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Authors: James Kelman

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BOOK: A Chancer
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When they reached the street they slowed then halted on the pavement. Murdie made as if to speak but he sniffed instead, he stayed silent. A group of primary schoolchildren and three women was
approaching. Once they had gone he sniffed again, before saying: I’ve not got the full thirty Tammas.

Aw Christ.

I thought I did have.

Tammas turned away.

Okay if I owe you it?

What d’you mean the full thirty?

Murdie nodded.

Aw for fuck sake man.

Honest Tammas I just . . .

Tammas turned away from him, he strode down towards the main road. A bus was standing at the traffic lights. He broke into a run for the nearest bus stop.

•••

One of Betty’s wee brothers answered the door and shouted back inside: It’s him! Come in Mister.

Tammas followed him along the lobby into the front room. The other brother and Betty’s two younger sisters grinned at him then stared back at the television. The first boy rushed in and
then back out again, and he was shouting: He’s got a wee box of chocolates with him. Hey Betty, he’s got a wee box of chocolates with him.

The younger sister turned round to say, She’s ben the room doing herself up.

He nodded.

She takes ages.

Will I take her in the chocolates? asked the boy.

Ha ha, said Tammas. And then you eat them!

Naw I wouldnt.

Aye you would, said the girl.

Naw I wouldnt.

I’ll give her them myself, said Tammas. He brought out a packet of cigarettes and he lighted one. The older girl suddenly rose from the settee and switched channels, and sat down
immediately, gazing at the screen. Tammas got an ashtray from the top of a glass display cabinet and he drew over a dining chair to sit on; then the sound of the first boy running along the lobby
floor and in he came.

She says she’s just coming Mister.

Ta.

The boy grinned and stood where he was for a few moments, before walking to the edge of the settee and bouncing down on it next to the girls. The older one cried: William!

He jumped off, laughing, and sat down on the floor. The other girl and boy were also laughing and they turned to look at Tammas who shook his head and smiled. He put his hand in his trouser
pocket and took out some loose change which he held out to the older boy. Here son, he said, away and get a couple of bottles of ginger and some packets of crisps.

The boy grinned with his mouth shut tightly and he made a face at the younger sister when he stood up from the settee. Once he had left the room the first boy jumped up from the floor and said:
Can I go with him Mister?

Okay.

The boy laughed and rushed out after the other one. The outside door banged shut soon after. Minutes later Betty entered; she walked to behind the settee and placed her hand on the back of it.
What’s on? she asked.

The older girl replied, Nothing. That film was rubbish.

Anything coming on after?

The girl shrugged; the other one made no response at all. But then the two of them glanced quickly at each other, they were grinning. Betty turned and said to Tammas, Coming ben?

When they were outside in the lobby she closed the door and whispered, Listen Tammas I’m awful sorry but I’ve got to stay in the night and babysit.

Aw.

My mammy and daddy asked if I would and I said aye – they’ve no been out for ages. But I thought it would be alright. We can go in the bedroom; the record player’s in there . .
. She looked at him.

Och that’s fine Betty.

Are you sure?

Aye, it’s fine. Here. He gave her the chocolates and she leaned to him, they kissed briefly.

An electric fire was on in the bedroom and the record player sat on a chair beside it; a selection of LP’s were on the bed and the floor, and Betty put one to play. When the music started
she turned to him and they kissed until the outside door banged open and shut. The footsteps down the lobby was followed by voices coming back the way and then the bedroom door opened.

Tammas dropped his hands immediately. It was the two boys. Betty cried: Dont come barging in here without chapping!

The older one held up the two bottles and the other one was carrying the crisps. Tammas nodded. Away ben and share it out, he said.

You no wanting any?

Naw.

What about you Betty?

No, just go through.

When the door was shut he smiled at her and moved nearer. They were standing beside the electric fire and soon they had to move away; they sat down together on the edge of the bed, arms round
each other’s waist. Betty said, Are you sure you dont mind staying in?

Naw, honest. He kissed her on the cheek. She leaned her head on his shoulder and he moved to kiss her on the lips; they remained kissing for a while.

