20,000 Nerds Under the Sea (11 page)

“I DIDDDDNN'T KNOW BOATTTS WENT THISSSS FASSSTTT,”
Neil
yelled to Reboot Robiskie. Reboot sat at the helm of his yacht in his uniform of loose-fitting linen. Despite their tremendous speed, his sunglasses stayed firmly planted on the top of his head.

Neil occupied the chair next to him, while most of his friends were wedged into the couches on the ship's lower decks. They shared a look of shock that they were actually on Reboot's yacht. Candy would have to wait for later, unfortunately.

“WeoOOo, do you co-py-py?” said Neil in a radio receiver.

“Roger that, Neil,” said Weo. He'd offered to stay at the warehouse, serving as the team's home base. He'd been able to send a message to Reboot through his site's servers, and now they were talking through the high-tech radios on Reboot's ship. None of his technology had been affected by whatever Jolly had done.

“Ten-fourrrrr,” clacked Neil. He studied the endless ocean as the boat headed east. The night was settling, and bright stars began to glow overhead.

“Do you know Jolololollly?” Corinne asked Reboot, who sat on Neil's other side.

Reboot shook his head no and continued to focus on the water ahead. He'd turned off his outboard lights to cruise in total darkness.

Jolly still had no clue they were coming for her. Using coordinates that Weo had estimated from the ketchup spill, plus Reboot's cloaking technology, the team was hoping for a surprise visit.

“Straight ahead,” said Reboot. He craned his neck forward, looking into the open water.

“What is it?” Neil asked as the boat began to slow.
He figured they must've been going a million knots per hour, minimum.

Ahead of the boat, Neil could see the nose of a capsized ship sticking out of the water. On its side was a picture of an animal Neil would never forget: a krill. Neil could see an endless stream of fins headed toward the damaged hull of the boat.

“That thing's gonna bring a million sharks right to it,” said Neil.

The radio in Neil's hand began to crackle to life.

“What was that, Weo? Static on my end.”

The radio popped a few times more before a voice came through clearly.

“Good evening, Neil,” it said. It was certainly not Weo, but rather the shrill voice of Jolly Rogers the Third.

“You'll be interested to know the first one thousand sharks have been deposited at the new Rogers Ketchup processing facility,” she said. “And we're just getting started.”

Neil's stomach twisted.

“Trevor, can you hear me?” screamed Neil into the radio. “Trevor, if you can, stop. You've got to stop.”

Neil could hear Jolly laugh, with the sound of her
caged birds squawking in the background.

“Oh, Neil, I think Trevor is quite happy here,” she said. “He's become a better pilot than you. Looks like he just needed you out of the way.”

“Easy,” said Neil. “Trevor knows what we think of him.”

“Yeah, and it's not much, from my understanding,” said Jolly. “Trevor and all your Jasons work for me now.”

Reboot cut the engines, allowing his ship to coast over the dark water.

“This radio broadcast tells me you may be getting a few ideas, Neil,” Jolly continued. “I will be clear: You got lucky once before. It won't happen again. Don't do anything . . . stupid.”

With a sizzle the radio went silent. Neil could hear his friends leaving the cabin below. Reboot looked at his top-of-the-line radar equipment, then pointed to the starboard side of the boat with two fingers.

“The shark.”

He could see the slightly crooked dorsal fin of
Magda
slowly break the surface. It rose ten feet out of the water, almost taunting Neil. Neil could see the fin had been reattached—affixed by huge strips of metal.

“Wow, she fixed it,” said Neil. “That fin has to be weakened. If we can tear it off once more, we'd send
Magda
spinning.”

“With our friends inside, though,” said Corinne.

“Well, we got out in an emergency escape pod,” Neil said. “There's hopefully another.”

Hopefully.

“We can work on the shark. You need to get on that ship,” said Reboot.

He watched the huge fin of
Magda
dip below the water's surface, then return again.

Where was Jolly's yacht?

If they could find her ship, they would certainly find Jolly—she would never leave her fancy yacht now that she'd set her plan in motion.

