A Change of Plans (9 page)

On that last Hawaii night, I went to the movies again. Jori surprised me by slipping into the seat beside me just as the lights dimmed. Neither of us spoke. When the room brightened at the end, we sat mutely in our seats until the room emptied of passengers and the crewmembers came in to clean up.

Jori stood. “Take a walk with me. Please.”

“I ...”

He put his hand on my shoulder. “I’ll keep an eye out for him and make sure you don’t have to see him. Okay?”

My eyes misted at his kindness. I nodded, and Jori led the way. The wind whipped my hair, a sign of another storm kicking up. He found us a sheltered niche, and we sat down on a bench, side by side.

He twisted to face me. “Elle told me you had a bad experience last year. I’m sorry about teasing you.”

I gritted my teeth. I hated people talking about me behind my back.

“You know,” Jori continued when I didn’t respond, “in spite of my reputation, I do believe that love—a lifelong love—is possible.”

I stared at him in disbelief. I had overheard several conversations and, if they were true, he had rarely slept alone since the cruise had begun—and always with a different girl. When I couldn’t think of anything polite to say, I faced forward and stared at the clouds.

“I’ve seen it. My grandparents had it.” He straightened, resting his head against the bulkhead behind us. “You know, you light up whenever you see him.”

I tilted my head toward him. “What are you talking about?”

He watched me from the corner of his eye. “Braedon. You practically glow when you’re around him.”

No way was I going to talk about Braedon. I stood, but Jori pulled me back down beside him.

“I would love to have a woman look at me like that.” He stared at his hands, clasped loosely before him.

“Oh, please. I’ve seen how women look at you.”

He shook his head. “It’s not the same thing.” He glanced at me before returning his gaze to his hands. “It’s shallow. They only care about the attractive package and have no interest in the man inside.”

I stared at him. “And you care so much about them? I got the impression you liked the emotional distance.”

He winced. “Ouch. The hypocrite gets it right in the heart.” He mimed being stabbed in the chest and then looked at me, his face serious. “I liked the attention when I was younger. It fed my ego, and I thought it validated me.”

“What happened to you, Jori?’ I asked.

He leaned his head back against the wall and exhaled a deep breath. “Your first time ought to be with someone you love.”

“How old were you?”

“Fifteen.” His voice was soft, his eyes closed. “And she was my brother’s wife. She liked to be a boy’s first experience. When I confessed, it tore the family apart.”

My heart tightened for him, and I squeezed his hand. “You were a kid, and she was a sick woman. You can’t let that experience define you.”

He looked at me. “You must see the irony of two emotional cripples giving each other advice on romance.” Jori poked my arm. “But this isn’t about me. It’s about you running away from someone you should be running to.”

I straightened. “Jori, I don’t—”

“Listen to me.” He grabbed my hand. “I wasn’t kidding
about you and Braedon. Something good is happening to you. Don’t throw it away. It’s special, and it’s rare. I’ve taken the time to get to know Braedon. He won’t disappoint you if you give him a chance.”

Jori stood and offered me his hand. I took it, and he slid my fingers around his arm, silent as he walked me to my cabin door.

“Think about it,” he said before he left.

Once in the empty cabin, I meditated on what Jori had said. Was I an emotional cripple? Would Jace win by making me forever afraid to trust anyone? But even if I could trust again, was this the place?

I hadn’t seen Braedon for four days. I wanted to cry.

I
WOKE EARLY
on the eleventh day of the cruise, our first full day back at sea. The ocean was rough again, which seemed a fitting setting. It also meant the group wouldn’t gather for our self-defense session. So much for pulling Braedon aside and talking to him there.

The light by Elle’s bed flicked on. “No practice this morning?”

I shielded my eyes against the sudden glare. “It’s too rough.”

She sat up in bed, rubbing her eyes. “Braedon’s been as mopey as you. Are you going to tell me what’s going on?”

“You were right. He wants more than friendship.”

