Wolfsong (13 page)

My father had been a great man. I’d thought him strong and brave, and I’d worshipped the ground he walked on. But he’d never been very nice.

Dumb as an Ox.

Because I was gonna get shit.

“Packs like the Bennetts—old packs with long histories—have a witch brought into their folds. It’s meant to create peace and balance and add to the power of the Alpha. My father… he was Abel Bennett’s witch. Thomas’s father. The Bennett pack was bigger then. Stronger. Revered and feared.”

“What happened?” I asked quietly.

“He lost his tether,” Gordo said. He chuckled bitterly.

“Your mother?”

“No. Another woman. She… it doesn’t matter. She died. Werewolf. My father killed many people after that.”

I felt numb.

“I took his place,” Gordo said. “I was twelve.”

“Gordo—”

“I wasn’t ready. For the responsibility. I made mistakes. My father disappeared. Fuck knows if he’s even still alive. But I had a home. A place.”

“Gordo?”

“What.”

“I’m your tether.”

“Yeah.”

“Who was your tether before me?”

“It doesn’t matter.” He looked away.

But of course it did. “How long?”

“Jesus Christ.”

“How long were you without a tether?”

I didn’t think he’d answer. But then he said, “Years.”

“You fucking asshole,” I said hoarsely. “Why didn’t you ask me?”

“I didn’t think—”

“No shit you didn’t think. You could have gotten hurt.”

He lit his cigarette. Inhaled deeply. Blew out the smoke. “I had it under control.”

“Fuck you and your control.”

His eyes snapped to mine. “Just because you’re in this now doesn’t mean you know shit about it, Ox. Don’t forget. I’ve had a
lifetime
of all of this. You’re a fucking
child
.”

I pulled myself to my full height. “A child who is part of the Bennett pack and tethered to you and Joe.”

He watched me, a strange expression on his face. “Shit,” he muttered. “Ox.”

“Don’t. Never again. You hear me? You don’t keep shit from me. Ever again.”

“Ox—”

“
Gordo
.”

“Jesus, kid. You’re fucking scary sometimes. You know that, right? A bit of Alpha in you.”

I said nothing. Just glared at him.

He sighed. “All right.”

“Who was it?”

Smoke curled up around his face and he said, “Mark. Okay? It was Mark. I loved him. I loved him and he left and I stayed, and until I found you, I was lost in the dark. You brought me back, Ox. You brought me back and I can’t lose you. I can’t.”

THE OTHERS
didn’t know. Tanner. Rico. Chris.

Gordo said it was better that way.

Sometimes I didn’t think Gordo even believed his own lies.

SCHOOL STARTED.
My senior year.

The horn honked outside.

I opened the door.

Joe’s smile was bright and blinding as he waved at me from the backseat.

He said, “Hey, Ox. Now I get to be like you guys. Time for school, yeah?”

BACK IN
the woods after asking if I wanted to be a wolf, Thomas said, “Tethers are important, Ox. Especially when they’re people. If it was an emotion, it’d have to be all encompassing. And that usually only happens with rage and hate, and it turns and twists until the tether is black and burnt. When the tether is a pack, it’s spread out amongst all members, and everyone carries the weight of the burden.”

“And if it’s just one person?” I asked. A breeze blew through my hair and I closed my eyes.

“If it’s one person,” Thomas said quietly, “then that person is treated as precious. But it’ll become possessive. It’s just the way it is. It’s one of the most important things there is to a wolf.”

“What’s your tether?” I asked. As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I wanted to take them back. It felt like a deeply personal question that I had no right to ask.

But he said, “Pack. It’s always been my pack. Not the individuals, per se, but the
idea
behind what pack means.”

“Family,” I said.

“Yes. And so much more. It can be harder when it’s individuals.”

“What if I’m tied to two people?”

He frowned. “We’ll see, won’t we?”

THERE’S A
third Bennett brother
, the people in the hallway whispered.

He looks just like the others.

Why are they still with Ox?

WE NEEDED
a bigger lunch table.

