299 Days VIII: The War (18 page)

“That’s okay, Dad,” Cole said. “You’ll be back to tuck me in.” Cole smiled.

“I’ll sure try,” Grant said. He felt like he needed to be honest with his son. He
couldn’t promise he’d return and then not.

“You will tuck me in soon,” Cole said. “You’re a good dad.”

Grant crumbled up onto Cole’s bed and started crying again. Cole knew Grant was a
good dad. That meant everything.

“Thank you, lil’ buddy,” Grant said. “Thank you for saying I’m a good dad.”

“Sure, dad,” Cole said. “Are you going to put bad guys in jail?”

Grant burst out in tears even harder. Cole got it. Thank God. Literally.

“Yes, I’m going to put some bad guys in jail,” Grant answered. “I need to leave here
to do it. I’m going to catch some bad guys back in Olympia where we used to live.”

“Like the mean lady who came to our house and hurt me and Mom?” Cole asked, referring
to Nancy Ringman’s bizarre attack on them in Olympia.

More tears rolled down Grant’s cheeks. “Yes, lil’ buddy. People like that mean lady.
She is bad and needs to stop hurting people.”

“Thanks, Dad,” Cole said. “I know the mean people will try to hurt you, but you will
have guns. You will win.” Cole was smiling and nodding. Grant melted again. Cole’s
confidence and enthusiasm was exactly what Grant needed right then.

I know
, said the outside thought.
I work through the weakest, like your son.

“I will be okay when you’re gone,” Cole said. “I have Missy to play with. I’m helping
her with her talking. She is my friend. We don’t like talking, so we just play together.”
Cole was nodding and smiling. He was proud of himself, as he should have been.

“And Sissy is here to help you, too,” Grant said. Cole nodded.

Grant realized that he needed to wrap up the conversation. Cole was so positive. Grant
wanted to end the talk on a positive note. Any bad word that Cole may utter would
replay through Grant’s mind thousands of times. He couldn’t chance that happening.
Grant needed only positive thoughts replaying. He needed that to survive. He needed
hope.

“Well, Cole, I’m going to leave now for a while,” Grant said. “But I want you to know
that I love you very much and I’m very, very proud of you. You are a great son and
I’m very happy you’re my son.”

Cole smiled. “Thanks, Dad,” he said. “I’m glad you’re my dad. I love you, Dad.” Cole
hugged Grant. He felt soft; precious.

“Okay, Cole,” Grant finally said. “I’m going to go put bad guys in jail. See you as
soon as I can.”

“Bye, Dad,” Cole said and waved. I can do this, Grant said to himself. I can get up
and walk out of this room. I can do it.

Indeed, Grant’s legs did work and he was soon walking down the stairs from Cole’s
room in the loft. Now the bad part was coming: seeing Lisa again. Some of Grant’s
clothes that he’d need were in their bedroom with her.

Grant would delay this as long as possible by first going into the bathroom and getting
his personal effects, like his toothbrush. But he had to walk past Drew and Eileen
to get there. That would be unpleasant.

Drew was standing there. “Lisa told Eileen what’s going on,” he said. Drew wasn’t
mad. Not at all.

“Go do what you have to do,” Drew said softly. “I understand. I know things that those
two don’t.” Drew was referring to the fact that, as the person at Pierce Point who
kept track of people’s contributions to the community effort, he knew that people
were helping with the effort to supply the “rental team” at Marion Farm. Drew also
knew that the “rental team” was really a guerilla unit.

“It’s about time someone did something about this whole shitty situation,” Drew said.
That was the first time Grant had ever heard Drew swear. “I’d go if I could, but I’m
too old.”

“And you’re needed here, Drew,” Grant said. “You’ve done a magnificent job and I need
people here who can take care of my family. You’ll be great at that.”

Drew forced a smile. He felt guilty that he wasn’t going off to war, but he knew how
much good he would do by staying behind and looking after things.

