01. Chasing Nikki (24 page)

“No.  I’m
all right,” I gripped her tighter.  “I’m sorry I scared everyone.”

“I better
call Justine and tell her we found you.  Poor Nikki was beside herself with
worry.”

“Nikki’s
awake?” I asked, my heart sinking. 

Mom followed
me as I hurried from the truck and up the steps to the house.

“She’s been
in and out of it most of the morning according to Justine.  She keeps asking
for you.”

I actually
growled under my breath, wishing I could punch myself for not being there on
time.  “I need to hurry and get back there.”

“I’ll make
you some breakfast while you’re getting cleaned up.”

My stomach
recoiled at the thought of food.  “Don’t trouble yourself, Mom.  I’ll just pick
something up on the way.”

“It’s not a
trouble at all.  I’ll pack you some stuff to go so you have something for the
rest of the day as well.”

I sighed
before I agreed.  I might as well give in because she wasn’t going to relent.

“Chase!” an
excited cry reached my ears as Nikki’s little sister, Clara, ran down the hall
toward me.

I picked her
up and swung her around in a circle, despite how it made my head feel.  “How’s
my pretty girl?” I asked.

“I’m okay. 
I missed you.” A small knot formed in my throat.

“I missed
you too.  I’m glad you’re home.”

“Will you
take me to see Nikki today?”

“I wish I
could, but I can’t.  The hospital won’t let you in right now.”

She looked
positively disappointed.  “But I drew her a picture.”

“Well, then
you go get it for me, and I’ll take it to her for you.  How’s that?” 

She grinned
widely and nodded.  I put her down so she could go get it.

“Those kids
adore you, you know?” my mom said.

“I feel the
same about them.”

“Your dad
and I should’ve had more kids.  You’d be a good big brother.”

I wasn’t in
the mood to correct her and tell her exactly how wrong she was.  “I need to get
in the shower.  Tell Clara to leave the picture on my bed, and I’ll take it.” 
I didn’t wait for her to answer before I headed up the stairs.

Pausing in
the doorway, my gaze settled on Turk, and I realized I’d missed one of his
feedings.  I sat on the bed and dropped some of his flakes in under the plant
roots.

“Sorry, I
didn’t feed you yesterday, little buddy.  Life’s been on the rough side lately,
in case you haven’t heard.”

There was a
giggle from the doorway, and I glanced up to see Clara standing there.  “Are
you talking to your fish?”

I grinned—embarrassed
that she’d caught me.  “Yep.  That’s what grownups do, don’t you know?  We talk
to stuff, about stuff, with stuff.”

“Nikki talks
to fish too.”

“Yeah.  I
know she does.  But that’s because she’s crazy.”

Clara
laughed again and came into the room for a closer look at Turk.  “She is.  I
know because I heard her say it herself.”

“Did you? 
What did she say exactly?”

“She was on
the phone with Tana.  Nikki said, “I’m crazy in love with Chase.”  She had this
big goofy smile on her face like she always does when she talks about you.  Do
you love her too?” she asked innocently.

I paused,
letting her words sink in for a moment.  “I do.  She’s a great girl.”

Clara’s face
grew somber.  “Is she going to die?”

“No,” I said
a little too sharply, and she backed away from me.  “No,” I amended, softer
this time.  “But she’s hurt really bad, and she’s going to need all of us to
help her get better.”

We sat there
for a few moments in silence until I cleared my throat.  “I need to go take a
shower now.  I’ve got to get back to the hospital.”

“Here’s the
picture for Nikki.”  She handed me a piece of paper.

I looked
down at the image, a drawing of a happy family standing together under the word
love, with everyone’s names labeled underneath—Justine, Clara, Timmy, Nikki,
and Chase.

My heart
clenched inside me.  “Thank you, Clara.  I’ll be sure she gets this.  She’ll love
it.”

She gave me
another quick hug and turned to skip out.  My eyes drifted back to her gift, warmness
infusing at the thought of her considering me enough to include me in their
family portrait.

I walked
into the hospital room, finding Nikki there asleep by herself, and a moment of
anger hit me.  I didn’t like her being left alone.  I pulled a chair up close
to her bedside, setting the vase of roses I bought on the phone stand and
propping Clara’s photo up next to it, before I slipped my hand into hers.