Or maybe just a bigger bench.

I was surrounded by Bennetts. Kelly on my left. Joe on my right. Carter on the other side of him. They’d herded me to one side of the table, pressing in as close together as they could, Joe talking about this and that and everything he could even possibly think about.

Jessie looked amused, sitting across from us. I thought there was something else buried in that smile, too, but I couldn’t figure out what it was.

I’m sure to anybody else in the cafeteria, it looked odd. The four of us and her.

I didn’t care.

Joe talked and talked and talked. To me. To Carter. To Kelly.

Never to Jessie.

He gave me an apple slice.

I gave him some potato chips.

He said quietly, “I’m happy I’m here. With you.”

I said, “Me too.”

“DID YOU
love him?” I asked Mark one fall afternoon.

“Who?”

“Gordo.”

He said, “Don’t,” and walked away.

I didn’t follow.

I MADE
Gordo drop the wards around the house and the Bennetts came over for dinner at our house one Sunday.

At first, he refused. “It’s not safe.”

I said, “I belong to a pack of overprotective werewolves who live next door. I’m pretty sure I couldn’t be safer.”

“Christ,” he muttered. “Remember when you didn’t say much at all? Those were the good old days.”

That hurt. More than I thought it would. I must not have been able to keep it from my face because he sighed and said, “Ox.”

“Yeah?” I looked down at my shoes. I knew I didn’t always say the best things or the smartest things, but I thought I’d been getting better. I was trying.

His hand curled around the back of my neck and there was a pulse of
something
between us. It wasn’t as strong as it was with Joe or the pack, but it was there and it was
warm
and
kind
and it felt like
home
. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly.

“I know,” I said, trying to brush it off. “It’s okay.”

His fingers tightened. “No,” he said. “It’s not okay. No one should ever make you feel like shit. Especially me. It’s unacceptable.”

“I know.”

“I’ll be better, okay? I’m not the best, I know. But I’ll do right by you. I swear.”

“I know.”

He squeezed my neck and dropped his hand. “I won’t drop the wards,” he said. “Not completely. I’ll modify them, though. For Joe. Carter and Kelly.”

“And the rest of the pack,” I said.

He looked away. “Yeah, Ox. For the rest too.”

WE WERE
having Sunday dinner for the first time at my house.

Mom was very nervous. She flitted about in the kitchen like a little bird.

I asked her why, and she said, “They’re just so
fancy
. We’re not
fancy
people, Ox.”

“They don’t care about stuff like that.”

“I know.”

“You look pretty,” I said. And she did. She always did. Even when she was tired. Even when she was sad.

She laughed and said, “Hush, you.” She swatted me with a dish towel and told me to make the salad while she checked on the lasagna.

Joe was the first through the door. His eyes darted around, taking in everything as quickly as he could. His chest heaved, breathing in as much as possible. His eyes were wide, almost blown out.

“Joe,” Thomas said, coming up behind him. “Calm. Even breaths.” I could hear the command in his voice, one that sent shivers along my skin. It was easier now to hear it for what it was. The Alpha. I wasn’t a wolf, but I still wanted to bare my neck to him.

“It’s a lot,” Joe said quietly, trying to slow his breathing. “All at once.”

I didn’t understand, but I thought I wasn’t meant to.

Elizabeth came in, followed by Carter, Kelly, and Mark. Mom chattered away, her nerves showing through in the up-and-down cadence of her voice. Either she didn’t notice or chose not to question when the Bennetts touched almost everything in sight, dragging their hands along the couch. The dining room table. The chairs. The countertops. Carter and Kelly sprawled along chairs at the table, spreading themselves out as far as possible.

I knew what they were doing. They were making this place smell like them. Like pack.

Scents were important. They didn’t want it to be just me and Mom. They needed to be mixed in too.

I hugged each of them in turn. Carter and Kelly rubbed their noses against my neck.

Joe took my hand. “Your room,” he said. “I want to see your room.”

