A Benjamin Franklin Reader (9 page)

In September of 1730, Franklin entered into a common-law marriage with Deborah Read, the girl who had laughed at him years earlier when he straggled as a runaway into Pennsylvania. Because she had been married once before to a man who then ran away, they could not enter into an official marriage out of fear of being charged with bigamy. It was a very practical marriage, more a fond partnership than a passionate romance. A month after they began living together as man and wife, he published a set of rules for marital happiness that reflected both the nature of his marriage and his penchant for making funny lists. He apologized for aiming his advice at women, since men were in fact more faulty, “but the reason is because I esteem them better disposed to receive and practice it.”

Fortunately for him, Deborah tended to share his practical views. In general she had plain tastes, a willingness to work, and a desire to please her spouse. Of course, as he might have pointed out, the same could be said of him. And so they settled into a partnership that was both more and less than a conventional marriage. A tireless collaborator both in the house and at work, Deborah handled most of the accounts and expanded their shop’s inventory to include ointments made by her mother, crown soap made by Franklin’s Boston relatives, coffee, tea, chocolate, saffron, cheese, fish and various other sundries.

T
HE
P
ENNSYLVANIA
G
AZETTE
, O
CTOBER
8, 1730

The happy state of matrimony is, undoubtedly, the surest and most lasting foundation of comfort and love; the source of all that endearing tenderness and affection which arises from relation and affinity; the grand point of property; the cause of all good order in the world, and what alone preserves it from the utmost confusion; and, to sum up all, the appointment of infinite wisdom for these great and good purposes. Notwithstanding, such is the perverseness of human nature, and so easy is it to misuse the best of things, that by the folly and ill-behavior of those who enter into it, this is very often made a state of the most exquisite wretchedness and misery; which gives the wild and vicious part of mankind but too much reason to rail against it, and treat it with contempt. Wherefore, it highly becomes the virtuous of both sexes, by the prudence of their conduct, to redeem this noble institution from those unjust reproaches which it at present labors under, and restore it to the honor and esteem it merits, by endeavoring to make each other as happy as they can.

I am now about to lay down such rules and maxims as I think most practicable and conducive towards the end and happiness of matrimony. And these I address to all females that would be married, or are already so; not that I suppose their sex more faulty than the other, and most to want advice, for I assure them, upon my honor, I believe the quite contrary; but the reason is, because I esteem them better disposed to receive and practice it, and therefore am willing to begin, where I may promise myself the best success. Besides, if there is any truth in Proverbs,
Good Wives
usually make
Good Husbands.

RULES and MAXIMS for promoting
Matrimonial Happiness.
Addressed to all Widows, Wives,
and
Spinsters.

The likeliest way, either to obtain a
good husband,
or to keep one
so,
is to be
good
yourself.

Never use a
lover
ill whom you design to make your
husband,
lest he either upbraid you with it, or return it afterwards: and if you find, at any time, an inclination to play the tyrant, remember these two lines of truth and justice.

Avoid, both before and after marriage, all thoughts of managing your husband. Never endeavor to deceive or impose on his understanding: nor give him
uneasiness
(as some do very foolishly) to
try
his temper; but treat him always beforehand with sincerity, and afterwards with
affection
and
respect.

Be not over sanguine before marriage, nor promise your self felicity without alloy, for that’s impossible to be attained in this present state of things. Consider beforehand, that the person you are going to spend your days with, is a man, and not an angel; and if, when you come together, you discover any thing in his humor or behavior that is not altogether so agreeable as you expected,
pass it over as a humane frailty:
smooth your brow; compose your temper; and try to amend it by
cheerfulness
and good-nature.

Remember always, that whatever misfortunes may happen to either, they are not to be charged to the account of
matrimony,
but to the accidents and infirmities of humane life, a burthen which each has engaged to assist the other in supporting, and to which both parties are equally exposed. Therefore, instead of
murmurs,
reflections, and
disagreement,
whereby the
weight
is rendered abundantly more
grievous,
readily put your shoulders to the yoke, and make it easier to both.

