Within Reach (12 page)

Danica opened her mouth to disagree, then closed it. “You have a way of hitting home, Michael Buchanan,” she murmured.

He reached over to lightly stroke her cheek. “I don’t mean to hurt, but something’s not right.” They both knew they were dealing with the present now. “What man in his right mind would leave his wife on a Saturday night.”

“It was another political thing, and I’m very much in overload when it comes to those. So it was my fault as much as his. If I’d been agreeable, I’d have waited for Monday to drive up.”

“Then he wouldn’t have come at all.”

She didn’t deny that possibility. “He really was helpful. I wanted to bring lots of things with me. He helped carry them in and put them away.”

Michael swallowed the sarcastic remark that was on the tip of his tongue. He knew that to openly criticize Blake at this point might endanger his relationship with Danica. As it was, Blake was the major obstacle standing between them. If that was ever to change, Danica had to be the instigator, not Michael.

Besides, something else interested him, something written between the lines. “How long are you up for this time?” he asked with studied nonchalance. He had dreams, and in those dreams he had made plans. He was tired of being alone. There was lots to do during a summer in Maine. He would settle, albeit regretfully, for a platonic friendship if it meant he might spend more time with Danica.

Her smile sent his hopes soaring. “The summer. The whole summer.”

“The
whole
summer?”

“Uh-huh. I promised Blake that I’d go back for a day or two now and again, but otherwise I’m here to stay.”

“Will he be up much?”

“He’s very involved with the convention—he and my father, both. It’s important that he be around. He said he’d make it whenever he could, but I’m not sure how often that will be.”

“Was he upset with your coming?”

She crinkled her nose in a gesture that might have answered his question either way. “I think it’ll be easier for him with me up here. He knows that I’m not as enamored with politics as he is.”

“Strange, given who you are.” He thought. “Then again, not strange at all. Rebelling at last?”

She grinned. “It’s about time, don’t you think?”

“I think,” he stated with care, “that it’s good you’re beginning to think of yourself. I also think that I couldn’t be happier.” He paused. “Will Blake mind if I draft his wife to go to the flea market with me today?”

Danica answered his roundabout invitation by beaming. “The flea market! Fun! Are you looking for something special?”

“Just a few hours of relaxation, and it wouldn’t be the same alone.”

“You may not believe this, but I’ve never been to a flea market.”

She was right; he didn’t believe it. “
Never
?”

“Well, maybe an open-air market in London or Venice. But those were different, and they were very much souvenir-hunting excursions. I’ve never been to a real country flea market, and certainly never just for the sake of enjoyment.”

“Well, pretty lady,” Michael drawled, rolling to his feet and drawing her up with him, “you’re in for an afternoon to remember.” He was holding her hand, looking down at her, and suddenly he paused, all amusement gone. Her cheeks were flushed, her violet eyes filled with excitement and softness and warmth. He swallowed hard and squeezed her hand. “Danica,
will
Blake mind?”

“Blake doesn’t know.”

“You haven’t told him about me?” Unable to resist the lure of flaxen silk, he stroked her hair. It was soft and shimmering beneath his fingers.

Giving a nearly imperceptible head shake, she held her breath. She was totally aware of the man before her and knew she should turn and run but was rooted to the spot.

“Why not?” he asked softly.

“You’re
my
friend,” she whispered. “Blake rules the rest of my life. You’re
mine
.

Michael closed his eyes. His hand fell to her neck. He lightly kneaded the soft skin there. “Oh, God—” his deep voice trembled, as did his arm “—I’m not sure if I can do this.”

“Do what?” she breathed, though she knew. She felt; she needed; she wanted. And she feared. She feared because what she craved was wrong, forbidden. Still, one part of her had to hear the words. She had to hear that she was wanted, needed in return.

Framing her face with both hands, he looked at her then. She felt the touch of his gaze flow through her like sweet honey, momentarily healing all those bruised and lonely spots left by a lifetime of need. “I’m not sure I can be just your friend, Dani. You mean too much to me.”

She was thrilled; she was scared. Her eyes told of her dilemma, but before she could speak, Michael did.

