Year of Impossible Goodbyes (6 page)

Embarrassed by my mistakes, I started to rebundle them, and teats began to roll down my cheeks. I tried to hide them from Inchun. He shouldn't see his big sister cry. But I soon saw that he too had tears in his eyes and he tried to rub them away with his little fingers, which were dirty and scratched from the burlap twine used to tie the bundles of socks.

Aunt Tiger brought us more socks and said, "Captain Narita still has not paid us or the girls. I must go and ask him to pay us or, better yet, to pay us with rice. Those Japanese rice merchants are getting whatever price they want from us hungry Koreans." I was glad she was with us and that she talked constantly. It was soothing to hear a grown-up talk. It broke the heavy silence that weighed upon us.

Aunt Tiger must have noticed that we had been crying. "Give your mother some time," she told us. "She will be back to normal soon. I just wish that she could make a visit to the convent and talk to your sister, Theresa. If only Father Carroll were still around! Oh, where are the Americans? Not even one American priest is here in Pyongyang now. They've all abandoned us. Well, it isn't their fault; what could they do? They were all chased out by the Japanese after the war began. Their churches were closed and they were accused of insulting the Heavenly Emperor and of being the White Devils' spies ... I heard they were shipped to Africa, then to America after that. I hope they are safe in their own land ... at least they're free of the Japanese soldiers." Aunt Tiger went on and on. She didn't seem to care whether anyone heard her not. Maybe she knew that it made us feel better just to hear her voice.

Later that morning, Captain Narita came by for a second inspection. He said he wanted to make sure that we were all working as hard as we could to serve "the ever-victorious Japanese army and the Heavenly Emperor." Every time he and his lieutenants marched in to inspect our work, chills went through me. He walked by Inchun and me and went into the factory. It was unusual for him to come twice in one morning, and we were relieved when he and his lieutenants left looking fairly satisfied.

But the following morning, Captain Narita came back, and instead of making the routine inspection of the factory, he ordered Aunt Tiger to get Mother. Aunt Tiger rushed inside, and they both came running out.

Captain Narita gazed calmly at Mother as he stroked his mustache that twitched as he formed his icy smile. He spoke very slowly in a hushed tone. We could barely hear him, and even Mother cocked her head slightly to hear. "Your sock girls did not do good work this week. We Imperial soldiers can put them to better use. Our victorious Imperial soldiers need to be rewarded for their heroic achievements on the battlefields. Our great Heavenly Emperor will be pleased to know that your girls volunteered to help our soldiers fight better. Your girls will be honored to bring glory to the Emperor."

1 did not know what that meant, but I saw a look of horror come over Mother's face. With a deep bow Mother said, "Most honorable Imperial Captain, it was my fault that productivity went down. I was not able to work fast enough after the loss of my father. Please do not take the sock girls away..." She trembled as she spoke.

Her face was pale and her eyes were filled with tears. I could not believe that she was bowing so humbly and desperately before this cruel little man. She seemed willing to do almost anything to change his mind. "Please let them be ... give us another chance. I will see to it that the Imperial police are pleased with our sock production. We will please the Heavenly Emperor with more work." I wished I knew what they were talking about. I did not understand why Mother was so frightened. "Most honorable Imperial Captain, please, please...," she said over and over again. With great satisfaction, Captain Narita stroked the edges of his stubby mustache and adjusted his sword belt about his thin waist. He surveyed the yard, lost in his own thoughts. Then he and his lieutenants departed without a word.

We stood listening to the sound of their swords clanking against their guns as they walked away. I was amazed at how this scrawny little man could inspire such fear in my mother with just a few words. I watched Mother's ghostly face as she stared after Captain Narita. She stood motionless and kept looking at the gate as if she were still waiting and praying for him to return with an answer.

I had always had a vague notion that something horrible might happen if the girls did not produce enough socks, but I was never sure what it might be. Aunt Tiger was silently gnawing on her lower lip and furiously tying the socks in bundles. She kept looking over at Mother, who was pacing back and forth.

Mother wrung her hands and trembled. She mumbled under her breath like a crazy person. I knew this was not a time to ask questions. Even Aunt Tiger was silent.

All of a sudden, Okja came running out into the yard. I was surprised to see her, for none of the girls ever left their machines during the day except for lunch. She stared at Mother in silent terror. Whether or not Captain Narita walked into the factory, the girls somehow always knew when he had come by the house.

