01. Spirits of Flux and Anchor (24 page)

He sighed. "You need an advance, so the four

SOUL RIDER: SPIRITS OF FLUX AND ANCHOR 189

horses will take care of that for two of you. But what if I freed four of your friends in an even trade? They'd have no jobs, no defenses, no place to go, and I'm not about to hire on six new hands, none of whom can even shoot. All you'd do is kill 'em for sure, or give them to Globbus or some- place else for free. In the Fluxlands, everybody's either owned, if they have no Flux power, or em- ployed if they do. If any of that lot had much power we'd have seen it by now."

She hated to admit it to herself, but she had to agree that he was right. It was very easy to say "You are free!" and feel good about it, but they would be free in a land where they would be at the mercy of just about everyone and powerless to prevent slavery at no gain to themselves or anyone else, and no input by anyone into how and where they would be used. If she could free them to return to Anchor that would be one thing, but even she would only be a visitor in that realm now, there at the sufferance of authorities and on a limited permit. "Well, there are three I'd like to free, anyway."

"Nope. Two is tops. I can't handle any more. After that the cost becomes counter-productive. The only reason I can handle four of you is that I'm sure one or two of you will screw up and never return from one place or another, at least in any usable form. And those two will work strictly for the value of the other two slaves we sell until they exhaust their accounts. Then well see if they are worth keeping or if they're fired. No other guaran- tees, no other deals than that."

"Mister generosity."

"I'm not generous. I'm your boss. And I'll fire your ass and that of our musclebound friend if I'm the least bit unhappy. No more lip, take it or leave it."

190 Jack L. Chalker

"I'll talk to Dar when we stop and then let you know," she told him. "How far to Globbus?"

"Oh, it's about sixty kilometers from here. We average a little better than twenty kilometers a day, so that's three days. Closer than Persellus is to Anchor Logh by a fair amount. In fact, it's about the same distance to Anchor Logh from Globbus or Persellus -- I had to go out of my way to do some business that, damn it, will probably never get done now."

That "night," as train time was measured in the void, Cass put the proposition to Dar, who seemed interested although unhappy that they didn't get more. "You really want to be a dugger," he^told her, "and I can't see any other place I'd fit in. Hell, anyplace else I'm a freak, but out here I'm normal compared to most of 'em."

She nodded. "That's what I figured. Now comes the hard part, though. Which two?"

He didn't even have to think. "Suzl and Nadya, of course."

"Not Ivon?"

He chuckled dryly. "That bigmouth was hiding behind a wagon while you girls were reloading rifles in the fight. He's also still scared to death of the duggers. I like him, but for all his muscles he'd never fit in around here. I think the two girls will."

She had to agree, but found it surprising they agreed so readily on both choices. "You three spent an awfully long time getting the water. We just about gave you up for dead. Something I should know about now?"

He sighed. "Aw, hell. We took a three-way roll in the grass, Cass, if you must know."

"But -- "

"Hey! If the Sister General can do it, why not us? Besides. I can't help it. I still like girls. And

SOUL RIDER: SPIRITS OF FLUX AND ANCHOR 191

what man is going to give me a tumble even if I was willing to do it? Jomo?"

She didn't argue that point, although she sus- pected that there were some men who'd be de- lighted with him the way he was. Considering the people she'd already seen in Anchor as well as Flux, that would be a minor oddity hardly worth noting. "What I mean is, I didn't really think that those two were that way."

He chuckled. "They never tried the other way, but they were willing. Then they -- found out."

She was fascinated- "What about -- you? How do you feel about it?"

He grew very serious. "It was really kind of funny. Until now I been real tight about the first time it would happen, but I knew it had to happen. Now, hell, it's like I'm free, a whole new person. I got lucky, that's all. Most folks would have turned away, or treated me like I had some deathly, disease, or something, but they didn't. Funny, too -- those shots must have worn off, 'cause they got real turned on, if you know what I mean." He paused and looked suddenly concerned. "This doesn't poi- son them for you, does it?"

She shook her head. "Of course not. In fact, it says something about them that they accepted you as you were. It means they'll fit in this crazy setup. Let's call them over."

The two girls were delighted at the news, but distressed that they were to be the only ones. "It makes us feel so guilty," Suzl told them.

"I told Cass about back at the river," Dar told them.

Both looked slightly embarrassed. "Is that what it is, then? Because we . .." Nadya said finally, her voice dropping off. "But we didn't intend to. It just sort of built up in me the longer we were in that place."

"Me, too," Suzl agreed. "Stronger than I ever

192 Jack L. Chalker

felt before, and it didn't matter who or what. I'm just glad Dar was there. If I was alone and feeling like that I'd have screwed a horse if one came-up. Nothing personal, Dar."

He nodded. "That's funny, though. I felt it/too. Still do. I just put it down to the shots wearing

off."

Nadya shook her head. "Nope. None of the oth- ers have it. It was something in the air, I guess."

Cass thought it over. "Something in the air.... Maybe part of Haldayne's new world that was strong enough to seep through. Who knows what urges somebody like that has, or what sort of thing he likes? If the goddess could absent-mindedly re- arrange a couple of mountains because it slipped her mind how they were and she liked them better that way, then his own ideas might change things as well, even without him consciously willing it. Maybe emotions run stronger than will, or at least ahead. It would make sense."

"A whole land run like Roaring Mountain's pocket/' Dar said, and shivered a bit.

Cass got back to business. "Don't feel that was the reason. At least, not the only one in either of our cases. I picked you two before I knew. You're both farmgirls, you know how to ride, and you're adaptable. Look at most of them back there. Still mostly dead inside, just waiting for the ax to fall. That's what sets the four of us apart -- we accepted what was and went from there. They are probably better off where they're going if they can't go home. We're going to beat this system, and maybe have some fun doing it."

