Worst Date Ever (Scandals #3) (19 page)

“So, how are things in the deep net?”

I jumped.  I hadn’t heard him walk up behind me.  “Okay, so far.  As soon as we locate the computer, we’ll be able to penetrate him and find out who’s behind all this.”  I spun around and looked up at him.  He hadn’t put on the same clothes he had been wearing.  Instead, a gray Austin Fire Department T-shirt was stretched over his broad shoulders while a pair of baggy sleep pants printed with Star Wars characters hung low on his slender hips.  If I was wearing that outfit, people would think I was homeless, but on him it looked sexier than hell.

Cody plopped down on the other chair and leaned back with his arms folded behind his head.  “I wonder why he sold just a few of the IDs.  By now he must have hundreds of files.”

“I wish I could figure that out.  It’s almost like some kind of weird cat-and-mouse game.  But then it turned ugly with Tamara’s murder.”

“And now the notes and the cyanide.”  Cody shook his head, clearly as baffled as I was.  “It’s gotten personal…and I can’t figure out why.”

“It doesn’t make sense,” I agreed.  “What do all of these things have in common?”

Cody was silent for a moment before saying the name that was on both of our minds.  “Michael.”  He glanced at the clock on the screen and yawned.  “You wore me out,” he teased.  “Ready for bed?”

“I want to stay close.  If the IP is identified, I want to get into it as quickly as possible.”  I was tempted, but I didn’t want to completely desert my post tonight.

“Really?”

“I owe it to Michael to find out the truth…even if it’s not something we want to hear.”

Cody didn’t try to hide his disappointment. He yawned again, then got up and headed toward his bedroom.  When I saw the light go off down the hall, I assumed he’d gone to bed, and I had to admit that I was having second thoughts.  Was I crazy?  There was nothing I’d rather do than run down the hall, rip off my clothes and jump into bed with him.  Soon this surveillance would end, and so would our intimacy.  He’d go on with his life, and I would go on with mine.  What was just a good time for him would be a lifetime memory for me.  So, why not give in and…?

It occurred to me that he hadn’t been very insistent.  He could have tried a little harder to persuade me.  Maybe he didn’t really care one way or the other and just wanted some sleep.  Or maybe…

Before I completely destroyed what little self-confidence I had, Cody returned with two pillows and a plump comforter in his arms.  “My shift is catching up to me.  I’ll just park myself here.” He threw down the pillows and a comforter behind my chair.  “Just wake me up if anything exciting happens.”  He wiggled his dark eyebrows.  “Or if you should want to join me and make some excitement.  I brought an extra pillow.”

“Tempting.”  And I meant it.  “I’m going to stick with this for a while, but I’m not sure I’ll be able to stay focused with you napping at my feet like an overgrown Irish wolfhound.”

Cody laughed.  “Wolfhound?  I prefer to think of myself more like a Saint Bernard…cuddly…rescue minded and when time permits, I carry the party with me.”

I chuckled and watched as he spread the comforter on the floor, dropped the pillows in place, then stretched out on the makeshift bed.  He reached out and grasped my ankle tightly. “Night, Tulsa.”  He nodded toward the spare pillow and his lips slid into that sexy crooked grin that always sent tingles shooting through me.

“Goodnight, Cody,” I said, my voice uncharacteristically soft.

I forced my attention back to the screen, determined to at least appear to be focused.  I didn’t want Cody to think I was an easy lay, in spite of our earlier love making.  After a few minutes, a soft snore assured me he had fallen asleep.  I tried to entertain myself while keeping an eye on the screen, waiting for
Yukon King
to track down his quarry and deliver him to me.  I took out my phone and played a few games, then surfed the internet until my eyelids starting drooping.

I decided I needed to move around a little, so I carefully stepped over Cody’s sleeping body.  He had thrown the comforter off and was lying flat on his back with his arm across his eyes.  I was touched that he wanted to stay close even though he was obviously exhausted.   He looked bigger all stretched out on the floor, and I couldn’t help but notice that his fly was gaping open, almost revealing the treasure inside.  I ignored the rush of desire that flushed my cheeks and hurried to the kitchen.

