20,000 Nerds Under the Sea (12 page)

“Huzzah!” shouted Riley. “Lord Andertol returneth!”

Neil shimmied free from his mustard-metal tunic. He cupped his hands around his mouth to yell back to the girl clinging to a sinking boat.

“Jolly, you don't have to go down with your ship,” yelled Neil.

“I do!” she yelled. “All great captains do!”

“You're not a great captain!” Neil replied. “You're actually an awful, evil captain. But now you just get to be Jolly Rogers the Third, landlubber.”

The sharks greedily snapped at the half-broken bottles of ketchup floating on the ocean's surface.

“We already captured Pierre and Fabien,” added Biggs, gesturing to Reboot's kitchen. “They were actually pretty OK with everything once they saw the amount of dark chocolate Reboot's got on this thing.”

“Just get over here!” yelled Corinne.

The water churned below, even faster.

“But you all hate me. There's no way of changing that,” Jolly said, watching her ship sink deeper and deeper.

“Don't say that,” said Neil. “Just today everybody was mad at me for leaving them to see Reboot Robiskie.”

“Yeah!” said Corinne. “And now everything's great. Except for the sharks.”

Corinne looked right at Jolly. “People won't always hate you,” she said. “But you have to work to make it that way, Jolly.”

“You don't know the feeling of being alone like I do. None of you do,” Jolly snarled.

“I highly doubt that,” said Neil. “As alone as you think you are, somebody on this boat has you beat. We've got a guy who lives for cleaning up animal dung.”

“I conversed only with pigs for an entire month last year,” shouted Riley.

“And I know all about being homeschooled,” yelled Corinne. “We're both just a couple of mixed-up girls getting taught stuff by father figures with facial hair. Come over here.”

“What's the point? I've been running from boarding school. Once the authorities get me, I'll be sent away,”
Jolly confessed. “I'm supposed to be there now, but it's—inland. Landlocked. Disgusting.”

The bow of the ship was nearly submerged. Jolly had walked out to the last part of the ship still above the water. Neil watched the red eyes of
Magda
turn off below.

“Being away from the ocean isn't so bad,” said Neil. “Sure, there's more manure than you bargain for, but you'll get used to it. I thought I hated the ocean before this weekend; now I kind of like it.”

Then came a noise Neil had heard before.

Cacaw!

After a few flutters, Jolly's two pet parrots landed on Neil's shoulders. They pecked at the bits of mustard in his ears.

“If . . . if I do,” the girl said. Her voice was thin and afraid. “Promise me there aren't any actual pig droppings aboard.”

“Promise,” Neil said.

Reboot swung the boat back toward Jolly, and Neil extended his hand. Jolly took it and dropped the remote control to grab Neil's arm. “Hold on.”

With Corinne's, Sam's, and Biggs's help, they yanked
Jolly away from her ship as it sank in a burst of bubbles.

“Neil, Neil!” came a voice from the radio. “Can you hear me, Neil? This is submarine Captain-for-Life Trevor Grunsten.”

Neil smiled and unclipped the radio from the chain mail on the floor.

“Trevor, I—”

“Save it. That was a good speech back there,” Trevor said. “I was trying to escape. It just . . . it is kinda hard to think when you keep getting electrocuted.”

“Believe me, I know.”

“This heroing is tough business,” Trevor said. “Glad I was around to do it.”

Neil rolled his eyes.

“Any good hero has to be humble—that's the first thing they teach you,” Neil joked. “Now get back here safe and sound. We've got victory slushies to share.”

Neil's radio was silent, then came back to life.

“Neil, we're sorry about the sharks,” said Jason 1. “She said she had you three locked up somewhere. We didn't want to—”

“No worries, everybody,” Neil said. “We're all OK now.”

As Jolly coughed up a few gulps of water, the group's attention went to the weary captain. Her hair was wet and stringy, bouncy curls now matted to the sides of her almond-shaped face.

“I . . . I'm not sure what to say,” Jolly mumbled.

“We'll start with an ‘I'm sorry' and go from there,” said Sam.

“And might I suggest playing a video game every now and then?” asked Corinne.

Jolly cackled.

As Neil looked at the water, it was finally free of shark fins, but the items from Jolly's ship littered the surface of the ocean. Her fancy leather-bound books and cheese plates now drifted through waves.

They watched Trevor and the Jasons guide their submarine safely toward Reboot's ship, while Biggs began preparing a giant sugar feast.

Neil walked over to the weary Captain Rogers and knelt down beside her.

