You Only Love Twice (23 page)

What the hell could Phoebe say that would make him turn away
from her? He went through some scenarios and couldn’t think of one where he
would leave her. He’d already lived through her lying to him. Everything else
was easy. “I won’t.”

Ten nodded. “I know and that’s why I’m giving you my
blessing. She isn’t thinking straight. She’s using what she needs to tell you
as a way to hold you back. So she doesn’t have to take the scary step of
actually being with you. I hope when she tells you that you’ll forgive me for
the last couple of years. I was wrong about you.”

Jesse had learned a long time ago that holding grudges
didn’t help. It was funny that he’d always counted himself as weak for not
being able to stay angry, for offering forgiveness so quickly. But he’d seen
real evil. There was no forgiveness for that. Everything else was negotiable.
“You’re forgiven.”

“Just like that?” Ten asked.

“Why not? I’ve got better things to do than hate you, man. I
would rather love her.” He’d wasted enough time brooding.

“Then go get her.” Ten slapped him on the shoulder.

“I agree with Ten,” Taggart said right before his left fist
came out and he punched Ten right in the nose.

“Damn it. I just fixed my nose, asshole.” Ten put a hand to
his face. He grabbed a napkin to wipe up the blood.

Tag smiled and went back to unpacking the food. “This is
really the greatest thing that ever happened to me. Well, besides the whole
wife-coming-back-from-the-dead and having a baby and shit, but other than that,
getting to punch Ten at random is really the best.”

“See, anger issues,” Kai said with a nod. “Hey, is that
lemon?”

“Touch that tart and my anger issues will get shoved right
up your ass, Ferguson.”

They were still arguing as he left the conference room.
Jesse walked out with a smile on his face. It was time to get his girl.

* * * *

Phoebe stood on the rooftop. She probably shouldn’t be up
here, but she needed fresh air. She took a deep breath and leaned on the wall
that surrounded the roof. Someone obviously spent time up here. There were a
couple of lounge chairs and a wrought iron table with four seats around it. A
long bench was covered in shiny, healthy looking green plants.

At least now she knew why the shrink’s assistant came up
here every day.

She liked Dallas. She hadn’t at first, but then it always
took her a while to see the beauty in things. Unlike Jamie. Jamie had a
never-ending zest for life. The first time they’d gone to Tokyo together she’d
been put off by the lights, the foreignness of it all, but Jamie had been
utterly fascinated. After a while, she’d learned to see life through his eyes.

Jamie tried to make even the worst events into something
fun. God, when she really thought about it, he was so much like Jesse it hurt.
Jesse tried to see the good in everything.

Like the night she and Jesse had gone to some fancy place
where they’d been given a tiny plate of food that wouldn’t have fed a bird.
Most people would have been angry or embarrassed, but he’d laughed and taken
her hand. He’d run to the nearest food truck, and they’d sat in their nice
clothes in a park and eaten hot dogs and turned something bad into a great
memory.

He wouldn’t be able to do that with the night before.

She shouldn’t have tried. Actually, he’d kind of tricked
her. He’d done all that alpha male Dom stuff and she’d been confused. That was
it. Most of the time Jesse was sweet and he allowed her to run things. He was
devastating when he was sweet, but she could hold him off. When he was sweet
and alpha male, it was a combination guaranteed to ruin her common sense.

Once she was back in Virginia, she would find her footing
again. Ten was bluffing about quitting the Agency. It was his life in a way it
never had been hers or Jamie’s. She couldn’t imagine a world where Ten didn’t
follow in their dad’s footsteps. Hell, he’d been given full reign over his own
team, running and directing some of the most top secret missions the US
conducted. He would never leave that.

She glanced down at the parking lot below. She caught sight
of Tag’s massive SUV and a Jeep she didn’t recognize. It was kind of beat up,
but it was clean. It must be the shrink’s. She’d been told to expect him to
join their little band of merry guessers. That’s what they were doing at this
point. They were guessing and they were gambling with Jesse’s life. She
couldn’t stand it. She wanted facts. She wanted to know exactly where to point
and who to shoot at.