“Reboot, do you see anything on the radar? Like another ship?” asked Neil.

He studied the green screen of the radar system, watching each pulse as it located nearby objects.

“Doesn't look like anything,” Reboot said. “But let me try something else. With invisibility technology what it is, we've gotta stay one step ahead of everybody.”

Oh, believe me, I know.

“There you are,” said Reboot at the screen. Neil peered over to see the outline of Jolly's unconventional-looking ship. “She must have some sort of active camouflage. Her shark's still cruising around, though.”

Reboot restarted the boat and made his way toward the blinking beacon.

Neil could see
Magda
swishing through packs of wriggling sharks. With a creak, its jaws opened wide. A school of sharks was sucked into the holding tank of its stomach. Neil shuddered to think of how many it had already captured.

“I'll get you to her boat,” said Reboot, who was still in his comfy white captain's chair. “Then we can work on getting these sharks out of here.”

Suddenly, Jolly's yacht was visible no more than fifty yards ahead.

“Heads up, two people on guard,” whispered Corinne.

Pierre and Fabien sat on either side of Jolly's ship. They carried huge spotlights, along with big metal crossbows.

“This will have to be quick,” said Reboot softly, studying the ship ahead. The bubble of invisibility was
large, probably enough to give
Magda
freedom to roam before depositing its most recent shark payload. “I'm not sure if we can get close undetected.”

“I wish you could just swim there—that'd be easiest,” said Corinne.

“Right, swim through an ocean of sharks,” said Neil. “That should go well.”

He paused to think about Jolly's boat itself.

“That's not half bad, though. What if we just went through them?” said Neil. “Jolly's boat is pretty weird. It's two pontoons with a fancy dining room connecting them. There's space to drive through.”

Reboot's eyes narrowed.

“They'd hear and see our ship. It has to be totally silent,” he said. “We could use the small emergency ship we've got, but even then that'd be too loud. And you'd have to be crazy to just have a piece of plastic between you and sharks.”

Neil smiled. For his friends, and animals everywhere, he knew he would have to be that crazy.

“Waffles!”

The boy appeared from the deck below, his lips covered in a large amount of Singapore goo.

“We still have that list?”

Waffles nodded and ducked back inside. He returned with a rolled-up ostrich poster.

“Reboot, Wifi, let's get that plastic boat.”

“MUSTARD ME, PEOPLE,” NEIL SAID.

Neil twirled in a circle as his friends, along with Reboot, splattered him with a variety of mustard taken from all across the globe. Having a well-stocked fridge was coming in handy.

“All right, everybody, I think that's good,” Neil said to his team, spitting yellow glop from his mouth. “I hope this even works. . . .”

“Just to be safe,” said Waffles, squirting a bit more mustard for good measure. “And don't worry, this logic holds up. If the sharks love this ketchup, they'll hate mustard. I know it.”

“I just wouldn't fall in,” said Wifi Whitner, who was with the crew downstairs.

Neil got into the same tiny raft that had dropped him off outside Biggs's house. He looked toward his destination. Even from far away, Jolly's yacht looked much bigger than he remembered.

JP cautiously stepped onto the small boat, lugging potatoes from Reboot's kitchen. He secured them at the front of the craft, quickly plugging in the blue spiral wires of his magnets. He leaned down and aimed the magnet's pull toward a corner of Jolly's boat.

“These will be strong enough to pull you toward her ship,” explained JP. “No motor. No sound.” He gave Neil a salute and climbed back aboard Reboot's ship.

Neil wore Dale's paintball vest, which was then covered with Riley's chain mail. All of it was now dripping with pungent yellowish mustard, as it was decided by the group that it was the best shark repellent.

He turned back to his friends, who were on the deck. “You guys try to soak up that ketchup,” he said. “I'll take care of Jolly and
Magda
.”

“And remember to let the wrist do the work,” yelled Dale, making a lasso motion. Neil looked at the lasso in his hands. When he was close enough, he'd rope himself in to Jolly's ship and quietly sneak aboard. Well, as quietly as one could wearing chain mail dipped in hot dog toppings.

