Woman of the Hour (32 page)

It was very cold on the street as I charged to the bottom of our road and turned left towards the parade of shops. They were all closed and boarded up except for a pub I never went into and two doors down a doner kebab kiosk with its sodium yellow light and smell of cheap meat. I kept walking fast until I reached a small play park where I had sometimes taken Flo. The gates to the park were locked and I peered through the bars. I could see the hunched body of a man in a sleeping bag lying right up against the small brick building that housed the toilets. The poor devil must have been frozen on that raw night. I turned and hurried back to the warmth of my flat.

StoryWorld TV station, London Bridge

All weekend I’d been wondering what Ziggy had done to the memory stick after she left me. She had gone off to meet Harriet and the others at the pub. Would she and Harriet have had a ritual flinging of the memory stick into the water of the Thames? I could imagine them doing that after a few drinks and cursing Julius as they did it.

When I got into the office I forced myself not to approach Ziggy. I must let her come to me even though I burned to know what was on that stick. I tried to focus on my tasks for the day. After the morning meeting I started to draft the words that Fizzy could use for her piece to camera about her pregnancy. I had been thinking about how she should do this. It was important to get the tone of voice right. There is that saying ‘never complain and never explain’ but on this occasion I thought it would be good for Fizzy to do some explaining. It might disarm our viewers if she admitted to having made a bad mistake in getting involved with a married man. She could say how truly sorry she was. Better she come clean now than if the dirt was dug up by others later. She could make clear that she would never reveal the man’s identity and that that part of her life was over for ever. I included the phrase she had used at our lunch that this was ‘her last chance pregnancy’ and that she had thought long and hard about her decision. She had shed many tears but she wanted this baby and had so much love to give. She should end on a humble note and appeal to our viewers to forgive her transgression and support her decision to be a lone mother. I thought my draft read rather well and I printed out a copy to take down to Fizzy.

There are times when Fizzy strikes me as plain ungrateful and ungracious. She had shut the door to her dressing room and taken the draft from me without any thank you. She sat down and read through it quickly.

‘Yes, it’s fine but I don’t like that reference to my last chance pregnancy. God, that makes me sound ancient!’ she said.

‘Those were the words you used, at our lunch,’ I reminded her.

‘Maybe, but I’ve known women get pregnant in their forties.’

‘Well take that bit out then.’

‘I will,’ she said.

She found her pen and crossed out the offending line and read the draft through again. She chewed the end of her pen and changed a couple of words.

‘Does Bob know what’s happening?’ I asked.

She looked up at me and I could see that she was under strain but I still felt irritated with her.

‘He knows I didn’t go through with the termination. He was a complete prick about it.’

I wondered if this meant that the affair was now well and truly over. Last year I had met Bob’s wife, Pat, and his two daughters at the StoryWorld Christmas lunch for managers and their families. Flo had come with me and she chatted to his daughters who are a bit older than her. I sat next to Pat, his wife. She told me she had met Bob in Burnley when he was working as a reporter on the local newspaper. She had won some stupid beauty pageant, as she called it, and he had covered it for the paper. She had been seventeen, she said, and we had a laugh about how we’d ban our daughters now from entering anything so ridiculous and anachronistic. I warmed to her. She struck me as a strong woman and someone you should not underestimate.

*

It was mid-afternoon when Ziggy tapped and came into my office. I tried to prepare myself for her telling me that she had thrown the memory stick away.

‘I talked to Harry about it and...’

She pulled the purple memory stick from the back pocket of her jeans and I felt a surge of elation.

‘Harry says we can trust you.’

She handled it carefully, as if it might burn her fingers and mine. I looked at it lying in the palm of my hand; such a small object but with such explosive power.

‘Thank you, Ziggy. And you’re both OK with my watching it?’

‘I guess, as long as it’s only you.’

‘I’ll keep it under lock and key at home.’

Chalk Farm Flat, 10.15 p.m.