“Thanks, Grant,” Drew said. “Thanks for everything you’ve done for Lisa and us. For
having this place and seeing what was coming before it hit. We owe you everything.”

“Not really,” Grant said. “I’m a man. I take care of my family. It’s what a man does.
You did it. I did it more dramatically, but you have always taken care of your family.
And, when things got bad in Olympia, you pretty much told Eileen that you were leaving
for the cabin with or without her. That was being a man.”

Drew nodded and smiled. He was proud of how he stepped up at the end and got his wife
to the cabin. It had saved their lives, and he knew it. He would forever be proud
of himself for that.

“Well, you have work to go do,” Drew said.

Grant just stood there. “I need to get some clothes and they’re in my room with Lisa
and Eileen.” Grant smiled. “Here I am, a soldier, afraid to go into that room.” They
laughed. Grant needed that laugh.

Grant and Drew talked for a few minutes about things at Pierce Point. Drew wanted
to get updated on everything he needed to know … in case Grant wasn’t coming back.

Finally, Eileen came out of the bedroom. She was crying. She couldn’t look Grant in
the eye. She had believed everything Lisa said. Of course. She took her crying daughter’s
side. That’s what moms do.

Grant looked at Drew and said, “I’m going in” like he was attacking an enemy machine
gun nest. Drew nodded.

“I’m proud of you,” Drew said. Eileen saw this and was shocked that Drew wasn’t taking
Lisa’s side.

Grant nodded and walked toward the bedroom. I can do this, he said to himself.

He wanted to try to convince Lisa one more time. He wanted to leave on a positive
note. The idea of having her hate him would weigh on his mind constantly as he was
off doing some very difficult things. He needed to focus on the positive sentiment
that Cole had given him.

Lisa was thinking the same thing. She had some very stressful times ahead of her and
she wanted to end this on a positive note, as positive as possible. She wasn’t giving
in to him; she still would not let him come back, ever. But she also needed him more
than ever, which was why she was so furious that he was leaving.

Grant walked into their room and Lisa was sitting on the bed with her face buried
in her hands. She was crying exactly like she had been when Grant had left the first
time in Olympia. That uncontrolled crying that Grant had never seen up until that
point. He had the misfortune of seeing it a second time.

Grant got his clothes. The fact that he was getting his clothes only reinforced to
Lisa that he was actually leaving.

He set his clothes on the bed and walked over to where she was sitting. He got on
his knees in front of her. He hugged her while he was on his knees and she hugged
him back. It felt so amazing. She didn’t hate him. They hugged for a long time; Grant
lost track of time. The hug lasted long enough for Grant to remember a lifetime of
the wonderful things they had done together.

“You’re the best thing that ever happened to me,” Grant said to her. He didn’t want
to say “I love you” because he knew she’d say, “Then why are you leaving?”

“The kids are amazing,” Grant said. “Thank you for them.” Lisa softly nodded as they
were hugging.

Finally she spoke. “Thank you for getting us out here and all the food and everything.”
Grant was surprised. He never expected her to thank him for that. She was admitting
she had been wrong about preparing. Well, she was admitting it indirectly, which was
as close to admitting it as Grant could imagine her doing.

Grant thought that Lisa might not be mad at him anymore. Wishful thinking.

“But,” Lisa said, “While I’m thankful for everything you’ve done, I can never trust
you again. You lied to me for a long time and you’re leaving to do something …” she
wanted to say “stupid,” but didn’t want to have him out on the battlefield wondering
if what he was doing was stupid. That might get him killed. “… Something I disagree
that you have to go do,” she said. “Other people can do it. So go and do your job,
but you can’t come back home.”

“Okay,” Grant said. This was better than her screaming at him a second time, like
he’d expected. He hugged her quickly and got up. He needed to end this before she
started yelling at him, which he knew he’d dwell on for the next few months.

He got his clothes and walked past her. “I love you,” he said.

