Would You Like Magic with That?: Working at Walt Disney World Guest Relations (21 page)

If I didn’t know the answer, I needed to know how to answer the question anyway. How so? Brett would point at a building and say, “Hey, Annie, what’s in there?”

Even though I didn’t know, I couldn’t hesitate with not knowing. I’d have to say, “You know, that’s a great question, and I’ll get that answer before the end of the tour.”

It was during this training that I also learned the four most important words to a Disney tour guide: “According to Disney legend…”

As Christopher explained it to us one day, “You can put ‘According to Disney legend in front of anything, and the guest can’t argue with you about that! Because who’s to say you’re wrong, when you’re describing something
according to legend
? According to Disney legend, Walt was actually a vampire! He’s not around to disprove that anymore, is he? And what are the guests really going to do, fight you on something
that’s according to Disney legend
? Hell, no. They’re going to think they’re learning some top-secret information, and go home and tell all their friends. So remember, guides, if you’re ever stuck, and really need to make something up on the spot, just begin with, ‘According to Disney legend….’”

That was the best piece of information I ever received. A lot of Disney history is, in fact, just passed down, from one cast member to another. And all of it, in the end, is according to some Disney legend. Who’s to say it is or it isn’t true? It’s all
according to legend
.

Training took place during the last two weeks of August, so it was unbearably hot as we walked around the park. It was really only preparing us for what was next: walking around the park, for five hours, in a wool costume. Nothing about that screams “fun”.

On the last day of training, we all had one-on-one sessions with both Christopher and Brett, as they told what we were good at, and what we still needed to work on, with the tour. Both of the guys felt confident with me. They explained that I knew the material, I was good at capturing the audience’s attention, and I was lively. The only thing I could work on, really, was my speech pattern. See, I talk really fast. So both Christopher and Brett agreed that I could slow down just a tad during my long monologues in the park. I explained that it was mostly due to excitement, because I talk really fast when I get excited. And I was excited about doing this tour.

Before I could become a full-fledged Keys tour guide, I needed to pass a written test and lead an actual tour. The written test was easy. I passed with flying colors. The actual tour, was a little bit harder.

The only way to really figure out if the new guides were ready to give a Keys tour was to have them do a Keys tour. We were all scheduled to do a tour the week after we finished training. Along with us for the tour, though, would be another seasoned Keys tour guide, who already knew the tour, and would be able to judge if we were ready, or if needed more time. The guests weren’t told that we were brand-new guides, and we were told to act like we had done the tour a million times before. It felt like I had already done the tour a million times before, so that wasn’t a problem.

And besides, I knew all the information. I was fine.

The seasoned tour guide who was assigned to go with me on my tour was Kate. You know, the same one who trained me for Celebrate Greeter all those months ago. The same woman who I was really excited to meet, since she had given me my first Keys tour almost a decade ago. I thought it was fitting, and kinda cool, that she was now assessing me.

She seemed unfazed by the entire thing, and showed up to the tour in an oversized, stained t-shirt. Kate told me she was going to take notes during the tour, and would tell the other guests she was a Disney blogger, which is why she would be furiously writing away.

Like I had done in training, I showed the guests how to set up their earpieces so they could hear me through the microphone clipped to my shirt. I then started my introduction.

Yes, I was nervous. But I was trying not to let that show. I know I stumbled over a few things here and there, but that’s just what happens when you’re addressing a group of twenty guests in a crowded theme park. I thought I was doing perfectly fine on the tour, and the guests were talking to me, asking me questions, interacting with me, and laughing at my lame Disney jokes. I felt on top of the world; I had this strange adrenaline rush. That’s what kept me going through the entire tour, and I wanted that feeling to stay forever.

Every now and then I would see Kate in the back of the group, scribbling something in her notebook. Sometimes she’d go a few minutes without writing anything, and other times she’d barely look up from her notes to watch me point something out. I incorrectly mentioned the premiere of
Snow White
as 1941, but thirty seconds later I corrected myself with a laugh and said, “Oh, no, it was 1937; 1941 was
Dumbo
!” and literally none of the guests noticed I had messed up in the first place.

