Worth the Fight (Accidentally on Purpose) (9 page)

And there’s Emmy…

I wasn’t with Emmy, and even though I sometimes had some very intimate and even emotional thoughts about Em, I wasn’t sure if we would ever be able to be anything more than what we already were. The pain of what she did was still there in the background.

“And here I thought you had a pair of balls,” Vivian sighed after I didn’t respond to her.

She started to turn back around in her seat, but before I even knew what I was doing, my hand was on her thigh. Vivian looked up at me as if she had just won a motion in court.

A half hour later I was following Vivian into her tow
nhouse. There were no offers for a drink or any casual conversation. I pushed her up against the wall as soon as the door was closed and pushed her skirt above her thighs as I planted my mouth on hers. I set the pace, letting her know that no matter what happens in the court room, as far as our sexual relationship as concerned, I was the judge and jury.

I won’t lie and say that I didn’t enjoy the sex, because I did. I am a man, after all. Vivian liked letting go of the reins in the bedroom, but when it was all said and done and I was on my way home to Lucas and Emmy, guilt pulled me down. If ci
rcumstances were different, I would have been going back to Vivian for seconds and thirds, but regardless of how I tried to categorize my relationship with Emmy, I felt like I betrayed her. I didn’t like how that felt, and I didn’t know it at the time, but later this was going to bite me in the ass.

Chapter Ten

Lucas put his little hands on Emmy’s face and squished until she made a funny face, accompanied by a cute little squeal. Lucas laughed that deep belly laughter that only little kids can do and then Emmy laughed with him. He did it again and again, entertaining himself, his mother, and those who watched them.

Emmy’s laughter rang through my ears, dripped down into my heart, and spread throughout my body, making my fingers tingle and small currents of electricity dance up and down my spine. I had not heard more than a little chuckle from her in more than a year and a half. Even genuine big grins were hard to come by from this haunted woman, but even those couldn’t beat this beautiful laughter. I didn’t know that I missed it until I heard it.

I watched, riveted as Lucas made Emmy laugh repeatedly until something else caught his attention. I wished that I could have heard it a little bit longer, but my crazy kid was already toddling over to a toy another child abandoned moments before.

We were in a bookstore on a Friday morning, four months after Emmy started working with me at the firm. It was our first family outing since the day after Lucas entered my life. It wasn’t planned that way, but Emmy had been taking Lucas to the bookstore once or twice a week since dropping her hours to part time, and I asked to tag along. I had gone to get Emmy one of those frozen coffee drinks and stopped several feet outside of the children’s area to watch and listen to her laugh. Now that it was over, I stepped back in as if I had not just been creepy staring guy.

“Thank you,” she said with a brief smile, as if she wasn’t just laughing a moment before.

I winked at her and sat down beside her on a tiny chair to watch Lucas playing with another small child. Well…Emmy watched Lucas. I kind of watched Lucas, but every few seconds I would look at her. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail, but a few loose strands hung around her face. She had on tight jeans, a pair of brown high heel leather boots, a white t-shirt, and a leather jacket that matched her boots. She looked incredible and she smelled so damn good I was tempted to run my nose over her skin and inhale until I had my fill of her mind altering scent.

“I can’t believe he’s one,” she said with a sigh.

I nodded, acknowledging that I not only heard her but agreed with her.

“It’s been a long seven months,” I said.

Her shoulders slumped some, though she didn’t look at me. I knew what she was thinking about. She was thinking about the fact that I only had seven months with Lucas while she had a whole year, plus the months she was pregnant.

“He grew so fast,” I said quickly before she could start creeping back into herself. “And my nieces and nephews grew so fast. Can you believe CJ will be going into eighth grade?”

She smiled a little. “He thinks he’s such a grown ass man,” she said.

I laughed at my nephew and his idea of “swag.”

“It’s not just the kids that are growing,” I said. “My firm is growing at a faster rate than I thought was possible. You really did some miracle work, Em. In a matter of months you turned my shit hole firm into a respectable place.”

“Miracle work is an understatement of proportions too large to fathom,” she said with a teasing gleam in her eyes.

“I am so very glad that you are so very humble about this,” I said.

“There are so many things I’ve screwed up on in life,” she said gently. “But I am an administrative goddess.”

