05 Desperate Match (12 page)

“What about Chase and his wife? Isn’t he Loren’s brother?”

“Chase is doing the music, and Adam won’t dance with Samara. Long story. It’s got to be you.” He watched as she did the mental math and hid his smile when she took a timid step onto the floor. Like it or not, she was part of this family now, and that meant dancing.

He held her hand and they walked together to the center where the two couples danced. He released her to break in with his dad and Loren. The bride’s warm smile welcomed him as she looped her arms around his shoulders with no hesitation about how to handle slow dancing with a one–armed man. He held Loren, leading her to the music, and watching Jill approach Adam hesitantly.

He relaxed as Adam grasped Jill’s hand and wrapped his other arm around his waist. Dad turned to Mrs. Stanton, and the six of them danced as if the entire thing had been choreographed for weeks.

“How’s married life treating you?” He joked with Loren.

“Fabulous. I highly recommend it.” She smiled back, but her face looked worried as she glanced over his shoulder in Adam and Jill’s direction. “I heard I have Jill to thank for this gorgeous gym.”

He looked away from Loren for a second to see Jill smiling at something Adam said. “Yeah. She’s got talent.”

“How’s it going between you two? I’m your sister now, so I get to pry.”

“Things are good. Maybe too good.”

“What do you mean?”

He was saved from having to answer when Adam cut in. “I want to dance with my wife again.”

Rowan handed Loren off, and grabbed Jill before she could duck off and hide. He could tell from the smug way Adam had said wife, he’d be hearing the word a lot from his brother’s lips. He was happy for his brother, really. It was easier to be happier now that he’d found a woman he could make his own.

Jill copied Loren and slung her arms over his neck. She was shorter than Loren, which meant her body pressed closer to his. He swore he could feel the silkiness of her bare skin through the starched fabric of his shirt. They didn’t speak and just enjoyed the feeling of holding each other and swaying to the romantic song. More couples joined them on the dance floor, and soon every matched couple was dancing. Emma had somehow convinced Xander to dance also. When Rowan had first met the guy, he would’ve placed money on his arm growing back one morning over the odds of Xander ever dancing at a party.

Samara had climbed onto the DJ stage and Chase held her as he swayed with Luca clinging to both their legs. Rowan chuckled. “Cute.”

“What is?” Jill asked.

Rowan spun her around so she could see. She laughed also.

“You ever want kids?” he asked.

She stiffened slightly, then relaxed. “I did my best not to get pregnant. I was terrified Jack would abuse our kids the way he hurt me.”

His hand tensed on her lower back, and he forced himself to breathe easy. She was safe; gone from Jackass.

“It’s one thing to take abuse myself, you know. But I’d never be able to handle watching my child hurt. Jack never wanted me pregnant. He wanted me all to himself.”

He pulled her in tighter against his body, trying to give comfort. “I think you’d be a great mom.”

“Thanks, but now I realize it all worked out. I’m only twenty–four. I’ve got time to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life before I settle down and have kids.”

Her carefree words hurt him. He was nearing thirty, and he’d finally found what he wanted to do with the rest of his life, and wife and kids were part of it. If she was his match, maybe he’d be doing her a disservice by sinking her right back into a domestic lifestyle.

“I loved what I did today,” she confessed after a pause.

“What do you mean? Oh, the decorating?”

“Yeah. I’d love to study more about design and decorating.”

“So do it.”

She pushed back to look up at him. “How? With what money?”

“If you want it bad enough, you’ll figure it out. You figured out how to get here, didn’t you?”

She nestled up against him again. “That’s right. I did.”

“You’re pretty awesome, you know that?”

Her gaze met his, and their feet stopped any pretense at dancing as their lips met in a heated kiss. Their dance floor audience was forgotten, as they continued their kissing from earlier. Rowan focused entirely on Jill, supporting her body and pulling it as tightly possible to his own.

“Get a room, Rowan,” Chase shouted into the microphone, and they pulled apart hastily. The music shifted abruptly from slow to a fast beat. Jill tried to hustle off the floor, but he latched onto her hand and spun her into dancing with him.

