Authors: Kay Hooper
Teddy awoke in the pre-dawn hours, conscious of twinges low down in her stomach. She wasn’t aware of the significance of that at first, merely uncomfortable and restless. When she did realize, she crept silently from the bed, leaving Zach sleeping deeply.
In the darkness she gathered what she
needed from her luggage and went into the bathroom, closing the door behind her softly and turning on the light.
And she hadn’t realized until then just how much she had hoped. She had nothing to lessen the growing pain of cramps but wouldn’t have taken aspirin even if she’d had it.
It should hurt, she thought. It should hurt to know she wasn’t carrying Zach’s child.
The sun was well up when Zach awoke, and he was instantly aware that he was alone in the bed. He half sat up even as his eyes opened, then relaxed as he saw her. She was in a chair by the window, fully dressed, sitting with both legs over the arm of the chair, gazing at nothing.
She was pale and still and seemed to be in a world of her own. And even as he watched, a tear emerged from the corner of one eye and trailed down her cheek, silvery in the sunlight.
“Teddy?”
She looked at him, turning her head slowly. “You haven’t changed your mind?” Her voice almost wasn’t there.
“No.”
Teddy nodded a little, unsurprised. “Well, you won’t have to worry about repercussions, Zach. I am definitely not pregnant.”
Zach didn’t put a name to what he felt in that moment. But he dimly wondered how it was possible to feel so empty, so much like a hollowed-out shell.
B
OTH OF
T
EDDY’S
parents were at her sister’s house in Boston when she arrived there. They were an affectionate family and a talkative one, except for her father, so there was much exclaiming for a while. In particular, much speculation took place over the brand-new, gleaming blue Impala Teddy had arrived driving. But she wasn’t ready to tell them that story, and after a while her shrewd family stopped pressing.
Jenny, who looked enough like Teddy to be her twin, seemed somewhat relieved at stepping
temporarily from the focus of family concern; after two miscarriages and five hazardous months of holding on to the life she carried, she confided to Teddy that she was a bit tired of being wrapped in cotton wool—especially since this time she
knew
her baby would be safely born.
Teddy didn’t doubt that knowledge, particularly when Jenny told her of having “seen” her daughter toddling around on strong legs.
As for herself, Teddy assumed a calm, if not cheerful, expression; assured her red-haired mother that she was fine; hugged her tall, laconic, silver-haired father; and brought her bags into her sister’s warm, cheerful house. Her brother-in-law had been forced to take a business trip, which was why his in-laws were watching over his wife, and so Teddy was spared his sharp eye; even after four years of marriage Robert wasn’t yet accustomed to the Tylers’ laid-back affection for one another and tended to be somewhat persistent in his own anxious concern.
For three days her family was careful not to pressure her. Then, on the fourth day, her father went in search of her. She was in the back garden, absently watching the yard across the way where children built a snowman, more of the white stuff falling all around them.
“Teddy?”
She roused herself and turned to look up at her father. “Hi, Daddy. You didn’t have to come out. You could have yelled.”
“I never yell.”
Teddy smiled a little. “No. You never do. I guess some people are just born that way.”
Justin Tyler leaned against a bare lower branch of the tree they were under and joined her in contemplating the falling snow. In an incurious tone he asked, “You’ve met someone recently who wasn’t born that way?”
She understood that her father was willing to listen, if she was prepared now to talk. And since his wise counsel had eased many a path through her life, she decided that she did indeed want to talk. And the nicest thing about
her father was that he was amazingly adept at reading between the lines.
“Oh, not really. He doesn’t yell. He can be very cold when he’s angry, but it takes a lot to anger him. And when he’s pushed too far—I mean, really too far—then he just goes deadly quiet. Like a ticking bomb.”
“Did he explode?” her father asked idly.
“No. I stopped him,” she explained simply.
Justin Tyler glanced at his daughter. “I see. And if you hadn’t stopped him?”
“I think he would have killed a man. A very bad man.” She looked up at her father’s expressionless face, suddenly anxious that he understand. “The man tried to use me as a tool, to force Zach to do as he wanted, and he hurt me.” Absently, she rubbed her left arm, an action her father’s quick glance took note of. “Zach didn’t like that.”
Blessedly unconcerned regarding the circumstances of all this, Justin merely nodded. “Understandable.”
She smiled a little at the laconic comment.
“You’ve met him, Daddy. Zach Steele. He works for—”
“Josh Long. Yes, I remember. Quite an impressive man.”
“He’s a good man, Daddy.”
“Of course he is, darling, or you wouldn’t be in love with him.”
Teddy felt quick, hot tears start to her eyes. “He sent me away. But I know he cares about me. I
know
it. He just won’t believe that I love him. Daddy—I saw—I saw him with me. At least, I think I did. And I saw all the jungles he’s fought in, and the dangers.”
Her father put an arm around her shoulders and hugged her. “Then give it a little time,” he advised. And because he had, after all, married one of those determined, red-haired, myopic, left-handed ladies and raised two more, he added softly, “If you stopped him from killing a man, I expect you’ll be able to stop him from walking out of your life. One way or another.”
Very conscious of the tearing pain of loving Zach and not being with him, Teddy nonetheless
felt her wavering courage steady. Of course. Of course she would.
One way or another.
Zach had never before been overly conscious of the passing of time. Living an active life as he did, his time was generally full and satisfying. But not now.
He walked on the beach, letting the steady surging of the ocean seep into his body, feeling the salt spray on his face. He had argued with himself again and again as days turned into weeks, telling himself that she would know by now, that he could just visit to see if she was all right.
Except that he couldn’t do that.
