Zombie Pink (8 page)

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?" she screamed.

One thing was
for sure.

It wasn't a beetle.

CHAPTER SIX

Mimi and Roger, who lived three houses down the block from Andrea in the Shady Oaks development, were
just finishing up a late dinner.

Roger had prepared hamburgers on the grill which he served on pretzel buns (
okay
, so he was
copying Wendy's
). He also whipped up some delicious doctored-up Bush’s baked beans for a side dish, loaded with molasses and brown sugar.

Roger had been at the job-site late, trying to get all the last minute work done on the A.T.&T. conference room
job. Dealing with his cranky and complaining crew was a
whole other job, in and of itsel
f.
He was the project manager for an up and coming millwork company called Mighty
Millwork. Right now
, they were on fire;
scoring the biggest jobs in Chicago and the surrounding suburbs, known as "Chicago Land."

He
was making good money which was a godsend since his wife Mimi couldn't seem to get a job. Roger and Mimi had not even been married a year. They were really still newlyweds. Although, in Roger's opinion, they sure didn't act the part. Well...he did. But his wife was so incredibly insecure.

Roger had found his wife’s insecurity endearing...at first. But now he was growing weary of it, which didn't bode well for the long term success of their marriage.

This should have been a lovely evening. The humidity of the day had lifted, leaving a nice refreshing breeze in its wake. The white Christmas lights were plugged in, granting the small deck
a festive appearance
.

The food Roger prepared was fantastic (if he did say so himself, and damn it, he did)!
Money was beginning to pour in. He hadn't even gone for his usual evening jog so he could spend more time with his perpetually unhappy wife.

Roger watched Mimi angrily stab at a bean with her fork. Her eyes looked dark and ominous, as usual. Roger attempted conversation.

"What did you do today?" he asked, leaning back in his patio chair.

In his mind, Roger thought of the nice outdoor furniture at Lowe's he wanted to buy to replace this old recycled crap.
There were so many things he wanted to do. Paint the living room... install granite counter tops in the kitchen...build a gazebo and a fire-pit... plant some more trees... install a nice bar and pool table in the basement.....if only Mimi would get on board with their life.

"Why do you want to know?" Mimi asked defensively.

In truth, Roger wanted to know because it seemed like Mimi did absolutely nothing all day. Here he was working his ass off... then he had to come home and fix dinner on top of that.

And where was his wife every day when he came home? Locked in the damn bathroom!

Not that they needed the extra money, really. It was just the principal of the thing. Maybe if his wife did a little more around the house while he was at work all day, he wouldn't care so much about her getting a job.

She never cooked... never seemed to wash any dishes... the garbage was always over-flowing and the hardwood floors were perpetually dirty, harboring huge dust balls that rolled around the house like suburban tumbleweeds.

But Roger had to tread carefully. He wasn't in the mood for another damn fight. He was so tired of fighting.

"It's like you're interrogating me," Mimi mumbled, her fork clattering down onto the plate. "You're always asking, what did you do? What did you do? Like you think I don't do anything! Like you think I just sit on the couch eating bon-
bons
all day! I'm sorry we can't all have great jobs like you!"

"I just asked..." Roger sighed.

H
ere we go again
, he thought.

Roger couldn't even talk to Mimi any more without this happening.

"If you must know, I cleaned the bathroom," Mimi told her husband.

"Oh, is that what you were doing when I got home?" Roger asked.

"Yea," Mimi replied.

Somehow, he didn't believe her.

"How's Janine?" Mimi asked.

She said the name "Janine" as though she was really saying "poison."

J
anine was the sales rep in Roger's office. She was part of the reason behind Mighty
Millwork’s recent success, Roger was sure.

While Mimi was convinced her husband
was having an affair with her.

Mimi met Janine last year at the company picnic. Janine was twenty-two, with long thick blonde hair and naughty librarian glasses.
The worst thing about the woman, though,in Mimi's opinion, was her mega-watt super white
smile that seemed to take up half her face.

Mimi felt blinded by that smile... like she needed to don her sunglasses just to escape its overbearing glare
of self-confidence.

Mimi knew girls like Janine
. G
irls who wielded their smiles like swords. Their smiles granted them every wish.

Every guy lusted after them.

Every woman thought they were so sweet and
friendly.

Every boss thought they were so valuable to the company
.

Every teacher thought they were super smart and could do no wrong.

But really, these girls used their toothpaste commercial grins to manipulate people... to get people...especially men... on their side.

At the picnic, Roger and Mimi had gone off together, both of them laughing about something with Mimi's giant grin dialed up to full minty blast. Mimi had seen how comfortable they acted in each other's company, as if
they had known each other all
their lives.

Observing her husband with this overly smiley woman created an
empty gnawing sensation in the pit of Mimi's stomach. She suddenly felt
impossibly drab and gawky in her maroon Walmart pants and prissy striped
blouse.

When Mimi confronted Roger about his "relationship" with Janine after the picnic, Roger had immediately grown defensive.

"It's a company event, damn it!" he had roared, a vein throbbing in his forehead. "What do you want me to do, ignore people I work with? What the hell
, Mimi!"

