A Christmas Knight (8 page)

‘It was the least I could do,' he said.

‘How do you work that one out?'

‘Oliver lost a lot more than I did.'

‘What happened?' she asked softly.

‘I unhorsed him in a joust.' He sighed. ‘I knew I was better at jousting than he was—I'd done it for a few months longer than he had, and I'd kept up with my riding when he'd switched to rugby at university. And I knew it was risky for him—the most common injuries in a joust are broken fingers, which isn't exactly conducive to performing surgery. I should've been more careful.'

‘But he knew that risk and it was his choice to accept it,' Louisa pointed out, tightening her fingers round his.

‘It was my fault,' Dominic repeated.

‘If someone's lance hits you, does it automatically mean you fall off the horse?'

‘No. You should be able to deflect the blow—and, if you can't, you should still be able to hold on.'

‘So it couldn't have been all your fault. And if someone comes off, does it automatically mean serious injury?'

‘The armour should protect you, and there's padding underneath to minimise the bruising. But, in Oliver's case, it wasn't enough.' Dominic closed his eyes. ‘I can see it even now, in slow motion. Just like it felt at the time—as if everything was happening underwater, every movement so much slower than usual. Oliver falling backwards off the horse, landing awkwardly—and I couldn't get to him in time to stop it happening. I was frantic, but the faster I tried to get to him the more everything seemed to slow down.'

Just like when a child took those first faltering steps and then toppled over and banged his head; she'd heard parents say that so many times in the emergency department. And she'd lived through it herself, with Tyler. She rubbed the back of Dominic's hand with the pad of her thumb, trying to tell him without words that she understood.

He opened his eyes again. ‘The emergency services were there straight away, and they put him on a board—but they couldn't do anything about the damage. The surgeon told us that Oliver had an incomplete lower spinal injury. And that was the end of everything. You can't exactly open a ribcage and perform intricate surgery on a heart if you can't stand for more than a couple of minutes at a time.' He shook his head. ‘I took so much away from my brother. And he's been in pain every single day for the last two years, because of me. I have to live with that knowledge.'

‘I don't know what to say.' She moved closer and wrapped her arms round him. ‘Except it's taken you a lot of courage to tell me this.'

‘Courage?' He gave a mirthless laugh.

‘It was an accident,' she said. ‘It wasn't as if you set out to hurt him on purpose.'

‘The end result's the same. I wrecked his life.'

‘Has he told you that?'

‘He doesn't have to. Before the accident, he was a brilliant surgeon and a brilliant rugby-player—and a pretty good horseman. Now he's stuck in a wheelchair. No career, no sports, nothing.'

Louisa racked her brains to remember what she knew about spinal injuries. ‘If it's an incomplete injury, there's a chance he might be able to walk again.'

‘At the moment, he can only take a few steps—and they hurt like hell. He's putting himself through an incredibly punishing physio programme. He's determined that he's going to walk again and drive again—he's having a car specially adapted.' Dominic's face tightened. ‘But for the time being he has to rely on other people to haul him around. And he hates it. In the early days, he told me he wished he'd broken his neck and died, so he didn't have to struggle through all the pain…' His voice cracked.

She held him more tightly. ‘It sounds to me as if he was angry and frustrated and lashed out at you because you're close to him—you're a safe person to yell at because you understand what makes him tick.'

‘Maybe.'

‘It's how you would be, too. And so would I,' she said softly. ‘It takes two to joust, Dominic. And maybe Oliver had something on his mind, something that stopped him paying proper attention.'

‘He was going to ask his girlfriend to marry him, that evening. He'd been carrying the ring about with him for a week.'

He didn't have to say any more; she could guess the rest. Oliver's girlfriend hadn't been able to cope with his disability, so the relationship had broken up: and Dominic
blamed himself for that, too. ‘If his mind wasn't on what he was doing,' she said, ‘then he was just as much to blame as you, if not more so.'

But Dominic's expression told her that he didn't believe it.

He was even more damaged than she was, she thought. She didn't believe enough in other people, but Dominic had it harder, because he'd lost his belief in himself. And no amount of talking from other people was going to change his mind on that score. This was something he had to come to terms with himself.

Instead, she said quietly, ‘Do other people at the hospital know?'

He shook his head. ‘They know my brother had a bad accident, and I've taken life a lot more seriously since then, but they don't know the details.'

