You Have the Right to Remain Puzzled

BOOK: You Have the Right to Remain Puzzled
5.09Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

Raves for the Novels of Parnell Hall

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN PUZZLED

“Hall again intersperses real puzzles with a complex

storyline, amusing wordplay and witty dialogue, and
the result is another winner.”


Richmond Times—Dispatch

“[An] irresistible heroine … Includes several
crossword puzzles that will have fans sharpening
their pencils.”


Publishers Weekly

“The puzzle lady just cannot stay out of trouble. … I had my doubts that Cora could pull it off this time, but I was glad to be mistaken. In addition to the ingenious puzzle of the murder, there are crossword puzzles to die for in the book.”


Deadly Pleasures

“The writing is smooth, the wordplay wonderful.”


Mystery News

“Great fun. Cora has gone on the wagon and
gotten funnier, delivering deadpan oneliners like a
female Groucho Marx.”


Mystery Scene

“It’s Groucho Marx meets Jessica Fletcher as Puzzle
Lady Cora Felton takes on smalltown secrets and
hands out romantic advice. Hall’s tale is slick and
laugh-out-loud funny. . . . Cora’s sharp tongue could
sharpen the lead in a pencil as she looks into murder,
theft and blackmail. A definite keeper.”


Romantic Times

STALKING THE PUZZLE LADY

“If sweet-looking, gray-haired Miss Marple cursed,
smoked, and carried a gun in her purse, she’d be a
ringer for Cora Felton. . . . Feisty, contentious Cora has
plenty of quirky charm, which will continue to attract
those who have enjoyed her sleuthing in the past.”


Booklist

“That Parnell Hall, what a wit! . . . The pleasure is in
the wordplay, at which Hall is a master. Across and
down, the word is C-U-T-E.”


New York Times Book, Review

“A lively series.”


Mystery Lovers Bookshop News

“Much more riveting than your typical cozy.”


Romantic Times

“On the road to promote a new and improved product for a cereal company, smart and savvy Cora Felton (aka the Puzzle Lady) must contend with a murderous stalker.”


Publishers Weekly

AND A PUZZLE TO DIE ON

“This is a wonderful addition to the Puzzle Lady
series. . . . The story moves along smoothly, deftly
revealing the killer. This installment raises the bar for
this series and is a wonderful, involving read.”


Romantic Times

“Definitely a fun read. Readers can only smile as
Cora bulldozes her way toward solving the
mystery. . . . Cora’s a hoot!”

A—
Mystery News

“Fast-paced and suspenseful. Both the puzzling plot
and a sprinkling of crosswords provide a satisfactory
treat for mystery puzzle fans.”


Mystery Scene

WITH THIS PUZZLE, I THEE KILL

“Hall skillfully delivers a delightfully different host of
suspects. All in all, it’s an amusing romp through a
murder mystery of the lighter style.”


Charleston (SC) Post & Courier

“The funniest, smartest Puzzle Lady book so far . . .
Great clues, great cryptograms, great fun.”


Toronto Globe and Mail

“Sometimes quirky, always suspenseful, Hall’s latest is
a crafty mix of zany characters and murder.”


Romantic Times

“Mystery fans who are also crossword puzzle experts
will welcome Parnell Hall’s
With This Puzzle, I Thee
Kill.”


San Diego Union-Tribune

“Cora is a wonderful—and funny—curmudgeon.
The writing is smooth and the plot moves along
nicely. . . . The puzzles are a small fraction of the
fun in these books.”


Mystery News

“Hall’s gift for dialogue is never better than in the exchanges between Sherry and Cora. . . . The pace is brisk, slowed only by the deciphering of the cryptograms. . . . A treat.”


Drood Review of Mystery

A PUZZLE IN A PEAR TREE

“If you want a well-plotted mystery . . . try Parnell
Hall’s
A Puzzle in a Pear Tree.
This delightful series is a
throwback to the frothy detective puzzlers of the 1930s
and 1940s . . . [which] helped make reading mysteries
fun.”

—Otto Penzler,
New York Sun

“Ideal for the puzzle fan as well as the mystery fan,
this frothy, funny and ingenious fourth ‘Puzzle Lady’
novel has enough plot twists for the most avid
mystery reader.”