Mimi
shrunk back as though she'd been struck. She hadn't expected such an overly passionate response. She had expected Roger to shrug and say he had no choice but to be friendly
to Janine, but really he found the woman to be an insufferable phony bitch.

"You don't have to get so defensive!" Mimi pointed out. "It's just that you two looked pretty cozy together."

Roger did not respond to this. He just sat there, silently steaming. Mimi could practically see clouds of angry steam billowing out of her husband's ears.

"Those teeth! God!" Mimi
went on.

She should have
been smart. She should have r
ead Roger's body language and clammed up. But she just couldn't help herself.

"It's so obvious she just had them done!" Mimi continued
.

By this point, her normally placid husband's face
registered red hot fury. However,
like a snowball rolling down hill, she just kept on going.

"They're so white they probably glow in the dark... and I mean without a black light!
And that smile
.
Jesus!
It looks like she's a jack-o-lantern on crack!"

Mimi spit out that last sentence with gusto; pleased with her clever descriptive phrase.

Then Roger said something so hurtful... so unlike him, that the empty gnawing sensation in Mimi's gut had emptied out into a bottomless pit of despair.

"You're a bitch!" Roger informed his wife of less than a year.

The way Roger said that word "bitch" in such a calm, cool and calculated voice... that hurt Mimi more than if he had shouted the word at her in anger.

"I'M THE BITCH?" Mimi had screamed back, more out of hurt than anger.

But Roger had just stormed off, leaving her there alone; her
nerves jangled and raw. Yet she felt justified in her observations. Janine was unleashing her manipulative powers over her husband, and (typical man!) they were working.

"Any luck setting up some interviews?" Roger asked, after taking a swig of Pepsi.

"I KNEW THAT'S WHY YOU WERE ASKING!" Mimi exploded, jumping up from the table. "THAT'S ALL YOU CARE ABOUT! LIKE JOBS GROW ON TREES!"

Mimi grabbed her plate and her can of Pepsi and marched off the deck, slamming the door behind her.
She dumped her dishes into the sink which made a loud clatter since the sink was already filled with dirty bowls and plates and mugs that had piled up throughout the day.

Mimi just couldn't bring herself to wash all the dishes since the dishwasher broke down. Well, the truth was, she really didn't have time to wash dishes. She was too busy trying to do something about her ugly face.

Sometime, she just didn't understand why Roger married her.
Truth be told, she couldn’t even blame him for cheating on her with someone like Janine. Why shouldn’t he?

Mimi made a B-line for the bathroom. She flipped on the light and regarded her reflection in the mirror.

YUCK!

”
Stupid face!" she spat. "Stupid long face!"

Mimi put one hand on top of her head and the other underneath her chin. Then she pushed on her face from both ends as though trying to squeeze the two ends of her face together.

"Stupid face!" she mumbled.

Mimi hated her face. She never was a big fan of it. But at least when her hair was longer, like when she met Roger, she could hide behind its protective curtain.

Now, since she had made the dumb-ass decision to cut her hair... having been convinced that a shorter style would optically make her face look shorter, she absolutely couldn't stand the site of herself.

Oh, she'd tried hair extensions,
But they didn't help. They looked too fake and hurt her scalp
. Besides, the clips always showed through her own hair, causing embarrassment.

She'd tried other tricks as well, such as wearing thick bangs, curling her hair around her face, and wearing big fake glasses purchased at a costume shop... along with a silly blue beach hat with white Polk-a-dots
and giant hoop earrings.
N
othing worked.

In fact, Mimi was convinced these "tricks" made the situation even
worse. When she walked around with big fake glasses, giant round earrings, and a huge
polk-a-dot hat, people just stared at her.
That's because she looked like a damn fool
; like a premature little old granny.

A damn
ugly
little old granny
.

She could tell everyone was inwardly laughing at her.

Or else they felt sorry for her. It was obvious she was trying to hide her face. She might as well just go around wearing a paper bag over her head.

Mimi was convinced her face was growing longer by the day.

She applied some dark lipstick.

"Ugh!" Mimi groaned, looking in the mirror. "I look like a zombie!"

Mimi angrily ripped off a piece of toilet tissue and dabbed at her mouth. Then she applied some purple eye shadow and blush.

"NOW I LOOK LIKE A TRANSVESTITE!" she cried.

"ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?" Roger yelled from the other room.

"NO!" Mimi yelled back.

M
imi stared at her ugly face that was now framed by short strands of rusty colored hair.

"This is hopeless!" she declared...quietly, so Roger wouldn't hear. "I hate my face! I
look like a pile of hot garbage! I
hate myself!"

Mimi recalled the parade of perfect girls and women she had seen on TV that day. They all had one thing in common
:

SHORT TINY CUTE FACES.

It's not fair
! She thought.
I hate them
!

Does the stupid media even know what they fucking do to people? Do they even care? No, of course not. All they care about is making money.

M
imi thought if they did some kind of scientific study, they would find out that girls and women
who are attractive in the traditional sense had much happier and much more successful lives. Being unattractive really messes with your self-confidence.