When we got to lunch, I was seated at a table with Kate and a few other guests. This was the most awkward part of the tour, because I had to pretend that I didn’t know Kate, and yet carry on a conversation with her, and everyone else, as if we had never met before. This didn’t faze Kate whatsoever, because she was already pretending that she didn’t know me. Just before it was time to go, she got up and disappeared into another room at Harbour House, telling me she had to make a phone call.

I said, “OK, Kate,
oh sorry
, some guest I’ve never met before!”

After lunch, we went to Haunted Mansion. Then toward the Castle, and then backstage and down some stairs in to the Utilidor. I noticed that Kate wasn’t taking notes anymore. I thought this was weird, but I wasn’t going to ask her about it in the middle of my tour. She continued to hang out near the back of the group, looking completely disinterested and bored. I decided to ignore her.

After the Utilidor, we came up on the other side of Main Street, behind Tony’s Town Square. I had decided to end my tour back at the train station, the same place I had begun five hours ago. I brought my guests over, did my final spiel, and everyone clapped. I took a bow.

“Now if I can have your attention please,” Kate stepped forward into the group. “I just thought you all should know that this was Annie’s first tour ever, and she did a great job.” Kate grabbed my shoulder and squeezed it.

The guests were shocked. “Your first tour? You were so good!” some of them yelled, coming forward to hug me (it was odd) and shake my hand. “That was marvelous, keep up the good work!”

Slowly each and every guest disappeared away into the crowd. Soon it was just Kate and I.

“How about you go clean your headsets. I’ve got to go talk to Jennifer.” Kate hurried away into City Hall.

I took the listening devices backstage and began the slow, tedious task of cleaning them. I had to dismantle the ear piece from the radio headset, wipe them down with antiseptic wipes, and then neatly place them all back away in our giant tour cabinets. The process took me about twenty minutes, but it felt like forever. I didn’t mind, though, because I had just completed my first tour and I felt on top of the world.

I made my way inside City Hall and walked upstairs, still feeling pretty great about myself. Another cast member who knew I had just completed my first tour high-fived me.

The door to the tour office was slightly closed, and I pushed it open with a big “I DID IT!” I know I had a huge smile on my face.

Inside Jennifer and Kate sat huddled together. When they saw me come in, Jennifer jumped up. “Here, we’re going to go into another room and talk so we can shut the door,” She grabbed me by the wrist and led me across the way into the office for the area manager. He was gone for the day, leaving his office vacant. Kate followed us. She shut the door to the area manager’s office once we were inside.

“Have a seat.” Jennifer pointed to one of the couches. She sat down across from me in a big table chair. Kate leaned awkwardly against the door.

Something was off. “Is everything OK?” I asked.

“No, not really, and oh god—” Jennifer looked pained. She looked from me, and then to Kate, and I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what was going on. Had something happened during the day? Was everything OK in Guest Relations? What?

“I hate to do this, Annie. I do. You know how much I love you. We all love you. But we don’t think you’re ready.”

“Ready? For what?”

“Ready for the tour,” Kate said, as bored as possible. “You made a lot of mistakes out there, and I don’t think you’re ready to be a tour guide.”

“Wha-what?” I stammered.

“Kate called me during lunch and told me that you were having a lot of trouble with the tour. She said you were messing up facts and rambling on about other stuff.”

I looked at Kate, who refused to make eye contact with me. “It was my first tour. I know I messed up a few things. But it was my first tour!”

“Kate thinks you messed up more than enough. She doesn’t think you’re ready.”

“What did I mess up?” I yelled at Kate. I could feel the tears coming.

“Lots of stuff. Lots of dates, and you kept getting information wrong on Jungle Cruise.”

“And?” The tears had arrived.

“And then I realized that you weren’t ready to be a guide, and could use a little extra training. I stopped taking notes, actually.”

“The tour got better by the end! I got better!”

“Not exactly.”

Jennifer shot Kate a look. Kate was being mean.

