Without (6 page)

I woke up tired.

Finding everything I needed in the clubhouse, I stepped out
onto the deck with a cup of coffee to greet the sun. I then proceeded to jinx
myself and ask the sky for a good day, a quiet day of walking. That’s all I
wanted. Just one day.

In the brilliance of a flawless, blue ceiling above me, I
looked down at the lake. Todd and the boys were still sleeping in the water. It
would’ve been nice to chat with Earl over breakfast before I started out.
Looking to my right as I sipped, I saw a line of tee boxes on the driving
range.

Like a kid in a candy store, I went into the pro shop to
choose a set of clubs. I filled a bag with equipment I would’ve never been able
to afford five days earlier. Slipping on my new golf shoes, stretching my
fingers into a glove, I looked over at the shelves full of hats. I picked out
the pink one with a visor of course.

Staring at myself in the mirror, Sam walked up behind me
with a wide smile. “Nice choice. It matches your shoes.”

“Why, thank you, pretty lady,” I said. “Care to join me for
a bucket of balls?”

“I’d love to.”

We walked out of the clubhouse, holding hands and smiling.
Placing a few balls on the ground in a row, I pulled out the only club that
didn’t match the others. It was Earl’s seven iron he had used to greet me in
the hallway. “This one’s for you.”

I sliced it. I sliced it bad. “Sorry, buddy. It’s been a
while.”

Laughing beside me, Sam lofted her ball straight and true.
She had an amazing swing. I watched her hit a few more before returning to my
tee. I love the sound of the club head whooshing through the air behind me
right before the wood makes contact. If you hear that sweet sound, you don’t
even need to raise your head to follow the ball. You know it’s fair and far.
You know exactly where it’s going to land.

Losing myself in the moment, I didn’t notice that Sam had
left me. After my third bucket of balls, I took a deep breath while taking in
the world around me. I had to remember to stop and enjoy these moments whenever
I could. I had to remember that life was changing, not ending.

Enjoying another moment before my long walk, I decided it
was time for a bath. Being the resourceful man he was, Earl had plenty of
water. I gathered enough to fill a tub in the locker room. Heating large pots
on the gas grill, it didn’t take long before it was ready. I sank into the
steam, leaning back on a pillow against the rim of the tub. I closed my eyes
and cleared my head. As if somebody had pulled the plug on me, I relaxed,
letting my tension escape into the water.

I’m not sure how long I sat motionless – soaking – dreaming
of better days. Wrinkled skin on my hands and feet let me know it was time to
move along. Reluctantly, I gathered my gear and hit the road. It was along the
way, so I stopped to say goodbye to Earl, placing his club across the fresh
mound on Fourteen.

It was day five since 8:13. At that point I knew things
would be deteriorating at a faster rate. People, especially families, who were
holed up in their homes waiting for help would begin running out of supplies.
They’d be forced outside to scavenge for water and food. In the city, it would
be mayhem by now; too many people, too little resources.

I was far enough away from metro-Atlanta to not worry about
large scale looting and rioting. But Todd helped solidify my belief that
trouble could pop up anywhere at any time. The difference that worried me the
most between cowards out here and cowards in the city was slung across my back.

In the city they held small pistols sideways, hoping one of
their many bullets would hit its mark. Out here, there were skilled hunters
with scoped Remington 700 rifles – like mine – who could easily pick me off
with one shot at five hundred yards. I’d never hear it coming.

When I was making my bug out plan on the night of day one, I
anticipated where I would be on day five. Even with manmade and natural
setbacks, I was still on schedule. I knew I was approaching the last densely
populated area I was somewhat comfortable entering. After the next town I’d
take a sharp left and head into the Johns Mountain Wildlife Area. It would take
me a day and a half to cross it, but it was worth the extra time in order to
avoid people. People were gripped by fear and becoming more desperate as each
hour passed. It would be my last day traveling along a highway out in the open.

There wasn’t a cloud in the sky or soul on the road as I
made my way closer to town. The sun was high when I walked up to the top of a
rise and slid the rifle off my shoulder. I was using the scope to check out
long stretches in front of me. As I peered through it I didn’t see any
movement. But I did see her.

Holy shit.

