A Beautiful Mess (21 page)

This is one of the many reasons why I loved Ashlynn Miller, because she told me exactly what I needed to hear when others were sometimes too afraid to say to my face.

A couple of minutes later Neil walked out with Jade wrapped in his arm while she cried. She was so broken up that halfway to the waiting room Neil lifted my sister into his arms and cradled her. He walked over and sat in a chair smoothing her hair back away from her face. Looking over at Ashlynn I nodded my head and we both got up and walked towards room 312. This time when I placed my hand on the knob I took a deep breath and walked in closing the door behind us.

The room was dark with a bunch of machines all over the place. There were monitors and sounds beeping and signaling the morphine drip. I looked around the room and my eyes stopped on the man lying in the bed with his eyes closed with an oxygen mask around his face. He looked so fragile and weak and I started to choke up. Walking over to the side of his bed there were two chairs available and I took the one closest to him so I could release everything I had built up for twenty-one years of my life.

Ashlynn sat next to me and never let go of my hand as I vented and he never opened his eyes.

It didn’t matter to me if he was awake or asleep. The only thing that mattered to me was that I had finally told this man how badly he messed up. Not only his relationship with his children but our own relationships as people.

Leaning towards him I said, “You messed me and Jade up completely. We had childhoods that no one should have to go through and because of you I have lived my life up until recently angry with myself. Angry with how I let you get to me. I let you get into my head and mess up any opportunity I ever had. I always had your voice in the back of my head saying that I would never be good enough and that I was not worthy of love. But guess what? You were wrong.”

Pointing to Ash I said, “I fell in love with this girl a long time ago and I didn’t want to mess up with her the way you and mom messed Jade and I up. So do you want to know what I did? I pushed her away and slowly but surely with tiny baby steps she broke down my walls. She has shown me what love means and what it really is. I’m so grateful to have her in my life. Another thing you should know is that she’s pregnant with my children. We’re having twins, a boy and a girl, and unlike you I will love them unconditionally. I will build them up instead of tear them down. I will cheer them on instead of break them apart. I will hug and kiss them rather than hit them.”

Pausing I then said, “I will tell you this though. The second she told me she was pregnant I was scared out of my mind that I would become like you but I’ve realized that I make my own choices in life and after today I will never have your voice in my head telling me how royally I messed up and how I failed because the only failure I see … is you.”

Closing my eyes and opening them tears rolled down my face. Quickly wiping them away I got up from my chair and leaned into his ear so he could hear me and I whispered, “I forgive you.” Those three words had his eyes opening up and I realized he was tearing up.

Barely lifting his hand I looked down at it and placed my hand in his. I looked back up into his eyes as he pulled the oxygen mask from his face and taking a deep breath he wheezed out, “I’m so sorry Jason.”

I didn’t realize that his apology was what I needed to hear to be okay. Leaning in I kissed him on the forehead and whispered, “You can go now dad.” Sitting back down in the chair I never took my eyes away from his face as his eyes closed for the last time and the monitor line went straight and a buzz went off.

Taking a deep breath, I looked over to see Ashlynn with tears streaming down her face. I got up from my chair and pulled her up into my chest and hugged her. That hug represented how grateful I was to have her in my life and the relief that washed over me after forgiving my dad. Kissing her on the top of the head, I placed an arm around her and we walked out of the room into the waiting room where Neil was still holding Jade.

Lifting her head from Neil’s chest she looked over towards me and I shook my head. Getting up from Neil’s lap she ran over to me and I wrapped my arms around her. Calming her down Neil walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her. I wrapped my arm around Ashlynn kissing her on the forehead.

Turning back to Neil and Jade I said, “Let’s go home.”

We were now in the month of December and it had been four months to the day since Jade and Jason’s dad passed away. I was also in my third trimester and doing rather well. Sitting in that hospital room with him as Jason poured out his soul to his dad was heartbreaking but I was so proud of him for talking to his dad and telling him how he felt. I knew he’d needed that closure and I just did not want him to have to go through life thinking about how he would regret not taking the opportunity to let it all out there.

