With Honor (20 page)

“You’re finding ways to make yourself believe I’ll leave.” He leaned against the sink and crossed his ankles.

“Why would I do that?”

“You think I’ll leave, just like your parents left you.”

She pushed her damp hair away from her face. “If that’s so, why did I come to you in the first place and tell you about the baby? Let’s face it, the impression I got of you in Florida left a lot to be desired.”

The skin below his eyes twitched. “You’re here because you want a better life for the baby than what you had.”

“Don’t lay all of this all on my shoulders, Shane. Sure, I have issues. Who doesn’t?”

His jaw tensed. “I do too. I’d like to think my problems won’t get in the way of being the best father that I can be.”

Tears clouded her vision. Hearing the sincerity in his voice touched her. She inhaled deeply, filling her lungs, and slowly exhaled. “I’m not worried about you. I have confidence that you’ll be a good father to this baby.” She lowered her eyes, staring at his shoes. “Maybe I’m not as confident in my own ability as a parent. I didn’t have a great role model growing up.”

“Role model or not, you’re different.”

“Am I? I’m sure every parent starts off saying they’re going to be the best that they can be.” She left the bathroom, hearing his footsteps behind her.

“I spend way too much time chasing you,” he said. “Don’t walk away. You have to believe in yourself.”

Turning, she faced him. “My feelings aren’t a lack of confidence. I’m facing reality.”

“Reality is what we make of it.”

She sucked back a sob, but it took all her inner strength. “I just lost my job. That’s realism.”

She half expected him to say to her, “I told you so.” But he didn’t. Instead, he said, “Your boss was an ass.”

“You were right about him from the beginning.”

He shrugged. “I just as easily could have been wrong.”

“But you knew he’d hired me only because he wanted to sleep with me.” There was a lot of weight to those words.

“I never said that. He hired you because you’re a talented writer. He’s probably kicking himself all of the way to Texas for losing you.”

“I hope he kicks himself one for me.” Laughing made her feel better. “Why did you come, Shane? You didn’t come to save me, I hope.”

“I didn’t think I needed to save you, but I thought you could use a hand.” He cleared his throat. “We need to talk.”

“To get on a plane, travel all the way here? Our talk couldn’t wait?” She knew there was more to the story. The crinkles surrounding his narrowed eyes told her it was serious.

He tugged at his neckline. “No, it couldn’t wait.”

“Then you should probably tell me, now.”

He sat down. “You should have a seat too.”

“I don’t mind standing.”

“Suit yourself, but you’ve got to promise you’ll listen to every word before you respond.”

“Of course.” She crossed her arms over her chest.

“Promise me, Jasmine.” He looked up at her through his thick lashes.

“I promise,” she huffed.

“Then prepare yourself for not liking what I’m about to say.”

Chapter 15

Shawn looked at Jasmine and had to convince himself it was time to tell her the truth. The case had gotten serious and his investigation definitely included her. He needed to know what his brother had meant by telling him in the letter to find her. The only way to get to the bottom of things was to debrief her.

Hell, she was going to rip his ass for sure. He had to face the firing squad. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he said, “I’m not Shane.”

She didn’t say a word, and neither did she act like she heard him.

“Jasmine? Did you hear what I said?”

“I’m not in the mood for games.”

Sweat beaded on his forehead. “I wouldn’t joke about this. I’m not Shane. I’m Shawn.”

Her color went from pale to green. Maybe she’d be sick again. “Shawn?”

“Shane and I were identical twin brothers.”

Her arms dropped to her sides and her mouth slanted on the corner. He could see she was confused.

“You’re Shane’s brother? Then tell me how you knew so much about our encounter, the interview…me?”

He shook his head. “If you think about it, I didn’t know anything. You’ve filled in the pieces as we’ve gone along. You came into the bar and I had no clue–”

“This can’t be possible,” she whispered. “You’ve betrayed me with your lies.”

“I–” Shawn started, but stopped. He was at a loss for the right words.

“You what? Are an asshole? A user? Maybe just a liar?” The coldness of her words could have frozen a lava pit. “How could you?”

“Let me explain. You’ll understand that I couldn’t–”

She jerked her head to the right then to the left. “Explain why you lied? Why you led me to believe that you are the father of my baby.” As if on instinct, she laid her hand on her stomach. “There is nothing to say.”

He stood up and walked toward her.

She took a step backward.

“I’m sorry, but I do have reasons for keeping the truth from you.”

The corner of her mouth curled in what he took as disgust. He deserved her animosity. In fact, he hated himself and his brother at that moment. Both had sucked her into a situation that she didn’t deserve. “I am heading home…to
your
home. I am getting my things and I never want to see you again.”

“I can’t allow that to happen,” he said.

Her brows snapped together. “You don’t have that right. This baby is not yours.”

He dropped his gaze to her hand that still covered her belly. Over the last few months he’d grown close to her, to the unborn child. He’d gotten use to the idea of becoming a father. He had somehow deluded himself that once he told her the truth, she wouldn’t despise him. “I’m the closest thing to a father that baby has. Like it or not. I didn’t mean to deceive you. I know you find that hard to believe, but it’s true.” He caught her gaze and held it. “This was for your safety…and the investigation into my brother’s disappearance.”