It took everything I had not to run down the other side of
the rise. (She wasn’t going anywhere.) I stopped again to confirm what I saw.
She was even more beautiful the closer I got. I slung the rifle over my
shoulder and quickened my pace. I stopped dead in my tracks when she was at
arm’s length. I couldn’t believe my eyes. It was Eleanor.

Plastic surgeons wouldn’t have been able to remove the smile
on my face as I stared down at her. My mind raced back to see Sam poking fun at
me the third time she caught me watching the movie “
Gone in 60 seconds
.”
It didn’t take her long to figure out Eleanor was my dream car. It was poetic
when I looked in the window to see my dream girl sitting in the passenger seat.
I peered up into the sky.

Thank you, God.

“I can’t believe I’m actually jealous of a car,” said Sam as
I gingerly opened the door and sat in the driver’s seat.

“This isn’t
a
car, baby,” I said, gripping the
polished wood steering wheel. “This is
the
car. This is a 1967 Shelby
Mustang GT500. It’s even Eleanor’s color.”

“Her color?”

“Yes,” I said. “She’s perfect.”

“I’m not sure which one of us you’re happier to see?”

“Both, angel. I’m so happy to see you both. It’s been a
rough couple of days, you know.”

“I know,” said Sam, reaching over and squeezing my knee.
“That’s why I brought you to her.”

“I can’t begin to thank you enough,” I said. “My dream girl
sitting inside my dream car. I don’t think this moment could be any more
perfect.”

“You’ve earned it, sweet boy.”

My eyes were glassing over. I closed them and inhaled her
perfume, feeling her hand on my knee. My mind suspended reality, gifting me
with a magnificent daydream. With the windows down, the dead engine roared to
life with a throaty growl. Pushing in the clutch, every other car on the road
vanished in thin air, giving me a clear straightaway for miles. Sliding the
shifter into first, I popped it, leaving white smoke swirling behind us. As the
wheels screamed, so did I.

I could barely hear Sam yelling with me. Her gleaming smile
was being swatted by her hair as I accelerated. She was holding onto the dash
as the world flew by us at a hundred and twenty miles per hour. Sam’s smile was
being forced through clenched teeth. I slowed down to give her a break from my
excitement.

“Wow, I had no idea this car was that fast,” said Sam, relaxing.

“It can go faster,” I said, grinning.

“No, no, that’s okay, honey. I believe you. This is a really
good speed.”

I was cruising with my girl. Moving my hand down to hers,
she leaned over, putting her head on my shoulder. She tucked her unruly hair
behind her ear as I turned the knob, finding us a tune that would carry us down
the road. The truth is, I didn’t care about the car. I cared about the moment.

Sam was dead and so was Eleanor. I knew that. But as the
world was dying around us, we still managed to create a brilliant memory
together that I’ll never forget. Maybe she wasn’t so dead. Maybe as long as I
stayed alive, so would she.

“It’s getting late, baby,” said Sam. “There’s a barn up the
road. Let’s see if we can stay there.”

“You’re staying with me tonight?”

“I am.”

Crackling as it cooled, the engine fell back to sleep. The
cars pinning Eleanor reappeared as Sam disappeared. She knew I had work to do
and didn’t want to distract me. I made my way across the highway to the big red
barn. The farmhouse was fifty yards away.

Looking through my scope, I didn’t see any movement through
the windows. There were no vehicles and no signs of life. I was very much
hoping they weren’t home. No people meant no trouble. I prayed that my earlier
wish for a good day would extend into the evening. I wanted nothing more than a
silent night.

There was no need for my key since the back door was open.
Shotgun leading the way, I moved inside. Clearing every room, I helped myself
to a little food and water. I didn’t want to take any more than I needed in
case they were on their own journey to get home. If they made it back, they’d
be tired and hungry. I thanked a photo of the family for the meal and headed
for the barn. Sam was waiting for me.

“Come on, cowboy,” said Sam, beaming. “Let’s go roll in the
hay.”

Opening the barn door, I saw how hard the family worked to
keep things in order. The stalls were empty but clean. I was expecting to get assaulted
by the odor of large animals. The only smell was of the hay in the loft above
Sam.