‘Thank you for trusting me with something so personal. And I can assure you that I'm not going to be talking about it to anyone.'

‘I appreciate that.' His voice was clipped; and she just knew that he was bottling up his feelings again.

‘Does Oliver know you're going to joust again?' she asked softly.

‘I talked to him about it, the other night. To see how he'd feel about it. If he'd mind.'

‘And?'

‘He said I was an idiot, and it was about time I stopped boring my poor horse with mindless hacking.'

‘Hacking?' She looked at him, mystified. ‘Isn't that something to do with computers?'

He smiled, and held her closer. ‘No. It's exercising a horse out on bridle paths and in the country, rather than in a schooling arena. General riding, not training for jumping, etcetera.'

‘Right.' She paused. ‘So when are you going to ask Ty?'

‘You're still happy for him to do it, even though I told you what happened with Oliver?'

‘I think you're going to be completely paranoid about safety,' Louisa said, ‘so he's going to be absolutely fine.' She brushed her mouth against his. ‘Come to dinner tonight. Ask him then.'

There was a look of wonder on his face. ‘Seriously?'

‘Did you really think I'd want nothing to do with you, once you'd told me?'

‘Well—yes,' he admitted.

She stroked his face. ‘It was an
accident
, Dominic. Did you go out deliberately to push your brother off his horse and break his back?'

‘Of course not.'

‘Well, then. I know you're blaming yourself, and I kind of understand why, but sometimes these things just happen.' She stole another kiss. ‘If it had been the other way round, would you have blamed him?'

‘No.'

‘And would you have expected him to give up jousting and doing things he loved, just because you couldn't do them any more?'

Dominic grimaced. ‘I suppose not. I know what you're saying, Louisa, but…' He shook his head. ‘Every time I see the pain in his eyes that he's trying to hide from everyone else, something shreds me up inside. If only I hadn't been so keen to score points that day and make him admit that I was better than him at something. If only I'd just let it go.' He looked bleak. ‘I just wish I could turn the clock back.'

‘You can't,' she said. ‘All you can do is learn from the past and move on. And maybe be a bit less hard on yourself.'

That, Dominic thought, was a lot easier said than done. But his spirits felt lighter after he'd talked to Louisa—sheer relief that she didn't think any less of him, now he'd told her the truth—and he duly turned up to dinner that evening. ‘I need a favour from you,' he told Tyler. ‘I asked your mum, and she says it's OK to ask you. I need a page.'

Tyler frowned. ‘Why?'

‘Because I'm jousting at Amberhurst. And someone has to hold my standard while I'm at the tilts. So I wondered if you'd like to do that. Be my page.'

‘A real knight's page?' At Dominic's nod, Tyler let out a whoop of delight—and actually hugged him.

Dominic couldn't help hugging the little boy back. And when he glanced at Louisa, he could see her blinking back tears.

While Louisa finished preparing the meal, Tyler grilled Dominic on the exact duties of a page, and looked even more thrilled at the idea that he'd have to dress up accordingly. ‘Your riding boots will do fine for footwear, but I'll get you leggings, a shirt and a tabard. If your mum gives me your measurements, I'll get it all arranged,' Dominic promised. Sensing that Louisa was about to offer to pay for the outfit, he added, ‘It's a knight's duty to pay for the outfit of his page—and, in this case, a pleasure as well, because you're doing me a huge favour. Otherwise I'd have to ask Andy to be my page
and
my squire, and he's already going to be busy enough sorting out my harness.'

‘I promise I'll do a good job,' Tyler said solemnly.

‘There's also a bit in the show where I have to ride past the crowd and ask a lady for a favour,' Dominic added. ‘So can I ask you, Louisa?'

‘A knight's supposed to ask the woman he's in love with for her favour,' Tyler said.

Dominic and Louisa both froze.

‘But I expect you'll ask Mum because I'm going to be your page and you don't want her to feel left out,' he added.

Later that evening, when Tyler had gone to bed, Dominic kissed Louisa goodbye. ‘I'm sorry about earlier. For a moment, I thought he'd guessed about us.'

‘No. He was trying to put himself in my shoes. I think that all that social skills training he's doing at school and my back-up at home is starting to pay off,' she said lightly.

‘Probably.' Dominic paused. ‘How do you think he'd feel? About you and me seeing each other, I mean?'