He felt suspended, numb. The only emotion not encased in that numbness was fear, and he was distantly surprised by that. It was an emotion he’d become familiar with only recently … since he’d met Teddy. And since then
it seemed a constant part of him, a small, cold lump of ice inside him.
And it was that which kept him walking the beach for hours, numb and alone. That cold lump that rose up inside his throat when he thought of seeing her again. He wanted to see her again, hold her, love her. Dear God, he wanted that. In less than a week she’d changed his life so much that being without her was almost intolerable.
He thought he’d survive this, if not entirely whole, then at least scarred only inside where no one would see. But those scars weren’t the simple ones of the flesh that would heal, then hurt no more. These scars, he knew, would ache for the rest of his life.
What he had once felt for that other woman was nothing compared to this. He had never felt love before, he knew that now. And that was why he was so afraid to see Teddy again.
Seeing fear and wariness in her eyes was something he’d never survive.
Lucas Kendrick was just hanging up the phone when his boss walked unannounced into his office, and he looked up to say in a more or less automatic tone, “Anybody’d think you worked here.”
Josh didn’t bother to respond to the remark, perfectly aware that his men were as comfortable as he with his habit of going in search of them when needed; he rarely summoned anyone to his own office. Resting a hip on the corner of the desk, he asked, “Have you found him?”
“Yes.” Rather than pleased, Lucas looked worried. “He hasn’t done a damned thing to stop anyone from finding him. It’s as if he just doesn’t care. I’ve
never
known a time when Zach didn’t take precautions as habitually as breathing, especially during the last five years or so because we’ve all made enemies. Airline tickets, hotel, rental car—all in his own name and obtained with his own credit cards. He
couldn’t have left a broader trail if he’d marked it on a map.”
Josh sighed a little. It had been he who had insisted that Zach take a real vacation, because he had known that his friend needed time to himself. But that had been three weeks ago, and Josh had grown worried. “Where is he?” he asked Lucas.
“Right where we should have expected him to be,” Lucas replied with a grunt. “At the Oregon house.”
The lonely, cliff-hugging aerie on the coast of Oregon belonged to Long Enterprises, but Josh rarely visited himself; he and Raven preferred their lodge in the Catskills. So the Oregon house had become a retreat for Josh’s friends, offered for their use whenever they wanted. The agents who looked after the house had standing orders to admit any of the company’s executives without question or comment, and the house was generally occupied throughout the year.
“I’ll call—” Josh began.
“I just tried.” Lucas shook his head. “He’s not answering the phone. But the agents say he’s there and has been all along. They’ve restocked the supplies each week as usual, so at least he’s eating.”
“All right. We’ll leave him alone awhile longer.”
In a tone that was almost angry Lucas said, “Anybody could see that girl was in love with him. Why the hell doesn’t he go after her instead of hiding out alone like a gut-shot bear?”
Josh could have told him but didn’t. Instead, he silently agreed with something Lucas had said. Zach
was
like a wounded animal, going off alone to heal himself—or die. And only the knowledge that he could do absolutely nothing to help his friend kept Josh from ordering his Lear readied so he could fly out there and confront him.
The intercom system buzzed a summons, and Lucas answered impatiently. “What is it, Jackie?”
“There’s someone waiting for Mr. Long in his office,” Lucas’s secretary reported.
Lucas looked up at Josh, then directed a second question at the speaker. “Who is it?”
“A Miss Tyler.”
When Josh entered his huge office a few moments later, he immediately saw Teddy standing to the right of his desk as she stared out at the breathtaking view of the city afforded by floor-to-ceiling glass. She was dressed with casual elegance in a smoke-colored silk dress, her vibrant hair piled atop her head and high heels lending her height.
She didn’t turn to look at him, but her profile was revealed as he slowly approached, and Josh could see that this was not the fierce, intrepid, and somewhat disheveled young woman who had thrown herself between Zach and a bloody mortal war.
This Teddy, he realized with a jolt, had walked through some inner fire and emerged
whole but scarred. She was a fraction thinner, and though she looked more fragile than before, it was the deceptive, seeming fragility of a diamond born in the dark, relentless pressures of unmeasured depths. And though there were no new lines on her face, something in the stillness of her eyes whispered of some dreadful pain endured.
“He’s not coming after me, is he?” she asked quietly when Josh reached her side.
“I don’t think so,” Josh responded just as quietly and without hesitation.
“You’ve known him longer than anyone. Tell me something honestly?”
“Of course.”
“Is it because he doesn’t care?”
“Because he cares too much.”
She looked at him then, a faint, indomitable smile curving her lips. “Then I’ll just have to go after him, won’t I?”
Josh looked at her for a long moment, smiling a little himself. Then he stepped to his desk
and lifted the phone, asking that his Lear be readied for a flight to Oregon.
“He’s there?”
“Yes.”
“Josh, you don’t have to lend me the jet—”
“I know, but I want to help. I love him, too, you know.”
“Yes,” she said. “I know.”
The rental car Josh had arranged for her was waiting at the airport in Portland, and Teddy followed the directions she’d been given to reach the house where Zach was staying alone. It was a fairly long drive for a woman in Teddy’s impatient, anxious frame of mind, but she endured it. She’d gotten good these past weeks at enduring what she had to.
It was late afternoon when she finally negotiated the long, winding drive up to the house. At the top of the drive, scant yards from the cliff rising above the Pacific, the house blended perfectly with the tall trees all around it. It was
an A-frame built of cedar and glass, appearing both rough and elegant at the same time.
Teddy parked her car near the sedan Zach had rented, leaving her bags as she went up the gravel walk to the front door. She started to knock, then squared her shoulders and used the key Josh had given her, opening the door and going inside.