A Brit on the Side (Castle Calder Book 1) (11 page)

“I never heard from you.”

“It works both ways. I never heard from you either.”

“You got engaged.” Jasper’s voice goes up.

My voice rises, too. “I got engaged almost a year and a half after we were together. Was I not supposed to go on with my life?”

“No. I mean, of course you were.” Jasper springs up and shoves his hands in his pockets, pacing from the desk to the wall and back again. “God, I’m making this worse.”

If Jasper wasn’t pacing, I would be. “I don’t understand. As I recall, you kissed me this afternoon. Not the other way around.”

“To see if I could, no strings attached. Let the pieces fall where they may, as it were.” Jasper waves his arm like he’s conducting an orchestra.

“And?” I ask the question, even knowing what he’s going to say. I need to buy myself time to figure out how to react.

“Have you not been listening to a word I’ve said?” Jasper stops pacing and stands right in front of me, peering down in a way that makes me want to scoot back. Way back. “All afternoon, I was a moon to your star. Wherever you were, I was painfully aware of your orbit. Painfully being the key word.”

I stay still, making myself hold Jasper’s gaze. Then I stand up slowly so he has to move back or risk touching me. God forbid. When I speak, my voice is soft but only because I don’t want it to shake. “I’ve been listening, Jasper. And you know what I’ve heard? I’ve heard you assuming a hell of a lot, but not asking me a single thing about what I thought happened between us two years ago. Or this afternoon, for that matter. Do you really think so little of me or of yourself that it hasn’t occurred to you I liked you too?” I hold my first two fingers of my right hand up. “Let me answer. I did like you. A lot. Until about five minutes ago when you decided you had a right to become judge and jury on something I never knew. And now I’m just sort of sad.”

I take a careful step around Jasper, making sure not to touch him. His ‘I’m sorry’ follows me out of the room, but I don’t stop. I half expect to hear his footsteps on the stairs behind me, but when I exit the stairwell, he’s nowhere in sight and I make my way back to the cabin alone, arms hugging my chest.

I
n Atlanta
, I’ve been known to get from my apartment to a bar in six minutes, including getting-ready time. At Castle Calder, simply getting ready is a two-hour affair, between Scarlett changing her clothes six times, Claire straightening her hair, and my three attempts at applying black eyeliner. By the time we pay for the cab and stand on the sidewalk in front of the Wickington Arms, Scarlett, Claire, and I have been on the verge of going out for three hours already.

“So, this is downtown Windermere,” Scarlett says. “And I use the term downtown loosely.”

“It’s cute.” I’m not sure what I expected, but it definitely wasn’t this. Windermere could be any lakeside town with its restaurants, tourist shops, and ice cream stands. The pub we stand in front of looks like a converted store front and the only thing obviously British is the sign, proclaiming happy hour pints for two pounds. A crowd of guys standing around a nearby table smoking have English accents, but two of them wear Gap hoodies. The Princess of Wales down the street from my Atlanta apartment feels more British than this.

“Don’t worry. We’re not going here,” Claire says. “The place we’re starting is around the corner, but the street is pedestrians only.”

“Are you sure you don’t want a two-pound pint?” I smile, as much for my own benefit as theirs. As if I can shake off this gray cloud that’s been hanging above me since my conversation with Jasper last night. I’m not sad, dammit, no matter what I said to him. But I’m disappointed. In spite of myself.

Jasper was either avoiding me or legit had things to do, because I haven’t seen him all day. Which, regardless of the reason, didn’t really help his case. If he likes me as much as he says he does, I would have thought he’d try harder. Not that I should care. I shouldn’t. Absolutely one hundred percent should not. I’ve told myself the same thing all day, but I’m not doing much better at convincing myself than I was last night when I left Jasper in the attic room.

If I had any sense, I’d take Jasper’s words as caution and be grateful. My mother always says:
When you hear warning bells, listen
. One of her pithy sayings I’m on board with. Of course she also says:
You reap what you sow.
I’m pretty sure she could hold Jasper up as the poster child for karma circling back around because of the way I broke up with Theo. Not that she would. But could? Oh, yeah.

I sigh and Scarlett’s voice yanks me back to the moment. “The guys who hang out here are yobs. Plus, the football’s on and this place has Sky Sports.”

“Maybe Bea likes football?” Claire asks, then turns to me. “Do you like football?”