‘It's still early days,' she said softly. ‘Let's wait awhile before we tell him.'

He nodded. ‘You're right. Best to take it slowly.' But right now his heart felt fuller and lighter than it had in years—and he knew it was thanks to her. Her warmth, her selflessness, that air of calm. Maybe, just maybe, she'd help him to forgive himself. And maybe, just maybe, he could do something for her, too. Repair some of the damage that Jack had inflicted when he'd rejected her and their son.

A
T LAST
the day of the jousting dawned. Tyler was up at the crack of dawn, dressed in his page's outfit. ‘My tabard's the same colour as Pegasus's caparison,' he told his mother proudly. ‘And, look, it's got Dominic's silver unicorn on it, to show I'm part of his team.'

Louisa ruffled his hair. ‘You look wonderful. Come on, we'll get you some breakfast.'

‘I'm not hungry.'

Meaning that he was too excited to eat. ‘Toast,' Louisa said firmly, hiding a smile. ‘Or you'll feel all light-headed later—and you'd hate to drop Dominic's standard because you were feeling all wobbly, wouldn't you?'

Tyler sat down at the dining-room table. ‘He's not Dominic when he's jousting, he's Sir Hugo. That's such a cool name. I'm still thinking about what mine's going to be.'

The little boy chattered nineteen to the dozen until Dominic collected them, and he continued to chatter all the way to Amberhurst Castle. ‘Wow, Mum, look, it's a proper castle with turrets and battlements and everything!' He was almost beside himself with excitement.

The grounds of Amberhurst Castle were already crowded, with re-enactors wandering around in medieval garb and tourists milling about, eager to see the jousting.

‘You can be let off page duties for a while, if you want
to go and explore,' Dominic told Tyler. ‘I need to go and see Pegasus, settle him down a bit.'

‘Can I still wear my outfit?'

Dominic ruffled his hair. ‘You bet.'

‘What time do you need us back?' Louisa asked.

‘The first joust is at eleven—so, maybe a quarter to?'

‘Fine.' She took his hand and squeezed it. ‘You OK?' she asked softly.

He took a deep breath. ‘I think so. And nerves are good. It means you're not taking anything for granted and are less likely to make mistakes.'

She knew exactly what mistake he was thinking about. ‘You'll be fine. And we'll be cheering for you.'

He lifted the end of her scarf. ‘Better than that, you'll be letting me wear this, for luck.'

But the smile didn't quite reach his eyes. He was really nervous, she realised. Hearing that Tyler was busy scrambling out of the back of the car, she leaned forward and brushed her mouth briefly against his. ‘That's for luck.'

‘No better favour could a knight ask of his lady,' he said softly. ‘And you
are
my lady, Louisa.'

Desire licked all the way down her spine, and she couldn't help a breathy little sigh. ‘Yes.'

‘Later,' he whispered, and she nodded. Her parents were meeting her on the field later, not wanting to miss their grandson's performance as a page; she'd ask them if Tyler could have a sleepover at theirs tonight. Because, once the adrenalin had stopped flowing, she had a feeling that all the guilt would come straight back and Dominic would really need her to hold him and soothe his soul.

 

Dominic checked his horse over, then checked all the buckles on his armour.

‘And how many times have you done that this morning, little brother?' a voice asked behind him.

He whirled round. ‘Oliver!'

‘It's “my lord”, to you. Tsk. Knights these days really have no manners.' His brother, dressed in medieval garb and wearing a crown, grinned broadly. ‘Well, Sir Hugo. It's good to see you back. You OK?'

‘Yes.'

Oliver arched one eyebrow.

‘All right. I'm not,' Dominic admitted. ‘I keep thinking about the last time I jousted.' And the guilt was almost paralysing.

‘Listen. What happened—we can't change it. And, yes, of course I'd rather be out there jousting against you today instead of being stuck in this…' Oliver indicated his wheelchair ‘…but it's not going to happen and it's pointless either of us droning on about it. So you're going to get on Pegasus and you're going to joust as brilliantly as you always did and you're going to come first. Got it?'

Dominic wasn't so sure. ‘I've been out of the field for a while.'

‘Two years, three months and nine days,' Oliver said, ‘if you're going to be boring about it.'

They both knew the exact number of days. Hours, even. ‘In your shoes, I'd still be raging,' Dominic said.