“I need more. I want to hold you, to touch you. Right now, I want to kiss you.”

She wanted it, too, more than she would ever have believed possible. Blake had never stirred her this way, and she felt a sudden anger at what she had missed. But the anger was fleeting because Michael was here with her now, making her forget…almost.

“We can’t,” she gasped, feeling torn apart inside.

“I know. Which is what makes it so unbearable.” Swearing softly, he strode away from her, pausing before the slider, propping his hands low on his hips and dropping his head forward. He was the image of dejection, and Danica felt a new kind of pain.

She started to approach, “Michael…”

He held up a hand, though he didn’t turn. “I have to ask you something.” The hand that had held her off now rubbed the back of his neck. “Why did you come here today?”

“I wanted to see you.”

“Did you know how I felt?”

“I thought…I thought…”

He whirled around, jaw tight. “Didn’t you know after last time that I wanted more? Didn’t you feel it yourself?” Her eyes held the guilt that was answer in itself. “What did you think was going to happen?”

Insides churning, she tried to gather her thoughts. “I was looking forward to seeing you. I thought we could talk like we did before, maybe…see each other from time to time.” She wrapped her arms around her waist in a gesture of self-defense. It hurt when Michael spoke to her this way, even though she knew he was justified in doing so.

He persisted, his ultimate need at the moment being to air all that had been festering in his mind for weeks. “But what did you think would come of it all? Didn’t you wonder how long I’d be able to take being with you without…without…” He didn’t need to finish. He had said it before, and the words only made the wanting that much greater.

“No,” she whispered, frowning in faint surprise. “I never wondered that. I guess I assumed that the fact of my marriage to Blake would be enough to keep us both in line.” She paused, then heard herself go on. She needed to air things, too. “I guess I was thinking of myself. You’re something new to me, Michael. With you I act differently, feel differently.” She lowered her gaze. “I felt something last time. I think I’ve felt things from the beginning.” She looked up and went on with more urgency. “But there’s so much more. I can talk to you. I can relax, be myself. You don’t expect; you simply accept. And I need that.” Her eyes filled with tears. “I’ve never had it, and I want it so badly. I suppose, after last time, one part of me knew I was playing with fire by coming up here for the summer, by coming over here today. But I couldn’t help myself! I swear I couldn’t! You have to believe that! I couldn’t help…myself…”

He was before her in two strides, brushing away the tears that trickled slowly down her cheeks. “Shhhh. Don’t cry. Oh, sweetheart, don’t cry.”

Somehow she was in his arms then, and he was holding her tightly, rocking her gently from side to side while she clung to his neck. Her silent sobs cut through him, paining him nearly as much as her closeness did, but differently.

“Shhhh. I believe you. I believe you, and I feel the same. If I was smart, I’d stay away from you, but I can’t. Do you understand that?” He held her back only enough so that he could see her face. “I can’t, Dani. As God is my witness, I need you.” He hauled her back against him, pressing her face to his throat. His own was tight. It was a minute before he could speak. “I don’t want to do anything to destroy your marriage, but I can’t leave you alone. I guess that puts us back where we started. Except—” he pressed his lips to her hair “—now you know how I feel. Does that scare you?”

She nodded, but all the while she was savoring the clean male scent of his skin. “It also makes me feel very good,” she confessed in a tiny voice. “I’m being selfish again.”

“Not selfish,” he murmured against her hair, “just realistic. And honest. I want you to be that with me. Always. And I may be condemning myself to a hell of sorts, but I’m glad you feel the way you do. At least you’ll understand when I need to touch you from time to time.” His voice grew gruff with determination. “I’ll be damned if I’m going to deny either of us the other’s company. Not when that son of a bitch could care less.”

Danica was the one to draw back then. “That’s unfair. He doesn’t know.”

“
Would
he care?”

She took a quick breath to respond with what would have been an easy lie, then held it. Michael had asked for honesty. This she could give him, when there was so much she couldn’t. Slowly she released her breath. “I…I’m really not sure. There are a lot of things about Blake that I’m not sure of anymore. But I married him willingly, and he has many strong points. He’s never been the jealous type—”

“Has he ever had reason before?”