“She used to like football when Theo played,” Scarlett says before I can respond, taking a step. “However, one might suspect she liked watching Theo get all sweaty on the pitch more than the actual game.”

Claire knows enough about Theo to nod in understanding. “There’s something to be said for spectator sports where fit guys take their jerseys off at the end.”

“Even you have to admit, Theo looked awfully fine without his shirt,” I say, nudging Scarlett.

“Theo’s job was to be fit, so if he looked like a dog it would be a problem,” Scarlett says. “And yes, he was great looking, but that didn’t make him great for you. End of Theo discussion. We didn’t come out so you could question your life choices about your ex.”

No, we didn’t. And when we get to the bar that’s stop number one on our list tonight, it becomes clear we came out so we could flirt with as many English guys as possible. Scarlett introduces me to the bartender as we order drinks, he comments on my American accent, and from that moment on, we’re surrounded by guys laughing and talking and buying us drinks. Scarlett is the instigator, but I’m getting plenty of attention myself, and once I stop squirming it’s actually fun. When I pull Scarlett away for a girly trip to the restroom, the first thing I say is, “Holy shit. Why didn’t you tell me how much English guys like a girl with an American accent? I never get this much attention at home.”

Scarlett grins. “I thought you’d appreciate it more when you experienced it firsthand. Play your cards right and you won’t buy a drink all night.”

“Neither will you.” I grin in return. To be fair, Scarlett doesn’t usually buy drinks.

She runs a fingernail along the edge of her lips and meets my eyes in the mirror when she’s done. “Let’s make a deal. You don’t have to buy any drinks tonight if you give your number to two guys.”

I furrow my brow. “I’m not sure how that’s supposed to work?”

“It’s simple. I buy your drinks or get someone to buy them for you, as long as you put yourself out there.”

“I don’t have a UK number, though.” It’s easier to focus on the logistics than the “putting yourself out there” part of this discussion.

“Give them your American number. It builds in an extra level of vetting to see how much they want to go out with you.” Scarlett checks her teeth in the mirror, then says, “Anyone who can’t spend a little extra to send a text to a non-UK number isn’t worth your time anyway.”

“Scarlett, I’m not sure I’m ready to go out with anyone.” Scratch that. I know I’m not. In fact, becoming a weird cat lady sounds more appealing right now.

“Who said you had to go out with anyone?” Scarlett turns from the mirror and faces me. “Think of it as getting back on the horse. Just because you practice flirting and being approachable doesn’t mean you have to follow through.”

“But that’s not fair.” Even as I say it, I hear how stupid I sound and shake my head. “I haven’t done casual in so long, I think I’ve forgotten how.”

Scarlett’s expression softens. “You and Theo were exclusive by the second date and engaged after less than a year. Besides those few guys you dated our senior year of college, I’m not sure you’ve ever done casual. Maybe it’s time.”

I thought Jasper and I could be casual.

The thought pops into my head before I can stop it. Followed immediately by:
And see how that turned out?

To Scarlett I say, “To be honest, I’m not sure I’m very good at casual.”

Scarlett grins. “I’m not sure you are either, but the beauty of tonight is you don’t have to follow through with anything. Give a couple of blokes your number. If they text, you can decide if you want to see them. If not, no harm done. At least you’ve started getting out there again.”

Scarlett’s right. I haven’t been “out there” in years. Even Theo landed on my classroom doorstep three weeks into my first teaching job, ostensibly to talk about a baseball player who needed tutoring. Six weeks later we were dating.

I nod slowly. “Okay. Fine, I’ll do it. I’ll give two guys my number before the night is done.”

Scarlett grins and claps her hands, then grabs my hand as she starts back towards the bar. I plaster a smile on my face and try to ignore the flutter in my chest. Because no matter what I say to Scarlett, I can’t help feeling like somehow I’m not being fair to Jasper.

B
y the time
we’ve hit Republic, the dance club, I’ve managed to put Jasper out of my head. Mostly. Claire’s ordered a bottle of fizz – aka Prosecco – and we’ve snagged a table and stools near enough to the dance floor to be able to see, but far away enough to hear each other talk. Well, Claire and I have. Scarlett is on the dance floor, waving her hands above her head and alternating her attention between the three guys surrounding her.