‘Done that, and it hasn't changed anything. Time to try something else and see if that works better. And it's time you stopped obsessing over it and moved on, too.' Oliver shrugged. ‘So who's the young page next to Andy?'

‘Tyler. The son of a friend.'

‘Friend, hmm? When do we get to meet her?'

‘I didn't say my friend was female.'

‘You didn't have to. It showed on your face.' Oliver regarded his brother seriously. ‘Does she know about the accident?'

‘Yes.'

‘And she's still around. Good. You picked someone sensible. So when do we get to meet her?' Oliver repeated.

‘When I'm ready. Don't be bossy.'

Oliver laughed. ‘Big brother's privilege. Go out there and win for me.' He patted Dominic's arm. ‘And I meant it. It's good to see Sir Hugo back. I've missed him.'

‘So have I,' Dominic admitted.

‘I'd better get back to the dais and do my lord of the manor bit. See you later. And I meant it about meeting your friend, too. And the page. He looks a nice kid.'

‘Yes. He is.'

And then it was time to finish getting ready. Dominic made a fuss of his horse, scratching him behind the ears. ‘Looking forward to this, boy?' he asked. ‘And are we going to come out on top?'

The Percheron whickered and nudged him, as if to say yes.

Dominic grinned, and checked the saddle for the last time before Andy checked the straps of his armour.

He'd almost forgotten how much he loved this. There was no headier buzz than this: climbing on to the mounting block, getting astride his horse, and knowing that the joust was about to start. For the next few minutes he wouldn't be Dr Dominic Hurst: he'd be Sir Hugo de Amberhurst. He'd borrowed his stage-riding name from his Tudor great-whatever grandfather, whose portrait hung in the family gallery and whom everyone said Dominic resembled, right from when he'd been a toddler. Sir Hugo had been a legendary jouster, too, and Oliver had always teased him about being a throwback.

Automatically Dominic looked up at the dais opposite the jousting field. Oliver was sitting there, dressed in the costume of the lord of the manor, casually chatting to the people at the dais with him. The way they'd set it
up, nobody who saw him would guess that the ‘lord of the manor' was sitting in a wheelchair rather than on a throne.

Almost as if Oliver sensed Dominic's glance, he looked over, and raised his hand in a salute. A blessing. Wishing him well.

Dominic knew he didn't deserve it, but it warmed him.

‘Ready, Sir Hugo?' Andy asked.

‘Yes.'

‘Good. Tyler—are you ready with the standard?'

‘Oh, yes.' The little boy beamed and lifted up the banner.

‘Come on, then, team,' Dominic said. ‘Let's do it.'

Andy and Tyler walked out to the jousting arena. ‘Introducing the one, the only Sir Hugo de Amberhurst and his horse Pegasus!' Andy called.

Dominic heard the cheers and clapping. ‘On with the show, boy,' he said softly to Pegasus, and urged the horse into a fast walk.

 

Louisa, who had been taking photographs of Tyler while her father was in charge of the video camera, paused as Dominic rode out. She'd seen the photographs of him in his armour, but nothing had prepared her for how incredibly sexy he looked. The black knight on a white horse, carrying a dark red shield with a silver unicorn. No wonder most of the women in the audience had dreamy looks on their faces; and she had a feeling that she did, too.

‘And the one, the only Sir Simon de Leigh and his horse Midnight!' The other knight's squire waved a gold-coloured banner with a blue boar on it; moments later, Sir Simon rode out on a black horse.

Both knights did a circuit of the arena in front of the
crowd; and then Dominic reined back right in front of Louisa.

He reminded her of the knight in one of the posters in Tyler's collection—Waterhouse's
Lamia
, where the knight was looking down at the kneeling woman. And, lord, he was sexy. His beautiful mouth. The hot expression in his eyes as he looked at her.

And she wanted him.

Badly.

‘May I wear your favour, my lady?' he asked.

It felt as if he were claiming her in front of the whole world, and she was aware of envious glances and murmuring from other women in the crowd. ‘Yes, my lord.' She stood up, removed the scarf from her neck and handed it to him. It was a pretty one, lightly woven strands of copper and gold and russet with a fringe.

