Worthy of Me (4 page)

Present Day…

The day progressed without much of a hiccup. The patrons were easy going and the regulars struck up conversations. Aiden was helping Lucas at the bar while I helped the girls with the waitressing. Rebecca no longer worked at Kingston. Her excuse to Aiden was that she felt threatened by the staff. When Aiden questioned us, I just shrugged my shoulders saying I hadn’t had much of a confrontation with her. Veronica backed me up while Dianna had a drink in honour of her departure. Sadly, Rebecca was not missed.

The bell over the door signalled someone’s entry and I turned to greet them, only to find Haley standing there with her arms folded across her chest.

“Hey, can I get you a seat?” I asked with a smile on my face.

Haley glared at me with contempt. “So you’re here too? What are you desperate for Aiden’s attention that you filled in the opening spot immediately?”

“Actually Aiden asked her to join this establishment, before your minion left due to feeling threatened,” Dianna cut in.

“Mia isn’t desperate for Aiden’s attention, and why would she be when he showers it on her without her asking,” Veronica continued.

“And furthermore, you and Rebecca need to get it through your hair-sprayed heads that I am not in any way threatened by the likes of you,” I finished. “Now would like to be seated or do you want to stand there like a watch dog?”

Haley was fuming. There was no doubt about that. This girl really had it bad for Aiden.

“I want to see Aiden!” she spat.

“Well he is busy at the bar as you can see, so run along and find a seat to wait or stand there. Whatever,” I rolled my eyes and moved on.

A few minutes later I was at the bar getting an order for table two when I heard Haley’s whine.

“But Aiden, it’s really important!”

“Not now Haley, I’m busy. I’ll catch you some other time,” Aiden mumbled distractedly while making a drink for a patron.

“Aiden, come…”

I walked over and smiled at Haley, ignoring her glare. “Excuse me, Miss, but I think you should either find a seat or leave. As Aiden said, he is busy right now.”

Haley opened her mouth to say something but she caught Aiden mouthing a “Thank you” to me with a relieved look on his face. Anger clouded her vision, she took one step towards me and I tilted my head as an invitation. I let her stare into my deep green eyes letting her know that I was prepared for anything she threw my way.

Haley spun around and stomped her way out of Kingston, slamming the door behind her. I had a feeling that I had just made an enemy.

Aiden’s hands travelled from my ankles up to the tops of my thighs where my sleep shorts protected my most intimate parts. That didn’t deter him from his journey though. Instead he flattened his hand and ran it underneath the material. His fingers caressed my folds through the cotton of my panties making me moan out aloud.

“You like that?” he rumbled in a deep lust filled voice.

“Yeah,” I panted like one of those bimbos on a porn video.

“Then you’re going to love this…”

He slipped his finger under my panties and touched my—

I shot up from bed, out of breathe and sweating despite the drop in temperature.
I touched my hand to my clammy skin, my sheets twisted around my legs and damp from sweating.

“What the hell,” I whispered into the silent room.

The dream was so realistic that I honestly thought I would find Aiden in my bed. This was bad news. Really, really bad news. I had to get him out of my mind. Aiden had given me a home and a job, sleeping with him would just complicate things and make me feel bought at the same time. I had to go out tonight and meet some random guy just for the night.

Yes. I was going to do exactly that.

I grabbed my phone off the bedside table and typed out a group text to Dianna, Veronica, Abigail, Lena and Jennifer. The text simply said;
Girls night needed. Tnyt!

I immediately received texts with the affirmative. Tonight I was going to sex aide out of my mind. I blew out a breath and rummaged through my closet for some sweats and a tank. Grabbing my cosmetic bag I headed down the hall to the bathroom. Before I could reach for the knob, the door swung open and so did my mouth.

Aiden looked scrumptious. His hair was wet and pushed back as if he had run his fingers through it to get it off his face. His bright blue eyes glittered with amusement and heat. His plump lips looked soft even more so as he furiously bit into the flesh of his bottom lip. I tried distracting myself from that erotic view only to encounter a panty-moistening sight. His body was defined by cut abs, a trail of dark hair started just under his belly button pointing down south to the towel which happened to be tented.

“See something you like?” he raised his eyebrows not at all embarrassed about Mr. Happy saluting me.

