Women and Children First (23 page)

‘Shouldn’t White Star Line pay for this at least?’ Annie asked bitterly.

‘We’ll find out. Maybe they will,’ Seamus soothed.

When they got on the overnight train back to New York and sat down by the window, Annie felt the strangest sensation. All of a sudden there was a feeling of warmth, as if a blanket had been wrapped around her, and she felt very close to Finbarr, almost as if his spirit was with her. He didn’t say anything, but he was
there
, in the atmosphere.

‘I feel as though he is with us. Don’t you?’ she asked Seamus, searching his face to see if he was feeling the same thing.

‘He’ll always be with us,’ Seamus said, his voice husky. Could he feel the peculiar sensation she was experiencing? She wasn’t sure.

Annie sank back in her seat, not exactly happy but somehow cushioned from the worst of the pain. When she thought about it, she was glad she hadn’t found her son among those blackened, bruised, swollen bodies. She knew he was dead and there was no hope of him being found alive, but now she could think of him as he was: a perfect, beautiful boy, who had become a spirit in the air around them. He had come back to her. He was with his mother again.

When Juliette told her mother that Robert wanted to take her to Poughkeepsie to visit his stables, Lady Mason-Parker was pleased, because it looked as though her daughter was getting closer to this man by the day, and her discreet enquiries through the Duff Gordons’ New York friends had ascertained that he was an extremely suitable match. She had one concern, though.

‘When you see these horses, you know you are going to want to ride them. And you mustn’t. Not in your condition. How will you explain that to Robert?’

Juliette hadn’t thought of that. ‘Why can’t I ride? The only thing I mustn’t do is fall off, but I am experienced enough to prevent that.’

‘All that bouncing around in the saddle would be terrible for the baby. You could damage its brain,’ her mother replied.

‘I hadn’t realised you were such a great medical expert.’

‘I think I should come to Poughkeepsie as chaperone in case you are tempted to take any risks.’

‘No, absolutely not,’ Juliette forbade her. ‘I can’t bear the way you talk to Robert, always boasting about our family connections and titled ancestors. It’s vulgar. You embarrass him.’

‘I won’t be spoken to like this. Apologise at once!’

Juliette apologised, and managed to marshal all her skills of tact and diplomacy to talk her mother out of chaperoning her. In fact, she sensed that Lady Mason-Parker hadn’t really wanted to come. Since they had been in New York, her only outings had been to fashion houses, where she took the advice of Lady Duff Gordon, herself a noted designer, on replenishing her own and Juliette’s wardrobe. There were fittings to be attended, accessories to be tried, and Juliette found it very tiresome. She had to select the loosest styles to accommodate her growing waistband, and ignore all the sales girls who urged her to try the season’s new slim silhouette. It was embarrassing as they fussed around trying to fasten buttons and squeeze her into impossible sizes. Lady Mason-Parker revelled in it all, though, and had no interest in seeing any more of what the city had to offer.

‘I’ve taken a lease on a house in Saratoga Springs,’ she announced at breakfast one morning, looking over the rim of her teacup. ‘That’s in upstate New York. We’ll be leaving three weeks on Friday. I don’t see how you can keep your secret any longer than that. Unless, of course, wedding bells are in the air. Are they?’

‘Mother, you know they are not. Robert is a good friend and I refuse to trick him into marrying me.’

Lady Mason-Parker sighed. ‘Well, you can’t expect the “friendship” to be sustained through six months’ absence. He will find someone else to befriend as soon as your back is turned. There must be many a New York maiden who would be delighted to become Mrs Robert Graham. At the moment, you seem to have a good chance, but disappear for six months and you will lose any hope you might have had. In love, as in business, one must strike while the iron is hot.’

Juliette knew it was true. She had an ache in the pit of her stomach when she thought of Robert falling for someone else, but what could she do?
Oh, foolish, foolish girl!
Why had she ever succumbed to the charms of Charles Wood, which now looked so meagre compared to those of Robert Graham? When she was with him, she managed to put all thought of her pregnancy out of her head and simply live in the moment. But her mother was right to have taken a house for them. Living in the moment would not be possible for much longer.

When Robert came to collect Juliette on the day of their Poughkeepsie trip, a new worry struck her as she climbed into the back seat of his automobile. She hadn’t experienced any recurrence of morning sickness since they’d been in New York, but might a long road journey bring it on? How would she explain it if she started throwing up? Fortunately, it was a beautiful day so Robert’s chauffeur rolled the hood back and the fresh air staved off any nausea, although she was forced to clutch her hat all the way for fear of it blowing off.

‘We’ve had a letter from our relatives,’ she told Robert, ‘and I’m afraid we must leave the city to join them in three weeks. I’m sorry, because I have greatly enjoyed our time together.’

‘Where do your relatives live?’ he asked.

‘Just outside Saratoga Springs.’

‘But that’s perfect!’ Robert exclaimed. ‘My sister has some good friends who live there, and she plans to spend part of the summer with them. I will invite myself to join the party and then I will be able to visit you.’ He frowned, noting that Juliette had screwed up her face. ‘If you would like me to, that is.’

Juliette had to think on her feet. ‘I’m afraid that won’t be possible. You see, our relatives are very elderly and Mother and I have to assist them with some pressing business of a personal nature. We have promised to devote ourselves entirely to them in order to solve a particular family problem.’

He was puzzled. ‘Surely you will be able to slip away for a couple of hours of an afternoon? They can’t demand all of your time.’

