writing the heart of your story (6 page)

You may be like Marquez and feel you need to labor over that first page for a long while before taking off, but I think for most writers that will only be an exercise in stalling the inevitable—which is to get to work and start writing. Okay, since I’ve aroused your curiosity, here’s his first line: “Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliana Buendía was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover ice.” This is a perfect example of introducing a protagonist and jumping into the start of a great scene.

Use a Pencil; Resist the Eraser

I don’t mean this literally, unless you really do like to write your scenes with pad and pencil. What I do mean is that it helps to rough in the first chapter and get the basics down (remember those pesky ducks?), knowing you’ll revisit it many times throughout the writing of the novel to tweak it more in line with the developing voice, style, pacing, and themes you draw out and tighten along the way. My first chapters are always a little over-wordy and clunky, and rarely ever start out the gate with a brilliant hook and opening paragraph. I often come back later and hack about half of that chapter away, or just rewrite the whole thing. But your aim for this first scene should be to get those essential elements in at least in a rough way.

Think about
. . . a novel you’ve read that had an amazing, powerful first chapter. It may not have the punch that Optimus’s special story had, but no doubt you can think of some novel that got you so excited you dropped everything to keep reading. If you can get a hold of that book and reread the chapter, then pay special attention to the details and elements that so moved you. Think how you can do something similarly in your first scene. Jot your observations down in your notebook.

Whether you’re just beginning your novel or have a first or second draft you’re working on, think about your audience and how the tone and style of writing is suited (or not) to that readership.

Chapter 7: The Hook of the First Paragraph

“The whole point is to hook people and keep them interested.”

~actress Penelope Miller

We’re now continuing our look at the rest of the items listed on the First-Page Checklist. Some of these elements will be explored in greater detail in later chapters, but because they need to show up in your first scene or two, we’ll go over them a bit to be sure you understand what they are and how to present them so they will lead to the heart of your story.

I’m going to hear some groans and objections when I say there are three things that really should not only be in your first scene but specifically in your first paragraph. You can’t always do this, but if you can, you are starting your story off with a bang.

Three Things You Should Have in Your Novel’s First Paragraph

That first paragraph is probably going to be the hardest one to write and polish since it carries the biggest burden in your novel (and the last paragraph in the book carries the second biggest burden). It’s fine to just throw something out there to get started, knowing you’ll come back and make it much better. But before you can write that first paragraph, you should know what your first scene is going to be about—and it has to be about some specific things:

* Your protagonist. Unless you are writing a prologue (if you really must) that involves some other characters, you want that first scene to showcase your protagonist. Why? Because you are clueing your reader to pay attention to this particular character right from the start. Your reader will assume the first character they are introduced to, with the scene being told in their POV (point of view), is your protagonist and the one they will want to root for. There are exceptions to this, of course, but as a general rule, this is the time-tested and best way to start.

* A catalyst or incident. Your opening scene should start off with a bang, with your protagonist in the middle of something that we sense has been going on for a while. Insinuate a conflict, a problem, some tense situation that puts the protagonist right in the heart of a scene that will be the perfect milieu to showcase her humanity, needs, fears, dreams, or whatever it is you want to reveal about her to the reader at the start. This incident or situation should provide a great platform for your MDQ and plot goal. This is why you need to spend some serious time thinking about the setting, locale, and situation of your first scene.

* A hint of the protagonist’s core need. This is essential. Basically, you want to introduce a character who has a visible goal (as we’ve gone over)—but what does that translate to? That she has a need. Hence, the reason she has a goal. If Indiana Jones’s goal is to get the Ark of the Covenant, it’s because he has a need. Now, in a different story, his need may be to get enough money to pay the rent and what is motivating him is his desire not to be homeless, so he’s driven by a need to survive by going after a reward. Or his need could be for fame, for humanitarian purposes, to impress a girl—the list is endless. It’s your story, so you should know why your protagonist wants to reach that visible goal. So hint at what that is. Even though that visible goal may not be clearly established until the 25 percent mark of your novel, that first paragraph needs to begin setting up the need that will be the core motivation for that goal.

Now, I’m not suggesting you have to write a three-page first paragraph to get all this in there. In fact, that first paragraph may tell us very little and just give us a great hook and introduce your character in some compelling situation (at very least you need that). But you do need all this on your first page—at least a hint of this. It’s doable—really! And essential to the heart of your story.

Hook ’Em on the First Cast

If you look at your First-Page Checklist, you’ll see that the first three elements I just discussed—introduction of your protagonist, a catalyst or incident to put her in that showcases her, and a hint of her core need (linked to her visible plot goal)—actually cover a few more things on the checklist. I haven’t talked about the hook, and rather than thumb through some great novels and give you a long list, I would encourage you to do that and think about how effective these first lines are. But I will give you a couple of “catchy hooks” (sorry about the pun) that stick out in my mind (below).

Hook, Line, and Sinker

What is a hook all about anyway? It’s a line that snags your reader and pulls him into the story. Often someone flipping through your book or looking at the first page online at Amazon.com will read just the first few lines. I have heard agents and acquisition editors say that they will pretty much decide to either stop or continue reading based on that first sentence, or possibly the first paragraph. Yikes! So, that first line should be a doozy and one that really makes an impression.