“Love you, too,” she said. “Goodbye.” That word echoed in his ears. She said it calmly.
It sounded casual, like he was leaving to go to do an errand. Her calmness terrified
him. It really was over.

Grant just kept walking. He couldn’t say “goodbye” because that would be an admission
that it was truly over. She could tell him goodbye, but he didn’t have to agree. She
could kick him out, but it wouldn’t be his idea to leave. He didn’t want to leave.
He wanted his wife and family back. She could end it, but he wouldn’t be the one who
did.

Grant walked out of the cabin as quickly as possible. He needed to get out of there
before someone said something that he’d obsess over for the weeks, months, or years.

He got into Mark’s truck and headed out, waving at Gideon along the way. He stopped
the truck to say goodbye. He owed that to Gideon. He rolled down the window. “See
you on the other side.”

“Roger that,” Gideon said and saluted.

Grant returned the salute. It felt completely natural. He was no longer a family man.
He was a soldier now.

(December 26)

Driving away from his family on his way to the Marion Farm, Grant had the overpowering
feeling that he was leaving all that was good, and that he was leaving light, warmth,
and love for darkness, cold, and hate. “Why would anyone do that?” he kept asking
himself.

But, just like when he left Olympia and left his family the first time, he knew that
he had no choice. As hard as it was, he had to do it. Had to.

Grant was even more convinced of that now. He knew that his family would be okay and
that this was his sacrifice. The outside thought had said so and it was never wrong.

Grant actually smiled. He felt warm inside. He smiled because he knew that he had
the privilege, the high privilege, of doing exactly what he was supposed to do. Everything
over the past few years had led up to this moment. The prepping, getting the cabin,
bugging out from Olympia, setting up things in Pierce Point, the unit. This drive
out to Marion Farm was a drive toward Grant’s destiny.

He laughed at himself. “Driving toward his destiny”? That sounded a little corny.
Then he thought about it. It was true. A complicated and amazing destiny had been
laid out for him, and he was literally driving toward it.

He decided to savor the moments of the drive, to soak it all in, so he could remember
it later. He started smiling. He couldn’t help it. He was so calm, peaceful, and joyous
that he couldn’t contain himself.

As he pulled up to the Marion Farm guard station, Grant realized that he needed to
take this positive energy and channel it into the unit. He needed to make this unit
the very best, to improve their chances of living through what was to come. He would
boost their morale and create a band of energized warriors. They would not just achieve
their objective, they would kick ass and enjoy it. Those Lima bastards had an old
school ass kickin’ awaiting them. They were about to pay for everything they’d done.
He would make them pay.

“How the hell are you, Northrup?” Grant asked the guard.

“Fine, sir,” he answered. That boisterous greeting had caught him off guard.

“Good,” Grant said. “We’re going to kick some ass here in a few days. You ready to
have the time of your life?”

“Yes, sir,” Northrup said, wondering if Grant was drunk.

“Good. This is our time to get even. Do you want to get even with them?”

“Yes, sir,” Northrup replied. He was a little concerned about Lt. Matson.

“I need to hear some enthusiasm, soldier!” Grant yelled.

“Time to kick ass, sir!” Northrup yelled back with a giant grin on his face.

“That’s what I’m talkin’ about!” Grant said. He flashed Northrup the 17th’s sign and
gave a “yee-haw!” rebel yell. Northrup grinned and flashed the “1-7” sign back at
Grant and gave a rebel yell.

In that moment, Grant decided that he would enjoy the next few days. He’d had enough
of all this gloom and doom, all this “I’m leaving my family” boo hoo crap. Quit crying,
you little baby, Grant told himself. It was time to fight.

He was ready for a good old fashioned fight. Like when he beat his dad’s ass the first
time. The thrill from smacking a bully around and settling a score. The fear in the
bully’s eyes when he realizes he’s getting beaten and he can no longer hurt others.
The fear. Grant wanted to see the fear in the Limas’ faces. He wanted to laugh and
hit them over and over until they stopped hurting people.