“Chase,” she
whispered, opening her eyes to look at me with a tired glance. 

“I’m sorry I
wasn’t here when you woke up.”

“My mom
explained where you were.  It’s alright.”

I lifted her
hand and kissed the back of it.  “I missed you.”

She stared
at me.  “Are you going to tell me where you were?”

I sighed and
leaned into the chair, not wanting to answer the question.

“Did you use
again?”

I shook my
head, closing my eyes because I didn’t want her to see through me.

“Did you get
drunk?”

“Look,
Nikki.  Let’s just say last night wasn’t good, and I’m not too proud of my
actions.  I certainly didn’t mean to disappoint you.  I was having a hard
time.”

“Who’d you
party with?”

“You really
think I would go to a party while you’re stuck here in this bed?” I could feel
myself growing upset.

“Sorry.  I
thought if you were drinking it would be with some of your friends.”

I fidgeted
restlessly.  “I wasn’t with anyone.  I went to our place at the creek by myself
and wallowed in self-pity.  Not exactly the highlight of my existence, I know,
but certainly what people have probably come to expect from me. You did.”

“I wasn’t
trying to assume.  I just knew you’d been under a lot of pressure lately.  I’m
not blaming you for it.  Heck, I’d probably join you right now if I could.”

I felt like
the biggest jerk, going on this way with her.  “Nikki, I’m sorry I’m so touchy
this morning.  It’s my guilty conscience talking.  Don’t worry about me.  I’ll
get my head on straight eventually.  Let’s get you taken care of first.”

“Worrying
about you is what I do.  I love you.”

I kissed her
again.  “Then let me worry about you for a change.  You’ve done enough for me. 
I owe you so much more.”

“You don’t
owe me anything.  You’re here with me, and that’s all I need.”

“I plan on
being here for every second.  I’m going to talk to coach about quitting the
team.  I’m sure he will understand.”

“No!” she
said sharply.  “You won’t quit.”

“You need me
more.”

“Chase, I
don’t want you to quit the team.  You know college scouts are looking at you.”

“That doesn’t
matter.  You’re more important.”

“I
disagree.  You need to be focused on your future.”

“I can’t
think about my future when you’re here like this.  I haven’t been able to even
concentrate on anything but you.”  I was getting more frustrated by the second.

“Chase. 
I’ll make you a deal.  You stay on the team, and I will do everything in my
power to hit my physical therapy just as hard.  I’ll match your workouts hour
for hour and try to get better.  But I’m only going to do it if you stay on
it.  If you give up, then I give up too.”

“You aren’t
playing fair,” I complained.

“I’m playing
very fair.  Now are you going to agree or what?  I’m too tired to continue this
conversation.”

I rubbed my
thumb over her hand.  “You know I’ll do anything you ask if it will help you
get better.”

“Good, then
we’re in agreement.  You play football, I play therapy.  Let’s see who makes it
to the end first, shall we? You to the state game or me walking.  The winner
has to take the other out for a fancy dinner.”

“Doesn’t
that make us both winners?” I asked with a grin.

“No.  I
can’t afford a fancy dinner like you can, so I’m going to have to beat you.”

I laughed,
feeling some of the pressure lift off my shoulders.  “You’re on, baby.”

“Just
remember, I’ll know if you are cheating or trying to throw things in my favor. 
I won’t have any of that.”

“Go to sleep
already,” I teased.  “What’s a guy got to do to get some peace around here?”

She smiled
and closed her eyes, squeezing my fingers tighter. 

I watched
her in silence, unable to drink in my fill of her with my gaze.  She was so
strong, and I loved her for it.

“Chase,” she
whispered.

“Yes?”

“I really am
sorry I messed up our date.”

My heart
sank again at her words.  “I love you.  Go to sleep.”

Chapter Twenty-Three

Nikki was fast
asleep again by the time her mom came back into the room carrying some
breakfast.

“Still
sleeping, I see.” She sat down on the couch against the wall.

“She woke up
for a short while and visited with me.”

“Good, I’m
glad.  She was really concerned about you.”