“Sorry,” she said. Her birds sat perched on each of her bony knees. He handed her a towel.

“Don't be,” Neil answered. “We'll figure this out.”

“The sharks haven't been killed yet, promise.”

“I believe you,” Neil said. “Now let me introduce you to my friend Reboot. I think you might find you have some things in common.”

Neil and Jolly, both wrapped in fluffy towels, got up and walked toward the party.

“Did you say his name is ‘Boot'?” Jolly asked before stepping inside. “Like a foot boot? I'm not too keen on other people's feet.”

Neil stifled a laugh. “Jolly, we've got some work to do with you.”

The door closed behind them as Neil spent a final night at sea—this time with all his friends, both new and old.

NEIL ANDERTOL SLOWLY OPENED HIS EYES, GROGGY FROM
blissful sleep. He'd been dreaming, a phenomenon he'd enjoyed as of late. His nightmares, which at one point were nonstop, seemed to have vanished.

“Time for karate, Neil Andertol!”

His sister, Janey, opened the magenta drapes covering the hotel room windows. The room overlooked the Pacific Ocean and the glowing morning sun, and he could see the former site of RebootCon farther south. Janey practiced her karate moves in front of a full-length
mirror. She was still in her pajamas, but throwing phantom punches at a tournament-level pace.

“You think there's gonna be some possible midparade combat happening this morning?” Neil asked, turning toward his sister. The door connecting to their parents' room was open, and Neil heard the sounds of them getting ready to leave.

“I've got to be at the top of my game, Neil,” said Janey. “The Karate Parade comes but once a year.”

Janey had been invited to march in the San Diego Karate Parade. This first event of what everyone hoped would be a new tradition that filled the streets of San Diego with people in gis. Janey hadn't seemed too excited, but Neil had convinced her and the family it would make for a great trip. It also happened to fall on the opening week of Captain Jolly's Shark Adventure
—
San Diego's newest water-themed adventure park, conveniently located on the former site of a shark collection facility. Neil was more interested in the new park.

“How long does this parade thing last?” asked Neil, rummaging through his bag for a pair of shoes. “I really want to make the opening of that new park.”

“It'll end when it ends. There's lots going on with
it,” Janey said, folding her hands together before bowing to the long mirror. “We're trying to top the world record for most people breaking through wooden boards on a one-way street.”

“Neil, your sister's parade will end by one,” their mother said from her room. “For pushing so hard to come here, you should want it to last the whole day. You
are
still grounded when we get home, I'll have you remember.”

“I know. I just
really
want to get to the shark adventure,” Neil said. “I've, ah, read a lot about it. It sounds cool is all.”

“And I just want to get to the Karate Parade!” shouted Janey, punching a cup of ballpoint pens from the hotel room's desk.

“Nose kicksing din the hotel phroom!” said Neil's mom, in the middle of brushing her teeth. Neil heard her turn the faucet on and spit. “OK, we're going. Before somebody breaks a window in here.”

NEIL WALKED ALONE THROUGH THE TURNSTILE LEADING
into Captain Jolly's Shark Adventure—a real aquarium after all
.
Families walked in fascination, taking in the
cutting-edge tanks that covered every surface. Field trips of classes walked together, each kid wearing a set of headphones for the educational tour.

Through a grant from Rogers Ketchup, Jolly had built a huge series of tunnels, all using glass that was inches thick. It allowed guests to feel like they were actually underwater.

The tunnel system also allowed sharks and other sea life to come and go with ease, free to stay or leave at their leisure. Guests and sharks could enjoy ancient ketchups together. Plus there was funnel cake.

She turned her shark prison into a shark vacation.

With Neil's family busy at the parade, he roamed freely around the theme park. He waltzed through the hall of jellyfish and did his best to get an otter to wave at him.

Neil watched a father and daughter stare at a pack of hammerheads gliding a few feet beneath them. Even the floors were glass at Captain Jolly's Shark Adventure. Neil turned and headed for the far side of the building, his shoes squeaking.

“Captain Neil Andertol!” came a voice. Neil looked to see Captain Jolly Rogers the Third. She was smiling
and cheerful, wearing a fresh all-white captain's outfit.
CAPTAIN JOLLY
was stitched in gold on the front pocket of her shirt. “Allow me to introduce you to the first ever swim-through shark observatory.”

Neil gave Jolly a quick hug. He was really getting the hang of befriending former supervillains.

“Jolly, congratulations!” said Neil. “The place is unreal. I think the floors are cleaner than any plate I've eaten off in a year.”