‘But they will. Mother and I have already agreed we will not see anyone else. I’m sorry, Robert. I know I will miss you. But we can write to each other, if you are willing. I would so much like to keep in touch.’

Still he was frowning. ‘I can’t imagine why your relatives should be so selfish as to refuse to share you for a few hours. I will miss you too. I’ve never met a woman who has such intelligent, refreshing opinions on all kinds of matters. Most women concern themselves solely with fashion and society, yet you are interested in politics, world affairs, culture – I feel I could talk to you about anything.’

‘That’s a lovely compliment,’ Juliette smiled. ‘Thank you.’

It was true that they had wide-ranging discussions when they were together. They never ran out of conversation, or even had to force it. It flowed naturally, and at each meeting picked up where they had left off the previous day. One major conversational thread concerned the testimonies being given at the
Titanic
Senate Inquiry. They were horrified to hear of the string of small coincidences that had led to the sinking, either directly or indirectly. Because the officers’ roles had been changed shortly before sailing, no one had made sure the binoculars were in the lookout post so the lookouts had to manage without. It appeared that some of the iceberg warnings sent to the radio room had not reached Captain Smith. And, worst of all, it seemed that a ship called the
Californian
might have been near enough to have rescued all of
Titanic
’s passengers, but her radio operator had gone to bed and the crew on deck had not understood the meaning of the distress rockets they saw on the horizon.

‘At least we have clear consciences,’ Robert remarked. ‘I would hate to be accused of ordering the ship to sail at top speed, as Ismay has been, or of dressing as a woman in order to get into a lifeboat. Do you think that story could be true?’

‘I met Albert Howson, one of those accused of it, but I don’t know him well enough to speculate on how he might have behaved when his life was at risk.’

‘He denies it, and we should take a gentleman at his word, but it has certainly ruined any chance the Howsons might have had of being accepted in New York society. I hear they have returned to Canada.’

‘Are
you
a member of New York society?’ Juliette asked, with raised eyebrow.

‘My mother and sister are, so that makes me a kind of honorary member. But I am a huge disappointment to them, because I don’t often attend the opera, I don’t go to many of their interminable country weekend parties, and I have refused to marry any of their eligible daughters.’ He looked her directly in the eye at this, and Juliette blushed a deep shade of scarlet.

‘That’s very ungallant of you!’ She turned to gaze across the rolling fields, letting the breeze cool her reddened cheeks.

The drive to Poughkeepsie took almost two hours, but they chatted all the way and the time passed quickly. The chauffeur pulled into a large stable yard, and Juliette counted twelve horses leaning over stable doors, and several grooms at work.

‘Oh my, they’re beautiful!’ she exclaimed. ‘Just look at them.’ She couldn’t wait to leap out of the automobile and rush over for a closer look.

Robert led her around, introducing each horse in turn, and she stroked their noses and spoke softly to them. He told her which ones had pure thoroughbred pedigrees, which were top racers and which were retired. It was obvious from their glossy coats, their shining eyes and the impeccable condition of the stable yard that they were very well cared for.

‘In England most breeders get rid of their thoroughbreds when they can no longer race. You don’t choose to do so?’

‘I wouldn’t dream of it. They’re part of the family and have earned their right to a happy retirement.’

Juliette nuzzled each horse they came to, as Robert looked on. When they reached a gentle bay, he said, ‘This is Patty. She’s our calmest mare and I thought you might like to ride out on her.’

Juliette looked longingly. ‘You’re sure she won’t mind an unfamiliar rider? I don’t want to take any risks.’

‘She has never thrown anyone in her entire life. You would be the first! And I have a side-saddle you can use.’ He eyed her long skirt.

‘In fact, I much prefer to ride astride. I don’t suppose you have some breeches I could borrow?’ Back home, it was still considered somewhat scandalous for women to ride astride a horse, but Juliette hoped it would be more acceptable in America, with their history of renowned horsewomen such as Annie Oakley and Calamity Jane.

Robert grinned. ‘Somehow I thought you would. You may use my sister’s breeches.’

It was a tight squeeze to get into the breeches he offered and she had to leave the topmost buttons unfastened, but the hacking jacket she wore over the top disguised her belly.

As she mounted, it crossed Juliette’s mind to worry that her mother could be right and she might be damaging the baby’s brain, but the theory seemed far-fetched. She rode well and was bounced around little more on horseback than she was in an automobile on a bumpy road, yet no one worried about driving while pregnant. And soon, the dazzling perfection of the day and the congeniality of her companion pushed all anxieties from her mind. For the first time in months she felt a sensation of perfect happiness as she became one with the gorgeous animal beneath her, who was galloping through glorious countryside under a warm sun.

At dusk, it was time to stable the horses and drive back to the city. As Robert took Juliette’s hand and helped her into the automobile, he had a soft look in his eyes and his gaze lingered on her in a way that made her shiver with pleasure. She knew he was falling for her, just as she was falling for him.

‘I’d like to introduce you to my mother and sister,’ he said quietly. ‘Would that be amenable? Might I arrange it as soon as possible?’

‘I’d like that very much,’ she said, then bit her lip. If only this could have been a normal courtship. Robert was everything she had ever dreamed of in a man, but how could they be together with such a huge lie between them? She had been burying her head in the sand, but the moment was fast approaching when their romance would be disrupted and probably destroyed for good.