As I said before, don’t get so hung up on writing that first paragraph that you don’t move forward. You will probably come back and rewrite it, unless you came up with an opening line ages ago and now you’re finally putting that bit of brilliance in place. Sometimes as we’re writing our novel a great first line will come to us. Other times we’ll find a great first line somewhere on page three or four. When I went back in after completing one of my recent novels to chop away at my boring, extra-long first chapter (and this is usually the only chapter I do this with), I found a catchy, compelling first line on page two. I pretty much eliminated everything before it and started there.

It doesn’t matter when you come up with that great first line, but, in the end, you will want a terrific one—and you should not settle for less. Your reader will expect it.

A Couple of Great First Lines

That first line should be intriguing, and if it doesn’t specifically name your protagonist, it should have a feel of being in her POV and something that’s important to her. I keep thinking of Harry Dolan’s first novel
Bad Things Happen
(that won one of the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award contests). This is a suspense novel with intrigue and murder in a stylized voice that is refreshing and wonderful. Here’s the first line: “The shovel has to meet certain requirements.”

As you can see, it doesn’t introduce the protagonist, but it arouses curiosity. Why in the world is a novel opening with the discussion of a shovel? What will it be used for? The next lines in the first paragraph answer that question . . . to a point (pardon my pun): “A pointed blade. A short handle to make it maneuverable in a small space. He finds what he needs in the gardening section of a vast department store.”

Of course, the reader has read the blurb on the back cover so knows what the book is about and what the genre is. This type of opening is perfect for Dolan’s audience: mystery-suspense readers looking for something a bit noir or macabre. I think this is a great hook because it is full of microtension—meaning, it raises your curiosity and gets you to wonder about this character and why he needs a shovel. Obviously the shovel must be important, and we suspect it will be used for something creepy and not related to gardening. And off we go, reading on.

Another great first line comes from
The Lovely Bones
by Alice Sebold. This story is told in first person, so it automatically introduces the protagonist through her voice. “My name was Salmon, like the fish; first name, Susie.” What the reader catches right away is the past tense: My name was Salmon. What? Did she change her name? You find out in the next line: “I was fourteen when I was murdered on December 6, 1973.” Right away we’re intrigued, as we realize this story is being told by a girl who is dead—and not just dead but murdered.

How about Richard Matheson’s great first line in
I am Legend
: “On those cloudy days, Robert Neville was never sure when sunset came, and sometimes they were in the streets before he could get back.” Here’s a perfect example of what I advised earlier stating what writers should have in that first paragraph (or sentence): an introduction of the protagonist, showing something of a conflict or inciting incident, and the character’s core need. Need I say more?

Keep in mind, then, that the opening hook may require two or three sentences. But don’t stretch it. A hook is a quick snag, not a long haul. The shorter and catchier you can make it, the better.

Think about
. . . looking at your first paragraph and seeing if you have all three things listed above in there. Or at very least on your first page. However, the closer to the first paragraph you can get with these elements, the sooner you will grab your reader. Pull out a few of your favorite novels or thumb through some books at the bookstore and read the first paragraph. See if some of those best sellers have these elements in the first paragraph, and examine the ones that really catch your attention. Why do they work?

Play around with your novel’s first line. If you have a few you are toying with, throw them out to some friends of family members to get a reaction. Maybe that will help you hone it so it’s just the right opening line for your book.

Chapter 8: A Few More First-Scene Essentials

“Words mean more than what is set down on paper.

It takes the human voice to infuse them with deeper meaning.”

~Maya Angelou

Because I will be going into more detail in part two about characters—who are truly the heart of your story—I only briefly want to touch on the necessity of giving something to your reader in this first scene to make him “like your protagonist,” as it’s listed on the First-Page Checklist. Regardless of whether your novel follows a hero/heroine type or a “dark protagonist” (a negative character, which is very popular these days in paranormal and urban fantasy novels), you really do need to make him likeable or empathetic.

Many manuscripts I critique show protagonists who are very unappealing or abrasive. They say and do nothing that makes me care for them; to the contrary, they often make me dislike them so much by the end of the first scene that I would never continue reading the book if I wasn’t paid to do so. The argument I get from writers who feature these types of characters is they want to show their character starting out as someone unlikeable and needing to change or be redeemed or have an epiphany by the end of the book.

Sure, we do want our characters to grow and change, but unless you somehow show something appealing about them, or show a glimmer of their potential to be “great,” you will lose your reader long before you get a chance to show the wonderful changes he is making. I will be going into much greater detail as to how to show that “glimpse of greatness” in your first scene, but keep in mind you will need to have this element somewhere in your first scene.

Setting and Theme

Two additional elements listed on the checklist is a nod to setting and conveying your theme. Both will be covered in later chapters, but for now, keep in mind that you will need to somehow establish your setting to your reader in a concise, appropriate way (appropriate to the genre and your style of writing, avoiding long passages of boring description).