“I wish I could be more like her sometimes,” I say, taking a sip of fizz and feeling the bubbles tickle my nose.

She nods. “I know. I used to be well jealous of her when we were younger. She makes it look so easy, doesn’t she?”

I nod in return, my eyes on Scarlett. She’s smiling, which is reflected on the faces of the guys around her. Considering they’re more or less in competition with each other, it’s no small feat to juggle them all. Although maybe it’s not juggling when they’re so willingly enthralled? It’s the way she moves, her confidence. Her short tunic dress gives away nothing about the body underneath, but showcases her amazing legs. “I can’t imagine teen me would have been confident enough to go out with Scarlett. Adult me has a hard enough time,” I say, grinning to lessen the truth of my words.

Claire doesn’t miss it, though. “You can hold your own. I’ve seen the way Jasper looks at you.”

I nearly spit out my mouthful of fizz. “What? I don’t know… I don’t think… No.”

Claire’s eyes narrow as her smile widens. “Really? I think the lady doth protest too much?”

“I…” I’ve had enough to drink where confiding in Claire feels like a really good idea, but not so much I don’t recognize the awkward situation that would put her in. So instead I bite my lip and say, “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Really? So if I told you he walked in the door a few minutes ago you wouldn’t be chuffed?”

I jump up, then sit immediately back down, smoothing my skirt over my thighs. “Where? What’s he doing in a place like this? It’s not exactly his scene, is it?”

“Nope.” Claire grins. “But maybe he wants to get pissed. This place has the best prices for drinks tonight with their all-night happy hour.”

I keep my focus on Claire as if it will keep my stomach out of my throat. “So, wait. Is Jasper really here?”

She nods and tilts her head towards the bar. “Yep. His mate, Ed, is at the bar, and Jasper and Will are over by the DJ booth.”

So Will is here too? “I didn’t know Jasper and Will were anything other than acquaintances.”

Claire nods. “They went to school together. They’re not super close, but they hang out sometimes when Jasper’s home. Will’s worked at Castle Calder forever.”

I’ve never asked Claire about Will because it feels too much like something I shouldn’t know, but now all bets are off. “And you and Will?” I raise my eyebrow, but I can’t quite manage a smile because Jasper’s here. Across the room. Holy shit and damn, Jasper’s here.

“Will and I are friends. Scarlett thinks I have a thing for him, but I don’t. He’s a nice guy, but there’s no spark.”

“And you know this because…?” I ask.

Claire laughs. “Because we hooked up a few years ago. It was very on the sly because, obviously, we work together and we’ll continue to work together until I’m done with school, so we didn’t want to make anyone uncomfortable. But trust me, I have more chemistry with Jasper than I do with Will.”

I force a smile, hoping my face doesn’t give away the little stab of jealousy I feel. “Did you two ever hook up?”

“No. I had a huge crush on him the first summer I worked here, but he totally friend-zoned me. By the time I came back the following summer, I’d left a semi-serious boyfriend behind so I could finally talk to Jasper like a normal human being. I realized we had a lot in common, but he’s not my type.”

I raise my eyebrows. “So what is your type?”

“Smart, funny, and emotionally unavailable.” Claire smiles, but I don’t think she’s kidding.

“Um, that sounds like Jasper to me. Just saying.”

“If Jasper has a fault, it’s that he’s too emotional.” Claire tilts her head and studies my expression. “As you know.”

I do know, but I still shake my head. “He’s definitely too something.”

“He wears his heart on his sleeve. Just like Scarlett,” Claire says.

Right. Scarlett. Who’s still commanding the dance floor. “What’s the deal with them anyway? She says she’s been in Jasper’s shadow her whole life, but look at her. Scarlett’s not in anyone’s shadow unless she wants to be.”

“Is that what she told you?” Claire waits for me to shrug and nod before continuing. “If you even remotely think something might happen with Jasper, make her tell you the truth about what happened last time he went out with one of Scarlett’s friends. She’s prickly with him for a reason.”

There are so many things about Claire’s statement that make me uneasy, I don’t know which to respond to first. Thankfully, I don’t have to decide, as Scarlett flops onto a stool next to me. “Oh my God, I’m sweating. Did you see the guy to my left? The one with the black hair? Holy hotness, Batman. He has moves.”

“You looked like the one with all the moves, holding court with three guys at once.” I hand her my glass of fizz. “Here, you need this more than I do.”

