01 Only Fear (18 page)

He lifted his face to see hers, silently questioning if she was okay to continue, and she nodded. She hadn’t even thought about his hand brushing the scars Deborah had left behind. She was Ethan’s now. Entirely his, heart and soul and body, scars and all.

She sifted a hand through his hair in gentle encouragement and felt his smile against her breast. His head dipped lower, to her abdomen, and he kissed her there. She stiffened a moment, then relaxed into the pleasant sensation, focusing on the tension coiling inside her, making her toes curl into the mattress.

She thought she heard him murmur something.
Mine?
A flutter in her belly responded to the possessiveness.

His.
Yes, it felt right. And he was hers. And he would always be the man who set things right for her. She felt so safe. Protected. Cherished.

She lost all coherent thought as his fingers found the most sensitive part of her, toying with her until she moaned his name. Wriggling away from the exquisite torture, she tugged at his shirt until he lifted enough to let her remove the article. Sensing her sudden urgency, her need to feel his skin against hers, he sat up and slid her pants off, following the brush of fabric with his lips. Her underwear came next. When she was naked, he pulled back to look down at her. His breath seemed to hitch, and she felt the warm rush of a different kind of pleasure.

She felt beautiful. Proud of her body instead of ashamed.

She held her arms open to him, but he shook his head with a smile and rose from the bed. He unbuttoned his pants and kicked off his shoes. She heard two thumps as they were forgotten in some dark corner of the room.

When he came back down on the bed beside her, he rolled to his back, bringing her with him. Her eyes widened in surprise as her hips cradled his arousal. “I want you to be in charge. Do whatever you feel comfortable with. And stop if you need to.” His voice was husky, but the demand that she be true to herself was clear. Emotion tickled the back of her throat and pricked at her eyes.

Stroking the side of his face, she smiled. “You are something, Agent Townsend.”

“But I’m no saint, either,” he growled, pulling her down for a kiss that stoked their ardor again. She poured her heart into the kiss, taking possession of his mouth. She felt his arousal pulsing against her, and he pulled away enough to mutter, “Protection. Side drawer.”

With a grin, she leaned over him, intentionally rubbing her breasts against him until he groaned. She reached into the tableside drawer and found a condom. He teased her nipples to hardness, her body preparing itself for him as she lifted herself and slid down his legs.

He reached for the condom she’d ripped open but, grinning, she shook her head, slipping the protection over him and exploring his hard length. He hissed out a breath between clenched teeth. She slid back up to claim his mouth again.

He clenched his fists in the sheets, and she realized he was trying not to touch her, trying not to push her toward something she might not want. But she was beyond her fears now. She wanted him—all of him—now. Taking his hands from the sheets, she placed them on her hips as she shifted to join them together fully. Slowly, she sank down on him, enjoying the heat of hunger and passion in his eyes. The flash of animal that wasn’t frightening. It was arousing.

She was in control. She had the power over this strong, loving man.

He arched into her as she shifted her hips, picking up the rhythm that seemed made just for the two of them. His hands gripped her hips as if she would float away. And she just might have, if he hadn’t been anchoring her to the earth. Her head felt light and her belly heavy.

She increased the tempo. His hands slid up to her breasts, gently stroking until she felt herself shatter inside, shooting sparks of pleasure from her core outward. He cried out a moment later as he found his own release.

Their bodies sated, she collapsed on top of him. His arms wrapped around her and held her close. Safe. Protected.

She laughed as gratitude filled her. Ethan had helped her overcome her demons. And in the process, he’d opened a whole new world of pleasure and love to her. She turned her cheek enough to place a kiss on his shoulder. His arms tightened around her and she felt his warm lips at her forehead.

“You okay?”

“Never better,” she replied with another laugh. “I believe
giddy
sums it up. You?” she asked into his neck.

“An ex-government agent is never ‘giddy.’” He chuckled. “But I think I’m about as close as a man can get.” He placed another kiss on the top of her head.

Leaning up on an elbow, she looked down into his face. “Thank you.” Her smile widened at his look of surprise.

“Thank
me?
For what?”

“This is the first time I’ve felt alive in years.” She frowned. “Is that wrong, with everything that’s going on?”

He ran a hand over her hair, smoothing it back from her face. “We’ll find Fearmonger. We’ll stop him from hurting you, or anyone else.”

“I know.” She sighed and lay back down on his shoulder. She knew he would do everything he could to protect her. She only hoped it would be enough.