Jade and Jason decided not to go to the funeral because all they really needed was to have some peace of mind and find some closure with their father. However, a month after Ben Williams’ death Jade and Jason both received letters in the mail informing them that their dad was leaving them each a large sum of money. Jason wouldn’t tell me the exact amount and I wasn’t comfortable asking but he told me that it was enough to live comfortably with the twins.

That first month after Jason’s dad’s death was rather difficult on him and I did not expect that. While he did get his closure at the hospital it all seemed to go downhill from there. He started thinking about contacting his mom but opted against it. He said he didn’t want to drag that mess into our lives when we were just getting used to it.

I also didn’t expect to see Jade and Neil becoming so close. He really took care of her after their dad’s death and I was so happy. I just hoped that she didn’t make a mistake with Neil because I could see their friendship growing into something.

This first semester of senior year was rather difficult for me because I was dealing with morning sickness and was exhausted all of the time. So I decided to take my last semester of college online. Plus I would be six months pregnant by the time the first semester ended and it was already rather difficult to fit into the desks and sit comfortably.

Explaining the whole taking my courses online to my dad was hard. He wasn’t too pleased but said that he was so proud of me either way because I was going to graduate college. He was also ecstatic about Jason and I having twins and said he could not wait to spoil them rotten. I remember having the conversation with him after Jason’s dad’s death and he said that maybe it was a sign from above that we were given both a little girl and a little boy. One to represent my mom and the other Jason’s dad.

I told Jason what my dad said and he smiled and said, “Yeah, maybe he’s right.” I like to think that maybe my dad was right and it got me thinking about what we were going to name our children but I just wanted to run it by Jason to see if he was comfortable with it.

Jason and I had made plans to move in together and since Jade was going to have an extra room she offered to let Neil move in with her. Of course he jumped on that option because anyone who looked at them could see that they had chemistry.

After a ton of begging on Neil’s side Jason caved, saying, “It’s fine by me but make one mistake and we will have problems.” Neil promised Jason but I knew he probably had his fingers crossed behind his back while he shook Jason’s hand.

I thought it was really cute how Jason looked after Jade and I couldn’t wait to see our children grow up and see them treat one another that way. I was an only child so I never got to experience the whole sibling thing. I didn’t have to share my toys and I pretty much got anything I ever wanted. But I also missed out on a lot. I didn’t always have someone to play with or to talk to. I had to find my own ways to keep myself occupied which is why sometimes I think I read so many books.
Yes read as in past tense.

I wasn’t really reading books that much anymore because I didn’t have a reason to have to escape from my real life anymore because I had Jason. We found one another. Although I will mention that I did read Isabelle’s book, Ours
.
Needless to say it was amazing but I knew right away that it was about her and Maddox. From the first page I knew and I couldn’t wait for her to write the next book in the series.

We all decided that over Winter break I was going to move into Jason’s apartment and Neil would move into Jade’s.
I know, stupid right? I mean we live in Maryland where it snows like a motherfucker and our brilliant plan is to move over Christmas break. Yeah, don’t tell me because I already know we are all dumbasses.

But that is exactly what we all did. Of course Jason wouldn’t let me help move anything because I was six months pregnant so I got to unpack my clothes and put them away in Jason’s closet and drawers. I couldn’t believe where my life had led me and how quickly everything had changed. It felt like sometimes we were literally on a roller coaster ride with the ups and downs in our relationship. Jason always referred to our moments of peace and serenity as beautiful and the rough and difficult times as a mess. So it literally went mess, beautiful, mess, beautiful, mess … beautiful but it was mine and Jason’s so I wouldn’t complain about anything.

We had just finished moving me into Jason’s apartment and Neil into Jade’s. I was folding my clothes on Jason’s chest of drawers when he walked up and wrapped his arms around me resting them on my belly. Leaning back against him he said, “How are my girls and little boy doing today?”