Cody had a fancy single-cup coffee maker, and it took me a minute to figure it out, but soon I had a mug of dark hot coffee which I carried back into the office.  I was hoping Liberty was getting lots of sleep because I needed to grab a nap when she got back here, hopefully tomorrow.  I sipped the coffee and stretched my eyes wide, struggling to stay awake.

I checked the
Yukon King
progress and pinged TOR and a few other deep net nodes that likely would serve as entry points for the BOT.

I glanced back down at Cody who was smiling in his sleep.  I remembered a dog one of my foster families had.  It was an old black Labrador retriever and every time he slept, his legs would move like he was running.  I figured he was probably dreaming about some big rabbit he had chased or maybe a cat.  Whatever, it was, he was reliving a highlight in his life.

Cody’s dream was obviously a happy one.  I couldn’t help but notice that his dick was hard and threatening to pop out of that open fly. Penises are an odd muscle.  My limited experience told me they could contract and almost disappear under the right temperature and environment and extend to a length of six to ten inches when excited.  Cody was well endowed, but in the darkened light of the living room it looked like his dick had grown to well over a foot.

It felt weird to be staring at his fly, hoping for a slip.  I started to swivel back toward the computer when a movement caught my attention.  Curiosity made me look back, and sure enough, his penis moved, then popped out.

I froze, a scream lodged in my throat.  It wasn’t his cock, but the triangular head of a snake that stuck out of his pants.

Fuck!  A snake!  Somehow it had crawled up his pants leg and found a warm spot.  Oh God, I was too frightened to think clearly.  What if it’s poisonous?  I remembered hearing that vipers had triangular heads, which this one did.  What if it bit Cody…there?
Stay calm…it hasn’t bit him yet.

Instinctively, I knew not to move too quickly or make any sudden noises. I dared not wake Cody up.  He might startle the snake, and even though Cody’s junk didn’t belong to me, I didn’t want it injured.

Google!  Maybe it would tell me what to do.  Slowly, I picked up my phone and typed
light brown Texas snakes
into the search bar.  Hundreds of pictures flashed on the screen.  I tied to ignore my own terror of snakes and searched the images until I found a snake that looked like the one cozied up in Cody’s crotch.  I clicked on the photo and an article filled the screen. 
Copperhead.  Poisonous.  Aggressive.
  The words jumped out at me.  I wheeled the cursor down the screen.  Names, range, habitat, how to build a cage…shit…where was the instructions on how to get one out of your boyfriend’s pajamas without destroying his manhood.  Boyfriend?…where did that come from?  Never mind, new website.  Oh here…
the copperhead does not flee when it is startled. Instead, the snake will freeze in its current position. This is why copperhead bites are so common
.  Fuck…bad news.  Another website…YouTube video.  Did I have four minutes to watch?  Keeping the volume low, I skipped through the introduction and got right to the important stuff. The man kept emphasizing two points.  Do not excite the snake and grab it firmly behind the head. Shit!   Really?  Grab it? 

I looked around.  There was nobody here but me.  I slid a quiet look at Cody’s groin area.  The snake seemed content to lie there but his pink forked tongue kept flicking in and out and his freaky pale brown eyes looked evil.
What if Cody rolls over or puts his hand down there?
 
Hurry. Back to the computer.
 
What’s in these drawers?
  I opened the top drawer.  Pens, USB sticks, a notepad covered in scribbled notes, probably about the game.  I eased the drawer shut and opened the one to my left.  Tools.  Oh my God…a hammer, several screwdrivers and pliers.  Large channel lock pliers. I picked them up and opened them as wide as they would go.  They extended to about three or four inches wide.  That’s big enough, right? 

I knew I’d have just one shot.  Will they close enough?  I fumbled with the adjustable channels until I found the right setting for the snake’s neck size to be sure I could nab him and squeeze them shut tightly enough so he couldn’t get loose.  One shot.  Oh, and I had to miss grabbing Cody’s penis.  No pressure.