I chuckled as I watched her struggling not to grin. “I suppose you want me to bow down and kiss your boots?”

“No, but a crown made out of paperclips would be aw
esome.”

I laughed again. Even though she was so low key from the person she was capable of being, she made me laugh and smile, and often.

“Are you looking forward to Lucas’s party?” I asked her.

She let out a sigh of exasperation. “Is my mother still i
nvited?”

“Of course she is.”

“No, not so much then.” She looked at me pointedly. “That party is out of control, you know that right? You know that you went overboard?”

“He’s my first son,” I argued. “And he’s perfect. Of course I went overboard.”

Lucas’s party was going to be a big bash. We were having it at my sister Lorraine’s, and pretty much everyone we knew was invited. Emmy just wanted to have something small. She said Lucas was so young, he wouldn’t remember it ten years from now anyway, but I overruled her and went all out. I invited all of her family from Louisiana, Donya, Mayson, everyone that worked in the firm plus a few other friends and their families, and of course our entire Chicago family, including her brother Emmet and his wife and son who had just recently moved to the Windy City so that Emmet could work in my firm.

“This party is so big that we had to take off all of today to prepare,” she chastised. “By the way, I don’t see how you’re going to get too much done sitting here in the bookstore watc
hing our son chew on baby books that already have god only knows how many other babies’ DNA on it.”

I jumped up and snatched the book from Lucas’s mouth. I didn’t do anything funny, but he thought it was hilarious and giggled. I scooped him up into my arms and planted a kiss on his forehead. I couldn’t get enough of this kid.

I reached my hand out to Em to assist her out of the chair. She looked at my hand as if it was a foreign object. I wiggled my fingers, insisting that she take my hand to get up. After a few more seconds she took my hand and allowed me to pull her to her feet. There was no ignoring the charge of energy zapping between our enclosed hands. I just barely stopped myself from gasping. I know she felt it, too, because her eyes grew wide for a moment and then it was over. She pulled her hand out of my grasp.

“Thanks,” she mumbled and made herself busy picking up her big pocketbook slash diaper bag.

“No problem,” I managed to say.

We walked out of the store, quickly falling into convers
ation about all of the things we needed to do for the party, but I didn’t forget the feel of her hand in mine.

*~~~*

Fuck me.

Emmy stepped out of the bedroom and my jaw dropped. I quickly closed it while she was busy smoothing the green dress that stopped several inches above her knees. The neckline dipped just far enough to give a little peek at her cleavage, but it covered enough to be suitable for a child’s party. The dress was snug on her body, not grotesquely tight as some women tend to wear their clothing, but it complimented her curvy shape. She wore a pair of dark brown heels that gave her an extra four inches in height and beautifully displayed her bare legs. Her brown hair hung loose across her bare shoulders and down her back and though her makeup was light, it was complimentary to her naturally smooth skin and gorgeous eyes.

I had seen Em in all states of undress in recent months, and I had seen her wearing some very attractive outfits, but the way she looked for Lucas’s party beat them all. She was breathtaking, just absolutely beautiful.

“Can you zip me up?” she asked, turning her back to me.

“Of course,” I said, stepping towards her.

I couldn’t stop myself from checking out her ass just b
efore I gripped the zipper between my fingers. Holy hell, I was literally inches from her bare back, only inches away from expertly unclasping her bra and peeling her out of this dress.

I zippered her quickly and stepped away before my ere
ction poked her in the ass.

“There you are,” I said and turned away before she could turn back around. I picked up the bags we needed to carry with us to Lorraine’s in effort to hide my erection, leaving Emmy to handle Lucas.

The first hour or so of the party Emmy seemed a little withdrawn. I was sure I wasn’t the only one who noticed it. Too many of her smiles were forced, and she just didn’t seem to be having a good time even though she was surrounded by so many people that loved her and Lucas. I knew it was her first really big gathering since before she took off for Europe, but I really wanted her to enjoy herself. Though there were a lot of kids running about and a lot of loud talking and laughter, and even though her mom was there, I expected Em to at least try to enjoy herself. It was a pity that she looked so gorgeous but awkward at the same time.

I followed her to a corner of the room where there weren’t too many people around.