“Do you like it?” the sea captain asked eagerly. “I made this in my parents' honor. I found some of their old shark research and wanted to continue it.”

“That's great, Jolly,” Neil said.

“There's actually a marine biology club at my new boarding school. Who would've thought?” Jolly said.

“Fantastic.”

“Reboot Robiskie has decided to help, too.”

“Yeah, he mentioned that in his last letter,” Neil said. “We're kind of pen pals.”

Jolly smiled. “We've been helping nurse hurt sharks back to health. All of their own accord, of course. We're using
Magda
to locate sharks with life-threatening issues, but they're never held captive. We have an open-door
policy. There's really no door at all, though, so I guess that doesn't make sense.”

Neil laughed.

“Much better than the burlap bag policy I fondly remember.”

The black walkie-talkie on Jolly's hip crackled. She pushed a button on the small white earpiece she wore in her left ear.

“Copy that,” said Jolly. “I hate to run, Neil, but I unfortunately have more ribbons to cut and hands to shake.”

“Definitely understood, and don't get those switched around,” Neil joked. “I'll make sure to say good-bye.”

Jolly handed Neil a stack of coupons. Each said
ONE FREE HOT DOG
in blue block letters.

“Lunch is on me,” Jolly said. “And make sure to stop by the ketchup bar—I have a hunch you'll really enjoy it. Especially our more exotic flavors from across the globe.”

“I'm actually more of a mustard man these days.”

With a wink, Jolly slipped back into the crowds.

Neil's eyes drifted across the new adventure park. He felt proud—like he'd helped Jolly realize the good she was meant to do. He watched a powerful great white
shark swim between the glass tunnels of humans. Neil walked to the concession stand and ordered his first free hot dog.

A few loud chimes drew the attention of the crowd. Neil stopped chewing and wiped some nonkrill mustard from his lips.

“Pardon me, friends, family, and anemones, but we have a special Jolly's World
announcement,” said the voice. “Today we have a guest of honor. Neil Andertol, please come to the Jolly Family Theater.”

Guest of honor?

Neil finished his hot dog in a few quick bites, wiped his fingers on his pants, and ran toward the theater. An elderly usher in a bright-red coat stood outside, blocking the doorway with a velvet rope.

“Are you Neil?” the gray-haired woman said. Neil nodded yes and smiled. “Well then, enjoy.”

Neil opened the large door leading into the theater.

Inside, he saw something he'd never expected.

WELCOME TO NEILANDERCON
said a huge banner strung above the aquatic stage. The seats of the theater were all empty, but onstage was a maze of video-game booths, just like at the convention Neil had missed months before.

But instead of new games with countless assistants helping, it was staffed only by Neil's friends—new and old.

“If anybody deserves his own convention, it's you,” said Sam. “And just to let you know, Reboot helped set it up.”

Neil was speechless.

“Let the Great Neil Conference begin!” yelled Riley. He wore a sparkly new helmet and rust-colored chain mail. “Neil, perchance you fancy a game of Stable Clean? 'Tis the most realistic bovine waste-removal simulator ever made.”

“You set it up and I will be there soon, my friend,” said Neil.

In the next booth stood Trevor, wearing a white fencing outfit.

“And then you and I are digital fencing,” Trevor said, sliding his metal mask to the top of his head. The two shook hands. Neil felt good knowing he could count on Trevor, even if he was difficult.

Neil looked at the rest of the convention. His smile hurt. This was like having seven surprise birthday parties at once. Weo manned a Feather Duster 3
booth, and even Pierre and Fabien hosted a game about making crepes.

“Neil!” yelled Waffles. He was covered in camouflage paint. “Come check this out.”

He stood by Reboot Robiskie and Wifi Whitner, who were planted in one of the massive shark heads from Jolly's game.

“I'm . . . I'm not even sure what to say, guys,” Neil stammered.

Jolly walked behind Neil, entering through the same doors he'd just used.

“Well, what do you think?” she asked, still wearing her same devilish smile.

“It's perfect. Thanks,” Neil replied.

“No, thank
you
, Neil,” Jolly said. “I mean it. All this wouldn't have happened without you. I now have friends, actual friends. People who won't do stuff for me if they don't want to.”

Neil chuckled and watched his friends as they roamed the theater, playing games against one another.

“Now go enjoy your party, Neil Andertol,” Jolly said, patting Neil's back. “You've earned it.”

Neil nodded.

“Game on!”