2 Hungry, Hungry Hoodoo (10 page)

Sy took me back to the castle. It was late, and everything was quiet and serene. It somehow looked different now, tainted by my memory. I walked slowly through the great hall, reliving the memory of meeting my father, expecting the guards to rush in and carry me away again. With each memory Jaron gave me, I felt a little closer to my past self, which was beyond frightening. The memories I got on my own seemed forced, like I was ripping them from my mind. The ones Jaron gave felt organic. I didn’t just remember the one feeble scene; all of my life surrounding the event became clear. And now I could clearly see I’d put myself in quite the predicament. My intentions were good originally, but I took them too far. I couldn’t believe I had ever considered killing Cheney. I guessed I was trying to make decisions like an elf and ignore my feelings. Why had I agreed to be bonded to Cheney, and why did I give Jaron my memories?

Sy’s voice rang through my thoughts. I needed to figure out what I wanted
now
, regardless of how I felt then. I couldn’t let myself get wrapped up in the memories.

“I thought you’d be later,” Cheney said from the doorway.

I looked up and smiled at him, still rooted to the spot where I’d spoken with my father, though Cheney pulled at me like a magnet. “I was ready to come home.”

“I’m glad.” Cheney walked toward me with graceful, light steps. He was so different than Jaron. His thinner, rangy body coated with lean muscles seemed frail compared to Jaron’s taller, thicker build. Cheney’s face was smooth and timeless, and Jaron’s was weathered and rugged. His hair was wild and impish, whereas Jaron’s was wavy and relaxed. How did I manage to love two such different men? Then again, maybe I never loved Cheney at all. Maybe I just fooled both of us.

Cheney’s arms curled around me, and he feathered kisses along the side of my neck. “What are you doing in here?”

I bent my head to the side to give him better access and sighed. “Do you think my father is still alive?”

Cheney froze. “Have you remembered something?”

I almost told him my memory, but something inside stopped me. “Why do you ask? Does it matter if I remember something? Would it change your answer?”

His embrace tightened. “He is still alive, yes.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You never wanted to discuss your family—any of them. I’m actually surprised you’re so close to Sy now. Do you want to meet him? I can summon him to the court.”

“No,” I said softly, remembering our last meeting with a heavy heart. I didn’t dislike my elf side anymore. For better or worse, I understood her now—at least a little. “We don’t need any more complications.”

He smoothed my hair from my face and resumed kissing my neck. “If it makes you happy…”

“Finding Michael alive and well and putting an end to all of this fighting would accomplish that.”

His tongue traced my pulse. “Has Sy made any progress?”

“Mmm.” His hands grazed down my sides as he pulled my earlobe into his mouth. Elves have highly sensitive ears, and with enough pressure in the right spot, I could shatter into a million pieces. His tongue ran along the edge and my knees shook. I leaned into him for support.

“Did I mention that I’m glad you came home?” He chuckled softly, his breath cooling the spots he’d just set to fire. “Let’s go back to our room.”

I pulled away, shaking my head with a teasing smile. “I’m happy where I am.” I took his hand and led him toward the front of the room. “Are you worried someone will catch us?”

He laughed. “Not at all.”

I pushed him into the throne, straddling his legs. “There’s something I need to talk to you about.” I kissed him softly but couldn’t stop comparing him to Jaron.

“Is it urgent?” He tugged my shirt over my head, pulling a nipple into his mouth.

“God, yes.” He paused and my breath caught. “Don’t stop.”

He chuckled and resumed the motion.

Talking could wait until morning.

Cheney and I made it down to the gym before Sebastian for once, and while we waited, Cheney kissed the back of my hand, his eyes twinkling. “There are 283 rooms in this castle. Do you think we should christen them all?”

I laughed. “We certainly could try.” I still wasn’t sure what I needed to do. This connection with Cheney was impossible to ignore, and it was impossible to think objectively when I was here. When I was with him all I wanted was more, but when we were apart I was riddled with doubt. There had to be a way to break the bond. It was the only way I would ever know what I actually felt.

“There was something you wanted to talk to me about?”

My hands went instantly cold and I pulled away from him. “Sit down, Cheney.”

He gave me a strange look but took his seat. “You did remember something, didn’t you?”

I paced away, not sure how to do this. “I know who the leader of the rebels is.” His eyebrows shot up and he started to stand, but I waved him back down. I licked my dry lips. “Apparently it’s me.”

“That’s absurd. You don’t know what you’re talking about. You can’t remember. You’re not their leader.”

“Femi did some checking into the rebels and brought the current leader to me. He doesn’t want to kill me, Cheney. We don’t understand the rebels as well as we thought. He said I was their leader. I started the movement with him. The whole thing was a setup from the start with you.”

The blood drained from Cheney’s face and his hands pressed into his knees. “How long have you known?”

My heart thumped in my chest and my throat tightened. “Not long.” My eyes drifted to the floor.

His hands were on my shoulders in a second, fingers digging in my flesh, but not enough to hurt. He shook me slightly. “How long?” The words were a growl.

I met his molten gold eyes. “I found out right after you took the crown.”

He released me so fast I stumbled. He backed away and ran his hand through his hair. “Convenient. No wonder you don’t want the rebels punished.” He stared at me. “You’ve played me from the start, haven’t you? Did you even lose your memory?”

“You know I lost my memory. Sy and I have been trying to figure out exactly what she was up to, but so far we haven’t gotten far.”

“Damn it, Selene, you are not two people.” He whirled around on me. “Do you think your lack of a memory coincides with your lack of wanting to take responsibility for your actions? Have you been seeing him, whoever this mysterious partner in crime is?”