I slowly turned around and opened the channel locks.  I decided it was going to be a two-hand snag as my fingers were too short to hold both handles in one hand.  The snake was still looking the other way…for now.  I slowly leaned forward and hovered, trying to keep my hands from shaking.

I sucked in a deep breath, then leaped forward.  I clamped the jagged jaws of the pliers around the snake, just behind his head and squeezed the handles.  In the same smooth motion, I ripped the snake out of Cody’s pants.  Cody came off the floor before he was fully awake.  He struggled to focus on me, standing in front of him, holding a writhing snake at the end of the big pliers.  Cody started to jump back, but nearly tumbled to the floor with the comforter tangled around his legs.

“What the fuck?” he yelled.  “That’s a snake!”

“No shit…where do you want me to put it?”

“What…where the hell did it come from?”

“Your pants.”  The snake was curling around the channel locks, his tail getting closer to me every second.  “I’d like to get rid of it…now.  Bathtub?”

“No, outside.” Cody ran to the sliding door that led to the patio.  He pulled the door open and yelled.  “Throw it over!”

“Really?”

Cody didn’t hesitate.  He grabbed the channel locks, easily able to grip both handles with one hand.  He ran to the rail and tossed the snake, pliers and all, over the edge and down to the parking lot below.  There was a crash and a car alarm went off.  I approached the rail and we looked over at the snake, still wrapped around the clamped channel locks on the hood of a Mini-Cooper.

“Think he’s dead?”  Cody’s white-knuckle grip on the railing told me how he felt about snakes.

“You’re a fireman, for God’s sake.  You go into burning houses and cars to save people.”

“What?  Burning houses and cars don’t have fangs and deadly venom.  Where did it come from?”

“I told you…it crawled out of your pajama bottoms.  At first I thought you were having a really naughty dream, but then it stuck its head out.”

Cody’s expression was understandably horrified.  He automatically reached down and grabbed his package.  “Fuck!”  He went to the kitchen, pulled his pants down and sprayed his crotch with antiseptic cleaner.  “Shit, that stings…I guess it’s not meant for genitals.”  He tried to wipe it off with paper towels while hopping around.  “I’ve gotta take a shower and get cleaned up.”

If I hadn’t been so amped up, I would have laughed.  Actually, now that it was over, I was feeling a little hysterical.  I didn’t blame him for wanting to take a shower.  I hadn’t even had that yucky creature next to my skin, and I felt dirty.

He hurried down the hall, and I headed back to the computer to check on the deep net search.

I had barely sat down when I heard Cody yell.  I ran down the hall to his bedroom and found him standing frozen while two more Copperhead snakes crawled from his bathroom and into his bedroom.

“Let’s shut the door and close them in here,” I suggested.

Cody backed out of the room and closed the door firmly.

“What the hell, Tulsa?  One snake is crazy…but three?  Or more?”  He was stunned.

“Should we call 911?”

“Let me start with my captain.”

We went back to the kitchen, turning all the lights on as we passed, searching the shadows for more snakes.  We clung to each other and dodged every shadow.  Cody grabbed his cell phone off the desk and we both climbed up on the granite-topped island.

“I hate snakes,” Cody muttered. 

“I don’t blame you.”  One more thing we had in common.  I shivered at the thought of that nasty snake writhing in the grip of those channel locks.

“It’s not very heroic.” He was clearly embarrassed by his reaction.

“Hey, even Indiana Jones hates snakes.  And you can’t get more heroic than Indy.”

He glanced at me and the corner of his mouth lifted into a grin.  “I guess I might as well admit that clowns freak me out, too.”

“Yeah, so what?  Clowns terrify everyone.  Tell me something that’s a surprise.”

He was still for a moment, staring directly into my eyes.  “This is the best first non-date I’ve ever had.”

“Me, too,” I admitted.  I couldn’t stop smiling when I was around him.  How very un-Tulsa of me.

Cody dialed his phone and put it on speaker.  On the third ring, his firehouse captain answered.  “Captain…hey, it’s Cody.”

“Cody.  You’re up late.”

“Captain, I’ve got a problem.”