Resolve every morning to be
good-natured
and CHEERFUL that day: and if any accident should happen to break that resolution, suffer it not to put you out of temper with every thing besides, and especially with your husband.

Dispute not with him, be the occasion what it will; but much rather deny yourself the trivial satisfaction of having your own will, or gaining the better of an argument, than risk a quarrel or create an heart-burning, which it’s impossible to know the end of.

Be assured, a woman’s power, as well as happiness, has no other foundation but her husband’s esteem and love, which consequently it is her undoubted interest by all means possible to preserve and increase. Do you, therefore, study his temper, and command your own; enjoy his satisfaction with him, share and sooth his cares, and with the utmost diligence conceal his infirmities.

Read frequently with due attention the matrimonial service; and take care in doing so, not to overlook the word
obey.

In your prayers be sure to add a clause for grace to make you a good wife; and at the same time, resolve to do your utmost endeavor towards it.

Always wear your wedding ring, for therein lies more virtue than usually is imagined. If you are ruffled unawares, assaulted with improper thoughts, or tempted in any kind against your duty, cast your eyes upon it, and call to mind, who gave it you, where it was received, and what passed at that solemn time.

Let the tenderness of your conjugal love be expressed with such decency, delicacy and prudence, as that it may appear plainly and thoroughly distinct from the designing fondness of an harlot.

Have you any concern for your own ease, or for your husband’s esteem? Then, have a due regard to his income and circumstances in all your expenses and desires: for if necessity should follow, you run the greatest hazard of being deprived of both.

Let not many days pass together without a serious examination how you have behaved as a wife, and if upon reflection you find your self guilty of any foibles or omissions, the best atonement is, to be exactly careful of your future conduct.

I am fully persuaded, that a strict adherence to the foregoing rules would equally advance the honor of matrimony, and the
glory
of the
fair sex:
and since the greatest part of them, with a very little alteration, are as proper for husbands as for wives to practice, I recommend them accordingly to their consideration, and hope, in a short time, to receive acknowledgments from
married persons
of
both sexes
for the benefit they receive thereby.

And now, in behalf of my
unlearned readers,
I beg leave of my learned ones, to conclude this discourse with Mr.
Creech
’s translation of that part of
Horace
which I have taken for the motto of this paper.

Franklin’s affection for Deborah grew from his pride at her industry; many years later, when he was in London arguing before the House of Commons that unfair taxes would lead to boycotts of British manufacturers, he asserted that he had never been prouder than when he was a young tradesman and wore only clothes that had been made by the spinning wheel of his wife.

But Deborah was not merely a submissive or meek partner to the man she often addressed (as he did her) “my dear child” and whom she sometimes publicly called “Pappy.” She had a fierce temper, which Franklin invariably defended. “Don’t you know that all wives are in the right?” he asked a nephew who was having a dispute with Deborah. Soon after their marriage, he wrote a piece called “A Scolding Wife,” in which he defended assertive women by saying they tended to be “active in the business of the family, special good housewives, and very careful of their husband’s interests.”

T
HE
P
ENNSYLVANIA
G
AZETTE
, J
ULY
5, 1733

Sir,

’Tis an old saying and a true one, that
there is no Conveniency without an Inconveniency:
For aught I know, there might be a saying not less true, though more new,
That there is no Inconveniency without a Conveniency.

However, there is the Inconveniency (as ’tis commonly thought) of a Scolding Wife, which has conveniencies enough in it, to make it (when rightly considered) esteemed a happiness. For I speak from experience, (as well as a long course of observation) women of that character have generally sound and healthy constitutions, produce a vigorous offspring, are active in the business of the family, special good housewives, and very careful of their husband’s interest. As to the noise attending all this, ’tis but a trifle when a man is used to it, and observes that ’tis only a mere habit, an exercise, in which all is well meant, and ought to be well taken. For my own part, I sincerely declare, that the meek whining complaints of my first wife, and the silent affected discontent in the countenance of my second, gave me (either of them) ten times the uneasiness that the clamor of my present dear spouse is capable of giving. ’Tis my opinion, in short, that their freedom of speech springs from a sense they have, that they do their duty in every part towards their husbands, and that no man can say,
black is
(the white of)
their eye….