Someone was tapping on the door. Betty moved slightly but they continued to kiss. The tapping became louder. It was Tammas who broke away. That’s the door, he said.

God sake . . . She walked to the door and jerked it open.

William knocked over his ginger! cried the youngest girl. It was on top of the mantelpiece and he was reaching up!

Betty made no answer. She continued standing there for several seconds. Then she turned and said, I’ll be back in a minute Tammas.

When the door was shut she could be heard asking if the tumbler had smashed.

There was a travelling clock on the dressing table. Nearly 8 pm. He got up from the bed, walked to the window, pulled the curtains aside to see out and down the three storeys to the street
below. It was now dusk, rain drizzling. He closed the curtains. He looked at himself in the mirror of the wardrobe door, patted his hair down. In the ashtray his cigarette had burned away and the
grey ash was about threequarters of an inch in length. He took two drags on it before stubbing it out.

By the time Betty returned another LP was playing and he was sitting on the bed browsing through the sleevenotes on the various covers. I’m really sorry Tammas. She said, It’s that
wee bugger William. I ended up having to put him to his bed. He’s a bloody pain so he is.

Mm.

You never get any peace in this house at all.

Tammas nodded. He opened his cigarette packet and lighted one. Betty shook her head: You dont know how lucky you are. Sometimes I feel like running away. Just packing my bags and going away,
going away from here altogether.

She sat down beside him and he put his arm round her shoulders. And she continued speaking: I’ve got an Auntie lives in England. She was up in the summer for a visit and she was telling me
there was plenty of jobs down there if I ever felt like trying it.

Hh, whereabouts?

Torquay.

Is that no just seasonal work?

No, all the year round.

I never knew that, I thought it was just hotels.

No.

They were silent for a short while. Tammas leaned across to nip his cigarette into the ashtray, leaving the remainder on the side to be smoked later. He grinned: Did the tumbler smash right
enough?

It was a china cup! Mammy’ll kill him . . . She smiled, put her hand to her mouth and bit at the corner of her thumbnail. She smiled again and added. What like were you when you were a
boy?

Terrible.

Honest?

What! Terrible! No kidding ye Betty!

I dont believe you.

I was – ask my sister!

Well I will!

Good! Tammas grinned at her and inclined his head to kiss her on the lips.

She moved away quite soon and she said, It was their fault anyhow because they shouldnt’ve let him take one of the china cups.

He nodded.

•••

The runners were at the post for the 2.15 at Lingfield. He was standing gazing up at the names of the horses listed on the board. The latest betting show had just come through
the speaker and the elderly boardman was still marking up the price changes. Then Donnie appeared in the doorway. He rushed straight over and grabbed Tammas by the elbow, kicking the holdall bag
that stood between his feet. Come on ya bastard!

Hang on a minute.

No time man come on they’re nearly fucking away . . . Donnie bent and lifted the bag and pushed him on the other side of the shoulder. Tammas glared at him and strode off to the counter,
scribbled out a bet and passed it beneath the grille to the cashier who returned him the receipt when he had paid across the money.

Donnie was holding the door open. They raced along to the subway station, in time to see the others disappear round a corner beyond the ticket office.

Down at the platform a subway was in and they clattered aboard just before the gates shut. The rest of the team was sitting along at the top end of the compartment. Following Donnie down Tammas
sat next to him on the side away from the others. Donnie was pointing him out to the man in charge of the team and saying, This is the guy I was telling you about, plays in the midfield, or
wherever.

The man glanced along at him and so did some of the team members. He took out a cigarette and lighted it, he gazed at the floor while exhaling smoke.

Forty minutes later they were at the park and having to rush into the dressing rooms to get changed. The opposing team passed them on their way out.

When Donnie had his strip on he began fixing an elastic bandage round his left knee and he whispered, I’ll see him in a minute.

Tammas nodded. He was sitting on the bench with the team stockings and the pants on but had yet to be thrown a jersey. He reached into his jerkin pocket for the cigarette packet, but left it
there.

