A Bid for Love (4 page)

“Oh, yes. Trent’s very capable when I’m not home. It’s only when I’m home that he forgets how to do things for the children.” Renae’s expression was serious, bringing a smile to Cassi’s lips. “The kids don’t seem to even miss me. Little Sandy’s been sleeping with Trent and being spoiled to death. She’s always been his little angel. I think she’ll survive for two more nights.”

“She’s two now, isn’t she?” Cassi asked.

Renae nodded. “We just started potty-training. I hope she’s made progress before I get home. We’re trying to get her trained before the baby comes. Three weeks doesn’t leave much time.”

“Well, I hope Trent knows how to do the laundry,” Cassi said. “Or you’re going to have a mountain of wet underwear to wash when you get home.”

“Oh, he’ll wash them. They’ll just be pink. Or green. Or something.” Renae rolled her eyes.

On they talked until midnight, Renae mostly about her children and Cassi about her work. “You’re so lucky to have your family,” Cassi said as they finally turned out the lights. She settled on her bed, face up, staring at the black ceiling.

“I guess I am. But I envy your freedom. I sometimes feel . . . well, a bit trapped.” Renae’s voice was soft in the darkness of their room. “My children are precious and I love them more than I can say, but sometimes I feel like they suck everything right out of me. They constantly want something. At times I don’t have anything left inside to give, and I want to scream, what about me? What about what I want?” She paused before adding softly, “Do you know that this trip is the first time I’ve been away from my children since Scotty was born nine years ago?”

Cassi was quiet. She had never seen this side of Renae’s perfect life. She felt the need in her friend’s voice and ached to help her. “What is it you want to do?” she asked.

There was a silence and then, “I don’t know, really. That’s just it. I feel like I lost
me
. Like I don’t even exist except as a mom or a wife. I don’t know who I am anymore. Me, the real me inside, I mean.”

“Well, if you didn’t have any children, what would you be doing?”

“Working, probably.”

“Doing what? Or better yet, let’s say that you didn’t have to work. What would you do then?”

“Well . . . I . . . uh . . .”

“You always liked music in high school,” Cassi remembered. “Not the band stuff like clarinet or flute, but the popular music. You made up songs, and you said that one day you were going to learn to play the guitar.”

“Oh, yeah. I remember. With ten children my parents were too poor to pay for lessons, so I started to work and was going to pay for them myself.”

As a child from a family of only two children, Cassi had always envied Renae’s large family, but she didn’t feel now was the time to bring it up. “What happened to that idea?”

“I guess I got involved in gymnastics and spent all my money on that. Then I met Trent, and that was that.”

“Would you still like to take guitar?”

“I do have a lot of songs running through my head.” Renae’s voice was full of desire. “I—I think I’d like to take voice lessons, too.”

“There you go, then. Trent’s got a good job. Isn’t he still working for that import company?”

“Dalton Importing. He just got a raise.”

“Then there’s no reason you can’t swing a few lessons, is there?”

“No. But what about leaving my children? I’ve always wanted to have a big family and be at home with my kids. I still don’t want to leave them with anyone else. Oh, what’s wrong with me for not being satisfied with being a mother?”

Cassi winced at her pain. “Music and voice lessons only take a couple of hours a week. You could arrange them at night when Trent can watch the children, and practice during the week at home. You might not get the ironing done, but you could still be at home for your kids.”

“Somehow that seems like cheating.”

Cassi didn’t laugh, knowing that Renae was serious. “Not to me. Besides, music is something you can teach your children, and you’ll be happier doing it.”

 “I never looked at it that way before. How come you have? You don’t even have children.”

Cassi felt a loss as Renae spoke. She clutched at the blanket on her chest, willing the ache to leave. “I guess not having children means I’ve had time to think about it.”

They were both quiet for several long seconds, and then Cassi asked, “So, are you going to do it?”

“Yes.” Renae’s voice took on a note of determination. “Trent can watch the kids two hours a couple of nights a week. But what if I’d told you I wanted to be a writer, or a physicist, or . . . or an art buyer like you?”

