Zombies and Shit (57 page)

As Junko and Scavy battle the zombies back-to-back, the roof below them finally gives way. It breaks open, dropping half of the undead down to the level below. The ground beneath Scavy goes with it and he falls.

With one arm, Junko catches him by the wrist.

Scavy looks up. “What are you doing?”

“You drew the long straw,” Junko says, holding him with her left arm. With her other arm, she chainsaws the zombies coming in from behind. “You need to get to the helicopter.”

The zombies on the floor below reach up for Scavy’s boots. He kicks the skeleton hands away. Then looks back up at Junko.

Scavy shakes his head. “Fuck the straws. Let me go. You have to catch up to that hippy bitch before she gets away.”

“Not a chance,” Junko says, pulling him up with all of her strength. “I’m going to make sure you’re the one who gets on that helicopter. We had a deal.”

As she pulls Scavy up by her left arm, a zombie grabs her chainsaw. It bites down into her wrist. She screams out and nearly drops Scavy, as a chunk of meat is pulled out of her arm. She thrashes the chainsaw until it cuts the zombie away from her.

“Let me go,” Scavy says.

But it’s too late for her to back out now. She continues pulling him up. Another zombie bites into her shoulder. Another bites her on the thigh. Junko squints her Asian eyes tightly to resist the pain, as she gets the punk back onto the roof. Once he’s safely on his two feet, Scavy turns around and cuts the zombies away from her in one clean stroke. Scavy fires his shotgun at them, blasting their knees out of their legs.

When Scavy looks over at Junko, he sees the bleeding wounds on her body.

“You’ve been bit?” Scavy asks.

Junko’s face grows solemn. “It’s okay. You’re the one who drew the long straw. Let’s get you to the helicopter.”

Scavy can see a look of disappointment behind her eyes. Even though she wasn’t planning on getting on the helicopter while Scavy was alive, he can sense that she had really wanted to go. She had a mission to go back to the island and take her revenge on Wayne “the Wiz” Rizla. Now she would have to stay back, and let Wayne get away with sentencing human beings to death for the sake of amusement, for the sake of money. Scavy knows this is why she is disappointed. She had told him all about what she would do if she won the contest.

“Junko,” he said to her, looking her seriously in the eyes. “Don’t worry. If I’m the one who gets back to Neo New York I won’t let that motherfucker get away with this anymore. I’ll kill his ass and shit. For you.”

Junko smiles at him, like he’s a kid who just said the cutest thing. Then she kisses him on the cheek, in the one spot that isn’t horribly burned.

“Let’s get you on that helicopter,” she says.

Then she revs her chainsaw arm and cuts them a path through the zombie horde.

Mr. T squirms on the ground as the virus pumps through his blood and circuitry. Fat green veins pulse up his neck and face. His eyes become bloodshot. He looks over at Nemesis as she walks slowly toward the hospital.

“Mr. T’s down,” says the cyborg, as he pulls himself to his feet. “But that don’t mean he’s out.”

Nemesis turns and whips her sword at him. Mr. T catches in midair. Then breaks it in half against his knee.

“Enough with the toys,” he says. “The T-2000’s not playin’ anymore.”

He charges her and leaps into the air. Before he reaches her she flies at him, and kicks him in the chest. He flies across the parking lot, smashing through the zombie crowd. Torsos explode on impact, spraying black goo into the air, as Mr. T’s metal body hits the undead.

Wiping zombie guts from his eyes, Mr. T gets up and charges again. This time when Nemesis kicks him, he grabs her by the leg and smashes her against a smart-car as it drives toward the hospital. Then he tosses her across the parking lot, through the undead masses.

Vine crawls across the ground, holding in his guts as blood and intestines spill out of his deep wound. When zombies come at him, he gets up on one knee, and using his one remaining arm he shoots the wire through their heads. The zombies stagger after him as he crawls, crowding up around him.

“You have to get to the paintings!” Xiu’s voice cries. “You must complete the mission! Or it will all have been for nothing!”

He pulls himself to his feet and slices down a row of zombies. Then he sees Nemesis’s body fly over his head into a light pole.

Junko and Scavy run through the hospital corridors, looking for Rainbow Cat. Through the missing section on the side of the building, they see Rainbow two levels below.

“I’ll get her,” Junko says.

She jumps down to the level below, then jumps down to the next level below that. Scavy covers her, blasting zombies with his solar-powered shotgun as they spill out of hospital rooms.

Junko drops down behind Rainbow Cat. She sees her running down the hallway with the gnome under her arm, her deadlocks whipping through the air like medusa snakes. A camera ball floats directly behind her. Junko charges the hippy.

As she catches up to her, Junko grabs the camera ball from the air and slams it into the back of Rainbow’s head. Sparks scatter from the camera ball as it wobbles away from Junko’s hand. Rainbow hits the ground, fumbling the lawn gnome. It rolls across the floor of the hospital waiting room.

Rainbow turns and swings her machete at the Japanese woman. Junko jumps back, revs her chainsaw.

“You ready to rumble, bitch?” Junko says, her chainsaw roaring against her arm.