I nodded,
not quite able to meet her gaze.  “Yeah, sorry about that.”

She took a
bite of her food, looking at me thoughtfully while she chewed.  I felt like I
had a big neon sign on my head that was flashing the word “guilty” all over it.

“Chase, you
seem different to me somehow.  Is there anything I can do to help?  You know I
love you like you’re one of my own kids, right?”

I gave a
soft snort, suddenly becoming interested in the tiles on the floor.  I shifted
uneasily.

“Talk to
me.  Maybe it’ll help to get it out.”

The tension
inside me rose to an extremely uncomfortable level.  I didn’t know how to tell
her what I needed to, but I knew she deserved the truth.

“I know
Nikki was meeting you so the two of you could spend the night together.”

My head jerked
up at that comment, reading her expression, looking for anger, but there was
none.

“Nikki told
me about it when everyone was trying to find you.  She told me a lot of
things—confidential things you’ve told her.  She was worried you might have
used some drugs and overdosed somewhere.”

“So, all my
secrets are out.” I smiled wryly.  “Is this where you tell me to get out, I’m
not good enough to date your daughter?”  I felt ill.

“No.  This
is the part where I reiterate my previous statement.  I love you like my own
child.  You’re part of our family now, and I’d do whatever I could to help
you.”

I laughed,
and stood up to pace away before turning around to face her. 

“Why?  I
certainly haven’t done anything to be deserving of that kind of treatment.  I
pressured your daughter to be with me, wearing her defenses down until she gave
in.  She’s lying in this bed because of what I wanted her to do.  If she never
walks again it’ll be my fault.  Don’t you understand that?”

“That’s not
how I see it at all.  I see two kids who have been with each other for months
and have grown to have some very real adult feelings for each other.  Nikki
told me you never pressured her, letting her take things at her own pace.  She
said this was her decision.”

I let out a
groan of disagreement.  “I pressured her every time I touched her, trying to
fire her up so she’d want it just as much as I did.  I’m no saint, and
certainly not someone worthy of any sort of praise.  Every time I think about
her being here, it makes me so sick—I just want to vomit.  She doesn’t deserve
this.  It should be me, not her.  The world can get along just fine without a
guy like me, but it needs all the people like Nikki it can find.  She’s so
perfect, completely good, patient, and generous.”

“If she’s so
wonderful, then why did she pick you, Chase?”

“That’s
exactly my point.  She didn’t want to go out with me.  She called me a punk the
first time she met me.  I wore her down, made her go out with me, and now look
at her.  It’s like I destroy everything I touch.”

Justine
stood and came to place both of her hands firmly on my shoulders. 

“Stop it,
Chase,” she commanded.  “This is not your fault.  It’s an unfortunate
accident.  Nikki went out with you because she saw something she liked about
you.  That like turned into something much more.  She feels this way because
she loves everything about you.  She wants all of you, the weaknesses and the
strengths.  That’s how it works.  She’s not perfect, even if you think she is. 
She struggles with things just like the rest of us.  You can help her best if
you stop blaming yourself.  Otherwise your guilt is going to eat you up and
take you someplace you’ve tried really hard to escape.  Don’t let it drive a
new wedge between the two of you.  She needs you now more than ever.  It’s time
for you to be the strong one.”

She didn’t
wait for me to reply, instead wrapping her arms around me, hugging me tightly.

I returned
her embrace, knowing I was being selfish.  What she was saying made sense.  I
couldn’t see the hurt of the people around me because I was too intent on
wallowing in my own.

She loosened
her grip and stepped away.  “We okay now?” She smiled.

I nodded. 
“Thanks for not being angry.”

She returned
to the couch.  “I’ve been there. My husband and I got together in high school
too.  I remember all too well what it was like.  There’s no way I’d ever
condemn someone else for feeling the same way.  I’ve also learned since then
that life can be way too short, so we need to try to make the best of it.”

I sat down
in the chair by Nikki’s bed.  “She’s been trying to tell me the same thing.  I
guess she gets her good optimism from you.  For some reason I don’t have that. 
When my dad died, all I saw was darkness.  I didn’t know how to get past it. 
I’m not sure I wanted to get past it.  I think maybe it was my way of hanging
on to him.”