She went forward and told Matson of their deci- sion and their choices. He was surprised only at one thing. "No men, huh? Didn't pick out anyone

for yourself?"

She shook her head. "No. I gather by that comment, though, that you knew about them."

SOUL RIDER: SPIRITS OF FLUX AND ANCHOR 193

He grinned. "I could hardly avoid noticing. For the record, those two are the best of a mediocre lot, I think, from past judgments. They may work out, although they'll have to watch themselves in the Fluxlands -- and Anchors, too, if they get into any. Attractive humans, male and female, have a habit of disappearing there. In either case I'm deal- ing with a wizard who has more power in his little finger than I have in my whole body or with a church with absolute control of a large population of ignorant idiots, which means it would cost me too damned much to get help and I have no real pressure. There are other stringers if I become a problem. No, I'm satisfied. Dress up the train a bit. We'll get them presentable in Globbus." He paused. "But what about you? If you want to blow the account, you could get some hair and maybe remake yourself if you wanted to,"

She thought about it. "No. I've been this way and I think I'll stay this way, at least for a while."

He stared into her eyes. "You ever had sex? With anybody, I mean, of either sex?"

She was startled by the directness of the question, but felt comfortable enough with him to answer it. In fact, around Matson her feelings were oddly different, although she couldn't really put her fin- ger on it. "No," she said softly. "Never."

"Never wanted to?"

"Oh, sure. I had the urges, yes. But I'm just not the sort that boys want, that's all."

"Maybe. Maybe for some boys, or men, that'd be true. Most of 'em only look at the outsides in Anchor, which is why I call 'em all dumb and ignorant. If I only looked at outsides in the Flux, I'd never have the best dugger team on World and I couldn't stand ninety percent of the Fluxlands. Arden, now, wasn't pretty by some standards, al- though she sure knew how to make herself so when it counted. She was as bald as you, you know.

194 Jack L. Chalker

Kept it that way because she said she didn't have time in the void to mess with her hair."

The only view Cass had had of Arden was pretty ugly and not conducive to knowing anything a^out what she had looked like in life. "I didn't Know that," she told him.

"You sure you're not running from sex? I've seen it before. Women who get to where they try and make themselves as unattractive as possible. Con- fess, now. You got rid of those shots back in Persellus."

"Maybe you're right," she responded, her mind a little mixed up at what he was saying, wonder- ing if in fact it was true. "But maybe it's just (hat I don't want somebody attracted to me just because I faked it all with fashions or even magic spells. This is crazy, but I really do like being me, and, right now, I've never been happier in my whole life. Does that sound like I've gone mad with the void or what?"

"No," he said gently. "No, it sounds like you did something most folks never really do, in Anchor or Flux. You grew up. Most folks never do. Most of them never will, never would in any case. That's the bottom line in why I took you on. Now you have to grow up one little bit more or else you're going to lose something. Either you can hide be- hind that boy's face and voice and keep forcing those feelings down or you can say the hell with it and let it out. If you hold it in and hide, then you'll still make a hell of a good dugger but you'll never be a complete human being." He pointed to the regular duggers, all misshapen, most deformed in- side and out. "The Flux will just reinforce it, like it reinforces their own problems. Ever think that any of them has enough on account to get themselves done back to any human form they want?"

No, she hadn't thought of it. "You mean they're that way because they want to be like that?"

SOUL RIDER: SPIRITS OF FLUX AND ANCHOR 195

He nodded. "They're all hiding, just like you. Oh, they're not all hiding from the same things, but they're hiding all the same. We'll never know what turned them into those forms, so we'll never know what keeps them that way. But's that's you over there, Cass. Now."

She didn't like that idea, but she was in a minor state of shock from his talk, and she didn't want to admit that he might be right "So what would you suggest? I shoot the profit making myself into a glamorous sexpot? Who wouldn't last long in Flux or Anchor?"

He shook his head negatively. "No. If you like it that way, be that way. But be that way because it's practical, or comfortable, or it's just you. not because you're hiding behind it."

She thought back to that time in Anchor, about all the rejection and her own attitudes and feelings. Was Matson right? Could it be true? "So what do I do if it i5 true, which I don't think it is."

"If it isn't, prove it. Take the plunge."

She smiled grimly. "Yeah, that's an easy dare. Take the plunge with who? Jomo? Nagada? One of the fake Lanis? Seems like everybody around here is either female or not exactly human."

"There's one," he said casually, blowing a smoke ring. "Me."

She stared at him as if he were suddenly some strange and terrible creature, the man she'd imag- ined when she first was scared stiff of the sight of him that day back in Anchor Logh. Her emotions were so jumbled up inside her she could neither understand nor sort them out. "You?" She paused a moment. "It's just Haldayne's influence. You got a jolt along with them, and coming on top of Arden's death...."

"Could be," he agreed. "Probably at least a little. But that doesn't mean that anything I said was wrong. Look, I'm not asking you to marry me, just

196 Jack L. Chatker

take a tumble up in the hay wagon. The only chance you'll have to screw your boss and get away with it. Yes, or no? It may be your only chance -- I'm going to work the tail off the four of you from now on, and you've got to learn ho\v to fight and how to shoot to be any good to me m the long run."

"You aren't just teasing me? I mean, this is for real?" She felt oddly distant, her mind and body a confused mess and somehow out of control.

"Nope. Serious. I'll even pour us each a shot of good brandy so you won't have the cigar smoke."

"Yes, all right," she heard herself saying, as if in a trance.

He got up, and she followed him. They walked forward after he took a small bottle out of his own pack, and he cleared away a couple of dugger guards, repositioning them well away from the wagon. He jumped up, turned, then helped her up, and then put the tarps down front and rear, light- ing a small lantern inside with a match so that there was a small amount of light.