Mother looked at Okja, but her mind was elsewhere. After what seemed like a long time, she said, "Captain Narita has threatened to take you girls away. He said you did not produce enough socks, but you cannot possibly do any more! I should have been out here with you. What am I going to do, Okja? I better tell the girls ... I want you to hide. I don't want any of you to come here anymore."

Okja's eyes filled with tears, but she bit her lip to keep from crying. "There is no place for us to hide," she said quietly. "He knows where we live and whom we know, and if he wants to, he'll find us and take us to the front. No matter where we go, we are their prisoners. It'll do no good to hide. He'll only make you suffer more for letting us go. All we can do is work day and night to produce more socks and hope he'll change his mind."

Haiwon came running out into the yard, wiping the sweat from her brow. Squinting in the bright sunlight, she said, "The girls are saying something is terribly wrong. We want to know what's going on. We know the rat was here talking to you. How come he did not inspect the factory? What did he want?" Haiwon looked at Mother and Okja. Suddenly she started wailing, "Oh, no, not that, not that, oh no ... I wish I were dead, I wish I were dead!" and she fell to her knees crying, pounding on her chest with her fists.

Mother and Okja dropped to the ground and embraced her, steadying her hands and wiping her tears. "Come. Let's go into the sock factory and talk about this and see what we can do," said Mother.

When I got up to follow them, Aunt Tiger grabbed me and kept me with her. I watched as the three of them entered the ugly barrack. I heard the machines go off. There was silence, then violent cries of anguish. It grew quiet again. What were they talking about? I waited. Soon the machines started up again, and I saw Mother come stumbling out. She was drenched with perspiration. She stood listlessly outside the barrack clutching the door handle.

Aunt Tiger rushed to her side and led her to the straw mat where we were sitting. "They ate so brave," said Mother to Aunt Tiger. "They want to try to make even more socks in the hope that Narita will change his mind. But I wish they would just try to hide. I don't want them to come back here. I can't beat to see them taken away. I don't cate what Narita does to me."

Aunt Tiger looked at Mother in disbelief. "You must be mad with fever! You know Captain Narita better than that by now! Okja is tight. They have nowhere to hide. They all know that if even one of them doesn't come to work, they will all suffer for it. We all will. There's no escape for us. We are like mice trapped in a dungeon of wildcats. We are Koreans; we are a cursed race and there is no hope for us as long as the Japanese are around."
Mother didn't seem to he listening. With her fists clenched, she stared at the barrack, praying for a revelation to save her dear sock girls.

Aunt Tiger continued. "They use us, they toy with us, and eventually they'll kill us all, one way or another. Our lives are worth no more than a fly's. 'A voluntary offering for the glory of the Emperor'... How skillfully they lie, lie, lie! Those girls would rather die than be 'spirit girls' for the Emperor's soldiers. When I think of how many truckloads of girls they've taken to the front already ... I heard half of them killed themselves by jumping off the speeding trucks rather than be locked in those latrines and used by those soldiers. Our poor girls!" Aunt Tiger was raving like a mad woman.

Mother suddenly seemed to have realized what Aunt Tiger was saying and whispered harshly, "Please, please stop! The children!" With her fists still clenched, she continued pacing up and down the length of the yard, staring at the sock factory. I wished they would tell me what was happening. What did "spirit girls" mean? Why were they being sent to the front?

1 was terribly afraid for the sock girls and yet I didn't even know why. But I was somehow relieved to see Mother up and about. I had been so worried that she would die of grief, crying day after day in her dark room. Within an hour of Captain Narita's visit, she had resumed her duties and was rushing about, overseeing production. Fear and helplessness had been transformed into desperate determination.

The next day Mother got up long before the sun and had Kisa inspect and grease all the machines. The girls came earlier than ever and immediately started working. They had all resolved to do the impossible; they would increase production and make Captain Narita change his mind. For several days, Mother and the girls worked from the crack of dawn until late at night, without even taking a break at mealtimes. Inchun and I busily folded and bundled the socks to keep pace with them.