She was pretty. Not exactly like his Maggie, but close enough. He knew no other way to get through to his stubborn pupil. Maggie was hiding, abandoning her radio show rather than face him on air, refusing to acknowledge that she was wrong and he was right.

Framed by a window in her ground-floor apartment, the woman’s silhouette moved away as she hung up her phone, then moved toward what Fearmonger knew from previous scouting expeditions was the bedroom. Soon, she’d be getting ready for bed. Most of the rest of the apartment complex was already dark and quiet. This one would be a bit more of a challenge, with so many people so close by, but that would only heighten the excitement. When she was asleep, he’d break in and steal her away.

And wouldn’t dear Maggie be in for a surprise then. She’d be so scared at how close he’d gotten to her that she’d taste it.

Fearmonger knew what fear tasted like. Like the fresh, warm blood of a lip, bitten to stifle a scream.

He scowled. His parents had made sure he knew the taste and feel of fear, in their misguided attempts to make him appreciate their false superiority.

His lips curved. Now they appreciated
him.
Appreciated the strong, powerful man he’d become. And someday soon, the whole world would recognize it, too. Maggie would be the catalyst.

But first, he had a lesson to prepare.

It was like a high school crush. Ethan walked Maggie to her class, his hard, warm body not touching hers, but so near she couldn’t stop thinking about how she’d woken up with him that morning. A tangled mass of warm limbs pressed against each other.

The memory had her cheeks burning. She’d been afraid to get close to men for a year, going so far as to push some away, uncertain how she’d react to any man who got close enough to touch her scars. Perhaps she’d only had to find the right man to unlock her pain.

Once at the classroom, Ethan stepped away and allowed her to mentally prepare for her lecture. She looked up from her lecture notes to find him scowling at the class as it filed in.

She moved to where he stood by the wall. “What’s wrong?”

“No sign of Becca. I’m not leaving until she’s here.”

A shiver crossed her skin. “It’s still early.” But she heard the doubt in her voice. People around her just weren’t safe.

“Sure.” He sounded doubtful, too.

A student approached the table where Maggie stood at the front of the class and handed her a manila envelope. “I found this in my seat. It has your name on it, Dr. Levine.” Before Maggie could reach for it, Ethan’s hand snaked out and grabbed it by the corner with two fingers. He scowled at the surprised student, who backed away.

“We have a few minutes before class starts,” he told Maggie. “Come with me.” They found an empty classroom adjacent to hers, where Ethan removed gloves from his pocket and handled the envelope with caution. Slitting it open with a pocketknife, he slid a single, heavyweight linen paper from within. They tensed as they both recognized it.

“A menu. From the steakhouse last night.” Her heart pounded.

“There aren’t any markings on it,” Ethan muttered, turning it over carefully.

“There doesn’t have to be. He’s just letting us know he’s got Becca.”

“Somebody say my name?” Becca came in, closing the door behind her. “Just got here. The natives are restless next door. What’s going on?”

Ethan couldn’t hide his surprise. “You’re okay.”

“Yeah. I’m sorry I’m late, but I sat up with David last night. He’s pretty upset about Sharon, but I got him to talk to me and his alibi for the night of Sharon’s murder checks out. The guy’s a big softy. He says he went to his parents’ house after work Tuesday night, and that he didn’t hear about Sharon until Thursday morning when he returned to campus. He was too upset to work or go to his classes. He spent last night on my couch with Sigmund.” A wrinkle formed just above the bridge of her nose as she looked from Ethan to Maggie to the paper in his gloved hands. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost. What’s up?”

Ethan held the menu up between two fingers. “We just got another message from Fearmonger.”

Becca looked it over without touching it. “I don’t get it.”

Maggie sank down into a chair, fumbling for the cell phone in her pocket. “I think I do.” Heart pounding in her ears, she dialed. It took her three times to get it right.

“Hello?”

Relief flooded her. “Oh, thank God.” Her eyes met Ethan’s as she spoke to her mother. “Are you at Damian’s? Are you all okay?”

“Yes, honey. Of course. Dad and I are here…”

“And Julia?” But she already knew. Fearmonger didn’t send a message until he was confident of success.

“She left last night. Insisted on sleeping in her own bed since she had an early meeting at work. She wouldn’t take no for an answer, so Damian talked to Noah, who arranged for a police escort. The officer parked outside her place all night.”

“Julia had a police escort?” Maggie looked to Ethan for confirmation, but his jaw was tight as he took his own phone from his pocket, probably calling someone at SSAM to verify. “Have you talked to her since, Mom?”

“Yes, she called when she got home.” Maggie nodded so Becca and Ethan knew what the answer had been.