Soon most of the team had gone. Donnie came back. The man in charge was walking towards the exit. Donnie muttered, You’ve to go sub man sorry.

Aw fuck.

Donnie was silent for a moment. It’s your own fault; he chose the team at the station.

Tammas looked at him.

He’s just after telling me . . . Donnie pointed to the exit. Christ sake Tammas if you hadnt been fucking about in the bookie’s you’d probably’ve got picked. You were too
late.

Too late! I was first there.

Aye well you should’ve stayed there; that’s what I’m saying, he didnt know. How could he if he didnt fucking see you?

You told me I would get a game Donnie.

Well what can I do man? I cant do fuck all . . . He shook his head and turned away, then he indicated the large suitcase in the centre of the floor. Number 12’s in there, he said. And he
grinned. Come on Tammas ya bastard, stick it on immediately. If he doesnt give you a game before half time I’ll strangle him!

Fuck off.

Donnie had reached into the bag and he threw Tammas the jersey, and he laughed. I always collapse at half time anyway, so you can come on in my place!

About midway through the first 45 minutes Tammas zipped up his jerkin to as high as it went, hunching his shoulders. The wind was fierce. And that coupled with the sharp slope
from sideline to sideline was causing the ball to travel on long distances whenever miskicked with any force. In company with the substitute from the other team Tammas was having to go chasing
after it every few minutes. A couple of old men and wee boys were also there helping. On one occasion he had to run fast to stop the ball interfering with the game on the next pitch and when he ran
back the teams were waiting for him and Donnie was there on the touchline ready to take the throw-in. Tammas gave him the ball and muttered, Fuck ye Donnie ya bastard.

Donnie seemed not to have heard. He moved to take the throw-in. Tammas stuck his hands in his side jerkin pockets, he took out his cigarettes. The other substitute approached him. Hey jimmy, he
said, you got a fag you could give us?

Tammas nodded and gave him one, and offered him the matches.

Ta . . . He indicated the man in charge of the other team: He doesnt like us smoking when we’re playing.

Silly cunt, said Tammas.

The other guy nodded, he was concentrating on getting a match to stay alight long enough to get the cigarette going. Eventually Tammas passed him his own and he got a light from it.

It was nothing each at the interval. When the players came off the man handed round a pile of orange quarters. Tammas left them and strolled onto the park where the other
substitute was kicking the ball about with the boys and the elderly men. He kept his hands in his jerkin pockets but trotted over to get the ball when it was passed to him. Then he saw Donnie
waving to him and he trotted back. Donnie said: Has he no told you anything yet?

Naw.

Hh, he’s not told me anything either.

Tammas nodded, then he grunted: He’s no even fucking spoke to me.

Ach. Donnie shook his head. We could be doing with you too, that number 6 we’ve got’s a fucking dumpling.

Tammas sniffed.

I dont really know the guy well enough to eh . . . to say anything. What like is it watching?

Ha ha. Tammas turned and spat onto the pitch.

Donnie chuckled.

The referee was returning to the centre circle; he paused on the way to uplift the ball.

That fucking rain better stay off, muttered Tammas.

The teams were now returning and the referee had placed the ball on the spot and was checking his watch. When Donnie had gone Tammas strolled down the touchline, passing the man in charge of the
team, to stand some twenty yards away from him. But less than ten minutes later he walked back to him and said, Listen eh I want to go to the dressing room a minute. I’ve left something there
and that and eh . . . Is the door locked or what?

The man nodded, his attention on the game.

After a few moments Tammas asked: Will I be allowed in okay?

What? What’s that? The man frowned.

Have you got the key? to the dressing room?

To the dressing room! Naw, naw son you’ve got to see the caretaker.

Aw aye. Tammas sniffed. He continued standing watching the game. The winger of the opposing team had the ball and was cutting in towards the corner of the 18 yard line; a player came to meet him
and the ball eventually ran loose and was collected by the keeper who kicked it high, and the wind carried it and it bounced out for another throw-in from the touchline opposite. He turned away and
blew his nose through his fingers, wiping his nostrils on his wrist; he headed off to the dressing room.

BOOK: A Chancer
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