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My world felt like it was ending at that very moment, just as it did when I had to abort my child and the day Bishop died.

“No! That's a lie! I'm fine!” I yelled.

“You haven't been taking your medication, Krystle.”

“You edited it to make me look that way!” I said standing up. “I wouldn't do that to Bishop, I... I loved him! I wouldn't do that! Daddy, you know! I'm not a liar!”

The next thing I knew I took off, running out the house, with my dad and aunt calling my name, but I didn't stop. I couldn't. I ran past my shoes I’d previously taken off, out the door I went, barefooted. Thunder and lightning started as I sprinted towards the neighborhood park in our subdivision. As huge drops of rain fell on me sideways, I continued to run and cry. When I reached the primary-colored, children's jungle gym, I fell to my knees out of breath, belting out a long scream with the rain overpowering the tears that ran down my face. I sat on the wet, red mulch, feeling every drop of rain. “This can't be right,” I said aloud repeatedly to myself. “Somebody help me!” I whispered, pulling my wet legs to my face, putting my head down, and covering them with both arms.

The thunder rumbled around me while the rain continued to pour, causing me to jump, when suddenly, the far too familiar voice came whispering.

“That was a hard pill to swallow, wasn't it?”

As I've always done, I looked up and off into the distance and saw FiFi, making her way towards me, dressed in a white, flowing, linen floor-length dress, carrying a yellow umbrella.

I stood up, planting my bare feet on the water saturated mulch, awaiting her arrival.

“I tried to tell you a long time ago, I’m sorry you had to find out like that,” she said, now standing in front of me.

“So everything my aunt and dad said is true? You're not real and neither is Akira?” I asked, blinking some drops of rain from my naturally long eyelashes.

“Well, that depends on your perception of what real is. If you’re going by the flesh and physical, then no, I'm not.”

“You lied to me… You both did!” I screamed.

“Snap out of it, Krystle, you lied to yourself. Listen to me, okay? I… we live within you and you need to start taking your medication so you can get better.

“Without y'all, I have no one. No one understands me, just y'all.”

“Of course we do, you made us,” she smiled.

“How did I get this way?” I asked, starting to cry again.

Through my blurry sight, I see the rain stop and FiFi walk away from me, shaking out her umbrella, then looking back at me with a smile.

“It will get better and if I never see you again, I know you're happy, but you need to be careful and safe.”

“What do you mean by that? Just answer that one question for me, and I promise we'll be done forever,” I said, walking up on her fast.

“When you start back being the way you are normally, it'll start coming back to you. I know you aren't going to like what you remember, or what you see for yourself, but it'll be okay. Start being realistic and face the facts. Do not let her win. Do you understand me?”

Even though FiFi and my family claimed that she wasn't real, I closed my eyes and embraced her, as I felt her do the same. As soon as I opened my eyes, she was gone, the rain was pouring again, and I was back sitting Indian style on the mulch.

Chapter Seven

COURTNEY

The last couple of weeks have been a challenge to say the least. Dealing with my brother and Krystle with her denial to her whole part of murdering Bishop has been hard. My brother seems as if he's on the verge of a breakdown and I can't do anything to stop it, except maybe… “I got it!” I yelled aloud, while picking up my desk phone, dialing my brother’s number. It rang once, before he picked up the other line.

“Yeah?”

“Tony, are you at work?”

“Naw, I'm driving, actually not too far from your job, why what's up?”

“Please, I need you to come to my office real quick, if you're not too busy.”

“Give me a second.”

“Alright,” I said, hanging up the phone. My mind was racing all the way, until there was a sudden knock on my office door.

“Tony, you don't have to knock if I'm expecting you, just come in,” I yelled.

“Well, I didn't want to just barge in like that,” he said, walking past my desk to my sofa. “So what's the rush to getting me here today?” he asked, plopping down and propping up his feet.

“First, I'm sorry I haven't been by this week, but I've been talking with the detective, lawyers, and shit. Hell, I've just been really busy, trying to take care of all the background stuff to keep Krystle out of prison, and maybe get her into some kind of psych ward.”

“A crazy house?”

“Don't say it like that, Tony, goodness!”

“Like what, that she's crazy?”

“She's sick and that's your child; your only child at that!”

“And you say that to say what? Our mother was our only mother, and guess what; she was crazy too.”

“You threw Momma in that nut house faster than I could say don’t. I still haven't forgiven you for that shit.”

He did a slight chuckle then pulled his feet off the couch and onto the floor. “Just like you're trying to do with my
only
child right?” he asked, making air quotes.

“Don't be condescending, Tony, we didn't know anything about this disease before that. You did that without any consideration.”

“Oh yes the hell I did! I considered it alright.”

“Momma went undiagnosed for years!” I screamed, “and when we finally found out about it, what did you do?”

“Fuck all that Courtney! Do you even remember what she did to Krystle? To you?”

“Like it was yesterday,” I sighed.

*****************************

17 years ago:
August, 1997

“Momma?” I yelled out across the house, putting my keys inside my lavender XOXO purse.

“I'm in the kitchen,” she screamed back.

I noticed Krystle’s baby bag on the couch with everything dumped out all over the floor, but I ignored it, Momma had gotten older and wasn’t as tidy as she used to be.

When I approached the kitchen, I saw her putting the lid on top of a large blue and white roasting pan.

“Open that oven for me, ladybug.”

I did what she asked as she placed it in the oven and closed it. I kissed her on the cheek; she smiled while taking a dishtowel off her shoulder wiping her hands on it.