Scarlett takes a swallow before handing it back to me. “I do, but I’m sure you can find a way to get another. There must be some guy here who’s dying to buy you a drink.”

“Jasper’s here,” Claire says. She nods her head slightly toward the DJ booth. “Over with Ed and Will.”

I expect Scarlett to be annoyed. Instead, she laughs loudly. “Is he? I can’t believe he came.”

Wait. What? I try to keep my tone casual as I ask, “Did he know we were going to be here?”

Scarlett nods, taking my glass again. “I played tennis with him this afternoon and mentioned we were coming out. This is the place everyone always ends up because it’s got decent music and cheap drinks, so I figured we’d run into him if he manned up and came out.”

“Manned up?” Claire asks. “You mean left his precious research for a night?”

Scarlett’s lips twist. “No. He was being all Jasper-like. You know how he gets, all morose and downtrodden. I asked him a hundred times what was wrong, but it’s nothing he wants to talk about, so I suggested a night in town might be a cure for what ails him.”

Claire peers over my shoulder. “Well, if the current situation is anything to go by, he’s planning to stand quietly in a corner nursing a G and T.”

Scarlett rolls her eyes. “Shit. Whatever it is, it must be serious then. Jasper only drinks gin when he’s depressed because it makes him more of a bastard, but he doesn’t care.”

Great. I’m not sure I’m up for more Jasper the bastard, but before I can say anything, Claire stands up. “I’m going to go ask them to join us. At least then someone’s keeping an eye on him.”

I wait for Scarlett to disagree, but she nods. As Claire walks towards Jasper, I say, “Why does someone need to keep an eye on him? He’s an adult, last I checked.”

“Jasper can be a bad drunk. It’s best to make sure he doesn’t get to that point. I wouldn’t have told him we were coming out if I knew he was going to get ugly.” Scarlett’s voice is tight, but I can’t tell if I’m imagining it because in the next minute she’s smiling and pouring more Prosecco. When she turns to me, her smile is too wide. “But we needn’t let babysitting Jasper interfere with Operation Get Bea a Date. How many guys have you given your number to?”

I could argue and point out we agreed I’d give out my number, not snag a date. Or I could press Scarlett about Jasper and why she and Claire are being so protective. Instead, I say, “One. That guy Harry at the last place.”

“He was the tall one?” Scarlett asks.

Very. In fact, he towered over me in a way that made me feel absolutely tiny. It was a nice feeling and definitely one of the reasons I gave him my number. The other was that, well, he asked and it honestly shocked the hell out of me. I don’t get to answer Scarlett because when I glance to my right, I see Claire escorting Jasper firmly by the elbow in our direction.

A glance at Scarlett confirms something about Jasper is off. Her mouth is set and even though her posture is still easy, her fingernails dig into the side of the plush stool. When she speaks, her voice holds its earlier tightness. “Well, hello, there. I see you decided to have some fun tonight, after all.”

Claire directs Jasper to her stool and his knees knock into mine. I shift my legs but his follow and when I look up, I’m surprised to see Jasper’s jaw is slack and his eyes glitter like he’s been at it awhile. His speech confirms it. “Fun. That’s what they’re calling it now?” His gaze swivels to me. “Beatrice. You’re looking lovely, as always.”

“Um, thank you?”

Claire reaches over and takes Jasper’s drink out of his hand, bringing it to her lips and taking a sip. “Is this the good stuff or not?”

“Nope. Cheap and easy, like me.” Jasper smiles, but there’s no humor behind it.

“I heard that about you,” Claire says, taking another sip. She passes it to me and when I try to wave it away, she thrusts it into my hands. “What do you think, Bea? You’re a gin connoisseur, aren’t you?”

“Am I?” I glance from Claire to Scarlett. Scarlett’s eyes flicker to the glass and back to mine. I wish I understood what the hell was going on here, but I understand one thing: I’m drinking gin whether I like it or not. I bring the glass to my lips and take a swallow, trying not to grimace. “Holy hell, that’s strong. Is there even any tonic in there?”

“I did say light on the tonic.” Jasper grins and his legs press against mine with such force I have to put my hand on his knee to steady myself. He glances down at my hand as I pull it away. “Why, Bea, I didn’t realize --”

“Don’t be a prat, Jasper.” Claire’s tone is light, but an octave too high. She twists towards the bar. “Where are Ed and Will? I thought they were joining us?”