Her cheeks were pink, and her eyes wide. “No running,” he shouted over the music. “I’m getting my dance.”

She looked like she was about to protest, but Adam and Loren danced by, and his brother grinned at him but thankfully kept his tongue silent. Hitting your brother at his wedding wasn’t cool.

He’d always liked dancing, and admittedly had some rhythm. He was happy to see Jill kept up and was willing to have fun as they sang along to the song that had been this past summer’s top hit. Jill didn’t seem self–conscious, and she had no reason to be. For one, she could move, and two, the dance floor was packed with bodies.

They danced until their bodies glistened with sweat and they both needed a drink break. He held her hand as they left the dance floor in search of sustenance.

“Marlena outdid herself.”

“Is she the campus cook?” Jill asked.

“Yep. I’d been worried when I moved here it would be nasty high school cafeteria food, but the food here is great.”

“It is,” she said.

He swallowed back the rest of his drink then put the cup down on the table with a thud. “Ready for more dancing?”

“With you? Absolutely.” With clasped hands, they headed back to the teeming mass of gyrating bodies and danced until their feet ached and Chase ran out of songs.

* * * * *

“Rowan?” Jill whispered from under the covers in her own bed. “You awake?” It was nearing dawn, and they’d finally left the wedding to catch some sleep before the sun rose. Her feet hurt from the high heels, and her calves ached from dancing, but her heart was full to bursting at the great time they’d had.

It had been such a joy to see Adam and Loren commit themselves in marriage. They were so in love, and it infected everyone near them.

“I’m awake. You?”

She giggled. “Obviously.”

He chuckled. “Guess I was more asleep than I thought.”

“Sorry. Go back to bed.”

“Nah. What was it?”

“I was just wondering—do you think kids can help being like their parents?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean if one of your parents has something wrong with them, would it affect the kid?”

He didn’t answer, and for a moment she thought he’d gone back to sleep. She was wrong.

“Jill, if you’re worried about my arm, then we should stop—whatever is going on between us—right fucking now,” he said.

She sat up, startled he’d misinterpreted her question so wrongly. “Oh my God. No. That’s not what I meant.” She leapt out of her bed and into his, planting tiny kisses on his face. Her heart hurt that she’d accidentally bruised his feelings. She’d never dreamed he’d misinterpret her question to be about him and his disability. She barely even noticed that his arm was missing anymore. He was so strong and capable his lack of arm was something that was simply a part of him, like hair or eye color.

He shifted trying to dodge her kisses. “What did you mean, then?”

“I was talking about me and Jack.” She sat next to him, curling her arms around her shins, legs folded against her body. “The truth is I kind of wanted kids, but I was always scared. Scared of Jack hurting them and that they’d grow up feeling inadequate, but more scared they’d grow older and be mean and abusive like him. And then I’d hate them. That’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard of: a mother hating her own children.”

His body cradled hers, offering the best comfort in the world. “Your kids would never be like him. You wouldn’t allow it. You’d teach them better.”

“But what if it’s something genetic? What if I couldn’t teach the meanness away? And they would’ve had Jack undermining me all the time.”

She clung to him, using his big body as her emotional anchor. She hadn’t had this kind of comfort in six years, and she sucked it up like a sponge to water. Part of her brain warned her not to get used to having it. She had to learn to be on her own.

“It’s a good thing then that you’re never going to have to answer those questions.”

“True.”

They stayed snuggled and silent, and she felt herself drifting to sleep when Rowan’s voice pulled her out of it.

“What about us?”

“What about”—she yawned—“us?”

“My arm defect is genetic. If we are a match, can you handle a disabled child?”

She didn’t follow her gut instinct, which was to deny any hesitation she had at having a child who wasn’t whole. His question deserved her full attention. She concentrated on what it would be like to knowingly bring a child into the world who would be handicapped.

“Jill, you still awake?”

“Yeah. I’m thinking. If I said yes immediately, it wouldn’t be fair. It’s easy to say I can without knowing all the facts. The biggest thing I’d be worried about is over–protecting him. I’d always be worried about him being bullied.”