“It’s a great party,” I said as we watched one of her nieces playing with Lucas across the room.

“It is,” she said and bit her lip.

“What’s wrong, Em?” I asked with a sigh. “Why aren’t you enjoying yourself?”

I thought for sure she was going to close down on me, but she looked at me and sighed before taking a step closer so that she could speak in a lower voice. Her scent wafted over me, adding to the visual I had before my eyes and I was temp
ted to pull her to me, but I kept my hands at my sides. We were just friends. My wicked thoughts about her lately were going to do nothing but cause trouble we didn’t need.

“It’s just…” she started and then sighed again. “Lucas isn’t the first grandkid. In fact, he’s nowhere near the first grandkid. None of my siblings had a huge party for any of their kids. I feel so…weird…guilty even for throwing this big bash for my kid – even though you’re technically the one who threw it.”

I opened my mouth to speak, to try to ease her mind somehow, but Samantha stepped in out of nowhere. Where the hell did she come from?

“Well, nobody thought you would ever have any children or settle down,” she said. “That's why this is a big deal.” She began to move away, but then she added “I'm talking to both of you.”

“I guess that's true,” I said, feeling a little embarrassed. “My mom and sisters thought that about me at some point.”

“I didn't know that,” Emmy said, looking at me with c
uriosity. “You seem very much like the settling down type.”

Oh shit, this was uncomfortable. I didn’t want to discuss this with her. I never showed her that part of my life. She gave me a look that demanded I speak, but I was reluctant, too relu
ctant. To my surprise, Emmy reached out and pinched the hell out of me.

“Damn it!” I blurted out and took a step back from her before she could do it again. I sighed and told her. “I played the field...a lot. I had a different girl on my arm every other month.”

“I didn't hear anything like that back in Philly,” Em said with some suspicion. “You had two steady girlfriends over the years.”

What the hell? Did she not count as a girlfriend?

“Correction,” I said to her. “I had
three
steady girlfriends over the years.” I gave her a pointed look. “The first two were always on and off, not as steady as you think. And there were more before and between.”

“Oh,” she said, and frowned.

I knew what she was thinking. I just knew. She was thinking about the fact that she was number three, and she was thinking about the bad things she had done. I spoke up before she could begin to spiral back down into herself again.

“The second woman, Vicky, she was basically just a di
straction,” I said before I even knew I was going to say it.

“From what?”

Oh shit.

I put on my man face and said “From number three who didn't yet know she was going to be number three.” I walked away from her, in a hurry to move away before I said anymore stupid shit.

Stupid shit or not, something I said had made a difference. Within the hour, that beautiful sound that curled around my heart yesterday drifted across the room and made me stop in my tracks to look at the mouth it had come from. Emmy stood with Mayson and Donya, laughing, smiling, and talking animatedly. I had not seen this Emmy in so long, I had begun to wonder if she ever existed. When her eyes briefly met mine, she didn’t withdraw her smile, though it was meant for her friends. She allowed me a full moment of that wondrous site and it made my heart nearly leap out of my chest.

I returned the smile and looked away.

*~~~*

I woke up early the following morning to use the bat
hroom, but as usual I checked on Lucas and Emmy while I was up. I was going to go back to sleep, but Lucas was standing up in his crib, looking at me expectantly. I knew there wasn’t any chance for me to sleep in any longer. Emmy was knocked out and snoring lightly. Too many of her nights were spent in terror. I preferred for her to get some rest, so I plucked Lucas out of his crib and took him into the living room where he wouldn’t disturb his mother.

“You want some breakfast, buddy?” I asked Lucas.

“Eat?” he asked, patting the head of the stuffed whale I had given him seven months ago.

“Yeah, let’s eat,” I said and ruffled his blond hair.

He followed me into the kitchen, speaking in his own language. I pretended to understand and responded as I prepared a bowl of cereal for him. It was some toddler cereal Emmy found in the grocery store. I don’t know why she just didn’t give the kid Cheerios. Out of curiosity, I used Lucas’s little toddler spoon and tasted a spoonful of the cereal. I wish I could have seen my face when the taste hit me. It was disgusting, but as a real man, I chewed and swallowed that shit, mindful never to try it again.