Woman on Top (13 page)

“We always knew that. We just didn’t know why, ” Zoe said.

The four of us began to laugh, which rarely happened during these lunches where we tried to transpose our legal skills to resolve conflicts onto the matter before us of Len.

“I used to occasionally tease Jake. I’d look at my watch and say, is it time, can we move back to New York today? He knew that the City was tugging at me. But Connecticut was perfect for when Chloe and Ben were little. They’re just not young kids anymore.”

“How’s Len going to react if you move to New York?” Rachel asked.

“I bet he’ll think you’re making a move on him. It will be all about him. His friends, his family will think the same thing,” Zoë declared.

“I don’t care. Appearances are not going to factor into my decisions,” I said.

“But is it about him?” Bonnie asked.

“He is kind of the elephant in the room, isn’t he? Am I moving to New York to be near Len? Yes and no. He’s a piece of my decision making but there’s so much more.”

Of course, I thought, I wanted to be closer to Len. But that wasn’t the only reason to get back to New York. I’d lived there for almost half my life already and it was the home I kept in my heart. If Len happened to live and work in Providence, I would definitely not be heading there.

“I’ve spoken to several headhunters and they’ve been optimistic about finding the right position in New York. The job opportunities in the City are good while the few that might be here are not the right opportunities or salaries. Janet jumping ship did it for me and I have to move on,” I said.

“What about Chloe and Ben? How will they react?” Bonnie asked.

“Not well at all. But actually Chloe’s in a crowd of friends I don’t like or trust. High school girls can be really nasty. As much as she would hate to change schools her senior year, she definitely needs to get her away from those girls. It would do her well in the long run.”

“Chloe’s a typical teenager now, spreading her wings. Your little trio won’t be intact for long,” Rachel said.

“But I want to make the right choice for my kids. I’ve al-ways tried to be their mother and father and make the decisions of both parents. Chloe was so sweet and surprised me on Father’s Day last year. She said I had been the best mother and father.”

“A man would move in this situation in a heartbeat because of the changes at work,” Bonnie said.

Rachel played with her bracelet as if they were rosary beads. Zoë could hardly sit still. Bonnie stared at me.

“So you’re moving?” Bonnie finally asked.

“Yeah, I’m moving.”

We sat there silently. My days at The Oasis were now numbered.

At dinner that night I broke the news to Chloe and Ben.

Chloe looked at me as if I had clearly lost my mind.

“What? We can’t move. What about my friends?”

“We’d live in an apartment? I can’t live in an apartment,” Ben said.

“Chloe, you have one more year of high school.”

“So wait one more year.”

“No, people at work are leaving and I don’t want to look for a job in Connecticut for one year,” I replied.

“I feel like a caged animal when we stay in Grandma’s apartment,” Ben added.

“You’ll get used to it, I promise. It’s how I grew up.”

“You can’t be serious,” Chloe demanded.

“Yeah, I am serious.”

“Why are you doing this to me?” Chloe cried as she headed for her room and slammed the door.

I sat there trying to console myself with the thought that since the kids had lost their father, I had always put their needs first. Now I was going to choose based on their needs, but also my needs.

“I’ve made a big decision,” I told Len over the phone.

“Really?”

“Now that Janet has left and my work is not the same, and Chloe has one more year till college, I want to move back to New York.”

Len was silent.

“It’s the right time. The kids have loved living here but New York will offer them new opportunities. And me too.”

“You realize how expensive it is to live in New York?” he asked.

“Of course I do.”

“And you’re ready to ante up?” he asked.

“Yes. You don’t sound very excited about me moving.”

“I question whether it’s the right thing and whether you’ve thought this out.”

“Right now, I’m looking for the next good job and that’s going to be in New York and not Connecticut. Remember, I’m supporting two children. I’m sure you can understand that my income and my career are crucial to me as a single parent. And hold onto your chair, but they’re also important to me as a woman. I’m moving. I’m coming back to New York.”

A week later Len, out of nowhere, changed direction.

“Would you and Chloe and Ben like to come with me to St. Bart’s for two weeks over the holidays?” Len asked.

“We’ll stay in separate rooms, right?”

“Of course. My kids can’t come this year by the way. All three of them are traveling somewhere abroad for the holidays.”

None of his children were available to spend the holidays with their dad? Of course, it was possible. Or maybe they just didn’t want to spend their vacation with us. Len would never tell.

We were scheduled to leave on December 21st, the day after my birthday. One week before our departure, Len drove to Connecticut for our weekly Saturday night date. As we sat in the living room talking, Len pulled out a small box wrapped in green foil paper and handed it to me. I slowly opened up the package and found a radar detector.

“This is for you, hot rod. Happy Birthday!” he squealed.

“Thanks,” I said.

And the night came to a close.

On the eve of my actual birthday, we drove to Len’s house in anticipation for our flight to the Caribbean. Late that night, as the kids slept and Len and I sat in the kitchen, he handed me a large red Cartier box, the same kind my gold necklace had come in.

“This is your birthday present,” he whispered.

Inside the box lay a dazzling platinum necklace with round brilliant diamonds that must have cost at least fifteen thousand dollars.

“I can’t believe this! Thank you. This is just gorgeous.”

He didn’t respond and I assumed he felt hurt. My failure to appreciate his sense of humor with the radar detector wasn’t sitting well with him.