I swallowed hard. “Uh…”

Aiden smirked, took a step towards me gifting me with the scent of his soap. He adjusted the towel almost letting it drop. “Oops,” he said innocently and walked down the hall to his bedroom as if he hadn’t just reduced me to a puddle of whore-moans, uh, hormones. 

I took in a deep breath. Damn. I really needed that girls’ night out.

Stat!
 

Club Rage was one of Houghton’s hotspots. I recognised several faces Tech and a lot of Kingston regulars too. I doubt anyone would recognise me though, Abigail decided to make me look like a girl. I wore a tight blue pair of skinny jeans and a white tube top that bared my midriff. My hair hung in tight curls around my shoulders and my face had minimum amount of make-up.

As soon as our group stepped into the club every single head turned our way. The twins dressed in leather cat-suits, Abigail had a skin tight sequined red dress, Lena went with the plaid skirt and knotted shirt, and Dianna was in a traditional LBD. All in all, we looked hot.

“To the bar,” Dianna cried out.

The bartender had nothing on Lucas but he was straight and a looker. At this moment his gaze was riveted on Lena. She batted her eyelashes at him and next thing you know we all walked away from the bar—free drinks in hand.
I had a diet coke in my hand while the girls drank some sort of green liquid. I wasn’t a fan of alcohol after everything I went through. We found a table with a clear view of the floor, I watched in amusement as the girls drank shots as if their lives depended on it. Hearing me laugh a dangerous glint flashed in their eyes. Uh-oh.

I was dragged onto the dance-floor. The heat of bodies and the smell of sweat hung heavy in the air, the dry ice machines didn’t make it any better. A woman sang about clarity making my hips move involuntarily. Within seconds I had my eyes closed and my hips swaying to the beat.

A pair of hot hands clasped around my midriff. My eyes shot open and I found myself staring up into the crystal blue orbs of one, Aiden Kingston. I opened my mouth to say something, but he touched a finger tip to my parted lips. He trailed his finger across my lips before dragging it down my neck, collar bone, between my breasts, over my cropped tube top, and down my belly. Finally he grabbed my hips and pulled me flush against his body.

His damp t-shirt clad chest plastered against my sweaty skin, his big hands gripped and squeezed my ass, I could feel his arousal through his jeans against my hip, and his face pressed into my neck.

He bent his knees and swayed me. My eyes fluttered closed while Aiden practically had sex with me through way of dance. Liquid pooled low in my belly and I wanted nothing more than to rip his clothes off and have him inside me.

“I can’t stop,” he hissed through his teeth.

I stared up into his eyes and I found a question in their depths. He was asking me whether he could do the very thing I was dreaming of doing with him. I wanted to nod. I wanted to give in. I wanted him.

But my past chose that time to flash through my mind.

Mia, you’re the type of girl a guy can have fun with. Nothing more. There’s just too much baggage surrounding you. You wanna make out or have sex then I’m your guy but if you want more; you’re gonna have to wait for a miracle.

I let go of Aiden and stepped back. Aiden stared at me with another question this time. He wanted to know what was wrong. He thought I was going to put out for him but now I was walking away.

You’re a fucking tease, Mia.

I blinked hard. I would not cry. I hadn’t cried for almost two years. I wasn’t going to start now. I shook my head at Aiden and bolted out of the club.

When you grow up thinking you were never enough... it stays with you, reminding you that no matter what you do it will never be enough,
you
will never be enough.

Seven Years Earlier…

I met a boy. I think I was in love with him. We spent all our time together. He was practically the reason my mom had stopped hitting me and actually became closer to me. He was like a prince charming; in fact that’s what I will call him.

I had a best friend at the time. She meant the world to me. Her parents had stepped in for me at the most important moments. Once her mother had brought her mom when my mom was beating me against the door, mom was trying to hold me steady while trying to get the top half of our kitchen door to slam in my face, my best friend’s mom was horrified and had immediately put me in her car and taken me to their home. She took care of me and made sure she put salve on all my bruises. She even held me in a way I wished my mom would. My best friend’s dad had treated me like his own daughter. He helped me with school work, gave me advice about boys and even helped me with a career choice and how to go about making the right choice for me. They filled the empty spots where my own family was supposed to be. Hell even my best friend became the sister that both of mine couldn’t be.