“How about this morning?”

“Well, no, but I didn’t expect to see her until lunch today. I… Oh no, what’s wrong?” Maggie heard a whisper of her father’s voice through the phone. He was asking her mother the same question. What could she tell them? That she’d endangered another sibling?

Ethan hung up his phone. Maggie didn’t like the look on his face. “Catherine says the patrol unit Noah sent over to Julia’s hasn’t checked in this morning. But don’t panic yet, okay? She could still be at her place.”

He took the phone from her and handed her his. “Call your sister,” he mouthed, as he took over explaining the situation to her parents.

She prayed as she dialed. She made an effort to focus on her breathing as the ring repeated four times, then went to voice mail. A recording of her sister’s voice greeted her. Maggie left a message, but her body knew. As she struggled to sound normal, just in case Julia was okay and did receive the message, her body rebelled, her stomach roiling and blood pumping with the truth.

Dear God.
The monster had her sister.

Ethan’s hand touched her arm as he hung up with her parents. His touch steadied her, kept her from giving in to full-blown panic. “Cancel class, Maggie.”

Her spine stiffened. “And let him win?”

Ethan shook his head. “You won’t be any good today. Not until we hear back from Noah. He’s heading over to Julia’s place right now to check things out.”

Becca stepped forward. “He’s right. And Damian will want to meet right away to regroup.”

“Becca, can you call him and fill him in? He’ll need to contact everyone and move up today’s meeting.” As Becca moved away to make her call, Ethan tried to draw Maggie into his arms. She resisted a moment before allowing herself the comfort of his strength and warmth.

“I’ll walk in with you,” he said when he pulled away.

She nodded and made her way to the classroom podium, her hands gripping the smooth wooden sides as if it were a life preserver. A hush immediately fell over the students as they looked at her expectantly. “I’m sorry, class, but I’ve received some bad news.” The words clogged in her throat as images of her sister in the hands of Fearmonger filled her head, overlaid with images of Sharon and the other victims. What kind of maniac had Julia?

Ethan stepped forward when she couldn’t continue. “Dr. Levine has a family emergency to attend to.” He rattled off an order to check their syllabus for their homework assignment and told them she would return for next week’s classes. But Maggie didn’t think she’d ever feel normal enough to do anything so mundane as breathing, let alone working or teaching.

How many victims had the killer claimed now? And how many didn’t they know about yet? Was Julia already one of them? She felt sick to her stomach. Her throat was constricting, and she felt the blood leave her head.

The scuffling noise of the students gathering their belongings retreated into white noise as her vision wavered. With a supportive hand at her elbow, Ethan hustled her back to the nearly empty classroom where Becca held a phone to her ear and paced in short strides.

Ignoring her, Ethan maneuvered Maggie into a chair and pushed her head down, between her knees. “You look like you’re about to pass out,” he explained, holding her head down when she would have looked up.

“We’re moving the meeting to an hour from now.” Becca began punching more numbers into her phone. “I’m calling half of the gang while Catherine calls the other half.”

“I can’t believe this is happening,” Maggie said, her voice muffled by her slacks. She tried her mantra.
I am in control. I am in control.

What a joke. Fearmonger was in control. He had been from the start.

The blood was returning to her head, pumping at a normal rate. At least she almost had this attack under control. She would not panic. She
would not
. She wouldn’t be any use to Julia if she fell apart.

And she thought perhaps Julia
was
still alive. Wouldn’t Fearmonger keep her around a bit to screw with Maggie’s head? Yes, she thought he might. After all, his primary goal was to frighten Maggie. To teach her about fear. The man definitely knew her weaknesses. Her family.

“My parents?” she asked Ethan as he sank into a chair beside her, his face near hers as she looked up. He examined her with a critical eye.

“Better,” he pronounced, then returned to her question. “They’re still safe. Understandably upset, but safe. They wanted to rush right over here, to see you, but Damian’s keeping them at his place.”

Maggie felt some measure of relief. “Good.” She sat up, waving off Ethan’s offer of assistance. “I’m okay now. Really.”

“Yeah, well, maybe I’m not.”

Her eyes widened. “What?”

He rubbed a hand across the back of his neck before muttering, “Hell.”

In a move that appeared to surprise both him and Maggie, he reached out and cupped her chin, moving in to claim a quick, hard kiss before she could say anything else. His lips were fiercely possessive on hers, but only for a moment. Still, it served its purpose, reassuring both of them.

“I was worried,” he admitted in a low, rough voice.