“No, but—”

“I think you should tell him about us.”

“About
us
? You make it sound like we’re having an affair, when—”

“That could be the case if we’re not careful. Knowing that Blake knows we’re friends, knowing that he knows we spend time together, might just help us be careful. Hell, Dani, we have to do
something
.”

His look of helplessness was so endearing that it gave her a measure of strength. She couldn’t help but smile. “Self-control. That’s all it takes. Self-control. As the tea bag says, self-control is the magic carpet to salvation.”

“I drink coffee,” he grumped, then tossed his head toward the door. “Come on. If we don’t leave now, we’ll miss the best buys.”

As it happened, they bought nothing but ice-cream cones and time, the former to satisfy one appetite, the latter to put others on hold. It was evening by the time they returned, and they were both pleasantly tired.

Danica, for one, felt more at peace with herself than she had in a while. “Michael?” She’d just opened her front door. “There was a reason why I decided to spend the whole summer here.”

“You mean aside from wanting me to distraction?” he teased over her shoulder.

She elbowed his ribs, then turned to face him. “I need to think. The last few years have been frustrating for me in many ways, and I’m not sure it all has to do with Blake.” She was giving Blake the benefit of the doubt. After all, it took two to make a marriage work. Avoiding Michael’s gaze, she continued softly. “I need a break from my life as it’s been. I have to think about where I’m going. There’s always the possibility of my getting a job; we talked about that before. But—” she hesitated for just a minute, then knew she had to go on “—there’s also the possibility that I might be pregnant.”

Almost timidly she raised her eyes, but Michael’s face was shadowed, his expression hidden by the night.

“Pregnant.” He breathed the word in near awe and reached out to touch her, then stilled his hands in midair and gave a short laugh.

“Michael?”

He shook his head. “Absurd. I swear I’m losing my marbles. My first reaction was pure joy, until I realized it’s not even my kid.”

“You can still be excited.”

The hurt in her voice brought him to his senses. He did touch her then, taking both of her shoulders, smoothing his hands over her back. “I am, Dani, I am.” Dipping his head, he kissed her softly on the mouth. “It’s what you want, isn’t it?”

“Very much.”

“Then I’m happy, no, thrilled for you. But jealous. I have to say that.…You don’t know for sure?”

“It’s too early. I’ll see a doctor in another couple of weeks.”

“Are you feeling all right?”

“Fine. I mean, it’s too early to feel sick or anything. The calendar is the only thing that says it might be so.”

“Blake must be pleased.”

“Blake doesn’t know.” It was the second time she had said those words that day, and she felt slightly sheepish. “I didn’t want to get his hopes up. We’ve waited too long.” From sheepish to guilty. She implied that Blake
would
be pleased, when, in truth, she wasn’t sure. No, she amended, he would be pleased, but in his own inimitably dispassionate way.

“Then, I’m really pleased, on his behalf and my own. And I’m glad you told me, Dani.”
Before
Blake. It was the little boy in him being perverse. “Now I’ll know to be careful with you. No wrestling, no tackle football…”

She gave a soft laugh. “Thank you. I’d appreciate that.” What she appreciated was the sentiment behind his teasing. Though she knew she was healthy and strong, and that nothing could dislodge a healthy baby, if indeed one grew within her, Michael made her feel special. But then, he always did. It was one of the reasons she was so drawn to him. “Well,” she sighed, “on that note I’d better get in. It’s been a wonderful day, Michael. Thank you.”

“Thank
you
. I’ll see you later in the week?”

She smiled. They had already talked about the work he had to do, as well as about the reading and sunning and relaxing she intended to do. “I’d like that.” She stepped into the house. “Get a lot of writing done, you hear?”

“I hear. Lock that door good, you hear?”

“I hear. Good night, Michael.”

“’Night, Dani.” He was halfway down the path when he couldn’t resist a final note. “Sweet dreams!” he called, wishing the same for himself but somehow fearing it would be a different kind of dream he would have.

Oblivious to his lascivious thoughts, Danica watched him back from the drive, then closed the door softly and locked it tight.