“I
need
to get to the helicopter,” Rainbow says. “It’s more important that I get back to the island.”

Junko swings her chainsaw at Rainbow. The hippy blocks it with her machete, then kicks Junko in the stomach to knock her back.

“My husband’s manuscript
must
be published,” Rainbow says.

Zombies fill the waiting room. Junko grabs one and tosses it at Rainbow, but the hippy chops it open with her machete, then kicks it back to Junko.

As Junko chainsaws off the zombie’s arms, Rainbow gets back into the circle, protected from the living dead. After Junko follows her into the circle, the zombies crowd around them.

“Ever see a sumo match?” Junko says, looking at the surrounding zombies. “Don’t get pushed out of the circle.”

Then Junko charges Rainbow, spinning her chainsaw at her. Rainbow is forced back, toward the edge of the circle, zombie arms reaching out to her. One of them grabs a dreadlock.

Held in place, Rainbow can’t duck as Junko’s chainsaw slashes across her chest. Her shirt breaks open, revealing a bloody gash that drips down her stomach.

Rainbow cuts off her dreadlock with the machete, then elbows Junko in the face, breaking her nose. Junko stumbles back into the zombie crowd. They bite into her shoulder. She rips herself away from their grips, then chainsaws their arms off.

“You’re already infected,” Rainbow says. “Why do you even bother?”

Junko wipes away the blood draining from her nostrils.

“I’m not doing this for me,” Junko says. “Scavy is the one who’s supposed to get on that helicopter.”

They face each other, moving sideways along the perimeter of the circle. The zombies growl at them like a roaring crowd.

“Brains!” they cry.

Junko swings her chainsaw and Rainbow kicks it off of her hand, over the top of the crowd.

“You’re trying to stop me so you can save that worthless punk?” Rainbow says, as she brings her machete down on Junko’s back.

The machete cuts through Junko’s tank top, carving a strip of red down her back. Junko falls to one knee.

“I’d rather save him than a stuck-up bitch like you,” Junko says.

Mr. T charges through the rain as Nemesis gets up off the ground. She grabs a zombie by the arm and throws it at the cyborg. Mr. T catches it in midair.

“Show a little respect for the dead,” says Mr. T.

Then he rips the zombie in half and tosses the pieces aside.

He rumbles the muddy earth as he races across the lot toward her. She runs at him, her claws spread out to her sides. When they collide, Nemesis buries her arm deep into Mr. T’s torso. Then Mr. T grabs her by the arm. He smiles with big bright teeth. Then he stomps on her foot.

The massive weight of his robot body crushes her foot into pulp. She shrieks like a banshee in his ear.

“Sorry about that,” he says. “Mr. T’s not the best dancer. Always stepping on ladies’ toes.”

She twists his arm, picks his massive body up over her tiny figure, and slams him to the ground. Then she drives her knee into his crotch, shattering the metal casing.

Mr. T looks down at the crushed metal between his legs. He doesn’t feel a thing. Although the body of the T-2000 is equipped with fully functioning sexual organs, they did not come with the ability to feel pain. Mr. T laughs at her.

As he laughs, Mr. T doesn’t see the attack coming. Nemesis opens her mouth, dislocating her jaw like a snake, stretching it so wide that she can fit the cyborg’s head between her lips like a lollipop. She goes to bite into his skull, but Mr. T dodges. Her teeth catch the strip of hair on his head. She takes a chunk out of his mohawk.

When she spits the clump of hair out of her mouth, Mr. T’s forehead wrinkles with anger. She has just fucked up Mr. T’s mohawk.
Nobody
fucks with Mr. T’s mohawk.

“You shouldn’t have done that,” says the T-2000, feeling the hole in his mohawk. “Now you’ve really gone and made Mr. T mad.”

She goes to punch him through the skull, but he punches back at her. Their fists collide. Nemesis’ hand pops, bursting into a soupy mess, on impact with Mr. T’s robot fist. His knuckles break all the way through her arm, then punches her in the face. She rolls off of him.

Mr. T gets to his feet and roars. He grabs her bony spine and tosses her high into the air. Before she lands, Mr. T punches her back up into the air, over the zombie crowd. Then he charges after her and punches her again, across the parking lot, through a light pole.

When Mr. T catches up to her again, he grabs her around the neck and picks her up off the ground.

He says, “I pity the fool who messes with the T-2000!”

Then he smashes her face into the street. Her skull explodes. Reptilian brains splash across the pavement. The rest of her body flops down into the gore, twitching, coiling up like a snake with its head cut off.

Mr. T collapses on the ground next to her, the virus taking over his nervous system, sparks shooting out of his abdomen. He lets out a big sigh, as rain pours down on his face.

In the distance, he sees the clouds opening up and a bit of sunshine coming through. A rainbow arches across the sky.

“You know…” he says to Nemesis’ corpse. “Mr. T never did like the rain. The cold winds, the gray skies. Too depressing. But rainbows…” He squints his eyes at the rainbow. “Mr. T likes rainbows.”

He smiles at the sky as his metal hands drop to the side of his golden robot body.