30 Days (3 page)

“When we shook hands. Whatever that feeling was. I felt it too.” He leans against the tomato display picks one up and tosses it in the air once then catching it. “I’ve been thinking about it ever since.”

He’s much taller than me. Over six feet, and his tee shirt is taught across his broad shoulders, the muscles of his chest outlined by the thin fabric. His arms rippled with muscles from his shoulders to his wrists. His narrow waist is highlighted by his drawstring running pants and his sneakers are untied. It makes me smile. I force myself to look back to his eyes. He’s smirking at me and one lone dimple is etched in his face. His jaw line is strong and masculine. He’s like an Abercrombie and Fitch model from the nineties all grown up.

“Elle?” His voice is so deep it sends a shiver through me.

“Sorry. I... ah, it’s Colin right?”

“Yeah. Colin.”

“I’m sorry about the other night. It was rude to just run off I guess.” I guess?
Jenny help me out here, I am seriously making an ass out of myself.

“Was it me?” He asks. His face is warm and friendly. Inviting.

“No, of course not. I just don't hang out much with people. I’m kind of a loner.” I lie. Well it’s true of me
now
but I used to love hanging out with people. I also realize how pathetic this sounds and wish I could retract the statement.

“Oh so you probably want me to leave you alone then.” He says despondently. I instantly feel bad. I don’t ever want to see this man frown again.
What is wrong with me Jenny?
“No, please, did you want to finish shopping together?” I ask hopefully. I want him to say yes, but I know it’s a bad idea. I should let him walk away.  He shoots me a wary but hopeful look. “I’d love to.” The smile he gives me right then sets my mind at ease and unleashes a jar of butterflies into my belly. He picks up his basket from the floor as I tell him the last few things I need.

“So kale, avocado’s, beets, carrots, apples and lemons huh?” He teases.

“I make a mean green juice, but the
avocadoes are for sandwiches.” His arm brushes mine as he reaches over me for a bag of baby carrots and I have to stifle my gasp at the contact.

“You eat pretty healthy. Do you work out?” He asks.

“I used to run. I haven't for a while, but I try to eat clean. And no, I’m not a vegetarian or anything. I just eat as many fruits and veggies as I can when eating at home. Going out- all bets are off.” I smile.

He reaches for a package of steaks and tosses it in his basket. “I like meat and potatoes.” He says making a face, then pounds a fist on his chest. A laugh bursts out of me at his bad caveman impression. It surprises me. I haven’t really laughed in such a long time. His eyes crinkle and he lets out a thunderous laugh. It’s pure joy like a serenade and I instantly want to hear it again.

“So, what do you do?” I ask as we stand in the checkout line together.

“I’m a personal trainer and I teach boxing at my gym a couple blocks over.”

“That’s why you have so many muscles.” I flirt.
Why am I flirting?

“Have you been checking me out?” He teases. A blush creeps up my neck because I most certainly have. Who wouldn't?

“Maybe.” I mumble.

“So what about you? What do you do?” He asks.

“Um, right now I’m on vacation. Renting one of those cottages at the Inn.”

“That’s nice. Where are you from?”

“Here. Searsport.” I say nervously wrinkling my nose. I don't want to talk about myself anymore. I don't want to answer questions.

“Did I say something wrong?” Colin asks drawing his brows together.

“No! Of course not. I just don't like talking about myself very much.”

“I thought we were trying to get to know each other.” He says playfully.

“We were. I just... I don’t know. I’m sorry Colin.” I trail off.  His arm comes up wrapping around my shoulder and he pulls me into his side. It’s shocking. His touch, so casual yet affectionate. I don't even know him. I haven’t been held this way, comforted by a man in so long I’m stunned. “It’s alright. We can avoid personal topics for now.” He says quietly.

“Thanks.” I murmur. He drops his arm as I move to unload some of my groceries onto the belt and I actually feel the loss of his touch. Impossible.

“Where are you parked? I’ll walk you to your car.”
His voice fills the silence that’s stretched between us.

“I walked here.” I tell him.

“From the Inn?” He looks horrified.

“Yeah. It’s not far. I like walking.” I shrug.

“It’s dark out Elle, you can't walk home alone. Let me give you a lift.”

“I really don't mind walking. It no more than two miles.” I stand firm. He stops and stares at me momentarily. “Fine, I’ll walk with you then.”

“That’s ridiculous! Then you have to walk back to your car, plus, what about your groceries?” I counter.

“I’ll put the groceries in my car. Then I’ll walk with you.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“Why not?”

“That’s not an answer.” I huff.

“I’d like to make sure you get home safe.” He sounds so sincere but it doesn't make any sense for him to be so nice to me.
I’m out of idea’s to get rid of him though.

“Fine. I’ll let you drive.” A smug smile spreads across his face and that dimple pops out. When we get to his car he pops the trunk and loads the groceries into it before opening my door for me.

“Thank you.”

“For what?” He questions.

“Opening my door for me. That’s sweet.” I smile.

He shuts the door, rounds the car and folds into the
driver’s seat. We pull out of the lot and head toward the Inn. “So what do you do for fun?” I venture at small talk.

“Well, I like to read. I love concerts and music in general and boxing.” He glances at me. “What about you?”

“Hmmm, chocolate. I love chocolate.” I chuckle.

“You do chocolate for fun?” He laughs.

“Oh, right. Fun. I too read. A lot. I like movies, I love music, and exploring new places or trying new things.”

“So you’re adventurous.” He states.

“Well, no I wouldn't say
that
but I like experiencing new things.” I explain. “That’s me, number eleven.” I point to my cozy cottage. He pulls the car to the side of the road and puts it in park.

“Well Elle. It was nice running into you
again.” His eyes are directed at mine.