Across the street, she saw a truck parked at an angle that
would make surveillance easy. She wondered who was on duty and if they were
bored out of their minds. Most likely they were calling to tell on her, and
someone would be up here to drag her back into the building any minute.

She watched as a van drove slowly by. What would it be like
to be normal and happy and able to drive down the damn street without worrying
about someone sniping the man you…liked…cared about…? She played around with
the words in her head, careful to avoid the one word she couldn’t use with him.

She heard the door creak open and turned around.

Jesse stepped out into the sunlight. He was wearing jeans
and a black T-shirt that showed off how lean and cut he was. God, he was
delicious. His golden hair caught the light and he smiled her way, making her
forget about the sun. She was lucky she didn’t drool. “Hey, your brother will
murder me if you get killed up here.”

She turned back to the street, unable to watch him anymore.
It hurt too much. “My brother hasn’t been trapped inside for a week.”

She heard him walking up behind her. “It hasn’t been so
bad.”

Yep, Jesse was already trying to rewrite history, to take
something horrible and make it better. She just couldn’t do it. “You’re
kidding, right? Tell me you’re not going insane.”

“Nah. I kind of like the company.”

She had to force herself to breathe when she felt his hands
on her waist and he stepped forward, pressing her lightly against the wall.
“Jesse? What are you doing?”

He didn’t miss a beat. “A couple of things. First of all, I
need to apologize. I lied to you. You pissed me off and I was mean and such a
liar. Last night was the best sex of my life, and it was the best because it
was with you. I loved fucking you, baby. I loved playing with you. I loved
being inside you.”

God, this was so much worse. Every word that came out of his
mouth seemed to race along her skin, like he could physically touch her with
his words. “Jesse, please don’t.”

“Don’t what? Don’t tell you the truth?” The words were
whispered against her ear, his heat warming her up. “Don’t tell you how good
you felt?”

“Yes, don’t say those things.” She couldn’t say them back,
even though she meant them. She couldn’t tell him she’d never come so hard in
her life, that only he had ever made her scream and beg for more.

“All right. I won’t say those things. How about I apologize
for not doing what I should have done last night. It was my fault. I was an
idiot and I can promise you that it won’t happen again.”

Now he was saying the right things, but his hands were
moving up on her body. Those big, callused, gorgeous hands slowly inched up
toward her breasts, and she could feel him behind her. “Jesse, what are you
doing?”

“I’m apologizing. I made a mistake. I should never have
walked out on you.”

Alarm bells started going off in her head, but she was too
focused on his hands to properly think about them. “Walked out? You didn’t walk
out on me. I needed to be alone.”

“No. You needed me and I let my own insecurities drive me
away. It won’t happen again. Phoebe, you should know that if you put a door
between us, I’ll get it open one way or another. I’ll break it down if I have
to, but I won’t ever leave you alone to cry again. If you’re going to cry,
you’re going to do it with my arms around you. Do you understand?”

No. She didn’t understand a damn thing about what was
happening. She’d pushed him away. Why was he back here and offering her
everything she couldn’t have? “You have to let me go.”

“You don’t get to tell me what to do.” His hand was
dangerously close to her breast.

“That’s only when we’re playing.” And they weren’t supposed
to do that anymore.

“No, that’s only when we’re intimate. Those were the old
rules, and those rules got tossed out the minute you locked a door to keep me
out. Here are the new rules. I’m in charge.”

He was so arrogant. Why did that do something for her? “You
can’t just decide you’re in charge.”

He chuckled, the sound rumbling against her skin. “Sure I
can. Now, I am going to give you choices. I’m not completely unfair. You can
walk downstairs with me and we can have a nice lunch with your brother and
discuss the op, but there’s a twist to that. Or you can walk down to our bed
and take off your clothes, and I’ll make a meal of you.”

The minute he used that dark voice on her, her whole body
softened. She didn’t even want to think about her traitorous vagina, which was
all for door number two. Hell, her vagina didn’t even want to go downstairs.
But her brain was in charge. Mostly. “What’s the twist?”

“You’ll spend the entire meeting sitting on my lap and I’ll
feed you.”