“Sweetie, we love you. I want to see you succeed and become a guide, but now’s just not your time.” Jennifer got up from her chair and came to sit next to me on the couch. “We’re going to figure out what to do next.”

“Will I have to go through training again?” I spat out in between sobs. I couldn’t deal with another two weeks of training.

“Oh no, dear, not that. We won’t make you go through training again. We’re going to do different things instead for you, to make sure you’re ready. We’ll have to reassess you, OK? This isn’t the end of your Keys adventure. It’s just like, we’re hitting the pause button for right now. You’re going to be a Keys guide.” Jennifer threw her arms around me and pulled me in for a hug. I cried into her shoulder, while Kate stood against the door. She pulled out her phone and started punching at buttons.

“I want to know
what
I messed up. I want to know where I messed it up and what I said and did wrong, so I don’t do it again!”

“If I had to guess, I’d say you only got about 40% of the tour correct.” Kate moved from the door and sat down in Jennifer’s vacant chair. “And I think I’m being generous.”

“Kate, how about you go wait outside?” Jennifer urged, as politely as possible, before adding with a whisper, “You’re not making this better.”

I heard the door open and close and Kate disappeared. I continued to cry.

“I don’t know what I did wrong. I know it wasn’t my best tour. It was my first tour! How can Kate say I’m not ready?”

“There, there,” Jennifer patted my head. This was like the scene in
Cinderella
, where Cinderella’s dress has just been destroyed by the ugly stepsisters and Cinderella cries hysterically in her Fairy Godmother’s lap. That’s what was happening here.

I probably cried for close to fifteen minutes. Every time I tried to talk, no words came out. I felt like I had not only failed myself as a tour guide, but I had failed Walt Disney, too. Is that weird? Maybe. But I felt like I had let him down as a guide, because I couldn’t remember a string of information and teach guests about his magical world. That’s why I was crying the most. I was crying for Walt.

Eventually, Jennifer made me get up and handed me a few tissues to clean my face. She led me back into the hallway and immediately into the tour office. Kate was sitting at the computer, playing a game online (on Disney.com, no less).

“Do you want to go over the tour with Annie?” Jennifer asked her.

“Hmm?” Kate paused her game and looked up at us. “Oh yeah, the tour. I guess I could.”

Kate brought me into another office and proceeded to tell me everything I had done wrong on the tour. She nitpicked to an insane degree. She made me feel awful, foolish, and stupid. She made me want to quit being a cast member right then and there, pack up my bags, and go home. She couldn’t tell me anything I had done right on the tour.

Throughout the whole thing, I wanted to ask her if this was some joke. Was I the butt of this joke? Nothing made sense to me. She read through the first few pages of her notes, barely touching on much of anything, other than that I “wasn’t ready”. That’s what she kept repeating again and again. I wasn’t ready to be a guide, but she never gave me solid, concrete evidence as to why she thought I wasn’t ready.

I’d ask for specific things I had said or done that made her believe that I “wasn’t ready”, but she couldn’t pinpoint many of them. Plus, she had stopped taking notes after lunch, and so she couldn’t even comment about anything that happened in the afternoon.

“Was my Haunted Mansion spiel alright?”

“You started off OK, and then things went nuts.”

“But
how
?”

“You need to learn how to become a guide, and stop saying things because you think they’re ‘funny’.”

Kate brought me back to Jennifer’s office, where I cried some more at her desk. She tried her best to keep all other tour guides away from her office, to give me some time to cry. Also, I begged her not to tell anyone else about this. I was embarrassed. I didn’t want any of the other tour guides — especially the ones I had trained with — to know Kate had failed me. Jennifer was able to keep most of them away, but a few stuck their head into the tiny room to ask Jennifer a question, and saw me sitting there, hunched over in a corner, crying into my blue vest. They didn’t even need to ask what was wrong. They knew.

Jennifer walked me to the bus after my shift was over, and told me that tomorrow would be better. She told me to go home, get my favorite food for dinner, and climb into bed early. I had already been scheduled for tours all through next week (since it was assumed that I would pass) so she explained my schedule would look different tomorrow. She had to pull me from those tours and give them to a tour guide who could really do it.