I closed my bedroom door, turned on my laptop and plugged the memory stick into the side. I had been itching to watch the screen test all night but I needed to make sure that Flo was settled first. I did not want to be disturbed. Julius had arranged the test for a Sunday; it’s the one day we shut the station down. There would have been no one around to see him, except for the security guard. He had fired up the small studio and turned on the single robotic camera and the lights. He would have been sitting in the mini-gallery that controlled lights, sound and camera. He had voice contact with Harriet and Ziggy throughout and I could hear his voice on the tape as he gave them instructions. He had somehow persuaded them that the only way he could gauge whether either of them had any screen appeal was for them to stage a seduction scene for the camera. Harriet was to be the seducer and Ziggy the reluctant lover.

The two women were sitting next to each on the sofa, both looking awkward. Ziggy was dressed in her usual jeans and a grey T-shirt. Harriet had dressed for the screen test and was wearing a cream wrap-over dress and boots. Julius told Harriet to start kissing Ziggy. Harriet made a move and kissed Ziggy on the mouth but Ziggy pulled away from her embrace. I heard Julius saying: ‘Come on, girls, that wouldn’t convince anyone. This is a dramatic scene. Make me believe it.’

That was when Harriet went for it. She held Ziggy’s face in her hands and pushed her tongue between her lips.

‘Much better,’ he said.

He told Harriet to take off Ziggy’s top which she did. Underneath Ziggy was wearing a scrubby little cotton bra that had been washed too often.

‘Now take off your dress too, Harriet,’ he said.

She stood up and undid the ties that held her dress around her and let it fall to the ground. Underneath she was wearing a pink lace bra with matching knickers. She kept her boots on.

‘Very nice,’ he said.

‘Now undo Ziggy’s bra, and do it slowly, as if you are loving every moment of this.’

Ziggy looked frightened at this point but still Julius’s voice was telling them what to do and that they should think of it as a play, they were only acting. Harriet fumbled with the back of Ziggy’s bra and dropped it on to the studio floor. Ziggy is such a thin little thing that she had no breasts to speak of. Julius told Harriet to lick Ziggy’s nipples and Harriet leaned forward and started to do this.

‘Take your bra off too and go skin to skin,’ he said.

She slipped off her bra and tossed it onto the floor.

‘That’s good. Now I want you to push Ziggy onto the sofa as if you can’t wait and pull her jeans off.’

Harriet and Ziggy exchanged glances at this and Ziggy gave a little shake of her head as if to say no, don’t do that.

‘Come on, girls. Don’t go all shy on me. It’s only a play. Convince me you’re having a good time.’

Harriet pushed Ziggy down onto the sofa, undid the zip of her jeans and pulled them off. Ziggy was lying on the sofa with just her knickers on looking up at Harriet who was leaning over her.

‘Now run your hands up and down Ziggy’s body as if you’re in the grip of a mad passion,’ he said.

It was painful, horrible to watch. The two of them were doing everything he asked them to do. Ziggy had closed her eyes as Harriet touched her and he kept saying: ‘That’s great, keep it going, keep it going.’

I turned the laptop off. I was amazed at how upset I was at Julius. I thought he could be horrible but not this, not this. I remembered all the times he had bullied me and my colleagues and made us feel small. But I had not had him down as a voyeur.

I went into the bathroom and cleaned my teeth and washed my hands thoroughly as if I was the dirty one. I recalled the gossip Gerry had told me. Maybe Julius is impotent and this is how he gets turned on. How hateful to trick the girls into doing this. To exploit Ziggy who has so little self-esteem. And to exploit Harriet too who must have thought that if she went along with it she would get an on-screen job. In spite of everything he has done over the years I would not have expected this. I had thought there was a decent man in there struggling to get out.

I went into Flo’s room and she was asleep. She’d left her tablet and her phone charging. Both were fully charged and I took the plugs out of the wall. I looked down at her face and wondered how I could protect her from all the predatory men out there. It was an impossible task. Ziggy’s face came to mind then, that expression as Harriet knelt over her and Julius was coaxing them to act out a sex scene. Ziggy has no living parents to protect her.