‘Thank you, my lady.' He smiled and blew her a kiss, and she could feel the colour flooding into her face. Then he tucked the scarf in to his helmet; it glittered against the black metal, and the fringe fluttered in the slight breeze. He gave her another smile, and her heart fluttered as much as the scarf.

Sir Hugo and Sir Simon touched their right hands together in a show of friendship and a fair fight before riding to their respective ends of the arena.

The squires gave each of the knights a lance; they held it in their right hands, pointed upwards and slightly back. At a signal, they started to canter towards each other, lowering their lances as the horses picked up speed. Louisa was surprised at how fast it was—a matter of mere seconds before she heard a shredding sound and saw the ends of the lances bursting into splinters. All the while, her heart was in her mouth. Please, God, let Dominic be safe. Let
him be able to concentrate and put the past out of his mind. Please let him be all right. Please don't let him be hurt.

‘That's a strike on the breastplate for Sir Simon, three points,' the commentator said. ‘And a strike on the shield for Sir Hugo, five points.'

The knights did two more passes, then at the end handed their shattered lances to their squires and rode slowly along the tilting rail so they could clasp their right hands very briefly.

‘There's going to be a break between the bouts, so our knights are going to remove some of their armour now and give you a chance to meet the team,' the commentator said.

Tyler was proudly holding the standard by Dominic's side; Louisa took more photographs of him, then one of Dominic. The look in his eyes made a shiver of pure desire run the whole length of her spine.

‘You've got people queuing up to talk to you, so I'll see you later,' she said, and ruffled Tyler's hair. ‘You did a brilliant job, darling.'

‘I'm still on duty, Mum. You're not supposed to ruffle my hair,' he said, looking pained, and she couldn't help smiling.

When the meet-and-greet had finished, Dominic was able to shed his armour and join them for a wander around the castle grounds. He still looked like a medieval knight, wearing dark breeches, dark boots, an open-necked white shirt with billowing sleeves and a dark red velvet cloak.

Utterly gorgeous.

And all hers.

‘This is the best day of my whole life,' Tyler said.

It was one of the best in hers, too.

Somehow Dominic ended up holding Louisa's hand as
they wandered through the encampment. It felt so right, she thought. His bare skin against hers.

A shiver ran down her spine. Ty had had a wonderful day and was spending the night with his grandparents. So for once maybe she could stop worrying, let go, and just enjoy herself. Maybe tonight she could snatch one night of pure pleasure with a gorgeous, caring, attentive man. A man she found incredibly attractive, and she knew that it was mutual—the way he kissed her had become more intense over the last few weeks, and they'd both found it harder and harder to stop at just kissing.

Tonight, maybe they could take time out for
them
.

‘Ty's staying at Mum and Dad's tonight,' she said softly. ‘So I was wondering if you were busy.'

Dominic's eyes went wide, and he stooped to whisper in her ear, ‘Do you mean…you're asking me to stay over?'

‘Yes.'

He sucked in a breath. ‘If you're sure—then, yes. Oh,
yes
.' His face was filled with the same wild, crazy joy that was bubbling through her entire body.

Tonight… She could hardly wait. Tonight, she and Dominic would explore each other properly. Thoroughly. And tomorrow she'd wake up in his arms. Sated. Warm. Happy.

The whole day sparkled. There was a second bout of jousting, and even though Louisa was secretly terrified by the speed and the potential for disaster as the horses galloped down the tilting rail, she knew how skilled the riders were and she enjoyed watching Dominic on Pegasus.

When the results were announced, Sir Hugo was at the top of the list—and he won the cup. She could see that Tyler was almost beside himself with joy when Dominic lifted him onto Pegasus and got him to sit there, holding the cup, while the photographs were taken. And then he beckoned
to her. ‘Come on. You have to be here, too. It was wearing your favour that made me win.'

‘Go,' Gillian said, giving her a little push. ‘And give me your camera.'

They stood either side of Pegasus, holding hands over the horse's neck, while Tyler beamed from his position on the saddle. How easily Dominic had made room in his life for Tyler. He thought about what would make the little boy happy: and yet Tyler's biological father hadn't been able to do that.

Dared she let Dominic further into their lives? Or should she still keep this just between the two of them?

Right at that moment, she wasn't sure. But one thing she knew for definite. Tonight she wanted to fall asleep in Dominic's arms. Be close to him. And, when she glanced across at him, she could see in his eyes that he was thinking along exactly the same lines.