Dallas Morning News

“Parnell Hall has written another excellent amateur
sleuth novel . . . with so many twists and turns,
dead ends, and viable suspects that readers will want
to finish the book in one sitting so they can puzzle
out who did what to whom.”


Midwest Book, Review

“This year there are several treats, one of the best being
this outing with Parnell Hall’s redoubtable Puzzle
Lady, Cora Felton.”


Toronto Globe and Mail

“The fun for fans of this series consists of the nexus
between the plot and the puzzle. . . . Hall’s books
involve the reader in the action the way few
others do.”


Richmond Times-Dispatch

“An ingenious series of lighthearted, humorous mysteries.”


Winston-Salem Journal

“Smooth prose and a tantalizing plot.”


Library Journal

“Hall is a pure entertainer. . . . As one of the few
active practitioners of the elaborate Golden Age–style
detective novel, Hall should be cherished.”


Weekly Standard

PUZZLED TO DEATH

“A thoroughly entertaining tale.”


Chicago Sun-Times

“A fun meringue of a novel . . . the kind of mystery not often seen these days.”


San Jose Mercury News

“Quirky . . . Cora is funny, irreverent . . . light reading with a twist.”


Mystery News

“The third in a series that we suspect will just keep getting bigger. Not only is the device a natural . . . but Cora Felton is an appealing character . . . quick as a cobra with her wit. . . . Almost as much fun as doing the Sunday
Times
puzzle.”


American Way

“Fun.”


Chicago Tribune

“Another amusing chapter in the life of that fraudulent
puzzle producer Cora Felton and her talented niece.”


Mystery Lovers Bookshop News

LAST PUZZLE & TESTAMENT

“Cora is emerging as a lovable and unique sleuth.
[She’s] no sweet-natured Jessica Fletcher or wise-as-
an-owl Miss Marple. . . . This series is a joy for lovers
of both crosswords and frothy crime detection.”


Chicago Sun-Times

“[Last Puzzle & Testament]
has its merry way with the
cozy concept of the small-town spinster-sleuth.”


Los Angeles Times

“Fun from the first page . . . This cozy mystery has a
slightly different point of view and pair of detectives.”


Dallas Morning News

“Takes a sweet-faced grandmother on the gumshoe spree of a lifetime.”


Washington Post Book, World

“The author proves himself very adept at constructing
the puzzles that are at the core of his mystery. The
reader gets a chance to solve the puzzles before the
protagonists do, which adds to the fun.”


Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

“This novel’s puzzles within puzzles will charm and so will its attractive cast.”


Booklist

A CLUE FOR THE PUZZLE LADY

“Some puzzles are real killers. . . . devious and delightful.”


Chicago Sun-Times

“Deft . . . clever . . . fun.”


Booklist

“Cora Felton is a delightfully different sort of
sleuth—hardly the decorous, tea-sipping village
spinster. In truth, she’s a hoot. I hope her niece can
keep her out of too much trouble so that we can all
savor future adventures of the Puzzle Lady.”

—Joan Hess, author of the Claire Malloy and Maggody mystery series

“In addition to his trademark zippy, witty
dialogue, Hall provides a dandy puzzle, congenial
secondary characters, plenty of laughs, and a
true original in Cora Felton, the Puzzle Lady.”


Publishers Weekly

“A Clue for the Puzzle Lady
is fresh, funny, and
ingeniously devised. It kept me guessing right down to
the end—just like a good crossword!”

—Will Shortz, Crossword Editor,
New York Times

“A twisting plot, an intriguing puzzle, and a
surprisingly satisfying romance. This one is hard
to beat.”

—Janet Evanovich

“[An] homage to the very entertaining, breezy
mind-game mysteries of the 1930s and ’40s.
Enjoy the show!”


Los Angeles Times

“A witty, airy, and busy detective story . . . filled with
love triangles, false leads, and danger.”


Dallas Morning News

ALSO BY PARNELL HALL

A Clue for the Puzzle Lady

Last Puzzle & Testament

Puzzled to Death

A Puzzle in a Pear Tree

With This Puzzle, I Thee Kill

And a Puzzle to Die On

Stalking the Puzzle Lady

For Manny, who makes it look easy

DEAD MAN WALKING

I would like to acknowledge the versatile Manny Nosowsky, who provided the puzzles that appear in this book. In
Stalking the Puzzle Lady,
Manny played the part of the killer. Here he slips into the role of the victim, creating the dead man’s puzzles. Lesser constructors might have quaked at the task. Manny laughed in the face of danger. I can’t thank him enough.