I put the purple memory stick into a wooden box which has a lock and key and locked it away. Julius had done it because he could; because he has power and he likes to exercise that power. But I have the screen test now; at last I have something on him. I could feel my anger and upset changing into something more like elation.

I slept fitfully and woke up twice through the night. I felt a wave of revulsion each time I recalled how Julius had found it a turn-on to watch two young girls undress and perform for him. Gradually I formulated what I was going to say to him the next day.

StoryWorld TV station, London Bridge

The show had started and after the first ten minutes had aired I could not wait a moment longer and told the director I’d be back before the end. I left the gallery and walked upstairs. I was filled with fear but also resolve. Martine wasn’t sitting outside his room so I walked straight in and shut the door. He was sitting on the sofa with his pad and he looked startled at my entry. I went and stood directly in front of his TV and launched straight in.

‘I’ve seen the screen test. It’s vile what you did.’

His face changed at once and he stood up and went to his desk. He pulled at the bottom left-hand drawer and it opened because Ziggy had broken the lock. He looked inside.

‘You stole it!’

‘How could you do that to them?’

‘You sneak into my office and you steal from my desk?’ His voice was incredulous rather than angry.

‘Two young vulnerable women; it’s sickening.’

‘Harriet, vulnerable? I don’t think so.’

‘And Ziggy? She’s had it easy, has she?’

‘It was a bit of fun.’

‘You can’t see how disgusting it was?’

‘I don’t suppose it would occur to you that one of them was a willing participant.’

‘Not for a moment.’

‘Harriet suggested they do the role play.’

‘I don’t believe you.’

There was a pause as he looked me up and down; his eyes travelled from my face to my feet and back to my face and it was unnerving.

‘You’re so naive, Liz, always have been. She’s a screwed up little rich kid who gets off on sexual games.’

‘No.’

‘Yes, and I’ve got that on good authority.’

‘She told me it was like being sexually assaulted.’

‘Bollocks! She’s play-acting.’

Martine had come back and she could see that there was a major confrontation going on between us and she knocked on the door. Her instinct was to support Julius and get me out of there but he waved her away.

‘I could have you fired for stealing,’ he said.

‘Oh yes? And I could show the screen test to Edward Dodd. I’m sure he would be
very
interested.’

That stopped him in his tracks.

‘You wouldn’t do that.’

‘Just watch me. If Harriet’s so happy about the screen test then it won’t be a problem, will it? But I know she feels violated by it.’

‘Crap.’

But I had got to him.

‘You know if I go down the station goes down,’ he said.

‘So you keep telling us. But there’s more to life than StoryWorld. I’m telling you how things are going to be. Simon will be promoted to assistant producer and becomes my deputy. I get a dedicated features crew one day a week. Ziggy is training to be a digital technician. The next job that comes up in that area goes to her.’

He stared at me and I knew that he was calculating how he could thwart me.

‘Impossible. I give you what you want and it screws the news budget,’ he said.

‘Tough. There are cheaper ways to deliver news. It’s non-negotiable.’

It was strange but I thought I detected a gleam of admiration in his eyes.

I walked downstairs back towards the gallery. I was shaking and sat in the atrium for five minutes to compose myself. For too many years I have placated and flattered and negotiated my way through conflict at StoryWorld. He had abused his power and had to be challenged, but I hadn’t played by my rules. I had blackmailed him. Earlier I’d tried to play it straight when I sent my email to Saul Relph and that had backfired. No, I had played by different rules this time, men’s rules. The feeling of power it gave me felt heady and alarming. I entered the gallery and watched the rest of the show as my heart settled into a normal rhythm.

I chose my moment to talk to Harriet and Ziggy. Simon and Molly had left for lunch when I asked them to join me in my room. As they walked in I saw them exchange nervous glances.

‘I watched it last night. It’s vile what he made you do and I told him this morning that I’m onto him and his sick little tricks.’

Harriet looked relieved and Ziggy giggled nervously.

‘I wish I could have been there when you told him that,’ Harriet said.

‘If he
ever
makes any approach to either of you again you come and tell me at once. OK?’