Cassi laughed into the darkness. “Then instead of music lessons, you’d go to school two nights a week”

“Maybe I will. In fact, I can’t wait to get started.”

“At least wait for another few days,” Cassi said. “You’re mine until Monday night, remember?”

“You sound just like my children.”

“Good night, Mommy.”

Renae giggled. “Good night.”

* * * * *

Early Sunday morning, bright light filtered through the partially closed blinds. Cassi yawned and stretched contentedly. She had slept well. Since her job required a great deal of traveling, she could fall asleep anywhere within minutes. It was a learned ability, and Cassi was proud of it.

She arose quietly and made her way to the bathroom to shower. Her sweet-smelling shampoo lathered readily in the warm water, and she relished the clean feeling it gave her.

In the foggy warmth of the bathroom, she dressed in a decidedly delicate dress with aqua-colored flowers, quite unlike her business suit, but just as flattering. She sprayed leave-on conditioner in her hair and worked out the last few knots, twisting it expertly into a French roll. She almost always wore her hair this way on Sunday, feeling it showed respect. It also kept people from asking which permanent she used. “The one I got in my mother’s womb,” she would always reply on those unfortunate days when she didn’t have time to wash and coif her hair. That always startled people enough to curb further questions.

Cassi left the bathroom to find Renae still sleeping. She sat at the table near the beds and thumbed through the phone book to find the nearest church. It was nearly eight o’clock.

Renae mumbled in her sleep, and Cassi looked over to see her friend tossing under the light blanket. Renae’s eyes flew open. “What?” She glanced around, puzzled. “Oh, I was dreaming that the kids were jumping on me, trying to wake me up.” Her stomach moved noticeably, and Renae laughed. “It wasn’t a dream. This baby
is
jumping on me.”

Cassi left the table and went to sit on the edge of Renae’s bed. “I never knew they moved like that. I can see it even with the blanket on.”

“You think that’s bad . . .” Renae flipped off the blanket and parted her pajamas to bare her stomach. The baby’s movements were even more apparent, and Cassi laughed as one part of Renae’s stomach poked out a half-inch above the rest.

“Is that a foot?” she asked.

Renae shrugged. “I think so. She must be stretching or something. She does this quite a bit.”

Cassi’s gaze was still fixed on the movement when Renae suddenly grabbed her hand and put it on top of the baby. Cassi felt the baby kick against the abrupt cold.

“Oh,” was all Cassi could say, her heart full of amazement.

“It’ll be your turn one day,” Renae said lightly.

“I hope so.” Cassi took her hand away from the baby and returned to the table.

“But you’re going to have to date more,” Renae added, sitting up.

“How do I do that, if they don’t ask me out?”

“Ask them. They do want to go out with you. They’re just afraid. Or maybe they ask, and you just don’t get the drift. You did that in high school, you know.”

Cassi’s anger flared, and she had to fight to make her voice sound normal. “So now I’m stupid, eh?”

“I didn’t say that. You’re just . . . innocent and unassuming, I guess. You don’t realize when men are admiring you. Take that man from yesterday, the blond one. He admired you, I could tell. He seems like a nice guy.”

Cassi look at her friend incredulously. “You mean the arrogant pig? You have
got
to be kidding. With Léon for a friend, he’s probably a jerk. I don’t care how good-looking you think he is, I don’t like him. I certainly am not going to ask him out.”

Renae held up her hands. “Okay, okay. It was just a suggestion.”

“When I finally do get married, it has to be forever. I’m not waiting this long to settle for second-best.”

Renae heaved her way out of the bed, stomach first, and turned in the direction of the bathroom. She was already doing her customary dance to alleviate the pressure on her bladder. “But just because that Landine guy knows Léon doesn’t mean he’s a jerk. I mean, you know Léon, and I don’t consider you a jerk.” Before Cassi could retort, Renae danced into the bathroom and shut the door.

While Renae bathed, Cassi called the nearest church to find out the meeting times. It didn’t start until ten o’clock, leaving plenty of time for Renae to get ready and for them to have breakfast before leaving the hotel. Cassi went to the small refrigerator in the corner of the room next to the sink to retrieve some of the groceries they had bought after the auction display on Saturday. She set out yogurt and fruit juice, and retrieved the package of croissants from the cupboard above the tiny sink.