He pulled me up the stairs without waiting for an answer. I didn’t even need to tell him where to go. He held out his other hand and let his fingers drift along the walls, head darting from side to side. He growled lowly for a brief moment and his hand tightened in mine. I didn’t ask what it was. I didn’t know if I wanted to know.

But then we were in my room and he was all over. He didn’t stand in one place for more than a second, and he touched everything he could get his hands on.

He muttered to himself, saying, “It’s strong in here, so strong, strong, strong” and “I can cover it up, I can make it go away” and “Mine, mine, mine.”

I let him. I let him do what he needed to do.

And then he stopped in front of my desk. Sucked in a sharp breath.

“Joe?” I asked, taking a step from the doorway.

“You kept it?”

“What?”

He didn’t answer. I stepped up behind him. He was getting taller. The top of his head reached the middle of my chest. I felt of pang of something bittersweet. I didn’t know why.

And then I saw what he was looking at.

The little wolf made of stone.

I was confused. “Yeah. Why wouldn’t I?”

“Ox,” he said in a choked voice. I looked down. His hands were curling into the desk, leaving little claw marks, scoring the wood. His eyes flashed orange and I said, “Hey.” I put my hand on his shoulder and it was there again, that warmth, like it’d been with Gordo. But if Gordo had felt like a warm fire, then the pulse, the
pull
with Joe felt like the sun.

He sighed and the claws pulled back and away.

“I like your room,” he said quietly. “It’s just like I thought it would be. Cluttered and clean.”

“Pinecones and candy canes?” I asked him.

He smiled. “And epic and awesome.”

He touched the stone wolf once. Just the tip of his finger to its head and that sun between us burned so very, very bright.

a wolf thing/we’re alone

THEY TRAINED.
The werewolves. The pack.

They moved in and out of the trees quickly and quietly.

They tracked me through the woods while I attempted to throw them off my trail.

Thomas said, “Attack,” and their claws would come out and he would feint left and right and up and down.

I asked him once why we trained like we did.

“We have to be ready,” he said.

“For what?”

He put a hand on my shoulder. “To protect what’s ours.”

“From what?”

“Anything that could take our pack or territory away.” His eyes flashed red.

A chill went down my spine.

I TRAINED
harder.

“MERRY CHRISTMAS,
Ox.” Joe grinned when I hugged him close, my chin on the top of his head.

“YOU’RE DIFFERENT,”
Gordo said, taking a drag from his cigarette.

“Oh?”

“You move differently,” he clarified.

“Maybe I’m just growing up.”

“It’s more… confidence. You hold yourself higher.”

“It’s a wolf thing.”

“You’re not a wolf.”

“Close enough.”

His eyes narrowed. “He did it, didn’t he?”

“Who?”

“Thomas. He offered you the bite.”

I heard Rico cackle loudly from back in the shop. Tanner and Chris yelled something in return. “Yeah,” I said.

“Ox,” he warned.

“My decision,” I said. “He wouldn’t do it until I turned eighteen, but it’s still my decision.”

“Just… fuck.” Gordo was upset. “Just think of the consequences. You’ll be hunted. For the rest of your life. There are things out there. Monsters and people who want nothing more than your head on a pike.”

“Because I’d be a wolf?” I asked. “Or because I’m already part of a pack.”

“Shit,” he muttered.

“Or maybe because I’m tethered to a witch.”

“I told you—”

“I’m not a kid anymore, Gordo.”

His voice cracked when he said, “But you’re all I have.”

“Good,” I said. “Then you know I’m never walking away from you. From this.”

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“You turned it down,” I said, going off a hunch. “The bite. You said no.”

His eyes opened slowly. “Easiest decision I’ve ever had to make.”

We both knew that was a lie.

I DIDN’T
tell him that I’d decided to remain human.

For now.

MOM SAID,
“Jessie came by the diner today.”

I looked back down at my math homework. I didn’t think I was doing it right.

“Said she hadn’t really seen you for a few days.”

“Been busy,” I muttered. “Homework. Work.”
Full moon with werewolves.

“Priorities, Ox. They’re good to have, but don’t forget the good things.”