“T
HE WEDDING’S OFF!

Sherry Carter punctuated the remark by slamming the door of the red Toyota in which she had just skidded to a stop at the top of the gravel driveway.

Cora Felton, relaxing in a lawn chair, looked up from her Agatha Christie novel and nodded sagely. “Good tactic. I called several of my weddings off before going through with them.” She took a drag on her cigarette. Her brow furrowed, as if the nicotine had given her sudden powers of concentration. “At least two or three. Melvin, I called off more than once. I suppose that should have told me something.”

Sherry was in no mood for her aunt’s rambling reminiscences. “Cora, we’re talking about me.”

“Of course, dear. I heard you. You’re not going to marry Aaron. I quite agree. Aaron’s a worthless cad,
and you’re better off without him. Particularly after what he’s done.
"What has
he done, by the way?”

“Don’t humor me. I hate it when you humor me.”

“What can I do that you
don’t
hate?”

“Oh, who gives a damn!”

Sherry stormed into the house.

Cora sighed, heaved herself out of the chair. It was late morning, and Cora was clad in her Wicked Witch of the West dress. Her favorite loose, comfortable, lounge-around-home smock, it bore cigarette burns, liquor stains from her less-than-sober past, plus the telltale signs of some none-too-accurately ingested, scrump-tiously caloric treats, covering all the essential food groups, such as hot fudge, marshmallow, whipped cream, guacamole, onion dip, ice cream, butter, and maple syrup, in any and all combinations.

Sherry had given up trying to get her aunt to throw away the dress, but strongly cautioned her against wearing it in public, lest unflattering photos should wind up in the tabloid press. Cora had her reputation to uphold. Her benevolent, grandmotherly face graced a nationally syndicated crossword puzzle column. She also did TV ads as the Puzzle Lady, hawking breakfast cereal to schoolchildren. If any kids actually ate it, the joke was on them, since Cora couldn’t do a crossword puzzle to save her life. Sherry constructed the puzzles. Cora was much happier poking her nose into mysteries. Real mysteries, involving real crimes. Cora was good at solving crimes.

Not matrimonial affairs.

Cora glanced around the yard, hollered, “Buddy!”

The toy poodle, snoozing in the shade of his favorite elm, stood up, shook himself awake, and trotted
toward the house. Cora opened the door and Buddy bounded in.

Sherry wasn’t in the living room or the kitchen. Cora pounded down the hall to the office, where her niece was on-line.

“EBay?” Cora asked.

Sherry didn’t answer.

“When I break an engagement, I always buy something. To make myself feel better. The expense is directly proportional to the nearness of the wedding and the thickness of the skull of the unintended. Is that the right word?
Unintended?
Or is it
disintended?
Come on, you’re good with words. Help me out.”

“Cora. I’m not in the mood.”

“I noticed.” Cora brushed cigarette ash off the sleeve of her smock. “If you weren’t so self-absorbed, you might ask why I’m not dressed at eleven in the morning. I haven’t been having an easy time myself. If I were drinking, I’d be drunk.” She frowned. “That sounds stupid, but you know what I mean.”

“Cora, have you heard a word I said?”

“Yeah. You’re not getting married, yada, yada, yada. You think you got troubles. I got this nut Benny Southstreet accusing me of swiping his puzzle. Which is pretty funny, since I wouldn’t know
how
to steal his puzzle. Which means he’s actually accusing
you
of stealing his puzzle. I would think you’d care.”

“Damn it, Cora! I just broke up with Aaron!”

“Why? What did Aaron do?”

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“Right, right. Because I know nothing about men. And I’ve only been married I don’t know how many times. I always think of Melvin as my fifth. But when you count the broken engagements . . . There’s a fine
line between the ones that were broken before they said
I do
or right after. Of course, legally—”

“Will you
shut up!”

Sherry turned from the computer to face her aunt. Her eyes were filled with tears.

“Sherry, what happened?”

There came the sound of tires on gravel.

“If that’s Aaron, I’m not here,” Sherry said.

“Your car’s here.”

“It’s your
car.”

“Weren’t you just out in it?”