Using blankets and pillows from the house, I made our bed in
the loft. I was pleased to see the ladder wasn’t attached. Pulling it up to
keep any trouble far below, I knew it was a safe place to be with my girl.

Stowing the ladder, I turned to see Sam lying naked on our
bed. She took my breath away. Her perfect body was bathed in the warm glow from
the oil lamp. Opening a window, feeling the cool twilight breeze, I took off my
clothes, lying down beside her.

She draped her arm across my chest, nestling her head into
my shoulder. I put my arm around her, pulling her in tight. Trouble was a
million miles away.

I melted into her.

“You took a bath today,” said Sam, kissing my cheek.

“I did,” I said. “Not sure when that’s going to happen
again.”

“You’re doing so good, sweetheart. I know you’ve had to do
some things, but it’s okay. I know you didn’t mean for him to get hurt.”

“Earl.”

“Yes,” said Sam, leaning back, putting her head on the
pillow. “I know you were just trying to protect him.”

“He was a good man,” I said. “I only knew him for a few
hours, but I could tell. He reminded me of someone special. Maybe I should’ve
tried harder to separate him from the fight.”

“No. You didn’t have time. He knows that.”

“He knows?”

“Yes, baby. He told me. He’s with
me
now.”

I tried to be strong, but it overtook me. It was the second
time I cried in front of her. My tears weren’t for Earl. They were for her.

She wiped them away, smiling at me. Swallowing the rest of
them back, I regained my composure. No sense dwelling on tough thoughts.

“You are my sweet boy,” said Sam, touching my face. “I don’t
ever want you to think that crying makes you weak. It shows me just how strong
you are. It makes me love you even more.

“But you need to get some rest now. We need to turn down the
lamp. You know light brings trouble in the dark.”

“Just a few more minutes, angel. I want to see that
beautiful face for just a few more minutes. I know you have to leave soon.”

“I’m not going anywhere. I’m always with you.”

Draped in darkness, I felt Sam’s arm slide away. I turned to
look out the window into the clear night sky.

Thank you. Today was a good day.

I was hoping for two good days in a row, but I didn’t ask
for it. The skies were clear and Mother Nature hadn’t thrown a fit in
forty-eight hours. I made the decision to add a few miles to my day, going
around the large town. As I approached the edge of Johns Mountain WMA, day six
was coming to a welcomed, uneventful close. I needed to find shelter.

Cresting a hill, I spotted a large plantation-style home at
the bottom of the rise. Four large pillars held up the roof on a wrap-around
porch. Flowerbeds full of blooms along the walkway were flanked by two massive,
manicured lawns. A large oak tree with swings on two sides watched over the
house from the corner of the yard. From that angle I could see the roof a
smaller house on the edge of the property in the backyard. It seemed like as
good a place as any to bed down for the night.

Keeping my eyes on the windows I walked towards the front
door. I noticed it was wide open. When I made it to the porch, I saw a body
lying in the foyer. Raising my shotgun – and my heart rate – I took a step
back. As if she were a little ghost, a girl, maybe six years old, stepped
around a corner behind the body. We both froze.

I resumed my backpedaling as soon as I heard the screams
coming from the backyard. It sounded like two, maybe three, women. I heard
raucous laughter a few seconds later. It sounded like two, maybe three,
men
.

Several gunshots followed.

Too much going on here. You can’t see anything. You don’t
know what’s happening. Too much going on here. Get the hell out.

Switching to the rifle, I walked backwards the hundred yards
to the end of the driveway. As soon as the trees concealed me from the house, I
turned, moving with purpose down the road. I didn’t bother looking back.
Whoever they were, they weren’t leaving that house anytime soon. Shaking the
image of that six-year-old out of my head, I kept repeating my mantra.

You can’t fight them all. You can’t save them all.

“You can save them,” said Sam, coming up behind me. She was
pissed.

“No, I can’t,” I said, walking faster. “Don’t do this to
me.”

“To you,” cried Sam. “Nothing is happening to you. It’s
happening to them!”

“What is?” I yelled, turning to see that beautiful face in
tears. “What is? You don’t know! I don’t know!”