“It’s not very far. Do you feel like walking?” she asked as Renae joined her at the table.

“Sounds great. I feel rested. And you don’t know how wonderful it will be to walk without having to carry Sandy.”

* * * * *

At fifteen to ten, Cassi and Renae arrived at the small chapel. They were greeted eagerly by the members, who only showed a slight disappointment when they learned the women were temporary visitors instead of new move-ins. The building was well-kept and had a welcoming, familiar feeling, the couch-filled foyer leading to a large chapel where meetings were held. A long hallway off the foyer had doors that opened onto smaller rooms for Sunday School and children’s meetings.

Cassi and Renae were talking to a man named Larry Smithy, when the man Léon had introduced them to the day before approached the building. Cassi could see the arrogant pig’s handsome features clearly as he sauntered through the front glass doors of the church.

“Him!” Cassi blurted out before she could stop herself.

Larry Smithy turned in the newcomer’s direction. “That’s Jared Landine.”

“You know him?” Cassi had been ready to accuse Jared of following her.

“Yeah. He used to live around here. He called Friday to tell me he was going to be here this weekend. He comes three or four times a year, and we keep up in between. If you’ll excuse me for a moment . . .” Smithy darted off in Jared’s direction while Cassi simply stared. The men met halfway across the foyer in a friendly hug.

“It’s so great to see you again.” Smithy said, loud enough for Cassi and Renae to hear. “How’s work?”

“Going well,” Jared replied. “How are the kids? Is April here today?”

Cassi’s eyes were still fixed on him. He looked much as he had the day before, except that he was wearing a different suit. He was undeniably handsome. She clenched her jaw. For no reason she could pinpoint, her heart was racing. She wasn’t sure she appreciated the feeling.

She glanced at Renae, who watched her closely with an amused glint in her eyes, and then back at Jared. This time he met her stare with those piercing eyes. Cassi gulped.
The arrogant pig at church?
All her preconceived notions about the man exploded into a burst of nothingness, leaving her feeling strangely vulnerable.

CHAPTER FIVE

The air was crisp and clean, not yet smothered by the heat that would come later in the day. Jared enjoyed his walk to the church near the hotel. He knew these streets well because of his time living in the area. Yet each time he returned there was some change—an old building gone and a new one in its place, or perhaps a street of houses replaced by condominiums or stores. He took these changes in stride, knowing things changed to stay alive. In his heart, though, he would always remember the city as it had once been—the busy, exciting city he had grown to love.

He reached the building shortly before church began and was glad to see Larry Smithy at the door. A smile came unbidden to his face as he remembered the first time he had met Larry in a similar building twelve years ago. He and April had no children at the time, and they were all a lot younger, but in many ways it seemed as though the intervening years had never passed.

After greeting Larry, Jared raised his eyes to search for April and the children, only to stare across the church foyer into the eyes of the woman he had met the previous day: Cassi Mason, the Snob with a capital S. Her brown eyes were opened wide, and she seemed oddly vulnerable—a far cry from the self-assured buyer of the day before. Jared felt drawn to her, and he loathed the feeling. He forced himself to examine her dispassionately.

In her flowered, floor-length dress she was overwhelmingly feminine. Her slim figure was about five-foot-five to his six-one. Her face was not overly painted, and she looked as nice as any woman he had ever dated. He didn’t like that assessment, so he searched further to find something wrong. Then he had it: her hair. The dark brown locks were done up in some kind of a twist, the full, bouncy ringlets having disappeared completely. Why would this woman spend so much time making her hair look perfect on other days, but neglect it when she went to church?

Larry followed Jared’s gaze. “Oh, yeah. Do you know them? I think they know you. They’re visiting.”

Jared shook his head and then nodded, aware of the contradiction, but unable to control himself. “We’ve met,” he said. “At the hotel.”

“How wonderful to run into them like that,” Larry said. “I’m always so excited to meet people from different places.” Larry was positively beaming, and Jared felt slightly irritated. He knew what was coming next—Larry would try to set them up.