“I don’t want to see him!”

“I got it, I got it.”

Cora looked out the living room window.

Dennis Pride, Sherry’s abusive ex-husband, was on his way up the walk.

Cora uttered a brief comment, indicating she was not thoroughly pleased with the young man’s presence, then slammed out the door to intercept him.

Dennis’s hair, though parted and greased back, was long. A little shampoo and he would fit right in with the members of his former rock group, Tune Freaks. Cora suspected Dennis of playing with them on the sly.

Cora blocked his path. “Sherry’s not here.”

“Her car’s here.”

“That’s what I told her. She still insists she’s not here. Probably because
you’re
here. Why don’t you leave? Then when I tell her you’re not here, I’ll be telling the truth.”

Dennis scowled. “It isn’t funny.”

“No, it isn’t. Your ex-wife is getting married. You’re about the last person she needs to see right now.”

“I have to talk to her.”

“She doesn’t have to talk to you. And she’s got a re-
straining order to prove it. Get out of here, or I’ll call the cops.”

A VW Beetle drove up the driveway. A young woman got out. She was the type college boys would describe as
comfortable or pleasingly plump.

Those qualities were not on exhibit now. Brenda was visibly upset. “Damn it, Dennis! I thought you’d learned your lesson.”

Dennis wheeled away angrily and almost lost his balance. Cora wondered if he’d been drinking.

Brenda assumed he had. “Dennis, you’re drunk. You must be to come here. She’s your ex-wife, Dennis. Your
first
ex-wife. I’ll be your second if you keep this up. Is that what you want, Dennis? Is that what you’d like? I don’t want to keep you if you want to go. What do you want to do?”

“Just shut up, will you!”

“Oh, nice! That’s the way to talk to your wife!”

Sherry Carter stormed out the front door. “Great. The two of you together. Brenda, you’re my best friend and I love you, but if you can’t control your husband I’m going to lose it. Just because your marriage isn’t working is no reason to ruin mine.”

“Exactly,” Dennis agreed.

“Not to
you,
damn it. My upcoming marriage. My pending marriage. My marriage that may not come off if you won’t leave me alone.”

“Then you
do
still have feelings for Dennis,” Brenda charged.

Sherry took a deep breath. Her eyes blazed. “Yes, I have feelings for Dennis. And, believe me, they aren’t love. I am so angry I am about to explode. I’m yelling at Cora. I’m yelling at Aaron. I’m yelling at you. I don’t want to yell at you. I just want to be left alone.”

A car rattled up the driveway.

“Oh, what is this—Times Square?” Sherry exclaimed.

A young woman in a beige business suit climbed out. Her blond hair was piled up on her head. Her earrings were simple gold studs. Her subtle makeup set off a fashion model face.

Becky Baldwin looked around at the gathering on the lawn. “Did I come at a bad time?”

Sherry, Brenda, and Dennis glared at her.

Only Cora Felton smiled. “Join the fun, Becky. We were just discussing the wedding plans. Or lack of them. I’m sure you’ll get a kick out of it.”

“Actually, I came to see you.” Becky looked Cora up and down. “But if you’re not well . . .”

“I’m just fine, thank you,” Cora said. “What could you possibly want?”

“Whatever it is, could you take it somewhere else,” Dennis snarled. “We’re having a serious conversation.”

“We’re having nothing of the kind,” Sherry said. “The sooner these people leave, the better. Stick around, Becky. I want to talk to you anyway.”

“Oh? What about?”

“Here he comes now,” Cora said, pointing to the Honda skidding up the driveway.

Aaron Grant vaulted out of the car, snagging the pocket of his sports jacket on the door. The young reporter didn’t notice. He glared at Dennis, set his lips in a firm line.

Sherry Carter threw her hands up in the air.

Cora waved Aaron over. “Come on in, Aaron. It’s a fraternity stunt. We’re trying to see how many cars we can fit in the driveway.”

Aaron was in no mood to joke. Aside from Cora, that made it unanimous.

“Sherry,” Aaron said.

Sherry turned her back.

“She doesn’t want to talk to you,” Dennis said.

Aaron wheeled, pointed his finger. “You keep out of this!”

“Says who?” Dennis challenged.

Brenda grabbed his arm. “Dennis!”

He brushed her off like a fly. “Wanna make something out of it, paperboy?”