Mother looked more and more frail. Her face had become flushed with fever. I noticed Aunt Tiger glancing at her with grave concern. One night, as we were finishing up for the day, I heard Aunt Tiger say to her, "You are working like a crazy person. You're making yourself sick, and it won't do any good. The Japanese have been taking our girls for years. We all knew it was only a matter of time." She tried to convince Mother to get some sleep or at least to eat something. I wished Mother would listen to her, but she said nothing and continued to work. Even Inchun and I kept folding socks and mending stitches, working late into the night by candlelight.

Each day Mother waited expectantly for Captain Narita. The Japanese merchants and the police came by to collect the socks and seemed very pleased, but we waited anxiously for Captain Narita's decision. We just kept working, but I could sense that with each passing day, Mother and Aunt Tiger were growing more and more apprehensive. One morning as we worked on in the stagnant heat, Mother said, "I never thought I would say this, but I wish Captain Narita would come by. We need to know if there is any hope. They've been working so hard, and we haven't been paid in weeks now. We'll all go hungry soon. If he doesn't come by tomorrow morning, maybe I'll go to bis office and see if those awful guards will let me see him."

Late that night, I watched the dim lights go off in the factory. I didn't go out to the yard to wave good night to the girls. I wanted to be by myself in Grandfather's room. I was tired of working so hard. How long would we have to live like this? When would Grandfather's merciful Buddha or Mother's Catholic God come to help us? As I sat in Grandfather's room trying to recapture his warmth and calm, I looked out and watched the sock girls talking, shaking the day's dust from their hair and clothes, and stretching their weary arms and legs. Some were busily opening and closing their hands to stretch their stiff fingers. Others rubbed their eyes and wiped their tongues with their handkerchiefs to rid themselves of the dust and lint. They exchanged a few words with each other and with Kisa, and then headed toward the gate "It's starting to rain. Be careful," I heard Mother say. Although exhausted, they all wore a look of liberation as they stared up at the dark rainy sky. They had gotten through another day.

Suddenly, the gate burst open. Everyone froze in horror. Two soldiers stood behind Captain Narita with their guns slung over their shoulders. One of them held a large black umbrella over Captain Narita to protect him from the rain. Through the open gate, I saw a big truck parked outside. I heard Mother moan helplessly, "Oh, Lord, Oh, Lord ... Merciful Lord..."

The dark sky broke loose with a crack of thunder and a bolt of lightning. It started to pour. How I wished a huge thunderbolt would strike right where Captain Narita and the soldiers stood. Oblivious of the torrential downpour, the girls started sobbing. "I wish I were dead, I wish I were dead," I heard several of them whimper. They clutched one another in desperation. Huddled together in the pouring rain, they looked like helpless animals. I wished that just this once, I could run out and beat up Captain Narita. But I couldn't move. I sat there watching with tears streaming down my face.

"You should all be very proud and honored that it is now your turn to serve Our Heavenly Emperor. You will give the soldiers the special spirit to fight harder against the White Devils," said Captain Narita cheerfully. "Our Heavenly Emperor will be happy that you volunteered to help the soldiers. Now get into the truck and get out of this rain." The two soldiers began to herd the girls toward the truck. Some screamed and fell to the muddy ground, but were jabbed with guns and forced onto the truck.

"Please do not take them ... some of them are not even fifteen," Mother implored. "The older ones have babies and old grandparents at home to take care of." Captain Narita smiled for an instant, showing a row of crooked teeth, and then motioned for his lieutenants to hurry as he looked up at the black sky.

I saw Haiwon being pushed toward the truck. I heard her cry just as she had on her birthday. Only this time, her cry was more faint, as though she could not even muster the courage to go on any longer.

I saw Okja spit at the soldier who was jabbing her in the ribs with his gun as he tried to get her onto the truck. The angry soldier lifted his gun to hit her. Like lightning, Kisa shot out from nowhere and kept the soldier from hitting her. The soldier dealt a blow to Kisa instead, who fell to the ground screaming. Okja tried to run to Kisa, but the soldier grabbed Okja and tossed her onto the truck like a dead cat. The other soldier kicked Kisa in the ribs. Kisa lay doubled over in the mud crying out to the girls. Captain Narita looked at him with disgust and shouted to the driver. The truck pulled away and sped off in the darkness of the storm. I knew better than to go outside. From the door of Grandfathers room, I saw my mother standing in the rain, wringing her hands.