“I'll radio once I've stopped her,” Neil said. “Good luck, guys—we can do this.”

“Aye, aye, Captain Andertol,” said Biggs with a salute. He gave Neil a push, giving him distance from Reboot's ship.

With a tiny buzz the magnets came to life, and Neil was jerked toward Jolly and her henchmen. As the moon shone on the water, Neil could see and hear sharks in every direction. His heart pounded as he felt them bump into his boat.

“OK, my hungry friends, I'm here to help you. Let's be cool,” Neil said. “And if I make it out of this, I promise to eat only mustard sandwiches from here on out.”

PIERRE AND FABIEN WERE POSTED ON THE TOP OF JOLLY'S
ship, shining spotlights out into the sea's rolling waves. Neil knew he would be done for with a single arrow from one of their crossbows. He lay flat on the floor of the boat, his face inches from the mouths of ketchup-hungry sharks.

Click.

Neil felt the raft stop moving. He lifted his head to see JP's magnets had connected with the sparkly paint job of Jolly's boat.

“Here goes nothing,” Neil murmured to himself. He tossed Waffles's lasso up, but he didn't allow enough slack. The looped end hit the side of the boat and splashed into the water. Neil ducked down and hoped Jolly's henchmen hadn't heard.

Neil gathered the lasso once more. With a flick of his wrist, he managed to wrap the rope around the thin metal handrail above. Neil gave enough slack for the looped end to fall down to him. He fished the other end of the rope through the lasso and pulled the rope tight so that it slid up and made a knot around the handrail.

As Neil tugged down on the rope,
Magda
resurfaced fifteen yards from him. He watched its eyes glow red under the shimmering water. More important, though, Neil felt his boat begin to be magnetically pulled toward the shark. It must've locked onto its fin.

“Yipes,” said Neil as he grabbed tight to the rope. This would be his first rope climb since gym class, where he'd held on for ten seconds before dropping to a soft mat on the ground. Now, below him were sharks.

Neil's shoes squeaked as he planted them on the side of the boat. Slowly, he walked himself upward, gripping
the rope with all his strength. He turned to see his boat chase after
Magda
, and watched Pierre's and Fabien's flashlights illuminate a splotch on the deck of the ship. Another splash of red goo fell from above.

Red goo on demand, and a repaired drone. This is the best day yet for Scones 'n' Drones.

Pierre and Fabien chased after the mysterious glop. They followed it to the front of the ship.

“Perfect distraction,” Neil gasped, collecting himself.

He reached hand over hand up the frayed rope, finally throwing a leg over the top to fling himself up.

Neil's hands burned, as did his lungs. He lay on his back and looked at the sky above. He took a deep breath. The ship smelled like ketchup, fish, and, well, feet.

Now let's keep going.

With Jolly's guards on the other end of the ship, Neil rushed down one side. His shoes squeaked, so he did his best to walk on his toes. The sounds of thousands of thrashing sharks seemed to drown out other noises, so Neil raced to the stairway leading up to Jolly and took the stairs two at a time.

He tore open the glass door leading into Jolly's captain's quarters.

The interior of Jolly's ship was in disarray. Yellowed, old-looking books were thrown to the floor. The lace drapes above the windows were torn.

“Fancy seeing you here,” said Jolly. She was hunched over the huge birdcage—its doors were open. She fed the albino birds pellets from her hand.

“Jolly,” said Neil calmly. “Where are my friends?”

His eyes scanned the contents of her lavish cabin. Neil noticed just how many collectibles she really did have.

“Oh, I think you know quite well where they are,” she said, examining his outfit. “And—you're staining the carpet! You mustard freak!”

Neil kept his attention on the shelves full of valuables.

Each one of these is probably stolen from a kid genius. Especially that poodle!

Neil's eyes focused on Marla's invention. It was next to a mask with bright feathers and a fake red bird.

Neil leaped at the toy dog.

Jolly looked startled but didn't stop him. He turned Marla's poodle on and pushed a button. He watched the small dog do a flip, then bark.