“About me? It’s Julia who’s in trouble.”

His jaw tightened. “It could have been you.”

Becca stormed over to them, snapping the phone shut. Jabbing Ethan in the shoulder with one pointed finger so hard that he had to lean back to get away from her, she focused an angry glare on her colleague. “I told you to stay away.”

Maggie watched in wonder as Ethan stood toe-to-toe with the younger and much smaller Becca, who wouldn’t back down. Indeed, with her temper flaring, she was an equal match for Ethan or any man.

“I made an executive decision,” Ethan said, through gritted teeth. Maggie just sat there, confused.

Becca bristled like a cat rubbed the wrong way. “And now I’m going to have to kick your—”

“What is this about?” Maggie interrupted, inserting herself between the two of them and facing Becca.

The air crackled with tension. At her back, she could feel the ripples of annoyance coming from Ethan. She felt his breath against her neck as he pushed the air from his lungs.

“You.” Ethan’s hands came down on her shoulders from behind. “She’s worried about you.”

“Did he hurt you?” Becca said, her anger making her bite the words off one at a time.

“Ethan?” Maggie couldn’t hide her astonishment. “Of course not.”

“If he does, you call me immediately.” Becca turned on her heel and stormed out.

“What’s going on?” she asked, still watching Becca as the door closed behind her petite form.

“You have a protector.” Ethan’s breath tickled her ear. And then his hands were gone. “And maybe she’s right. She warned me not to hurt you.”

Maggie turned to gape. “But you would never…”

“Not physically. She’s talking emotionally. And she was right. Because of me, you opened up. You’re haunted by the past again.”

Did everyone think her so meek and vulnerable? Anger flared, quickly followed by embarrassment. Perhaps they were all right. Perhaps they saw her clearer than she saw herself.

She folded her arms. “My emotions are my concern. No one else’s.”

“I thought you and I had gotten past this last night. As for Becca, she idolizes you.”

“And you? What’s your excuse for treating me with kid gloves? You and I both know Julia could be dead right now, but you’re acting like there’s hope.”

He reached out and ran his hands up and down her arms, but she refused to unfold them. “There is hope. As for treating you gently, I thought that’s what you needed. I thought maybe, after all that we shared, things need time to settle. We got intimate pretty fast last night.”

“Maybe too fast,” she muttered under her breath, hugging herself.

Ethan’s hands dropped. “What should I have done? You gave every indication that you wanted to make love last night.” Passion smoldered in his gaze, stirring her own response. “Should I have pushed you away?”

“Maybe.” Because she was a mess, her life in chaos. She didn’t want to become Ethan’s mess. And she certainly didn’t want to put him in danger simply be being involved with him.

She heard Ethan suck in a breath, but she stepped away, toward the door. Whatever she had, or didn’t have, with Ethan, there were other priorities at hand. She wanted to get to the meeting at SSAM and find her sister. Only then could she focus on figuring out her own life.

The conference room was once again full of concerned team members, with a few new guests. Walter Levine stood in the corner of the room, too agitated to sit still. Both he and Nancy looked to have aged five years overnight.

Maggie didn’t look any better. Ethan wanted to take her home and make everything okay. Her last word to him before they’d left to find Becca and head to the meeting rang in his ears.

Maybe
.

Was she saying he should have rejected her advances last night? He didn’t think he’d have had the strength to do that. More important, he’d done what he thought was best—for both of them. Maggie was throwing up defenses again, and he’d be damned if he could figure out why. But he
would
figure it out. Now that he had her, he wouldn’t let her run away. If she let him in, he’d do what he could to help her get over her fears. Of men. Of living. Of the future. He’d show her what kind of future they could have if she could trust him with her heart.

“It looks like we’re all here,” Damian began, claiming their attention. “Mr. and Mrs. Levine have joined us today.” The couple nodded in acknowledgment of the introduction. “Let’s begin with updates.” He nodded to Noah, whose head had been close to Maria’s as the two partners discussed something quietly between themselves. “You said you had news. What have you found?”

Noah sat forward, dangling a keychain from his fingers. “Maggie, does this look familiar?”

She clasped a hand over her mouth. “Yes, it does. I totally forgot. You found that at Sharon’s, didn’t you?”

“Yes. And assuming Sharon’s mystery boyfriend is Fearmonger, I think we just figured out how he got into your house.”

“That’s your key?” Ethan asked.

Maggie nodded. “And the device on the keychain disarms my security system. Kind of like automatic door locks for cars. I changed the code on my keypad, but with that, he would have been able to get past it.”