“Sherry’s a big girl. If she wants you here, fine. If she doesn’t, I suggest you leave.”

“Oh, now you’re telling me what Sherry wants?”

“No, she can speak for herself. Sherry, you want this ‘gentleman’ here?”

“That’s right,” Sherry said. “Throw it all on me.”

“Well, if you won’t say what you want. . .”

“Are you enjoying this, Sherry?” Brenda asked. “Having them fight over you?”

“Yeah, Bren, it’s a real blast.”

Cora raised her eyebrows at Becky Baldwin. “Before World War III breaks out, you wanna tell me what’s up?”

Becky swung into conciliatory mode. She put her hand on Cora’s shoulder, led her aside. “I came in person because I wanted to warn you.”

Cora’s eyes narrowed. “Warn me about what?”

Becky took a breath. “Benny Southstreet.”

“That twerp!”

“Just a friendly hint. In legal proceedings, it’s generally unwise to refer to the opposing party as a twerp.”

“Opposing party?”

“Benny has retained my services.”

“What!?”

“He’s accusing you of plagiarism. He’s suing you for damages.”

“You’re
suing
me?” Cora said incredulously.

“I’m
not suing you, Cora. Benny is.”

“And you’re
helping
him?”

“He retained me.”

“But you’re
my
attorney. There’s a conflict of interest.”

“I’m not your attorney at the moment.”

“But you have been in the past.”

“That’s no bar to my present employment.”

“What about your conscience? Do you have to take every case that comes along?”

“My portfolio’s a little thin. I happen to need the work.”

“You can’t need it that bad.”

“It’s a small town, Cora. I have two clients. One’s Benny. The other’s a speeder who hopes to avoid getting points on her license. I don’t see her as a cash cow.”

“So you wanna get rich suing me? Whaddya get? A third of whatever you bilk me out of?”

“You must have insurance.”

“I have homeowner’s insurance. I’m not sure it covers plagiarism.”

“Maybe not, but Granville Grains has deep pockets.”

Cora’s eyes widened. “How in the world can you sue them?”

“You’re the Puzzle Lady. They use your image to sell their cereal. If that image is built on an unfounded premise, they’re guilty of false advertising.”

“Oh, for Christ’s sake!”

“This is a no-brainer, Cora. Did you steal a crossword puzzle from this guy?”

“You’re asking me to incriminate myself?”

“Off the record.”

“Off the record, on the record, I can’t begin to tell you how I didn’t.”

“So, what’s the big deal? Guy says you did, you say you didn’t, he can’t prove it, end of case.”

“Does your client know what you think of his chances?”

“I didn’t say his chances are bad. I just said he can’t prove anything. That doesn’t mean Granville Grains won’t pay him off to make him go away.”

“And you wonder why there are lawyer jokes,” Cora grumbled.

There came the sound of more tires on gravel. Cora looked up to see two police cars swinging into the drive.

“Ah! Excellent!” Cora clapped her hands together, strode back to the unhappy throng. “Dennis! Good news! The cops are here. I hope they have a tape measure. What is it, a hundred yards you’re supposed to keep away from Sherry? I think you might be a little close.”

Dennis’s face twisted in rage. “Damn it, Sherry! You called the cops?”

“Don’t be silly,” Brenda said. “How could she call? She’s been right here the whole time.”

“He
wasn’t!” Dennis stabbed an accusing finger at Aaron. “He called ’em from his car!”

Aaron stuck out his chin. “I don’t need anybody’s help to deal with you.”

Dennis sneered. “Like hell! Big man! Called for backup!”

Two cops came up the drive. Dan Finley, an impressionable young officer, and actually a Puzzle

Lady fan. And Dale Harper, the Bakerhaven chief of police.

Cora knew both men well. She had cooperated with the police on several occasions, though
cooperated
was perhaps the wrong word.

BOOK: You Have the Right to Remain Puzzled
5.09Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

Other books

This One is Deadly by Daniel J. Kirk
I Trust You by Katherine Pathak
Andrew: Lord of Despair by Grace Burrowes
Broken Course by Aly Martinez
The Blood-stained Belt by Brian H Jones
Conspiracy by Lady Grace Cavendish
After Midnight by Chelsea James
Tigers & Devils by Sean Kennedy
It's All About Him by Denise Jackson