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Michael glanced away, his eyes going dark. "Nope."

Kip wanted to call Michael on the lie but didn't feel it was
his place. Hell, if Jamie was stepping out on him, he guessed he'd find out
sooner or later. Maybe Jamie wasn't the guy for him, but he sure as hell
thought he was.

The drive out to feed the cows was over faster than he
wanted. He decided to head to the back pasture just to check things out. He
needed to spend more time away from Jamie so he didn't say anything. Friday
night the cowboys were planning a big party and he'd been told he had to go. He
didn't think he and Jamie would have this solved in two days. It would be
awkward if he confronted him before the party but this weekend he and Jamie
were going to have a talk and he was going to figure this out. If they weren't
going to stay together as a couple he'd rather know sooner than later.

*~*~*

Connor glared at Mike, pissed off that the man was pouring
perfectly good liquor down the drain.

"Not the Glenmorangie," Connor roared as Mike
grabbed for the bottle of perfect scotch. Mike lifted a brow, shooting him a
quizzical glance. "It's special. I won't drink it and I never drink more
than a few fingers every few months."

Mike eyed him then the bottle. "Fine, but it's going
into the back of my car and then over to Lane and Gresh's place until you sober
up for a few months."

"Fuck, I hate you."

"I'm fine with that if it keeps you sober." Mike
poured a bottle of cheap tequila down the drain. Their gazes met and
desperation filled Connor. He wanted to kiss Mike and hold him tight, but in
the twenty-four hours he'd been here, nothing had happened.

"Just one glass." Alcohol wasn't the answer, but he
had no other solution to the issues buzzing through his mind.

Mike tossed the empty bottle into the trash. The clanking
sound was so final Connor's shoulders drooped. He needed something to distract
him from reality. Riley was gone. He'd seen the aftermath. The blood and the
gore had stayed with Connor, punishing him each time he closed his eyes.

"I'm sorry, but no, you can't even have one glass."

"Why are you doing this?"

"I like you, Connor. Even if you've been a total jerk to
me and have pissed me off time and time again in the last few hours, I'm not
going to let you do this anymore."

Connor turned from the kitchen and stomped over to the couch,
sinking down low, slouching in the seat. The last words Riley had said to him still
echoed in his mind. The accusation had hit too close to home. Connor closed his
eyes and Riley's voice was there, slamming into him.
"You're having an affair. You bastard."

Connor
opened his eyes and shook his head. Mike was in front of him, his gaze
questioning. "You need to talk to me."

He
swallowed hard, not wanting to think about the situation. "I can't."

"You
need to get out of this house. Let's go grab a burger."

Connor
jumped up and stalked to the bedroom. Mike jumped in front of him and blocked
him. "I'm not taking no for an answer."

Pain
flashed through him and he screamed. The fright on Mike's face made him still.
He remembered one of his foster fathers screaming in rage. Then the fists had
flown. He hadn't been there long, but fear had forever been etched in his mind.
Connor didn't want to be like that. He calmed immediately and blew out a huge
breath. "I'm sorry. That's not how I want to be. I'm too fucked up for
you. Please, just leave me alone."

Mike
smoothed his fingers over Connor's cheek and down his neck. "I'm not
leaving."

"I'm
not good enough." His past failures played through his mind. He'd never
been very good at anything and this wasn't any different. Mike only knew him
from work, but if he knew what a sick bastard he was, then maybe Mike would
leave him alone and let him sink into misery.

Mike
stepped close and brushed his lips over Connor's jaw. "We're going out to
grab a burger. That's all we need to do right now. A burger."

"I
can't—"

"Let
me make your decisions for you right now."

Connor
sucked in a breath, his eyes wide. "What?"

"I
don't want to boss you around, but you need someone to take control."

The
shiver that snaked along his spine made his whole body shake. He closed his
eyes and sighed. Control, he needed someone to tell him what to do. That's why
he and Riley worked so well and why they didn't. Riley told him what to do in
the bedroom, but he'd never realized when Connor needed that control outside of
the bedroom.

Mike's
hand was on his chest then his arm was around Connor's waist. He partially
opened his eyes and lowered his lips, finding Mike's mouth. At first Mike
didn't return the kiss. Then he opened his mouth and tilted his head back,
allowing Connor to possess him fully. With Riley, he'd always been the
submissive, but Mike submitted so nicely, so purely that he wanted nothing
other than to wrap his arms around him and protect him. Connor ripped his mouth
away from Mike's and stepped back. His fingers flew to his lips and he ran the
rough pads over the moist, swollen flesh.

"Connor,
I'm so sorry. I shouldn’t have even—"

"No,
it's okay. I don't—There was this feeling."

"Physically?"

"Not
really. I—I can't explain it." Deep emotions welled up inside, leaving him
unsure of himself and his relationship with Riley. It wasn't fair. He wanted to
have one more talk with Riley. One more chance to work it out or call it quits.
This wasn't fair.

"Tell
me. You don't have to be eloquent. Just talk on the way into town."

Connor
swallowed over the lump in his throat, trying like hell to get a handle on the
pain filling his mind and body. Mike had always been nice to him and this
wasn't any different. He could try talking to Mike. Maybe just talking would
help. It sure as hell had to be better than his drinking binge and near
suicidal thoughts.

Chapter
Three

Mike
listened to Connor as he spilled his story. At first he just rambled about
Riley, a lot of it Mike had already heard, like the fact that they'd screwed
around with their friends. Then Connor started talking about the final day. Mike's
heart broke as Connor spoke.

"I
told him that we'd kissed." Connor had been staring out the window for the
last few miles, his whole body held in a pose of defeat.