I stopped walking away from her, taking the next step toward
her. “There could be ten of them with guns. You told me to stay alive. This is
how I stay alive. We don’t know what’s happening, Sam.”

“This is happening,” said Sam, falling backwards across a
buffet table.

I bit through my lip, clenching my teeth. Sam brought me the
image I had been trying desperately to erase for years. She was bloody, crying
as the monster thrust himself into her while two others watched, laughing. Each
time he entered her, he was stabbing her with a screwdriver. I lunged for him
but only caught air. I was lying face down in the road.

“Get up,” whispered Sam. “Help them.”

Preserving my life didn’t matter anymore. If I were going to
die, I’d take as many of those cowards as I could with me. I’d take
all
of them with me.

She was sitting on the front steps when I returned. I
couldn’t see what was happening, but she knew.

“What’s your name?” I whispered, keeping my eye on the
foyer.

“Tyler,” she answered.

“How many of them?”

“Four,” said Tyler without expression.

“Where are they?”

“One took my mom upstairs. Three are out back in our pool
with my sister and her friend.”

“Do they have guns?”

She nodded.

“Did they hurt you, Tyler?”

“No. They hurt my daddy,” she said, turning and pointing to
the man lying in the hall. “And they’re hurting them now.”

“I want you to go swing by that oak tree,” I said. “Whatever
you see or hear, you stay right there, baby girl. I’m going to make them stop.”

“Okay.”

As I watched Tyler walk towards Sam, swinging under the
tree, I dropped my pack on the front porch. I laid down the rifle and the
shotgun, choosing to use the more maneuverable twin pistols inside the house.

Moving up the stairs, I heard moans. Hers were from pain.
His were from power.

I turned the corner, entering the bedroom with a gun drawn.
Her arms and legs were tied to each of the four posts. He was on top of her,
sweating and yelling into her face. When she saw me, her eyes grew wide. I held
up a finger to my lips. She nodded slightly

I placed the gun at the base of his neck. He stopped.

“One sound and this bullet comes out of your face,” I said.
“Get up slow.”

He complied.

“Turn around.” I rested one gun between his eyes and the
other in the center of his chest. “Walk to the window.”

We both looked down into the backyard. One of the three had
a young girl face down between his legs as he sat on the stairs to the pool.
Another was punching a girl he was raping on a lounge chair. The third was
sitting without pants, drinking a beer on the steps leading to the back door.

“I’m going to open this window,” I said. “You’re going to
yell down to the asshole sitting on the steps. You’re going to tell him to
bring you a beer. Do you understand what’s going to happen if you say anything
else?”

“You’re…you’re gonna shoot me.”

“I’m gonna shoot you a lot. The only way you make it out of
here alive is by not pissing me off and doing everything I say.”

“I will, mister. I don’t wanna die.”

I opened the window and stood back. He didn’t want to die.
When the man yelled he was coming up, we both moved into the bathroom. I
holstered my gun and pulled out my knife. I turned him around, gripped his face
with my hand, and slit his throat to his spine. I let go, pushing him into the
tub so he could finish bleeding to death, unable to yell.

Hearing the footsteps, I waited against the wall by the
bedroom door. He walked by me, looking for his friend. Slapping my hand over his
mouth, I opened him, dragging and dropping him on top of the first.

Filling the tub with dying, voiceless cowards clenching
their throats, I left the room. I had to leave the mother tied to the bed for a
little longer. If I cut her loose, she’d run for her children, killing us all.
I think she knew I was coming back. I think she knew I still had work to do.
She stayed silent.

There was no plan as I walked without caution onto the back
porch and down the stairs. My only chance was if they were in the same places I
saw them from the window. They both were, oblivious to what was coming.

The fat man on the pool stairs was still pushing the young
girl’s head down onto him. She was choking, crying as he smiled. He made my job
easier when he threw his head back, howling. I sunk the blade – down to the
handle – into the side of his neck. I ripped it out of him and kept walking. I
heard the back of his head hit the concrete as I reached the last coward. He
didn’t see or hear me coming.

Throwing his rifle into the yard, I grabbed his ponytail,
yanking him off of her and onto the ground. He jumped up, thinking I was one of
his buddies messing with him. He still had a hard on.

