Wonderland (17 page)

W
e didn't talk as he drove. I was in shock. What did this mean? Aaron had kicked his heels off and slid on runners when we got into the car. He navigated through the city streets, finally pulling up to an apartment building. One that was just a block away from the hotel he clearly had never been staying at. He parked in a stall out back.

“This is it,” he said.

I didn't say anything as we got out of the car. With his heels and suitcase in hand, he took me up a couple flights of stairs (“Sorry, the elevator is out of order,” he said) to a small bachelor suite. I knew the furniture. It all used to be mine. Ours.

“So you're just all settled in, eh?”

He had the decency to look ashamed. “I'm going to scrub out. Make yourself at home.”

“Should be pretty easy, since all this was my home.” It was all I could do to hold in the anger.

“There's gin on the counter, if you want to make us a couple drinks.”

“This isn't a social call, Aaron.”

“It might make it easier.”

“It might at that.” He went into the bathroom and I went to the kitchen, pouring us both very generous gin and crans. I knocked on the bathroom door.

“It's open.”

Inside, he had stripped out of his outfit, and was bent over the sink. He was wearing just a black dance belt over pantyhose. His wig was on a dummy head on the countertop. Mussed boy hair, drag makeup, his smooth masculine torso, and then sleek pantyhose. I put the drink down and turned around. The visual was too disturbing. I left the door open though, and sat down on the couch. I could hear the water run as he began to scrub his face.

“Well?”

“Where do you want me to start?”

“Do you have Steven?”

“What? Don't be crazy, Alex.”

“Says the guy who quit his job to become a drag queen stalker.”

“When you left,” he said, “I couldn't stop thinking about you. What you were doing. If you'd found a happiness that you never found when we were together. It consumed me.”

“Did you try asking?”

“How do you ask that? How do you believe an answer? We tried to be friends, that first while, remember? But we fell out of touch, and I couldn't stand to see your Facebook posts about your new life. That's why I cut off all ties. I thought it would help me move on.”

“Clearly, it didn't work.”

“Clearly.”

“So how did you end up here, like that?”

“I saw a posting on some gay site, Wonderland looking for a new entertainer, and at first, it was just some impossible idea. I thought I could come up, and be this big star, and show you how exciting life could still be. And then I thought, why not? So I applied.”

“You'd never done drag before. How did you do it?”

“A lot of practice. Some online tutorials. Some pointers from queens at the bar back home.”

“And then?”

“Wonderland loved me.”

“So you quit your job and came here?”

“So I quit my job and came here. I had a pretty decent amount saved. You know how I am with money. I found this place on Craigslist and moved up, cutting off everyone back home. I went off the grid completely.”

“But why?”

“I wanted to see you.”

“I never went out those first couple years. How did you know I would end up at Wonderland?”

“I didn't know. I hoped. It sounds dumb, but I trusted in fate.”

“You're right. It does sound dumb.”

“But then my very first show as their new star entertainer, and there you were, in the front row, with your new boyfriend. It broke my heart, to see you so happy, and so in love.”

“Why didn't you leave?”

“I'd signed a contract. And besides, I'd cut off my old life. If you could make it big and happy here, so could I.”

“What have you been doing outside of drag?”

“I work part-time at this bookstore down the block. It keeps me busy.”

“What if I'd gone in and seen you?”

“Because you suddenly read?”

He had me there, I hadn't read a book for fun since junior high. “So you've just spent the last six months like this?”

“Yes. And once a month, I would see you, with Dinah and your new friends, and your new boyfriend, and you were still so beautiful. Are still so beautiful. It made me happy to see you happy, made me feel like I was still a part of your life.”

“That's crazy, Aaron.”

“I know.” He stood there, in the bathroom doorway, his face red from scrubbing, a towel around his waist, drink in hand. All traces of drag were gone, and it was just Aaron. “So what happens now?”

I
looked at him. It was just Aaron, but . . . it was Aaron. Six years, I thought. If it had been reversed, if Aaron had been the one to leave me, would I have just given up and accepted it? I couldn't know. I wouldn't have turned into a big drag queen though. How could Aaron's so familiar good looks have been so completely hidden by the Queen of Hearts's breathtaking beauty?

Or had I known all along? Was that why I'd always been so fixated on her?

“Alex, say something.” He sat down on the arm of his chair, where he always used to sit and read the paper after work.

“Close your legs, I can see your dick.”

He blushed and jumped to his feet. “I'll put on pants.”

“Good idea.”

I tried not to look as he changed, but I couldn't help it. As he bent over to pull on a pair of jeans, I smiled, seeing the dimple above his butt. “Commando, eh? I thought you didn't do that.”

He turned around as he did up his pants. “Hush you. So . . .”

“What do you want me to say? It's almost unbelievable. That you've been here all this time?” He sat down next to me on the couch and I was all too aware of his shirtlessness. Was there still a hint of lip liner on his face because his mouth was . . . I leaned over and kissed him. I could feel his body shudder as he pulled away.

“So you're not mad?”

“Mad? I'm beyond mad, I don't even know what to say.”

“Then why . . .”

“Don't overanalyze it. You always overanalyze it.”

“Look who's talking.”

“Hush you. But okay, wait a second, if you don't have Steven, who does?”

“I have no idea but do you really think I could do that to you? Not to mention kidnap and torture another human being?”

“No, but . . .”

“But what?”

“When I heard you spray-painted my door . . .”

He grabbed my shoulders. “Alex. I would never do that. I know how much you hate that word. I would never call you that.”

“Well, my neighbor saw you.”

“Did he? The neighbor you hate?”

“Well, we've kinda made peace.”

“I think we should go see this good friend of yours and find out what the hell is going on.”