Mike
wanted to comfort him and say something but he stayed silent, thinking it best
to hear the man out.

"He
thought I was having an affair. I told him that wasn't fair since he told Lane
he loved him but he wouldn’t listen. I feel so guilty. I caused him to
die."

Mike
pulled into the lot of the burger joint and cut the engine. "Connor, I'm
going to tell you what you've heard in training and classes. People make their
own decisions. You didn't force Riley to drive away. From what you said you
were trying to be reasonable and he blew up. You didn't make him pull out into
the traffic and you didn't force him to drive away angry."

Connor
blew out a breath. "He was so upset. I should have just shut up and let
him yell at me."

Mike
reached over and took Connor's hand. "You were not in the wrong. Please
don't beat yourself up over this."

"How
can I not be upset when he would be alive if I'd—"

"Stop
right there. You don't know if he'd be alive or not. He made a mistake and
drove recklessly."

"But
I never should—"

"Okay,
so you told him about me, about us kissing. He didn't have to react that
way."

Connor
tilted his head back and rested it against the headrest. "I can't forgive
myself."

Mike felt
like they weren't going to get anywhere and he knew Connor was probably hungry.
Maybe after eating and talking about something else they could come back to the
subject. "Let's get a burger and you can show me around the town."

They both
exited the car, heading into the diner. Connor chose a seat where he could see
the door and Mike took the seat opposite though it made him nervous. The
waitress came over and took their order. In the harsh light of the diner, Mike
noticed the new lines etched deep in Connor's face. The last six months had
been hard on his friend. Talking about Riley could wait.

"You
remember that diner near the office building?" Mike asked.

"Yeah,
quiet place, cute waitresses."

"They
hired a new girl."

"Hmm."

"Her
name is Daisy. She's got all the guys hanging on her every word. So David
Lighthouser went in and started to flirt. It took him two days to work up the
courage to ask her out. It was the talk of the office. Anyway, he heads over
and she's outside by her car. He steps close. Now mind you, I was watching this
from the window so I didn't hear the words, but when she spun around her purse
flew wide and racked him. He doubled over and his head was in her boobs. She
pushed him away and he stumbled then fell, landing in a pile of dog poop."

Connor's
eyes were wide and he seemed interested in the story. Mike smiled and warmth
spread through his body. He'd wanted to get Connor out of his funk.

"So
David is sprawled out on the ground, Daisy is standing above him, and this
flock of pigeons fly over. The birds hit both of them. The guys in the office
were howling with laughter. David came back upstairs and no one said anything.
Then one of the guys says something about dog shit and the whole office breaks
out with laughter."

Connor
smiled and took a sip of his drink. The waitress brought out their burgers and
they started eating. Connor made it halfway through his burger then put it
down, his gaze intense. "So, did he get the date?"

"Yeah,
but she was a dud. All fun and flirty at work and a total meanie at home. David
doesn't eat at the diner with the guys anymore."

"That
sucks."

"Yeah,
but you know how it is. Those straight guys get so hung up on pride and
embarrassment."

Connor
smiled again then picked up his burger and continued eating. When they finished
their food and after they'd paid, Mike led Connor outside. "Come on. Let's
go for a walk."

They
strolled down the street, the sun felt good on his back. "I was thinking
of going to for a trail ride. You know, over at Crazy Hills they have that
option now. Just one day and you can have fun." Connor stopped walking; his
face didn't look so good. Mike reached out a hand to steady the big guy.
"What?"

Connor
closed his eyes and shook his head. "I can't go over there."

"Why
not?"

"It's
Lane and Gresh's place. I said some nasty things to them a few weeks ago and
told them to stay away—I threatened to call the cops."

Mike
grabbed Connor's hand, stroking his thumb over the palm. "They'll forgive
you. Trust me, you need to go see them."

"I
don't know. You haven't talked to them or anything?"

"Nope,
I didn't even know that Crazy Hill's was theirs. I'll go with you."

"I
don't know."

"Let's
call them and set up a time for this weekend. That will give you the rest of
the week to clear your head and get all the alcohol out of your system."

"I'm
not still drunk."

"No,
but you want a drink."

Connor
dropped Mike's hand and took off walking again. Mike followed but at a
distance. Getting Connor to come back to the living would be difficult. Some
might think it was a lost cause, but he didn't want to give up on the big guy
yet. He only had a few weeks of vacation time, after that he hoped Connor was
well on the way to recovery because he hated to think what would happen if he
couldn’t break through to this beautiful tough guy.

*~*~*

On Friday night Jamie was so nervous he almost threw up when
Kip walked into the dining hall. It had taken him two weeks of talking to
convince the preacher that what he and Kip had was natural. They'd prayed, read
the Bible, studied the original language and finally, after he'd about given
up, Pastor Roberts had agreed to do the ceremony. Now he needed to ask Kip. He
should have talked to him about it before, but he didn't want Kip to get his
hopes up. It wouldn’t be legal, but he and Kip would know about it and that's
all that mattered.

Cookie had made some amazing dishes for tonight and the
chocolate cake was hidden in the back with the words
Congratulations
scrolled across the middle. God, he hoped the cake wouldn't go to waste.

The other cowboys filtered in and Kip still hadn't come over
to say hi. He kept shooting Jamie looks, some pained, others filled with
promise. The man suspected something. Jamie had been acting strange and Kip
wasn't stupid.

They all took a seat and Kip almost didn't come over to sit
beside him, but Sterling told him he had to. Cookie brought out the main
course, a huge brisket that Lane cut and began to serve. When everyone had
meat, Lane stood and raised his glass of wine.