mind. Come in.” The man beckoned me inside.

“I’ve missed Henry so much,” I was giving my performance everything. “Where did you find him?”

“He was wandering the streets, poor little lad.”

“Thank you for taking him in.”

“Think nothing of it. Follow me, he’s through here.”

The man led the way into a sparsely furnished room at the back of the house. ‘Henry’ bounded forward to greet me on cue.

“Henry! Where have you been?”

The dog was bouncing around, his tail wagging frantically.

“Or should I call you Blinky?” I said, as I removed my hat and glasses.

The man stared at me. The dog stopped bouncing around; its tail was no longer wagging.

“I have to say. You make a better dog than you did a cat.”

Henry transformed into a man right in front of my eyes. He quickly grabbed a table cloth and wrapped it around himself.

“Quite a scam you have going on here,” I said.

“We have to get rid of her,” Henry said to his sidekick.

The door exploded in a million splinters. The two men barely had time to turn their heads before the chain-link netting engulfed them. Moments later they’d disappeared.

Daze picked up the empty net, which shrank in size as she pushed it into one of the pockets in her belt. She looked so much better in the catsuit than she had in the fast food uniform.

“What happened to them?” I asked.

“They’re in a holding cell in Candlefield awaiting charges.”

“That’s a neat piece of kit.”

“The net? Yeah, I had it specially designed. I used to have to transport the Rogues back in person. It was such a waste of time and resources. This way I just have to get them into the net and then BINGO.”

“What happens now?”

“I go back to Candlefield and process those two low-lifes. Do you want to come?”

“Sure, I’ll have to get my car.”

“No need. Grab my hand.”

“I did as she said. “How does this—?”

“—work?” We were standing next to a cell. Behind the bars were Henry and his sidekick. Neither of them looked happy.

“There’s been a misunderstanding,” Henry protested.

“You’ll get your day in court.” Daze gestured for me to follow her.

In the office, she completed all of the necessary paperwork. Henry and his sidekick had been running the same scam for some considerable time. It worked something like this: The sidekick would look out for posters of missing animals—usually a cat or a dog. Henry, who was a shifter, would transform into the animal based upon the picture on the poster. It was rarely a perfect match, but usually good enough to fool the distraught owner. There had been one or two spectacular failures like the dog which should not have had a docked tail, and of course my wrong-eyed cat. Once Henry was inside the house he’d transform into a man, help himself to all the money and valuables, and then make his getaway. When I’d taken him (Blinky) in, he must have been disappointed to realise that he wasn’t going back to a house, but to my office. He’d hung around in the hope that, if he was smarmy enough, Mrs V or I would take pity on him and take him home. When we didn’t, he cut his losses and stole the only thing of value—the trophy.

“What’s she doing in here?” Maxine Jewell said.

Daze stood up—she towered over the inspector. “She’s with me.”

“She has no right to be in here, Daze. You know that.”

“She caught the two Rogues in cell three.”

“Makes no difference. She needs to get out of here right now.”

Daze looked as though she wanted to squash Maxine.

“It’s okay.” I stepped between them. “I’ll leave.”

“Wait for me outside,” Daze said. “I’ll take you back to Washbridge when I get out.”

“It’s okay. I’ll go and see the twins while I’m here.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. Thanks for your help today. See you around.”

“If it isn’t our very own
Miss Level Five
,” Amber said when I walked into the tea room. “I didn’t know you were going to give us a hand today.”

“I’m not. I’m here strictly as a customer.”

“In that case, what can I get you?”

“Tea and a strawberry cupcake would go down nicely.” No wonder the zip had got stuck.

“You’re the talk of the town,” Amber said when she joined me at the window table. “No one can remember a level one witch performing a level five spell. Watch out for autograph hunters.”

“Where’s Pearl?”

“Don’t mention her name to me.” Amber scowled.

“You two haven’t fallen out again, have you?”

“I no longer have a sister. I have officially disowned her.”

“That’s not going to be easy, seeing as you live and work with one another. What has she done to upset you this time?”

“Upset?” Amber pointed at her face. “This face is more than just upset wouldn’t you say? This face is livid!”

“What happened?”

“She’s only gone and got engaged.”

“To Alan?”

“I suppose so. Who knows with her?”

So bitchy! I almost laughed, but caught myself. Clearly this was not a laughing matter.

“Come on, Amber. Why is that so terrible?”

“She has the same ring as me.”

“You mean similar?”

“I mean identical.”

“Oh dear. Did she say why she’d chosen the same one?”

“I’ve already explained a thousand times.” Pearl appeared at my side.

“Tell her I’m not speaking to her,” Amber said.

Boy was I glad I’d decided to drop by.

“Tell her to stop being a silly cow,” Pearl shot back.

I used to think that Kathy and I had a tempestuous relationship, but compared to these two, we were bosom buddies.

“Can I see?” I gestured to Pearl’s ring.

It was beautiful, and
very
familiar. Amber was right—the two rings were more or less identical.

“See?” Amber said.

“They
are
similar,” I said, as diplomatically as I could.

“It’s okay, Jill I know they’re identical.” Pearl took back her hand. “But it isn’t my fault.”

“Whose fault is it then?” Amber’s cheeks were red with rage. “You’re the one wearing the ring!”

“How did it happen?” I asked.

Pearl took a deep breath. “Before the Candlefield Cup incident, William and Alan got along really well. They knew one another long before they met us. Anyhow, you know how stupid men can be.”

Didn’t I just.

“The two of them had decided to propose to us, and thought it would be a good idea to buy
identical
rings because we’re
identical
twins. I had no idea they’d done it, until Alan gave me the ring, and then I didn’t have the heart to say anything to him.”

“It doesn’t sound like it was Pearl’s fault,” I said to Amber.

“It certainly wasn’t mine.”

“You know what?” I took hold of their hands. “Men are just plain stupid.”

“Hear, hear,” agreed Pearl.

Even Amber had to crack a smile. “How would they manage without us?”

Crisis averted—for now at least. If I ever got tired of being a P.I., I should do just fine in the mediation service.

“Are you both going to tell Aunt Lucy that you’re engaged now?”

“We already have,” Amber said.

“What did she say?”

“She took it really well.” Pearl looked relieved.

“So you were both worrying about nothing?”