299 Days VIII: The War (17 page)

All Grant could say was “I had to.” He didn’t expect to persuade her, but he needed
to explain to her why he did what he did. He had to.

“Go away,” Lisa said. “Leave. Go be with your little Army buddies.”

Grant knew that was coming. This conversation was over. He went to hug her. She pushed
him away.

He had half expected her to hug him, but she wouldn’t. He reminded her, “You said
the last time that if I hugged you everything would have been okay,” referring to
when he left her in Olympia and went out to the cabin.

“That was last time,” she said coldly. “That was before you’d done this a second time.
I can never trust you again, Grant. Never again.” She walked off.

That was that. It was over.

Grant waited a few seconds for her to turn around and run back to him. He laughed
at himself for being so sappy. Of course a hug that made everything okay wasn’t going
to happen. Be a man, he said to himself. Get your gear, say goodbye to your kids,
and go fight a war. That’s what men do. That’s what Grandpa did. This is your sacrifice,
he said to himself again.

As they headed up the stairs to the cabin, he remembered a very practical detail.

“Hey, you can’t tell anyone about the unit,” he said to her.

“Oh, I owe you a favor?” she snapped back. “Sure, you’ve just left me and the kids
for a second time. Is there anything else I can do for you?”

“Seriously, you can’t tell anyone about this until after we leave,” he said. He hadn’t
thought through this part of his confession to her, and knew he was pushing his luck.
Maybe he should have waited until right before they left. He probably should have.
But he couldn’t be around her anymore without telling her.

“What happens if I do?” she shot back. “Are you going to ‘court martial’ me?”

“Kind of,” he said. “Seriously, if you are planning on telling anyone about this,
I need to let the unit know and they’ll have to do something about it.”

“Now you’re threatening me!” she yelled. She said it loud enough for the kids to hear
in the cabin. He needed to calm her down.

“Okay, no one is going to court martial you,” he said. “But if you tell people what’s
going on with us, me and about …” he almost said, “one hundred,” but didn’t want her
to know the size of the unit, “… several people, including me, will get killed or
captured,” he said. “Is that what you want? To get even with me by having me killed?”
He had been resisting getting some licks in on her in this argument, but couldn’t
hold back any more.

She started crying again. “You said there was no danger and now you say you’ll get
killed if I tell anyone. Which is it?” She was quick.

“There won’t be any danger if you don’t tell people,” Grant said, surprised that he
came up with that one so quickly. It wasn’t a bad comeback.

He pointed at her and said, “You just said I’m a bad husband and father because I
am leaving you and the kids. Now it’s my turn to throw out an outrageous charge. Do
you want to get me killed?”

“I’m thinking about it,” she said and a laugh erupted out of her, against her will.
Then she became totally emotionless. It scared her.

“Make you a deal,” she said calmly, coldly. “You get the hell out of here and never
come back and I won’t tell the authorities about your little Army buddies.”

That was chilling. All the emotion had left her; she was speaking far too calmly.
She couldn’t possibly love him if she could say what she just said. She wanted to
be rid of him. He knew it.

After a few seconds, Grant’s next thought was that he was relieved that she wouldn’t
tell anyone about the unit. Then he realized this was a trap. If he agreed to leave
in exchange for protecting his “Army buddies,” then she’d tell herself that he picked
them over her. He was in a no win situation.

“No deal,” he said. “I’ll go turn myself in, if that’s what you want.” He called her
bluff, which she didn’t expect.

She thought for a moment, knowing that she had no intention of turning him in or telling
anyone about the unit. She didn’t want to get him killed or captured. She was just
seeing if he cared more about his little guerilla friends than her. He had passed
the test.

“Okay, I won’t tell anyone about this, but you get the hell out of here,” she said
with a coldness that terrified Grant … and herself.

He nodded and began wondering what he’d tell the kids.

(December 26)

Grant walked into the cabin for what he assumed to be the last time. He had been thinking
about what this moment would be like for months and, now that it had actually arrived,
he had no idea how it would go.

Leaving Olympia, and his family, at the beginning of the Collapse had been relatively
easy. He had just shot some looters while the riots were going on. He was a marked
man given his political ties. He had a safe place to go. Leaving a second time was
not as easy, however. It was way harder.

Instead of leaving danger for safety like he did the first time, he was now leaving
safety for danger. Grant thought about not going. He actually thought for a split
second about just quitting the unit. Ted could take care of things.

No
, the outside thought said firmly.
You have been placed in this position for a reason. Make your sacrifice. You won’t
regret it. Your family will be fine.

Okay, then. There was no arguing with that. Once again, Grant could see clearly what
needed to be done, and he had the strength to do it.

He motioned for Manda to come outside.

“What’s up, padre?” she said. She was so innocent. She had no idea what he was about
to do.

“I need to go work for a while,” he said. That didn’t surprise her. She’d seen him
go for a few days at a time.

“Okay,” she said, turning around to go back inside.

“No, hon, for a long time,” he said. “Like, maybe for a few weeks. Maybe a few months,
but maybe longer.”

“Oh,” she said. “What will you be doing?”

“I can’t really talk about it,” he said, “but it’s fixing things. You know, the government.
Fixing that.”

She was starting to understand. “Will it be dangerous?” she asked.

“Nah,” he said like it was no big deal. “I’m with some very good people, like the
Team.” He shrugged. “They won’t let anything bad happen to me. You know how they are.”

She nodded. She still didn’t understand what he was going to do. “Is that the ‘rental
team’ thing?” she asked.

“Kind of,” he said. “Basically, yes.”

She would miss him for a while but it wasn’t the end of the world. He’d be coming
back. She knew he would.