“Yes!” Neil cheered. He aimed the dog outside,
toward the metal shark passing through a sea of fins. It barked once more.

Nothing happened.

Jolly howled with laughter. She pressed a control in her hand, and Neil saw
Magda
pop out of the water, scooping in a new mouthful of victims.

“Oh, Neil,” Jolly laughed. “There's no help for you here. But I thank you for coming back to watch me finish what you started.”

Neil pushed the buttons on the back of Marla's robot poodle, but it just kept barking. He could hear the jaws of
Magda
slam shut even through the thick glass.

Why did I think that would work?

“I just fancied that thing as a toy,” Jolly said, pacing around her cabin. She dragged a finger along a crushed velvet drape. The boat rocked as the megalodon rushed past. “I've got governments and corporations bending over backward to help me. I go poaching ideas from young minds for fun
.
Nobody bats an eye if you make kids do everything for you, as long as you give them a free game or pizza.”

“Jolly, you've got to stop while you still can,” Neil argued, chucking the poodle to the ground. “It's not too late.”

“Oh, there's no stopping now,” she said through gritted teeth. “Those jaws are eating everything in sight. And you're next, Neil Andertol.”

Jolly lunged at Neil, her eyes furious. The two crashed into a small table that held a tea set that must've been two hundred years old. It shattered as Jolly tackled Neil. She pinned him down, driving her knees into his elbows.

Her hair was a mess, and her eyes were red. She'd had either too little sleep, too much Singaporean candy, or both.

“Jolly, you could use that robot shark for so much good, instead of evil,” Neil said. “What if you helped sick sharks or something? Instead of killing them?”

“Help? Sharks ruined my life,” Jolly yelled. “They made me live on a boat and have nothing but two hairy men for a family.”

“That is a rough deal, I agree,” said Neil. “But sharks are misunderstood. Like you and me.”

“You?”

“Yeah, you bet. I'm still trying to get people to call me ‘Neil' at school.”

“What?”

“That's not important,” Neil continued. He heard one
of Jolly's birds squawk. They were perched right above him on a windowsill. “But school is pretty rough, is what I'm saying. So is being a high-seas orphan, I'd imagine.”

Neil tried to loosen her hold on him, but she was strong. She even got a hand free to remotely open and close the mouth of her shark, sucking in more sharks. Neil noticed she was pushing another button—probably sending shocks right through his friends.

“But Jolly, when school is unfair, I don't round up every kid who's mean to me with a giant metal shark.”

“Are you practicing a speech right now?” said Jolly with a disgusted face. “I can do whatever I want! I wish you had just helped me like I asked, Neil.”

“I am helping you. You've got to cut this out! I can tell you're a smart person.”

Neil heard a voice on Jolly's radio.

“Captain.”

It was Pierre or Fabien. “We have spotted zem. A boat—zey've been trying to run over ze shark fin. Permission to take zem down.”

The captain struggled to keep Neil pinned and press the transmission for her radio. She pushed the radio's button with the back of her hand.

“Granted,” said Jolly, speaking slowly as if to enjoy each syllable.

While she was still transmitting to Fabien and Pierre, Neil did his best Jolly impression.

“And
Magda
's
emergency capsule? Installed?” he said, impressing himself with an accent that wasn't too over-the-top.

Jolly glared down at him as Neil violently squirmed, shaking the radio to the ground beside them.

The men simply responded, “
Oui
.” That meant a safe escape for Trevor and the Jasons.

“You're toast, Neil,” Jolly fumed. But for a second she eased her hold on Neil. He grabbed the bottom of a long iron lamp that was next to him. With all his strength, he flung it at the window.

Its pointed and intricate design worked perfectly to shatter the glass into millions of pieces. Bewildered, or possibly sensing freedom, her albino parrots flapped their way out into the warm night.

“No! No!” Jolly shrieked. She ran to the window. “My beloveds! How dare you, you monster!”

Neil raced to the other side of the cabin with the radio.

“Ohhh, Jolly,” Neil said, his eyes glowing with an
idea. He made his way to the control deck. “If you're not going to stop this, I will.”