She rolled her eyes because that was so not happening. “My
brother is down there, Jesse. Don’t be ridiculous. That’s stupid.”

“And that’s ten,” he growled in her ear. “Do you want them
over my lap now or do you want to wait until tonight and I’ll make the
punishment public?”

“Punishment?”

“Punishment. I gave you a choice and you were rude to me. No
more being rude to me. I’m not rude to you. If I am, you can spank me, but I
assure you I won’t be. I’m a Western male and you’re my lady. I’ll treat you
with respect.”

“I’m not your lady.” She meant that to come out with a
strong, resounding command. Instead, it came out with a little whimper because
his hand ran over her breast and squeezed slightly, just enough to make her
soften and moan.

Fire threatened to spread through her as he took her right
earlobe between his teeth and gently bit down. “That’s another ten because
you’re lying.”

“Jesse, this can’t work.” She tried to focus on anything but
how good it felt to be held against his body. She looked down at the street.
The same van she’d seen before was slowly making its way around again. Must be
lost. She was rapidly getting lost, too.

“And that’s another ten. I think I’ll spank the pessimism
out of you.” He licked along the shell of her ear while he cupped her breasts.
“You’re my girl. I simply haven’t shown you what that means yet. I meant what I
said. I don’t care what happens, I won’t leave you alone again. You gave
yourself to me last night. I won’t let you take it back because you got a
little afraid.”

She gave in. She was so weak when it came to Jesse. It was
wrong, but she couldn’t fight while his arms were around her, his hands on her
breasts. But she had to make one thing clear. “You can’t expect me to sit in
your lap in front of my brother.”

His fingers found her nipples. They were already hard and
wanting, and he gave them a nasty twist that seemed to go straight to her
pussy. “You will sit in my lap. You’ll do it because it pleases me to have you
close. I’ve already had a talk with your brother about keeping his nose out of
our relationship. If it helps, I have his blessing.”

She tried to turn around. “You talked to my brother about
this?”

He tightened his hold. “I talked to your brother about the
fact that I’m taking control of our relationship.”

“You can’t do that. You can’t walk in and tell me what to
do.”

“Tell me you don’t want me.”

“I can’t. You’ll spank me for lying.”

“See. It’s already working. And you like spanking.” His
hands gentled again, but one of them disappeared under her shirt and found her
warm flesh.

She couldn’t help but sigh and lean back against him.
Somehow when he talked to her like this, it was easier to let go, to give over
to what he wanted—to what she wanted. “I know I shouldn’t. What if I cry again?
I probably will. I can’t help it. I’m still in love with him. I don’t want to
hurt you. If it doesn’t work, I’ll hurt you again.”

“I’m willing to take that chance, and I told you what would
happen if you cry. I’ll hold you and then I’ll make love to you all over again.
I’m going to prove to you we can work.” He pressed her against the concrete
wall. It came to her waist, leaving her torso in full view of all of Dallas.
“Do you know what I didn’t tell your brother?”

“So many things, I hope.” She didn’t like to think about
what that conversation had been like. Probably very masculine chest thumping
and much discussion about how Ten would kill Jesse if he hurt Phoebe and how
Jesse would kill Ten if he didn’t stay out of their business.

“I didn’t tell him how dirty you are, baby. How gorgeously
filthy you like it. I didn’t tell him that you like being watched.” His
erection pressed against her backside. “I didn’t tell him I haven’t played with
your ass yet, and that I’m going to. I’m going to get my cock in that tight
little ass of yours and I’m never going to want to leave. You’re going to be so
tight. That little asshole of yours is going to fight me at first, but I’ll win
it over. When I’m done, you’ll beg me to fuck your ass hard and long. You’ll
want me to do it on a stage in front of everyone. They’ll know who you belong
to. They’ll watch you writhe on my dick.”

“Thank you for not telling him that, Jesse. Really. I’m so
glad you didn’t.” A shaky laugh bubbled up. Ten wouldn’t understand the
lifestyle. Ten didn’t play. Hell, from what she could tell, he didn’t date
much. He slept with women, but she couldn’t see him ever giving anyone the type
of intimacy Jesse was offering her.