She hesitated. “I’m leaving.”

Blocking her path, he said, “I can’t let you leave. You are in danger.” He’d never allow anything to happen to her or the baby, not as long as there was a breath left in his body.

Chapter 16

Jasmine didn’t know which urge to follow–to slap Shane’s, no, Shawn’s face, or to laugh at the awkwardness of the situation. From the first night at the bar when she’d approached him, she’d known something didn’t seem right. He’d looked at her like a stranger, because she had been. Shane and Shawn Conner looked similar, but they were worlds apart. As much as she wanted to deny it, she felt relieved. Shane and Shawn were not the same person. However, she could not forget he’d lied to her. He’d posed as the father of her child. How could she forgive him?

She did need an explanation. “What do you mean, I’m in danger?” Although she doubted she could trust him, she needed to know if there was a risk for her and the baby.

“Sit down and I’ll explain.” He motioned toward the chair where he’d been sitting.

Her lips ached to tell him to screw himself, but she didn’t want to waste her energy. After all, everything they’d shared was a lie. Their history had been a facade to hide the truth.

Going to the chair, she dropped down. Not to abide his request, but for her sake. Her knees trembled and threatened to give out. The old familiar sensation of abandonment reared its head. Foolishness needled at her mind and heart. She didn’t want to hear his words, but somehow felt compelled to be part of this conversation.

Shawn took a seat at the edge of the bed, secured his elbows on his knees and focused on her. A sandpapery feeling lodged in her throat. The look of concern in his expression confused her. Did he have feelings? Why did his eyes turn misty and his bottom lip quiver?

Jasmine turned to mush. Fact was, she had fallen for him. Why did she have to love him?

She dislodged care from her thoughts and lifted a cold wall that she wouldn’t allow him to penetrate. Having been hurt enough by people she loved, she couldn’t allow him to do it to her too. “Can you get on with your explanation?” The tone of her voice should have told him she fought an internal war.

“I’ve managed to figure out a timeline for Shane’s activities before his death. The night he left your house, he went back to his plane. He flew to Lackland, and from there he was given his orders to fly to the Republic of Guyana, but he didn’t go there. Why, I don’t know. What I do know is, he never returned home. I came here to make sense of Shane’s disappearance and to hopefully find the truth. I have until the end of the month to find out what really happened to Shane. If I fail, his case will remain closed and his disappearance will go unsolved.”

She swallowed. “Do they believe he’s dead?”

He hesitated. “Yes.”

“But you said he had disappeared. Those are two different things,” she said.

“Right, but I just don’t know. There is so much mystery to all of this.”

“And if I hadn’t approached you at the bar, I would have been completely unaware of this?” Jasmine asked. “I’m still not even sure why this would put me in danger? Shane and I only shared–” She stopped and looked at Shawn. She found it difficult to talk to him about that night.

“Yes, I know. A few hours together.” He shrugged. “Yesterday I received this.”

He pulled out an envelope from his front pocket and held it out for her. She reluctantly took it from him. Reading the first line, an ache crawled up her throat. Why did he imply that she knew something? What could she possibly know?

Meeting Shawn’s curious gaze, she shook her head “I don’t know what he means. I truly don’t.”

“You have no clue?”

“Not one. I interviewed him. We had a few drinks and we went back to my–” Again, she couldn’t say the words.

“I can handle it. You can stop talking in half sentences when it comes to your one-night stand with my brother. Obviously you two didn’t sit around playing checkers.” His tone bordered on anger. She guessed his frustration level could only get worse.

“Well, I know nothing. Sorry.” She dropped the letter onto the desk.

“The interview, the night you spent together, the request to not publish the article in the magazine…it’s all linked. We just need to put the pieces together.”

“Oh no. I heard you say ‘we.’ There
is
no we in this.”

He went to the window and stared out. Night had fallen, so he couldn’t be looking at much. He remained quiet for the longest time. When he looked at her, the wrinkles at the corners of his eyes were more noticeable. “You are involved whether you like it or not.”

So he planned to take this path to win the battle? She almost laughed. They were talking about his brother, the father of her child, and nothing proved simple about this subject. “You involved me. No ifs, ands, or buts.”

His eyes turned a shade darker. “
I
involved you?” His lips curled on one corner. “My brother involved you.”

Biting her bottom lip, she couldn’t deny that. Shane too had used her. “I’m beginning to realize you both used me as a pawn.”

His mouth came open, but words never came. Instead, he pushed away from the window and went to the shelf of neatly lined whiskey bottles. “I’m guessing the host didn’t supply the alcohol for you.”

“No, he didn’t. The room came pre-stocked.”

She watched as he poured himself a small tumbler of the amber liquid, downed it in one gulp, then poured another. The set of his jaw didn’t appear as steely. What could a pregnant woman do when in need of a stress reliever? Her eyes fell to his broad shoulders, along his waist and to his firm ass. She brought her fingers up to pinch the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes. Something was seriously wrong with her. Either her hormones were out of whack or she was headed for a psycho ward. How could she be thinking of Shawn and sex at this moment?