03 Before The Devil Knows You're Dead-Speak Of The Devil (21 page)
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Authors: Patricia Eimer
Tags: #Paranormal
“Oh yeah!” I threw my hands up in the air and wiggled a bit. “Look at that. Iggy and I have this totally off the hook.”
“Ignatius,” Death said his face stern. “The hamster’s name is Ignatius.”
“Only to those who haven’t spared his life today. Those of us with awesome, but completely contained, powers over the forces of life and death can call him Iggy.”
“Iggy?” Matt asked from the doorway.
“He’s our new evil hamster of death.” I gave him my brightest smile as the hamster began flittering around the deck, his little tail lashing back and forth as he sniffed at things, snorting little bits of fire out of his nose.
“Our new what?”
“Evil hamster,” I said. “Iggy is my new snuggle buddy.”
“Great. We’ve been married less than two weeks and she’s already found someone else to snuggle.”
“Oh don’t whine. He’s a demon hamster. Even better—he’s a demon hamster that I can snuggle and who’ll keep hold of my powers when I don’t want to worry about them.” I snatched Iggy out of the air when he flew close to my face, sniffing out little fire boogers, and cuddled him in my hands.
“That’s fabulous, sweetheart.” Matt smiled at me. “But surely you can do that with anything? We don’t really have to take home a rodent do we?”
“Iggy is not a rodent,” I said. “He’s a hamster, and he’s helping me control my powers.”
“Fine. If it’s that important to you, I guess we can keep him.”
“Did you hear that, Iggy?” I scratched the hamster behind the ears and put him back in his cage so that he could fly in safety and not accidentally kill a squirrel or anything. “You’re coming home with us and it is going to be awesome. You know why?”
“Because you’re finally getting the pet you’ve always nagged your father for?” Malachi asked.
“No.” I hopped up onto my feet and did a little victory dance, throwing my arms up in the air. “It’s awesome because Iggy is proof that I’m cured. I can touch things again. I can go back to work at the hospital. I can help Lisa out with AC 2.0. I can feed birds in the park. Wait a second, I don’t feed pigeons in the park they remind me too much of rats with wings. So never mind, scratch that. I’m not feeding birds in the park. The important bit is that I can go back to work.”
I jumped up and down like I was a boxing champion who’d just won a major heavy weight fight, pumping my fists in the air. “I have this death thing totally off the hook!” I yelled and felt my whole body start to tingle a second before power shot out of every pore in my body.
There was a sharp crack and I looked up as the lights in Death’s house flickered and then died. A second later there was the squeal of brakes on the street and then the unmistakable crunch of two cars meeting in the exact same space and time while both were moving.
“Good job. It looks like you blew a substation.” Malachi stood and sauntered over to the edge of the deck. “From the looks of it, you knocked out at least half of Malibu, including the traffic lights.”
“Shit.” I flopped down on my chaise lounge and sighed as Matt dropped down on the deck beside me and kissed my temple.
“It’ll be okay,” he said. “We’ll get it. Together.”
“Together.” I agreed, my eyes closed, and smiled. “I love you. You know that, right?”
“I love you, too,” he said and then kissed my ear.
“Anyway, like I was saying,” Death said and I could tell he was trying not to laugh. “You’re going to want to close your eyes and clear your thoughts. Empty your mind.”
“Should be easy enough,” Matt said and instead of answering I lifted the middle finger of my left hand, flipping him off.
“Later, dear,” he said with a chuckle. “After all, now that you’ve got a surrogate, we have a lot of making up to do.”
Acknowledgements
No one writes a book alone. Especially not me. So in no particular order of importance I’d like to thank all the lovely peeps at Entangled Publishing—Liz Pelletier, Libby Murphy, Allison Blissard, Curtis Svehlak, Danielle Barclay, my fellow authors on the loops and anyone else I may have forgotten who helped turn this into insane rambling into something that other people want to read. I know that Faith and her story wouldn’t be here without each and every one of you.
Thank you to the fans on Facebook, the reviewers, the people who come to my blog, and all the people who tell me they read my book and it made them laugh.
Thanks as well to my family—Ben, Ainsley, Max, Nana, Zupper, Measles, Mary, Dennis, Joe, Trinity and especially my fabulous, wonderful sister-in-law Dr. Kelli Eimer who inspired the idea of the poor, exhausted medical resident in the first chapter. There’s no one else I’d choose to go along as comic relief in this lovely journey of extended family life.
About the Author
Patricia Eimer is a small town girl who was blessed with a large tree in the backyard that was a perfect spot for reading on summer days. Mixed with too much imagination it made her a bratty child but fated her to become a storyteller. After a stint of “thinking practically” in her twenties she earned degrees in Business and Economics and worked for a software firm in southwestern Germany but her passion has always been a good book. She currently lives in eastern Pennsylvania with her two wonderful kids and a husband that learned the gourmet art of frozen pizzas to give her more time to write. When she’s not writing she can be found practicing karate, training for triathlons and arguing with her dogs about plot points. Most days the Beagle wins but the Dalmatian is in close second. She’s in a distant third.
Other books by Patrica Eimer
Luck of the Devil
:
A Speak of the Devil Novel
Devil May Care
:
A Speak of the Devil Novel
The Clockwork Bride
:
A Riveting Affair Anthology
(Speak of the Devil, Book 1)
by Patricia Eimer
All Faith Bettincourt wants is a nice, quiet life and maybe a little romance from the angelically-inclined hottie across the hall. But being the youngest daughter of the Devil makes that nearly impossible. When an angelic stalker shows up in a bid to steal her powers and take over the world, Faith works overtime to keep her life from Hell under wraps.
(Speak of the Devil, Book 2)
by Patricia Eimer
Faith Bettincourt, the youngest Crown Princess of Hell, has one thing on her mind—spending some quality time with her angelic boyfriend, Matt. But when a girl from Matt’s past walks through Faith’s apartment door, she’s tempted to turn his ex into a down throw pillow. As if that isn’t bad enough, Matt’s zealous mother declares war on Faith’s family. But not all’s fair in love and war, and Matt’s having a hard time choosing sides.
(Blood Hunter, Book 3)
by Nina Croft
Captain Tannis of the starship El Cazador is part snake, part human, and—according to some—all bitch. She is one job away from her lifelong goal—to achieve the immortality she craves. The assignment: protecting the most powerful man in the Universe, Callum Meridian. But with a coup brewing and the crew of El Cazador close to tossing Callum off the ship, the two will have to work together to make it out alive. As sparks fly, can Callum really trust the one woman hell bent on using him?
(The Order, Book 3)
by Nina Croft
When Faith discovers she has a time bomb counting down in her head, she has one goal: to solve the murder case she’s working on and gain closure. Her investigation brings her in contact with Ash Delacourt, the demon representative on the newly formed committee for the integration of mankind and well…everything else. As Faith’s investigation deepens, her beliefs are eroded and she’s falling in lov
e—with one of the bad guys. How can she ever let Ash close when her time is running out…?
by Daire St. Denis
When Sass Hogan catches her boyfriend doing the tongue-tango with another girl, she takes a tire iron to his ’67 Mustang Fastback. Only she’s destroyed the wrong car. Jordan Michaels, a.k.a. Joran Carlyle of Carlyle’s Classics, wants his car fixed, and he wants Sass’s auto body shop to do it. As Sass and Jordan get to know each other, they start to fall hard. But how will Sass react when she learns the man of her dreams is trying to put her out of business?