Then she started thinking about it. All the guns, all the soldiers, all the danger
she’d heard about in the cities. There was a reason the Team and her dad trained so
hard. They would be doing something with guns in the dangerous cities. She knew what
danger and guns were all about from when she had to shoot Randy Greene. She didn’t
want her dad to have nightmares like she was having. He had been so good to her and
their family. She didn’t want anything bad to happen to him. But she had to be a tough
chick so he wouldn’t worry about her. Like after she shot Greene and tried bravely
to say, “Two to the chest, one to the head.” She would put on a confident face so
her dad wouldn’t worry.

“Well,” she said, “I’ll miss you, but go do whatever it is you need to do.”

Grant’s heart melted. If only her mom had seen things that way. Then again, Manda
was more like him than her mom. Grant got choked up. “Yep,” was all he could get out.

“Your mom is kinda mad at me right now for going,” he said.

“Of course,” she said. “She thinks guns are dangerous and all that stuff. She’ll get
over it.”

Grant’s heart melted a second time. God, he prayed, please let Manda be right. Her
statement that Lisa would get over it would give Grant the strength to go out and
do all the horrible things he would be doing in the next few days. Manda’s statement
that Lisa would get over it might save his life, he thought.

Grant started to cry. “You’re right, honey,” Grant said. “She will get over it.”

He recovered and said, “So, there are tons of people protecting you and Cole and mom.”

Manda nodded. “Yeah,” she said like Grant just stated the most obvious thing.

Grant pointed toward the guard shack. “There’s Gideon at night and Jon or Mary Anne
during the day. There’s Chip and the Crew.” They would be staying behind at Pierce
Point. “There’s Dan and the gate guards. There’s Rich. There are a lot of people.”

Manda nodded. “There’s Jordan, too,” she said. Ah ha, Grant thought, this is the reason
it’s so easy for Manda to see Grant leave. She had Jordan. Grant wasn’t offended that
he’d been replaced. He was relieved. She was no longer a little girl. She was a young
woman. Grant needed to make room for the next man in her life.

“Right,” Grant said, “there’s Jordan.” Grant hugged her. “Lots of people will take
care of you, but you always have to take care of yourself.”

She nodded.

“You did a great job of taking care of yourself when someone tried to hurt you,” Grant
said. “You did a great job. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Manda started to cry. “I know,” she said. She was not the same perky teenager she’d
been before the shooting. She seemed okay, but Grant wondered if she’d ever be the
same. Sacrifices, he thought. Sacrifices.

“I’m not worried at all about your brother,” Grant said. “Know why?”

Manda shook her head.

“’Cause of you,” he said. “I know you’ll take great care of him. You already have.
It’s been remarkable how much you’ve helped him,” Grant said. “Keep it up, Amanda.”

Manda nodded. There was silence for a while.

“Daddy,” she said in her sweet voice, “can I ask you for something?”

“Sure,” Grant said. He could never say no to her “Daddy” voice.

She started to cry. “Daddy, I want to have a prom. A real prom. In a real prom dress.”

Normal. She wanted normal. He couldn’t fault her for that.

“You got it, dear,” Grant said. He had no idea how he’d fight a war and, in the ashes
of brutal urban combat, get a real high school prom for his daughter. But he would
find a way.

Yes, you will
.

When Grant heard those words from the outside thought, he was so relieved and at peace
that he couldn’t put into words. He just hugged Manda and repeated, “A prom.”

Finally, he said, “I need to say goodbye to your brother.” Manda nodded and gave her
dad a big hug. It was a long hug; an everything-will-be-fine hug.

Grant went inside. Fortunately, Lisa wasn’t around. She was in their bedroom crying
with the door closed. Cole was upstairs getting ready for bed. Drew and Eileen were
up there, too. He knew running into them was going to be awkward and he was dreading
it. They were going to be furious at their son-in-law for leaving their daughter and
grandchildren. Once again.

Grant went upstairs. Cole was stretched out on the bed. He occupied most of the mattress.
He was turning into a tall and handsome 13 year-old boy.

“Hey, lil’ buddy,” Grant said to Cole. “I need to talk to you.”

Cole smiled. His dad was home after being gone for a few days.

“Are you here to tuck me in?” Cole asked.

Grant burst into tears. He lost complete control of himself. This is what he was sacrificing.
Tucking in Cole. Worse than that, Cole was sacrificing getting tucked in by his dad,
but he had nothing to deserve that.

Eileen led Drew downstairs. She could tell from Grant’s crying, and from hearing Lisa
cry, that something big was happening and she wanted to let Grant have time alone
with Cole.

“Why are you sad, Dad?” Cole asked. Cole smiled, “I made a rhyme: sad and Dad.”

He was so innocent. So decent and so undeserving of everything that was happening,
and was about to happen.

Grant kept crying. He couldn’t stop. Months of dreading this moment were pent up and
bursting out. He kept looking at Cole knowing that this would probably be the last
time he would ever see him. Grant tried to get his mind to fully appreciate that.
He was having a hard time doing so.

Quit thinking about yourself and your feelings, Grant told himself. You’re a soldier,
now act like one, he told himself. Grant slowly gained control of himself. The clarity
of his mission was coming back to him. He had a once-in-a-lifetime job, a once-in-a-century
job, to go do. This was his sacrifice. He needed to get it over with and start focusing
on the historic job he must do. An amazing calm came over him. Again.

“Cole, I have to go away for a while and work,” Grant said. Cole was listening attentively.
Grant had told him before that he was going away for a few days and he had always
come back. Cole didn’t comprehend that Grant might not be coming back. That made this
moment easier, but Grant knew it would be harder once Cole learned the truth. Even
if Grant wasn’t killed or captured, Lisa would never let him back. There was no way
he’d be coming back to his family.