Among Franklin’s famous spoofs in a report on a purported witch trial, which was a delightful parody of Puritan mystical beliefs clashing with scientific experimentation. Cotton Mather, who had been lampooned in James Franklin’s paper but who later befriended Benjamin, had been involved in the Witch Trials of Salem.

T
HE
P
ENNSYLVANIA
G
AZETTE
, O
CTOBER
22, 1730

Burlington, Oct.
12. Saturday last at
Mount-Holly,
about 8 miles from this place, near 300 people were gathered together to see an experiment or two tried on some persons accused of witchcraft. It seems the accused had been charged with making their neighbors’ sheep dance in an uncommon manner, and with causing hogs to speak, and sing psalms, &c. To the great terror and amazement of the king’s good and peaceable subjects in this province; and the accusers being very positive that if the accused were weighed in scales against a bible, the bible would prove too heavy for them; or that, if they were bound and put into the river, they would swim; the said accused desirous to make their innocence appear, voluntarily offered to undergo the said trials, if 2 of the most violent of their accusers would be tried with them. Accordingly the time and place was agreed on, and advertised about the country; the accusers were 1 man and 1 woman; and the accused the same. The parties being met, and the people got together, a grand consultation was held, before they proceeded to trial; in which it was agreed to use the scales first; and a committee of men were appointed to search the men, and a committee of women to search the women, to see if they had any thing of weight about them, particularly pins. After the scrutiny was over, a huge great bible belonging to the justice of the place was provided, and a lane through the populace was made from the justice’s house to the scales, which were fixed on a gallows erected for that purpose opposite to the house, that the justice’s wife and the rest of the ladies might see the trial, without coming amongst the mob; and after the manner of
Moorfields,
a large ring was also made. Then came out of the house a grave tall man carrying the holy writ before the supposed wizard, &c. (as solemnly as the sword-bearer of
London
before the Lord Mayor) the wizard was first put in the scale, and over him was read a chapter out of the books of
Moses,
and then the bible was put in the other scale, (which being kept down before) was immediately let go; but to the great surprise of the spectators, flesh and bones came down plump, and outweighed that great good book by abundance. After the same manner, the others were served, and their lumps of mortality severally were too heavy for
Moses
and all the prophets and apostles. This being over, the accusers and the rest of the mob, not satisfied with this experiment, would have the trial by water; accordingly a most solemn procession was made to the millpond; where both accused and accusers being stripped (saving only to the women their shifts) were bound hand and foot, and severally placed in the water, lengthways, from the side of a barge or flat, having for security only a rope about the middle of each, which was held by some in the flat. The accuser man being thin and spare, with some difficulty began to sink at last; but the rest every one of them swam very light upon the water. A sailor in the flat jumped out upon the back of the man accused, thinking to drive him down to the bottom; but the person bound, without any help, came up some time before the other. The woman accuser, being told that she did not sink, would be ducked a second time; when she swam again as light as before. Upon which she declared, that she believed the accused had bewitched her to make her so light, and that she would be ducked again a hundred times, but she would duck the devil out of her. The accused man, being surprised at his own swimming, was not so confident of his innocence as before, but said,
if I am a witch, it is more than I know.
The more thinking part of the spectators were of opinion, that any person so bound and placed in the water (unless they were mere skin and bones) would swim till their breath was gone, and their lungs filled with water. But it being the general belief of the populace, that the women’s shifts, and the garters with which they were bound helped to support them; it is said they are to be tried again the next warm weather, naked.