Rowan hugged her in tighter. “My mom struggled with that, too, but not as badly as Adam. He was the worst. If I hadn’t fought back, he would’ve carried my backpack for me into school every day and walked me to my classroom.”

“How did he get over it?”

He rolled so they could look into each other’s eyes. “He hasn’t. The reason I didn’t know about this place until last year? ‘Cause Adam thought he was protecting me. He didn’t think I could handle the training.”

“Were you bullied at school?” Jill asked.

“At first, but I don’t think it was because of my arm. When Mom ran from here, she took us to the center of Washington DC. We were the only white kids in the whole school. My missing arm was just a bonus difference. Once the kids got to know us, the bullying stopped.” He grinned. “It helped that Adam and I were enhanced, though we didn’t know it. We were faster and stronger than everyone else. Soon, we were first picked for teams on the playground.”

“What are we going to do about Adam?” she asked with a yawn splitting her face.

“Do?”

“If he’s still being over–protective. He needs to back off.”

“You said ‘we.’”

“I did?”

“Yeah. You in this with me, Jill?”

She managed to stop yawning long enough to rise up on her elbows to kiss his lips. A yawn broke through and they both cracked up.

“Go to sleep, Jill.”

“Good night,” she yawned. “See you later.” Minutes after she fell asleep, she woke up with a start. She was in bed with Rowan. It would be their first time sleeping together. Her brain was too tired to do anything other than acknowledge the fact. She’d worry about the significance later.

Chapter Six

T
wo days later Jill stood outside Thea’s home knocking on the door. It was on the early side of the day, and she wasn’t sure if the pregnant woman would still be sleeping. She also didn’t know the etiquette around here. Should she have called first to say she was stopping by to drop the clean dress off? Or was it fine that she’d simply shown up? From what she’d seen so far of the Program campus, it was pretty casual.

She knocked again, but no one was answering.

“Looking for Thea or Ryan?”

She turned to see another soldier passing. “Um, yeah. Do you know where Thea is?”

The guy looked at his watch. “It’s 9:30. She’s at work by now.”

“Oh. She flushed, feeling silly that she’d assumed everyone around here had as much free time as she’d seemed to lately.

“You could go find her,” the soldier offered. “She works in the labs. It’s that building over there.” He pointed, directing her to a low two–story brick building, almost identical to every other brick building on campus. None of the buildings had signs to help her. You either had to know your way around or keep asking for directions.

“Thanks.” She set off toward the building, holding the turquoise dress in a plastic dry–cleaning bag. Rowan hadn’t even asked if she’d wanted it cleaned, but had disappeared with it the day after the wedding. She’d mumbled a thank you but hadn’t made too big a deal, because she couldn’t afford to pay him back, and she was embarrassed. It was time to find a job, or something to fill her day. She couldn’t hang out in Rowan’s one–room apartment all day for the rest of her life.

She shivered and hurried through the brisk winter air into the building. She didn’t know what to expect in the genetics lab and was disappointed when it didn’t look like something out of a Star Trek movie. It looked a little like an office building and the few open doors revealed rooms that looked like a high school science lab. She peeked in the first one.

An unfamiliar older woman was hunched over a computer. Jill cleared her throat. “Excuse me, sorry to bother you, but can you point me in the direction of Thea?” She realized she didn’t know Thea’s last name, and hoped there was only one Thea on campus. It wasn’t that common a name.

The older woman turned and scrutinized her. “Thea’s in the lab across the hall. Knock on the door first in case they need to hide some work. You don’t have clearance for secret projects.”

“Oh, sure.” She turned to go, but the woman stopped her.

“Wait a minute. I want to talk to you.”

She turned back, wondering what this scientist had to say. “Yes?”

“We haven’t officially met yet. I’m Doctor Wise. I’m the head scientist here, and I run the matching process.”

“Oh.” Jill wondered if the doctor could somehow see that she and Rowan hadn’t done anything more than snuggle or kiss. She ignored the almost–hand job she’d given him before Adam’s wedding. He hadn’t come, so it didn’t count.

“I wanted to give you a warning and offer some help.”

She didn’t know how to respond, so she stood there fiddling with the plastic dry–cleaning bag, waiting for Doctor Wise to continue.