Jake had only once splurged on jewelry for me. He paid twenty-five dollars for a pair of pearl earrings on my birthday our first year of marriage, a price dear to us at the time.

Along with the earrings, Jake had enclosed a card,

‘To Kate, my life, my love.’

When he died those were the words that went on his gravestone:

Beloved Husband and Father
Our Life, Our Love

So what was I to make of this necklace that Len gave me, albeit with no card? Rich men were notorious for handing out fabulously expensive gifts to their girlfriends, gifts that attached no significance other than to serve as a reflection of the donor’s wealth.

For the moment I chose to take the Cinderella route and just enjoy the moment. I never knew in my life when the clock might strike midnight.

Chloe looked beside herself the morning we were leaving for our trip.

“You realize this is going to destroy my social life. I’ll be away from all of my friends over the holidays. For two whole weeks.”

“It’s going to be wonderful. Warm and sunny and you can swim. And you’ll meet people there, people your age,” I said.

We left that morning in a stretch limousine, the only vehicle that Len felt would adequately suit our loads of luggage. Len, who loved to reveal his hand slowly, spoke not a word to us until the limo arrived at Teterboro, rather than Newark Airport. Since we had never seen the place, Chloe, Ben and I looked around as if we had landed on another planet.

“What’s going on?” Chloe asked Len.

“We’re taking a private jet.”

Ben quickly ran into the relatively small terminal.

The plane, chartered for a group of five of Len’s friends and for us, sat waiting. The chaos of Newark Airport, replaced by a tall flight attendant who greeted us with an enormous smile as we entered the small plane, seemed silly. This was surely the way to travel.

The jet was pristine, uncluttered with noisy strangers and serene. How many thousands of dollars did Len pay to transport the four of us? It was worth every penny from the looks on the faces of my children. Maybe those guys on Wall Street knew where money did buy happiness.

To describe the island and all of its luxuries would be to close your eyes and taste the pure pleasure of a melting sweetness on your lips. From the moment we landed, I knew my feet had never touched a heaven like it before. Resting on countless acres of white sand and green gardens, the Hotel St. Barth-Isle de France looked commandingly beautiful.

We watched the sunset at dinner each night from the beachfront restaurant with large elegantly set tables and chairs stuffed with thick pillows. Spas and athletic facilities sat near luscious hills overlooking the sparkling of a clear and blue ocean. A huge pool and Jacuzzi nested within a short distance from the ocean. We were miles away from anything resembling home, and nothing had ever been more delightful.

Days of relaxation and enjoyment became routine, as Chloe and Ben quickly made groups of friends. They relaxed all day in the sun, and Chloe then left to party at night, at least until midnight.

On our second day Ben began hanging out with a boy his age he met on the beach.

“You know who that guy is?” Len said as we sat on our beach chairs and watched the boy’s father walk over to chat with his son and Ben. The tall elegant man didn’t look familiar to me, but that didn’t surprise me at all.

“Not a clue.”

“He’s worth about ten billion.”

“Ben doesn’t care. Though the father might if he knew there are no billions in Ben’s family bank accounts.”

“He probably figures if you’re here, you have similar fortunes,” Len said.

“I do have a fortune, in ways that are not counted in dollar bills.”

“Oh please. That doesn’t pay the bill here.”

At dinner Ben let us know that he’d been invited to spend the next day on the yacht of this family.

“I can go, right?” he asked.

“What’s this boy like? Is he nice?” I said.

“He’s fun. They invited me. I can go, right?”

“Was the father nice?”

Ben rolled his eyes and left the dinner table to join other boys his age who were playing ball on the beach.

“The father probably is thrilled to have his son around a boy like Ben,” I said.

When Ben returned late in the afternoon the next day he seemed no different than the day before. Didn’t ask if we’d be getting a yacht or why we didn’t have one.

“How was it?” I said.

“Fun.”

“That’s it?”

Len seemed to enjoy watching Ben innocently making his way into this man’s world, one that Len had never entered.

With Chloe and Ben entertained all day, I was able to go for long runs on the beach and plow through several books that I had been meaning to read for some time. After a few days the resort slowly began to feel like a home, and even more exciting, the four of us started to feel like some version of a family.

Len predictably did not leave unknown to me the identities of the other countless sun tanned, designer-clad bodies that filled the hotel. Some of the biggest players on Wall Street surrounded us at meals, at the pools, on the beach. If anything was made abundantly clear throughout our two-week stay, I was the poorest one in the place.

On New Year’s Eve we watched fireworks explode at midnight and Len held me and said, “Let this be the year of Len and Kate.”

After a leisurely late breakfast the next morning, we went to check out and the front desk clerk handed Len the bill for our two weeks. Len put on his reading glasses and carefully reviewed the charges. I stood idly next to him, not even glancing at the bill. As he read the last page he peered at me and put me on notice. He handed me the final page of the bill.

Total charges: $75,000.

Jake and I knew how to make that kind of money last for our rent, food and living expenses for years at a time. I wasn’t quite sure what to do.

“Thank you,” I said as I kissed Len on the lips.

After two weeks of heaven in the Caribbean, we went home and I knew I had to sell my house, find an apartment, quit my job, find a school for Chloe and Ben and then pack up fifteen years of memories in my house. My fantasy vacation was over.

WINTER
1988/1989

CHAPTER 16

December

I
t was time to leave for the hospital. Transplant time. The cancer center expected us to show up at four in the afternoon. The car was loaded with the kids and my mother.