“Hey, mother fu—” said Ponytail, losing his erection. “Who
the hell are you? Hey, Joe!”

He looked around me to see his friend bleeding out on the
pool steps. He saw my dripping knife. “Andy! Carl! Get the fuck down here!
Now!”

“They’re not coming,” I said.

“Help me! Help me!” yelled Ponytail.

I pulled a pistol to keep him from running from the knife.
He was standing naked, paralyzed with fear, with his hands in the air. I soaked
it in.

“Get on the ground and don’t move. Do you understand?”

“Yes, sir. Yes, sir.”

I turned to see the two traumatized girls standing on the
edge of the pool, holding each other. I walked towards them, but not too close.
I saw that they were afraid of me.

“What are your names?”

“I’m K-Katie and this is Mary Anne. Where’s her mother?”

“She’s upstairs,” I said. “She’s okay. I’ll take you to her
very soon, but I need your help. Can you help me?”

“I can,” said Katie.

“Tyler is out front by the oak tree, waiting for you. I need
you to watch her, okay?”

“Okay.”

They put on their bathing suits, leaving me in the backyard
with Ponytail. “The only way you make it out of here alive is by not pissing me
off and doing everything I say.”

“Okay, sir. We’z just havin’ a little fun, you know. We
weren’t gonna hurt ‘em.”

“Not another fucking word, Ponytail. Put on your clothes.
You’ve got work to do.”

I made him drag fat man from the pool, taking him into the
woods on the other side of the backyard fence. Going upstairs, I untied Mary
Anne’s mother who joined her girls by the oak tree. Ponytail carried his other
two friends, piling them together in the woods. Before I bound him to a tree
next to them, I made him clean up every drop of blood in the house and around
the pool.

Finding the mother and three girls sitting in a huddle under
the tree, I knelt down beside them. “Where would you like me to lay your
husband to rest?”

“Right here,” said the mother. “Under this tree, please.
It’s where we used to come to talk.”

“What’s his name?”

“Brian. My name is Hope.”

“Your house is clean, Hope. It’s going to be dark in a few
hours. You and the girls go inside while I take care of Brian. I’m also going to
take care of the others. You’re safe now. You’re all safe now. I’ll let you
know when I’m finished.”

“Thank you,” said Hope. “Thank you for saving my children.”

“Go on, now,” I said. “Take the girls inside.”

Cutting Ponytail loose, I put him back to work. “You need to
dig this one fast. You have three more to fill before sunset.”

He was exhausted when he finished the third hole in the
woods behind the house. If I would’ve made him dig four, he probably would’ve
tried to fight. It’s harder to dig a grave than fill one. I wanted him to use
up his energy, not mine.

Unlike Brian’s grave, I didn’t bury them to give them a
place to rest. I buried them deep in the woods so the girls would never have to
see – or smell – them again. Sam joined me as Ponytail rolled Andy into the
last hole. He crawled out, putting his hands on his knees, breathing heavy.

“Last one, boss. I’ll have it filled in a jiffy.”

“Stand up straight.”

“Okay, boss,” said Ponytail, sucking wind. “I am truly
sorry, sir, you know, for what we did to them girls. You taught me a lesson I
ain’t never gonna forget. No, sir, never. Is them your people?”

“My people?”

“Yes, boss,” said Ponytail. “Your family. Your people.”

“No.”

“You’s just walkin’ by?”

“Just walking by, Ponytail.”

“Dang, you some kinda hero then, ain’t ya.”

“Apologize to her,” I said.

“Okay, boss. I will. Like I said, I am sorry for what –”

“Not to those women. You’ll never put your eyes on them
again. No, you apologize to Sam.”

“Who?”

“Tell Sam that you’re a coward and that you’re sorry for
hurting her. Scream it at the top of your fucking lungs so she can hear you. If
she does, then I won’t kill you.”

He did, but I didn’t keep up my end of the deal. I told him
to turn around and look at his friend lying in the hole. I grabbed his ponytail
one last time, dragging the blade across his neck, kicking him down on top of
the other. I started dropping dirt on him before he stopped jerking. I guess he
didn’t think I’d double up the last hole with two cowards.

It’s harder to dig a grave than fill one.