“If you're looking to take over my
Magda,
I'll have you know the only controls are right here,” Jolly said, leaning out of her cabin. She was flourishing a tiny remote in her hand. “Can't trust you not to break anything.”

“Nope, you can't.”

I hope this works.

Neil reached the controls for the boat and pulled the lever for the anchor, dropping it toward the ocean floor far below. He could hear the splash of the heavy hook as it hit the water, and the metal sounds of chains unspooling.

But Neil stopped it before it made contact. As he jerked the lever back up, it snapped in half.

Now Jolly would have no way of pulling the few hundred feet of chain and giant metal anchor back up. Neil yelled into the radio he'd taken from Jolly.

“Trevor! I know you're not an actually evil person, so you've got to help me stop this crazy pirate. You're the hero for this mission.”

Neil heard no response.

“Even if she starts electrocuting you, you've got to
bring her down,” Neil said. “The anchor—I need you to bite the anchor and sink her ship. It's the only chance to stop her.”

There was nothing again. Neil wasn't sure if he had broken the radio, too, but he had to trust that his message was getting to Trevor. “It's time to go deep-sea fishing.”

As Neil tossed the radio on the captain's chair, Jolly appeared at the controls. She carried a heavy, pointy candelabra in her hands.

“Neil, I have to finish this,” Jolly said. She swung the long piece of metal toward Neil.

“Why?”

“For my family. To get their revenge.”

Neil felt truly sorry for her.

“Jolly, revenge isn't the way to do that,” Neil said. “Your family probably wants you to keep making ketchup.”

“I don't care about ketchup!”

“Well, that's fine,” Neil said. “There are lots of things other than ketchup and shark vengeance. But if you want to keep being rich, I bet you'll want to keep the oceans safe. You're getting rid of what your family loved by destroying something you alone hate.”

Skrrkkk.

“What's that?” said Jolly. The boat jerked, and she and Neil both grabbed the captain's chair to stabilize themselves.

“Trevor!”

He's actually not evil after all. I knew it all along, mostly.

Bubbles rose to the surface of the water as the ship was tugged straight down by the power of
Magda
. With a groan, the boat started to give in to the force, its shiny exterior beginning to bend and snap.

“Oh, no!” yelled Jolly, clutching a railing on the side of her cabin. They were slowly sucked down toward the water and the sharks. With each passing second, the stern of the ship rose out of the water as the middle of the ship buckled in. The deck creaked, and Neil could hear water rushing into Jolly's fancy cabin. Her doilies and plush rugs were most definitely soaked.

He grabbed the radio from Jolly's captain's chair.

“Reboot! Time to come pick me up!”

As the ship lurched down again, Neil clipped the radio to the neck of his chain mail and made his way to the deck. Sharks of all sizes still swam, though there seemed to be less ketchup spurring them on.

The boat began to sink, and sink fast. The water was
fifteen feet away, and getting closer with each passing second. Neil could hear
Magda
churning underwater, struggling against the buoyancy of the large boat.

“Jolly!” shouted Neil.

She didn't look at him.

“Jolly!”

Again, nothing. She seemed defeated, as if she'd given up. Water splashed all around her, washing over her in thin sheets.

From Neil's right, though, came a flash of light. He looked to see Reboot's boat, its lights and engine now fully on. Neil waved his arm as someone put a spotlight on the front of the ship.

“Neil! This thing's gonna blow; we're outta here!” came Trevor's voice. “Find us after so we can get medals!”

Neil could hear the sounds of his friends scrambling toward their escape pod. He heard the creak of metal doors, and soon a thousand captured sharks were set free back into the ocean. They swam away in every direction as the overheating
Magda
kept pulling Jolly's yacht toward the seafloor.

“Neil!” shouted Sam, leaning over the side of Reboot's ship. “Hop on!”

Reboot's boat edged closer, and Neil managed to crawl to the top deck of Jolly's ship. He balanced on slippery metal and jumped into the outstretched arms of Corinne and Sam. They fell backward, all landing with a thud from Neil's chain mail.