Anger and hurt mixed with my guilt. If he wanted me to be responsible for what she did, then fine, I would be responsible for it, but I wasn’t turning over Jaron. I’d done enough harm to him. I nodded and took a step toward Cheney, though my heart cracked and bled at the sight of his anguish. Tears filled my eyes. “I’m sorry I couldn’t love you like you loved me.”

“Don’t.” He held up his hand and walked away.

I closed my eyes against the pain in my chest. “I would never have hurt you,” I whispered as the door closed behind him and I crumpled to the floor. I curled into a fetal position and lay on cold stone ground as tears seeped from my shut eyes. It wasn’t fair. None of this was fair.

I don’t know how long I stayed like that. The thought that my reaction wasn’t behavior becoming of a leader found its way into my mind. I took several deep breaths and forced my eyes open. Then I pushed myself off the floor with shaking hands, straightening my shoulders. I wasn’t going to solve anything while lying on the floor. Sy and I would get to the bottom of this and I would make everything right. I started for the door when it opened. Sebastian came through, glancing around.

“Where’s Cheney?”

I couldn’t answer him, the words stuck in my throat, so I continued past him. He took my arm. “Selene?”

I looked back, knowing my eyes had to be red and swollen.

Sebastian frowned but didn’t let go. “Where are you going?”

“Stay out of this, Sebastian.”

He stared at me for a moment before releasing me. I started for the door again. “The old you runs away, Selene. Find him and talk to him. Don’t make him come after you again.”

“He doesn’t want to talk to me.” My voice was scratchy and raw.

“Cheney always forgives you,” Sebastian said quietly.

I headed toward our bedroom to pack, taking a different route than usual, hoping to avoid seeing anyone. I paused at a heavy wooden door. It was familiar and something in me knew who I would find on the other side. My trembling fingers pressed the cool polished wood. Holding my breath, I turned the handle and entered.

Cheney sat low in a chair, his legs sprawled out in front of him, with a glass of dark amber liquid in his hand. He didn’t look up at me, but he stiffened and took a drink. I closed the door silently and sat in the chair across from him, letting the stillness linger.

“How many rooms did you check before you found me?” His voice was tired and low.

I swallowed and wiped another stray tear from my eye. “This was the first.”

He gave a bitter half-laugh and took another drink. “You remember quite a lot when you want to.”

I clenched my jaw but didn’t say anything. I honestly didn’t know if I’d ever even been here before. Given his father, I expected not. I got up and retrieved a glass to pour myself a drink from the decanter on the table next to him. I refilled his glass too. Cheney stared straight ahead. I resumed my seat in his line of sight.

“You made a fool out of me.”

I closed my eyes and took a drink. It tasted like nothing I’d ever had before—a cross between Everclear and honey that scalded my throat and chest as it slid down to my stomach. I sat the offending glass to the side.

“I’m sorry,” I said. It was the only thing I could think to say.

“We’re so far beyond apologies. Do you love him?”

“I think I did at the time.”

Cheney took another drink. “I gave up everything for you. I went against my family, my kind. I invited other races in, all to make you happy.”

I shook my head. “What you’re doing is bigger than us. It’s important to unite. Things can’t continue as they are.”

“How do you know?” he yelled and chucked his glass across the room. “You’ve gotten everything you wanted. You destroyed my family. You humiliated me. You brought my race to its knees, and all the while I’ve been praising you. Thinking how strong you were to stand against your own kind.”

He didn’t want excuses and I didn’t have explanations. “What do you want me to do?”

He shook his head. “Just leave.”

I nodded and stood. “The room or the palace?” I held my breath as I waited for his reply.

Cheney turned his head away from me. “I don’t care.”

The last of my hope died with his words. I retreated.

“Did you ever love me, Selene?” his broken voice asked as my hand touched the door handle.

I couldn’t bring myself to turn back to him. “I don’t know if I did then, but I thought I might now.” The back of my throat burned. “For the record, I’m not the one running this time.”

I slipped through the door and found my way to our room through watery vision. I tossed clothes, make up, and my cell phone charger into a duffle bag. Then, sniffling, I pulled my cell phone from my pocket and texted Sy. I braced my arms against the bed, waiting for his reply. I’d made the right decision. I had to tell Cheney. It wasn’t fair to keep it a secret.

“Don’t leave.” Sebastian’s voice made me look up.

“He told me to.” I went to the closet and got more clothing so I didn’t have to look in his sympathetic eyes.

“He didn’t mean it.”

“Sebastian—”

“No. For once be quiet and listen. I have stood by for too long and watched you make a mess of this. Cheney is perfect for you and you are perfect for him. He would and has done everything for you. Just let yourself feel something for him. Stop thinking so much.”

“You don’t understand. I’m going to keep hurting him until I figure this out. This is for the best. I’m taking responsibilities for actions.”

“You don’t have to do it alone.”

“I will fix it. I swear.” I wiped away a stray tear. “Maybe it won’t be too late and he’ll still want me when the dust settles.”

“He loves you now.”

“He doesn’t know me. I don’t even know myself.” I hugged Sebastian tight. “Take care of him.” I slung my bag over my shoulder and went for the door.

“You can’t leave,” Sebastian said.

“Why not?”

“Because no matter what happened between the two of you, if you leave now, the movement you started will shatter. At the very least, you two have to keep up appearances.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means regardless of where you stay the night, you have to be here during the day.”

“And Cheney will be okay with that?”

He nodded. “He knows what’s at stake.”

“Fine. Katrina and I will be back in the morning if you do something for me.”

“What?”

“Find a way to break our bond.”

Sebastian stared at me for a long time with calculating eyes. “I will look into it. Don’t give up, Selene.”

“I’m not giving up. I’m looking for what’s real.”