“What’s wrong with that? What scares you about dating on a ship?”

I heaved a sigh and waved my hands. “All of this.”

“I don’t understand.”

“It’s all a fairy tale.” I sat up, throwing my blanket from me. My eyes burned. “We live in this luxury, spoiled by fine food and pampering servants. All around us are fun activities and attractive people while we visit exotic places.”

Elle shook her head. “You’re not making any sense, Lyn. If you’re so afraid of connecting with people here, why do you go out of your way to make them feel comfortable and confide in you?”

“I don’t.”

She crossed her arms. “Oh, please. All you have to do is talk with people and they’re spilling their innermost secrets to you. You’ve always been able to do that.” She sighed. “Until a year ago. I think it’s healthy that it’s coming back.”

Standing, I rubbed my pounding temples, remembering how I had felt in the hospital room. “Not in this environment. I trusted a fairy tale once. I won’t do it again.”

I retreated to the bathroom, undressed, and cried in the shower. So much for the diminishing of my emotions.

CHAPTER 9

E
LLE REMAINED
quiet when I came out, slipping into the bathroom for her own shower. I dressed and tried to put on some makeup. It seemed pointless to work on my red nose and puffy eyes, so I blew my hair dry first.

I didn’t say anything when Elle came back into the room. I didn’t want to talk about it. I felt exposed and tender. She put on her clothes, and I stepped beside her at the mirror to finish applying my makeup.

“I’m sorry,” she said softly. “I didn’t mean to push you.”

Elle had been such a stalwart friend and supporter. She must be tired of me. “I didn’t know my feelings were still so raw.”

She paused and raised her eyebrows. “I’m not sure it’s—” she stopped herself before saying Jace’s name aloud, “um, your past that’s the problem. I think you’re afraid because you care a lot for Braedon.”

My chest ached. She was right about him, but it didn’t change anything. It’s not like we would see each other after the cruise. I had been right not to let things go any further. It
was pointless to take a chance on something that couldn’t go anywhere anyway.

We finished in silence, and Elle faced me. “We have a social problem we need to decide how to handle.”

I knew what she meant. The only way for me to ignore Braedon completely was to keep to myself. Elle would never stand for that. Yet I couldn’t subject everyone in the group to the awkwardness between Braedon and me. I sighed.

“Lyn, you need to tell him.”

“What, you didn’t tell him like you told Jori?”

Elle averted her eyes. “Braedon needs to hear this from you. Don’t you think he has the right to know why you’ve been avoiding him? Everyone’s been asking him if you guys had a fight.”

My stomach churned. I should have done this days ago, forged my way through the embarrassment. Only Elle understood the hell I had been through the last year. And Braedon, he didn’t deserve any of it.

A year ago, I had refused to admit I was wounded, not saying Jace’s name or allowing anyone else to do so in my presence. Yeah, that had gone well.

I dropped into the chair. “I’ll talk to him. I would have done it this morning if I could have been sure of a little more privacy.”

Her expression lightened. “You will?” Elle, the eternal romantic.

I scowled, my stomach tightening again. “What did you think was going to happen, anyway? That the nice doctor would sweep me off my feet, and we would ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after? This isn’t
The Love Boat
.”

“It sounds stupid when you put it like
that.
But I don’t think I deserve your sarcasm.”

I stared at her, remembering all she had done for me. “You’re right. I’m sorry. But admit it. You thought that could happen, didn’t you?”

“It still could.” Her eyes pleaded with me to make it so.

“As if he’d even talk to me after ...” I squeezed my lips shut. She was sucking me into it. “Stop it, Elle. Please.”

She studied me before nodding. “We’re late for breakfast.”

By the time we got there, only two empty chairs remained at the large table where the group sat. One by Jori and one by Braedon. I lengthened my stride and passed Elle to take the seat by Jori, across the table from Braedon.

“Good morning, everyone.” With hands like ice, I placed a napkin in my lap.