They were my family.

So when my best friend told me that Prince Charming probably only wanted one thing from a girl as young as me—I believed her. She would never steer me wrong. She was more versed in the world of boys and partying than I was. Prince Charming was much older than me but I could talk to him. I could tell him how I felt about the things going on in my life. I could tell him my hopes and dreams. He listened. He cared. And I fell in love.

Soon he became an important part of my life. We spent so much time together, with his family and mine. We were never anything more than friends, but deep down I felt more than I should for a friend.

My best friend became distant and that sent me into a panic. What did I do? Did I unconsciously stop paying much attention to her and she felt the need to let go? I tried to mend things but there was nothing else I could do.

Soon even Prince Charming did the same. I had no idea what was happening. Or maybe I did, my mind and heart probably didn’t want to face the facts. I don’t think either of them could handle it. I don’t think either one of them wanted to believe that I was going to get hurt by people I loved…again.

Which is why I pretended like nothing was wrong. Nothing at all, I couldn’t lose the two people I had come to depend on. So three months later when my best friend admitted that she had feelings for Prince Charming and had kissed him and professed their love for each other… I pretended.

Because you see, by that time I was so good at pretending that it felt like second nature to me. I pretended it didn’t hurt, I pretended to be happy for them, I pretended to be in love with someone else, I pretended that it didn’t cut out a piece of my heart each time I had to watch them be all lovey dovey in front of me, and mostly? I pretended that those new thin lines along my wrists were just scrapes from a tree outside. I pretended like it didn’t hurt when he kissed her in front of me at my birthday party. I pretended that I was so in love with this new guy. I pretended that I couldn’t see how I was using and hurting that guy. I just kept on pretending.

I had found a new way to come with my pain. It was the comfort my mother’s sewing needle brought every time I swiped it across my skin leaving thin trails of blood behind. I would flirt with the idea of going a little deeper but I was a coward, I didn’t want to die. I was a glutton for punishment, I wanted to live and endure the heartbreak of waking up every day to know that I wasn’t good enough.

I wasn’t good enough for dad to stay behind.

I wasn’t good enough for mom to love and spend time with me.

I wasn’t good enough for my sisters to help me deal with alcoholic abuse.

I wasn’t good enough for a guy to love me and not my best friend.

I wasn’t good enough for my best friend to be true to me.

I. Wasn’t. Good. Enough.

Present Day…

Aiden had upped his pursuit of me. Somehow he got it in his head that he wanted me. I knew he just wanted a night with me and after that it would all be over. Our relationship would be awkward and soon I’d have to move out and look for another job. I couldn’t afford to do that so I devised a plan of my own.

Find someone else to put my interests into.

It was the only logical solution. I was doing this for the best anyway.

I had just come out of the shower, dressed in sweats and a tank. The heat was turned up in the house and Aiden was still passed out from another night of partying at RAGE. It had been a week since our seductive dance and his new antics. Sadly for him I was a master at playing the game he initiated, I knew how to stand my ground.

I rolled my wet hair into a messy bun and headed downstairs to start the coffee and make breakfast when a knock sounded on the door. I glanced at the time, it was 10a.m. Without checking through the peephole I swung the door open. Only to wish I had peaked through first.

There stood a shocked Haley dressed in what had to be the shortest skirt and tightest top I had ever seen. It was almost zero degrees out according to me, and this chick was parading in almost nothing.

“Where is Aiden?” she shot out.

I was so close to laughing because her teeth chattered as she tried to talk. The chilly air swept over my body making me shiver, so I stepped to the side without a word and she stomped passed me. She fully intended to head upstairs into Aiden’s bedroom but stopped short when he stumbled downstairs half asleep in nothing but a pair of boxer-briefs.

He looked at me with those naughty bright blue eyes and said, “Morning, Sunshine.”

I gestured with a tip of my head to the person he had completely ignored, or maybe hadn’t seen. He turned a narrowed gaze in Haley’s direction. “What the hell are you doing here?”

I winced at the irritation in his tone especially when I saw the flash of pain and embarrassment in Haley’s gaze. I shrugged it off and mumbled that I was making coffee and if anyone wanted some they should come to the kitchen.