The second he finished asking the question our little ones started rolling around in my belly and Jason could feel them kicking. He started laughing; I could feel him against my back.

Turning my head I looked up at him and said, “My answer good enough for you?”

Turning me around so I was facing him he wrapped his arms around me and said, “I love you Ashlynn. Welcome home.” He started to lean in to kiss me but I pushed him away from me and started walking backwards toward the bed.

Without taking my eyes from Jason I pulled my sweatshirt off and unclasped my bra and let them fall to the floor. Leaning forward I took off my yoga pants and thong and sat down on the edge of the bed. Scooting backwards I said, “We have to christen the bedroom. It’s tradition, you know?”

Taking his jacket off and dropping it to the floor he quickly took off his shirt as well. Unclasping the belt from his jeans he unbuttoned and pushed down his jeans and boxers. My mouth watered as I saw Jason was up and ready for me and if I wasn’t wet before I was now. Jason walked up to the edge of the bed and wrapping his hands around my ankles gently pulled me to the edge. Looking down at me he said, “Spread your legs Ashlynn.” I did as he said and he trailed his fingers up my right thigh and slowly pushed two fingers inside me.

I gasped and he hissed through his teeth because he felt how wet I was for him. As he pushed his two fingers in and out of me I reached out and stroked him at the same tempo. It was slow and meticulous because Jason wanted to drag it out. Of course I loved when we fucked but these were the times I enjoyed most because we made it last longer and longer each time. Jason loved getting me to the brink of ecstasy and slowly letting me fall back down. He thought it was hilarious and loved hearing me scream, “JUST FUCK ME JASON!”

Releasing my hand from around Jason I took the hand that had the fingers inside me and slowly slid them out.

Pushing him back a little I got up off the bed and turned us so he was sitting down. Leaning in to his ear I whispered, “Move back Jason and sit up.”

Moving back to the wall he sat there and waited for me with anticipation in his eyes. I crawled up the bed and rested between his legs while his cock was pushed up against my swollen belly. Lifting up Jason held himself still and I sank down onto him.

Being on top with Jason was a breathtaking experience. He filled me completely; almost like he was made for me and in a sense I guess he was. As a matter of fact I knew he was. Wrapping his arms around me I put my hands on his shoulders and slowly moved up and down him because I wanted to drag this out as long as possible.

We whispered little things back and forth to one another. Jason telling me how much he loved me. Me telling him how much I cherished him. Torturously slowly we both brought ourselves over the edge. Me pulling Jason inside of me even deeper as he released inside of me.

It was times I like enjoyed the most because when we both finished I said, “I love you Jason,” and he would grunt, “I love you so much Ashlynn.”

He rarely ever used my nickname anymore which I found downright sexy. I asked him about it once and he said, “I called you Ash when we were friends.”

With a smirk on his face and love in his eyes he said, “We’re not friends anymore. We became best friends who fell in love with one another.”

We both decided that for Christmas this year we would just buy things we needed for the twins and one present for each other. Jason didn’t like it because he said he wanted to spoil me rotten but I didn’t want to be spoiled, I just wanted his love and I got it. So whatever else came out of us was extra. A bonus if you will because I had already won the ultimate prize. Jason Tyler Williams.

Over the course of the week of Christmas we got cribs, a changing table, dressers, clothes, and a baby bag, tons of diapers, a double stroller, and car seats. I couldn’t believe how much money we had spent and I tried to tell Jason that I had money to help pay for it but he waved me off and said to not worry about.

Decorating the twins’ room was the best part. I painted the walls, half being blue with fish swimming all over the place while the other half was pink with ballet shoes and tiaras. Art was always a passion of mine so I enjoyed decorating our children’s room while Jason yelled and screamed having to set up the cribs. Of course being Jason he thought he could do it without having to read the instructions so it took him probably three times as long to set them up as if he had read the instructions. We stocked their dressers to the brim with clothes that would probably last a month if we were lucky. On my own I bought our little boy a pair of navy converses and our little girl a pair of chestnut UGG boots. They were just so adorable I had to get them.