Maria picked up her juice glass. “Nice to see you’re feeling better. That must have been quite the bug you caught. I’m glad no one else got it.”

“Me too,” I mumbled, sneaking a quick look at Braedon before lifting my menu. He watched me, his expression dark, his brows knit. I felt an almost overwhelming urge to reach across the table and wipe the frown from his face. Instead, I asked Jori. “What are you having?”

He leaned inside my menu and whispered, “Have you talked to him?”

“Stay out of it,” I hissed.

“You’re an idiot.” Jori sat up, his mouth tight. His volume increased. “You should eat something easy on your stomach. You wouldn’t want to get any
heart
burn—ow!” He leaned down to rub his shin and glared at Elle.

Jimmy nudged my arm. “Hey, I don’t know if Elle
mentioned it, but the cruise director’s letting us have the talent show, and our first rehearsal is this afternoon. I really need you to play the keyboard with Braedon.”

My heart sank. Why did this need to be any harder? “I’m not interested in performing.”

“But Braedon wrote you a special part.”

Curious, I looked at Braedon.

He shrugged. “You volunteered me to play the piano for him, remember?” He glanced at Jimmy, who stared at me, his hands together as if in prayer, his eyes beseeching.

I asked Braedon, “When did you write music for me?”

He didn’t even blink. “I’ve had a lot of free evenings lately.”

My face burned. I had hurt him ... or embarrassed him. Yet he had composed music for me? I took a deep breath and turned to Elle. “What are you doing to help Jimmy?”

“Costumes, of course.” She gave me a ‘you can’t be that selfish’ look.

“You’ll help Jimmy, won’t you?” Maria asked.

All eyes rested on me.

“Please,” Jimmy begged.

He had told me this trip was to be his last hurrah before he bowed to his parents’ plans. The talent show was his one chance to perform power metal before an audience. I considered first Jimmy and then Elle, who watched me expectantly. I owed Elle for worrying her during the Hawaii days.

Sighing, I rubbed my temple. I was an adult. I knew how to be pleasant to people I didn’t like. Or liked too much. “I’ll take a look at the music.”

Jimmy whooped and jumped from his seat to hug me, and Elle beamed. I didn’t look at Braedon, who left to get the sheets from his cabin.

When he came back, he slid some handwritten music across the table. I picked it up and read through the piece, surprised at what he had written. It was perfect for me. The music was a descant to one of Jimmy’s favorite songs, “Shining Star” by Kinslayer. As I played the notes in my mind, I felt a chill at its beauty. My hands itched to play it on the keyboard.

At the end of the meal, I held back while the others rose. Braedon also remained in his chair.

I clutched my cold hands on the table before me, my heart pounding as I waited for us to be alone. “I ... I’m sorry.”

Braedon leaned forward, stretching his hands across the table toward me. I pulled mine into my lap and sat back. He stopped but left his hands there, his eyes concerned. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No. I just—” I still couldn’t say Jace’s name. “I got burned really bad last year.”

His expression softened, compassion in his eyes.

I didn’t want his pity. “I’ll help play the keyboard, but ...” My face grew warm. “I’m not interested in a shipboard romance.”

He met my eyes. “Neither am I.”

My heart fluttered, and I swallowed, unsure how to respond. That so didn’t clear anything up, but it didn’t matter. I clenched my hands so tight they went numb. “I just want to be acquaintances.”

“Acquaintances.” Braedon pulled his hands to his lap and leaned back in his chair, mirroring my posture. “Not even friends?”

Jace’s charming face flashed through my mind, followed by a memory of the hospital room. “I’m just not ready.” I stood and hurried from the restaurant, leaving him alone. Again.

I passed Jori where he stood watching us by the entrance. I pushed the elevator button and glanced back to where Braedon sat. He hadn’t moved.

Jori stared at Braedon and shrugged, waiting until the last minute before sliding into the elevator beside me. As the doors closed, he put his arm around me. “It’ll be okay,” he said.