“What are you doing over here, gracing me with your presence?” she asked, lovingly pinching my right cheek.

“I was just in the neighborhood and decided to check on my two favorite girls.”

“Tuh, two favorite girls; the lies you tell. Tony sent you over here to check on me again, didn't he?”

I looked up and smiled just a little bit, and put my hands up in a submissive position. “No,” I chuckled, “but he is on the way.”

“I figured that,” she said, shaking her head, walking to the fridge, opening it and taking out a bell pepper and an onion. “Well, don't just stand there girl, come help me.”

I followed her to the breakfast table inside the small kitchen, and sat to the right of her in one of the broken down wooden chairs. “Momma, why won't you let me buy you another table set?”

“Because this one still works.” She smiled, starting to slice the first onion. “Ladybug, look in that pantry, grab me a toothpick, and wet it please.”

“I never understood why you did that, you know, put a toothpick in your mouth while cutting onions.” I smiled, doing what she said and walking back to her with it, taking my original seat.

“My little bug, my momma did it, her momma did it, and her mom before her. It’s just to keep you from crying, the wet wood captures the smell before it reaches your eyes.”

“Ma!” Tony yelled from the living room, interrupting our conversation.

“And here comes trouble,” she said, still cutting and chopping.

I smiled and winked at her while yelling, “We're in here!”

“Hey Court,” he spoke, coming to where we were, giving me a head nod, and kissing Momma on her forehead.

“Why is Krystle’s stuff all thrown out?” he asked.

“What you talking about, boy? You always come in here with the same shit all the time. That living room is clean,” Momma said defensively, standing up with the chopped veggies on the cutting board, walking towards the stove.

Tony dismissed her and then looked at me, “I'm going to check on my child, where is she?”

“I don't know, probably sleeping on Momma’s bed like I told her not to do; her bed is too big for that tiny little thing to be on unattended.”

Tony walked off to go check on Krystle as Momma took the roasting pan out of the oven, scraping the onions and bell peppers in it.

“You want me to help you, Momma?” I asked, walking up slowly behind her, because I knew she was getting a little agitated with Tony. Then again, they always bump heads like this.

“No!” she yelled, slamming the top back on the pan picking it up, and sliding it back into the oven.

“Calm down Momma, it'll be okay.”

“I don't know why he always does that to me!” She said, pressing some of the buttons on the stove, trying to cut it on.

“At least let me get that for you. Okay, go sit down.”

She did as I asked and I pressed bake, but before I could press start, to turn up the oven, Tony ran back into the kitchen holding two pink blankets.

“Ma, where is Krystle?”

“Don't raise your voice at me, Tony!”

“What you mean? She's not in there?” I asked, turning my attention to my brother. “Momma, where is the baby?”

“I don't know what the hell y'all talking about, but I need to start my dinner!” she yelled, stomping towards me.

“Momma, that dinner can wait, where's the baby? Tony check the other rooms, she can't crawl yet,” I said calmly.

“I said I need to start my dinner!” she yelled, attempting to reach over me to press the start button. I grabbed her hands firmly, asking the same question as before, “Where's the baby?”

“I looked everywhere and she's not here!” Tony yelled, stumbling into the kitchen.

I look directly at my mother, asking one more time. She pushed me hard against the stove, knocking her hands from mine, and then she backslapped me in the face, knocking me to the floor.

“Get away from me with all that foolishness! I need to start my damn dinner!” she said, pressing the start button.

Tony helped me up, never taking his eyes off our mother.

“You two have always been defiant and disrespectful! I should have swallowed both of you ungrateful ass kids a long time ago!” she said, hitting her palms against the stovetop.

We heard a faint cry that in just a matter of seconds, turned into a loud wail. Tony looked at me as I did the same to him. We searched around the kitchen, tearing up everything until I stopped.

“You didn't,” I said, blinking hard, hearing the cries coming from behind my mother.

“She didn't what?” Tony asked, pulling some trash out of the trashcan.

It was as if I had tunnel vision; I pushed my mother from in front of the stove, carefully opening it. The cries got louder; I pulled out the roasting pan in a hurry, and then took off the lid. Inside laid my niece, covered with the bell peppers and onions my mom previously cut up. I grabbed my niece out of the pan and clutched her in my arms, as Tony stood in shock.

“Shh…shh…shh…” I said, rocking her and trying to calm her down.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” I guess my brother snapped out of it, when he realized our mother had tried to cook his child. The way he moved was so quick and persistent that the next thing I knew, I blinked and saw him standing over her with his fist balled up, looking like he was about to do something he shouldn't.

“Tony no! Just call the police, understand? Your concern is Krystle!” I yelled. His hands relaxed, but he was still a little shaky as he stepped over Momma and walked to the living room where there was another phone.

“How could you? How could you!” I begin to cry, holding the crying baby Krystle closer.

“That seed is unlike me or you. She has something embedded in her; the government is trying to get to me! Through her!” she started to cry.

“Momma, stop it! Just stop! There is nobody trying to get anything! You put your grandchild in the oven! This is a baby!”

“The chip is in that bag or somewhere. I'm trying to protect my family! That beast you're holding ain't no damn family!”

I watched as my mother sat up and began to rock back and forth, whispering and repeating, “They can't have my family, that beast ain't no part of me.”

I wrapped my niece gently in the blankets. Then I walked out of the kitchen and out the house to where Tony was flipping out.

“I swear I could walk back in there and kill her ass!” he shouted.

“Let me think, Tony, this is not like our mother.”