“Ed’s hoping to pull tonight and Will’s his wingman, so who knows.” Jasper waves a hand above his head, which throws him off balance so his hand lands on my bare thigh. His hand is hot and his fingers press into my thigh with a gentle pressure. He laughs and inches his hand higher. If he wasn’t drunk, I’d be completely pissed, especially after the way we left things last night. Now, though, I’m caught between pissed and confused.

I grab his wrist. “Easy there, cowboy.”

Jasper leers at me. “Am I crossing a line? Or do I need to buy you a drink first?”

I push his hand away and jump up from my stool. “You don’t get to be an asshole because you’re drunk.”

“Why not? I’m an asshole when I’m not drunk, apparently.” Suddenly Jasper’s voice is hard and all traces of slurring are gone.

Scarlett slides over and takes my stool. To Jasper she says, “Play nice or I’ll put you in a cab home.”

“Of course. Anything to keep my little sis happy.” Jasper’s tone slides into a sneer.

“If only.” Scarlett’s tone is so cold it makes me shiver. But then she jumps up and grabs my hand, pulling me towards the dance floor as she says, “Come on. I think I need a boogie.”

I hand Jasper’s gin and tonic back to Claire and let Scarlett drag me towards the dance floor. I don’t want to dance, and I don’t want to be part of whatever’s happening between Scarlett and Jasper either. But that doesn’t mean I can’t ask. As soon as Scarlett and I squeeze into a spot on the dance floor I say, “Okay. Spill.”

Scarlett gives me her wide-eyed look. “Spill what?”

I stop moving and close my fingers around her wrist. “Not going to fly. I understand you’re pissed at Jasper for being drunk, but there’s more to it.”

“It’s a long story.” Scarlett twirls out of my grasp and keeps her back to me.

I take her arm again and spin her until she faces me. “I’ve got nothing but time.”

Scarlett levels her gaze at me and then jerks her head towards the opposite end of the dance floor. She walks and I follow until we’re in a hallway leading to the restrooms. It’s packed, but she squeezes by and punches a code on the keypad by a door labeled Private. After I follow her in, she shuts the door behind us.

“What are we doing? Should we be in here?” I ask. There’s a beat up wooden desk in the corner, complete with a rotary phone right next to a fancy black iPod dock. Papers cover most of the surface and a green sweater is draped over the back of the desk chair.

Scarlett barely glances around. “It’s fine. I went out with the guy who’s the manager on duty.”

Of course she did. “Okay, so what are we doing?”

Scarlett crosses her arms over her chest. When she speaks, it sounds like she’s reciting a story she’s memorized but seldom told. “The summer before Jaz went to uni, he dated my best friend, Sam. He adored her at first. Truthfully, everyone adored her. She was gorgeous and funny and one of those people who lit up a room. You hear that about people, but with Sam, it was true. Jaz was half in love with her before they even went out and once he started spending more time with her, he was besotted. At least until he wasn’t.”

Scarlett pauses long enough for me to wonder if she’s finished with the story. As I’m about to ask, she continues. “I was jealous and honestly, I became a little bit of a brat. I stopped hanging out with Sam because I didn’t want to listen to her gush about my brother. I avoided Jaz because I didn’t want to listen to him gush about my best friend. And when he started saying she was too needy and she started saying he was too distant, I didn’t want to hear it. From either side.”

I cross my own arms over my chest and hug my ribs.

Scarlett’s voice is almost mechanical now. “One night, Sam asked me to go to a party with her. I went, even though I knew she and Jaz had been fighting, because I missed hanging out with my best friend. But when she started drinking gin and tonics and whining about Jaz, I got mad, told her off, and left. I didn’t want to hear about her stupid problems with my stupid brother. The end.”

I hug my ribs tighter and my heart races like I’m the one telling the story. I’m pretty sure I know where this is going and I want to stop Scarlett so she doesn’t have to say it, but I can’t get the words out.

And at this point she can’t not finish the story. “I got some random guy to give me a ride home from the party and left Sam there with her mother’s car. She drank gin and tonics all night, then got in her car. No one stopped her. No one took away her keys. No one called Jaz or me to come and get her. She made it two miles before she missed a bend in the road and drove into a tree.”