“You swear you didn't.”

“Alex, I swear. The first time I was ever in your building was when I was with you. I didn't even know what apartment was yours.”

I raised an eyebrow. “You said that weird.”

Aaron looked away. “Well, I knew where you lived. I might have followed you home after a show one night.”

“Crazy!”

“Didn't you meet Steven by backing into his car?”

“That's different! I . . .”

“How is it different?”

“Well . . .” I couldn't come up with an argument to that one. “Let's go then.”

Aaron finished getting dressed and then we drove first to the club, where Brandon told us the gang had already gone home, and then he offered us a drink. I was feeling the effects of the super-sized gin and cran I'd just had at Aaron's, though, and more alcohol was, for once, the last thing on my mind. As we got back into Aaron's car, I said, “I'd give you directions, but you clearly don't need them.”

“Alex . . .”

“I think I'm entitled.”

“Maybe a little.”

“Crazy!”

“Hush you.”

We pulled up outside of my building, and as Aaron got out of the car, I froze. “What's wrong?” he asked.

“He hasn't called back.”

“Who?”

“Whoever has Steven. He knew I would see you, and he hasn't called back. I thought that something would happen tonight that would get Steven back, but . . .”

“Well, let's go up and talk to this Walrus. Maybe he knows more than he said.”

“Maybe.”

We got out of the car, entered the lobby, entered the elevator. As it went up, Aaron repeated, “I would never call you that.”

“I know,” I said.

“Just checking.”

The door opened on my floor and standing there waiting for the elevator was Allan.

“W
hat are you doing here?” I said, getting off.

“Came to check on you, is all. You left so quick.”

“Uhm, thanks? How do you even know where I live?”

“I came back with Walter. We were just worried. Look, I gotta go. Brandon's expecting me.”

“Okay, sure.” The doors closed behind him.

“That was strange,” Aaron said.

“Very strange. I mean, I do not get this kid. He's friendly then psychotic, then best friends again.”

“Drugs?”

“Definitely.”

“Speaking of which, I don't approve.”

“Hush.”

“No, no hush. You're too smart for that shit, Alex. I thought you gave all that up when we started dating.”

“I know. I did. I'm done with them. Again. Promise.”

“Don't promise. Just do.”

“Okay, okay, okay.” I knocked on Walter's door.

“Who is it?”

“Alex. From across the hall.”

“One second.”

The door opened. He just stuck his face in the crack, not even taking the chain off. “What's up?”

“Walter, this is Aaron. Aaron, this is my neighbor Walter.”

“Nice to meet you.” Walter stuck his hand out and they shook. “Is that all?”

“But you've met before, right?”

“No, I don't think we have.”

“But you've seen him?”

“Maybe, I don't know. Look, I have to go.”

He went to shut the door and I jammed my foot in. “Your porn can wait. Open this door right now.” Frowning, he undid the chain and I forced the door open. We stepped inside. “You know him, right?”

“Uhm . . .”

“Look, Walrus, I'm not kidding around here. Have you seen Aaron before?”

“I don't think so . . .”

“But didn't you tell me you saw me with him here the other night? Didn't you tell me you saw him spray-paint my door?”

“That,” Aaron said, “is what's known as a leading question.”

“Yes! I saw him. I . . .”

“You're lying,” I said. “You lied about the whole thing. You never saw him do anything, you never even saw me with him. What the hell is going on, Walter?”

He sat down on the couch and started to cry. “I didn't want to lie to you. Not once I realized you were actually going to try to make amends. I didn't know what he was going to do when I buzzed him in, and then, he said that if I told you it was this guy here, if I said I saw him do it, he said . . .”

“Said what? Who said what?”

“He'd let me blow him. And he's so pretty, and I've . . . I've never done anything with a guy before, and it seemed like such a small thing. When he showed me his dick, and it was so big and hard, I couldn't say no.” He was sobbing, and I was more than a little disgusted, and even though I was pretty sure who he was talking about, I needed him to say it.

“Who?”

“That guy Allan.”

“That fucking psychopath! I'll kill him!”

“Now, calm down, Alex.” Aaron put his hand on my shoulder but I just shook it off. I should've known he was involved in this, the way he'd come out of nowhere and the way he kept shifting mental gears between sane and a total lunatic.

“Why, Walter? Were you that hard up for dick? You had me convinced that Aaron was . . . that he had . . . I don't even have words. You're pathetic!” Walter was sobbing, and Aaron grabbed me.

“Alex, calm down, look at him, he's a mess. It was wrong but look at him.” Aaron held my face locked toward Walter, crying on the couch. There was nothing at all attractive about him. I was physically repulsed. I wanted to shake him, strangle him! He looked up at me, all teary-eyed and snotty-nosed and . . . The only time I'd ever seen anyone cry that hard was Taylor, the night he . . . No! I wouldn't allow myself to compare this sad excuse for a human being to that beautiful boy. . . .

But they were the same. Sure, Taylor had been so amazing and I loved him so much, but inside, he was broken and lonely, and this guy here, whom I'd called Walrus the whole time I'd lived across the hall, was just as broken and just as lonely, and he hadn't ever loved anyone like I had loved Taylor, Aaron, Steven . . . He was alone.

“Fuck!” I swore, frustrated that I couldn't blame him. “Why, Walter? Did he say why he was doing this to me?”

“No, I swear, he just . . . Alex, I'm so sorry. Aaron, you too, I . . .”

“Where was he going?”

“Home I think. He didn't say. What are you going to do?”

“I'm going to hunt him down and string him up by his balls! That kid has a lot to answer for. C'mon, Aaron!” I grabbed his hand and led him out of the apartment, ignoring the sounds of Walter sobbing inside as I slammed the door.