“Yeah. Thanks for the ride.”
I reply quickly averting my gaze. I could get lost in his eyes and I can’t afford to do that right now. He hops out of the car, jogging around the hood to my side and gets my door for me.

“Thanks Colin.” I grab my grocery bags and make the short walk down the path to the cottage door. When I put my bags down to maneuver my key into the lock I’m swung around into Colin’s chest.

“Uh.. Colin?” My voice shakes slightly.

“I just need to know Elle.” He whispers.

One large hand wraps around the nape of my neck while his other moves to the small of my back startling me. Being in his arms has an intense and instant effect on me. He leans down bringing his face to mine until our lips hover a whisper apart. I stare up into his eyes unmoving and unconsciously lick my bottom lip. Before I can blink his lips are on mine. Hot and soft exploring me. He nips  my bottom lip, drawing it out a bit before I relent and push up on my tiptoes to deepen the kiss. My hands tangle in his hair without me telling them to and my torso pushes into his wanting, needing to be closer. The electric current that runs through my body is like nothing I’ve ever felt before. It’s terrifying and exhilarating. The hand at my neck loosens slightly as our kiss goes from frantic passion to slow and sweet.

By the time he pulls his lips from mine I’m breathless and dizzy. We stare unmoving into
each other’s eyes and I swear a thousand conversations pass between us. It’s surreal. He doesn't know a damn thing about me but right now I feel like I’ve known him my entire life. Not just known, loved. I bite my bottom lip and the guttural groan he lets out almost undoes me. He bends forward and kisses my forehead. All I can taste is this moment.

“What was that?”

“Everything.” He breathes.
“Elle, I need to see you again.” His deep voice is raspy and gravelly and it does funny things to me. I sigh knowing it’s a bad idea but find myself nodding my head anyways.

“Alright.” I whisper as my cheeks flush with heat.

He straightens up
and grabs my grocery bags from the ground. I unlock the door to the cottage and we walk in together. I watch him curiously as he sets my bags on the counter and looks around. I find that I
want
him to know me. He moves to the fridge and stops.

“What’s this?” He turns and cocks an eyebrow at me.

“A list.” I reply sheepishly. It’s pretty ridiculous to read through even to me sometimes. I watch has he picks up the sharpie on the counter next to the fridge and blacks out - Kiss a stranger. He turns and beams his brilliant smile at me. “I think you covered that one today.” He smirks.

“Colin.”

“Yes?”

“What did you need to know?” I ask.

“If kissing you would have the same effect as shaking your hand did.” He struts over to me stopping just shy of touching me.

“And?” I push.

“Even more so.” He murmurs and takes my hand in his.

“I feel it too, but Colin, I don't understand it. It scares me a little.” I say faintly.

“I don't know what it is Elle, but I’m not stupid enough to let this go when I feel like my life started when I saw your face.” I suck in a sharp breath. I feel the exact same way but I wasn’t going to say it out loud.

“I have to get my groceries home but... can I see you tomorrow?” He asks.

“Ok.” Is all I can manage. He brushes a light kiss across my lips that leaves a trail of heat and want behind. He grabs the receipt from my grocery bag and writes something on it, places it on the counter and comes back to me.

“Call me tomorrow.” His arms come around me tightly hugging me to his body. I wrap my arms around his waist and squeeze back. Home. It feels like home. Impossible.

He kisses the top of my head before pulling away. I walk him to the door and watch, completely dumbfounded at the events that just took place, as he gets in his car and drives away. When I get back to the kitchen I notice the receipt.

Incredible . Call me. 843-3327

I tack the note to the fridge and do a little happy dance. I feel giddy and breathless.
Jenny. Holy Crap, Pleaseeeee tell me you witnessed all that and please tell me it isn't too good to be true. I want to call you right now and talk all night about it.

I put away the groceries, throw on a nightgown and curl up in bed to read with a face splitting smile. It’s been too long since I’ve felt this much joy and it feels like my heart might crack from it.

***

I drive away from her house and I have the strangest feeling of peace. I don't even know her last name, yet, I know down to my core that I will do anything she wants, anything she needs, anything she asks. I’m pulled, drawn to her. My gut tells me not to let her out of my sight. To take every second I have with her and make it count. It was torture having to leave.

What else could I do though. I couldn't very well tell her that I was staying. I don't want to scare her but these feelings taking over are so intense, and out of my control. If she doesn't call tomorrow, if I’ve scared her, I don't know what I’ll do. Those lips. That kiss. It was pure fire. She tasted so good. Just a kiss. Makes me wonder what other things will be like. I liked the way she fit next to me. It was as if she was custom made for my body.

I pull into my parking space and wander to my apartment in a daze. Elle is the only thing I can focus on. Our conversation was easy, the banter playful. Is it possible to have an instant connection with someone because this feels like a hell of a lot more than lust. My brain forges on at a million miles a minute as I unload my groceries. What was that list on her fridge? Am I crazy? Who is she? How do I get to know her better? Why do I feel like an addict going through withdrawal? I think I just grew a vagina. I crack open a beer and turn on ESPN where testosterone is king. I need to pull it together.

2011

If you’re not careful life will rape you of anything beautiful. It can steal your hope. Devastate your soul. Kill your spirit. You could wind up like me, lifeless and trapped.

His blotchy sweaty, bloated belly moves over me harshly jerking forward and backward. His kisses are slimy and sloppy and make me want to gag. I try not to visibly recoil from him. I don't of course because that would alert him to the fact that he disgusts me. I turn my head to the side avoiding his kisses and eyes and silently pray that he finishes soon. There’s no hope of me finishing. How could I? I’m actually repulsed by him. It wasn't always this way. I was attracted to him once. In the beginning he was loyal and kind. He made sure I knew that he’d never leave me.