To my dismay they both followed.

“Seriously, Haley, what are you doing here so early in the morning dressed like that?”
Aiden asked while frowning at her ensemble.

“I… uh… Rebecca told me she saw you at Rage last night and that you were pretty hammered. I just came to check if you were okay,” she stumbled over her words and sounded like a two-year-old.

I shook my head and turned around to make the coffee.

“Well, I’m fine. I don’t mean to be rude but you need to leave. I have a day planned out for Mia and
I, so…”

Aiden let that word trail out
and I watched as both embarrassment and anger clouded Haley’s features. Aiden the dumbass was creating a whole heap of trouble for me. Haley muttered her goodbyes and made a hasty escape.

“You realise that now she and her minion will make my life hell at school, right?” I glared at Aiden.

“I always did love a good girl fight,” Aiden grinned as I handed him his cup of coffee, I had a good mind to poison the damn thing.

“Dude, me fighting over another chick for some guy would never happen,” I snorted.

“Please,” Aiden scoffed. “Every single girl out there has had to fight over a girl for a boy.”

I shook my head. “Not me. I’d rather let him go than fight for him.”

“Why?”

I shrugged. “If your friend is true to you she would respect the fact that you have interest in a guy. If the guy is true to you he wouldn’t encourage the friend. So basically if it comes down to a fight it means two things. One, the guy obviously encouraged the friend thereby being unfaithful. Two, the friend obviously didn’t care enough about the friendship to stay away from the guy. So therefore why fight for someone who wasn’t really worth it at all?”

“Is it really your place to say whether or not someone is worthy of love?” Aiden asked.

I stopped for a moment and thought back to everything I had ever experienced. “No probably not.”

We lapsed into a silence when I felt the need to justify my earlier statement.

“I just, I don’t agree with friends falling in love with the same person. There too much room for catastrophe. I feel they should just stay away from someone who is bound to cause that much trouble.”

Aiden raised his brows at me. “You say that like you can control who your heart falls for. History proves that you can’t. Your heart wants what your heart wants.”

“That may be true.
But you have a fully functional mind which knows when it should follow the heart’s desire and when not to. When it is right and when it is wrong,” I replied.

“Mia, can you honestly say that you have never followed your heart?
That you’ve never ignored the What Ifs and went with what your heartbeat told to you to?” Aiden asked.

I stared off into a distance remembering how many times I followed my heart and how many times it was shattered. Shattered to a point where I gave up feeling anything at all. I glanced at Aiden with a smile I was sure he would interpret as sad.
Wistful, even.

“I don’t have a heart to make those kind of decisions, Aiden, I have an organ and it beats but not for the right reasons.”

After I dried my hair and straightened it, I decided to get some homework done considering I had nothing else to do today. After our little heart to heart, Aiden had silently left the kitchen and sat in front of the TV. In a way I knew that what I had said affected him on some level. He wanted me and he was convincing himself that what he knew of me now, was who I really was.

It wasn’t true. I wasn’t the girl with the no-shit-taking attitude, I wasn’t the girl who sat with friends and partied with them, I definitely wasn’t the girl who trusted and believed in things like love.

I was just a person so desperate on surviving and making a life for myself, that I had no care as to whether I would be alone for the rest of my life or whether I would have someone to share everything with.

A knock startled me out of my thoughts and I found Aiden dressed in smart jeans, boots, a thermal shirt and a leather jacket. His hair was set in his usual floppy style.

“We’re going out,” he announced.

“Really?”
I clapped my hands together in glee and then dropped the act entirely. “No.”

“What? Why?”

“I’ve got homework to do, assignments due, things need to be done!” I snapped.

“You’re lying.”

“I’m not!” I was.

Aiden shook his head. “I’m not asking you to go for an open brain surgery, I’m asking you to get that hot body of yours into something presentable and seat yourself in my car and go somewhere with me.”

“Aiden…”

“Mia…”

I sighed. “Fine, give me a few minutes.”

I slipped on a turtle neck jersey top, my leather jacket over it, skinny jeans and flat boots that reached my calf. I looped a scarf around my neck and slipped a beanie over my head. I felt like a snowman. Somehow I hoped wearing so much of clothes would banish any thoughts Aiden had of taking me out of them.