A Christmas to Love You (6 page)

Andrew sets Olivia down near the Christmas tree. I should tell him that it’s a bad idea but Olivia doesn’t make any attempts to move. She just sits there and stares at the lights completely mesmerized. I should have known better then to think he didn’t know what he was doing. He did have a way with our four kids and they turned out okay if I do say so myself.

I reach for Alexis who instantly stops crying the second she’s in my arms and gives me a huge smile showing me those tiny little teeth of hers. “Lexi,” I coo.

Placing her down on the couch I quickly change her diaper and then Andrew hands me Caleb and I change his as well while Andrew holds Alexis. Once both are changed, he hands me Alexis back and goes to grab the bottles I forgot in the kitchen. Olivia crawls over to me and sits right next to my leg still staring at the lights in amazement.

The twins are fussing so I start humming along to “All I Want for Christmas Is You” that is playing from the radio. They settle down and I feel Olivia wiggling around down by my feet dancing to the song.

“Okay, here we go.” Andrew says with Ryder and Alex right on his feet. They are his little shadows each and every time they are here.

Andrew sits, grabs Olivia and sits her between us on the couch. Ryder and Alex both climb up on the couch on either side of us.

“I wanna help, Grandma.” Alex says.

I turn my body slightly towards him and let him hold the bottle for Alexis. Then, of course, Ryder wants to do everything his big cousin does so Andrew lets him help feed Caleb.

So here the seven of us sit on the couch feeding the twins, listening to the Christmas music and staring at the tree with all the colorful lights and decorations. There are years of ornaments that line that tree. There are a few special ones like one from my childhood that I was able to keep with me all these years. It’s a
Peanuts
Charlie Brown and Snoopy Satin ball. It’s from 1977, I was just nine years old, when my grandmother gave it to me. That was my grandmother’s thing; every year she would buy me and all my brothers some kind of Christmas decoration. Those purchases have turned into heirlooms of remembrance that are nothing short of priceless to me now. Each decorative piece reminds me of moments in time that I will always hold near and dear to my heart until my last breath.

There is one from when Andrew and I had our first Christmas together back in 1987. We were just nineteen when we moved in together. We were expecting Jackson in just a few short months. There is one from when we got married in 1988. Then, of course, we have one from when each of the kids was born. Alex and Ryder have one as well. Olivia, Caleb and Alexis will be have theirs added to the tree tonight when everyone is back and have eaten. There are so many memories on that tree that I can’t help but smile and be thankful for everything that I’ve been given through the years.

The oven beeps in the distance letting me know that the lasagna is done that I had tossed in right after I pulled the last tray of cookies out. I glance down to see that Alexis is almost back to sleep again and Alex’s eyes are growing heavy.

“I’ll get it,” comes from behind me. I turn to see Hailey wiping the tears from her eyes as she smiles down at us. Mason grips her shoulders pulling her back to his chest and kisses the side of her head.

“Thanks, sweetie.” I whisper.

I glance to Andrew who is holding the bottle for Caleb who is wide awake staring at the tree. Ryder is sleeping with his head resting on Andrew’s arm. Little Miss Olivia is still sitting between us but now has fallen asleep on Andrew’s other arm.

My handsome husband smiles at me. It’s the kind of smile that warms your soul. The one that tells you without saying the words that he loves you unconditionally even after all these years. I wink at him and then glance down to Alexis who is starting to suck air from the bottle. I remove the bottle and lift her so her head is resting on my shoulder. I pat her bottom a few times seeing if she’ll wake up or stay asleep. If she’s anything like Mason she’ll be out again and won’t be waking up for a little while.

Mason comes around and takes his daughter from me. He kisses her little nose and smiles down at her before placing her back in the Pack ‘n Play and covering her up. Then he turns and looks for his boy. The one I know will be a heartbreaker like his daddy but will only really ever have eyes for that one special girl.

“Come here, big guy.” Mason says lifting Caleb from his dad. Three generations of Cahills stand before me. They are so handsome with all those Cahill genes.

I stand from the couch and place a kiss on Mason’s cheek. “I’m going to go check on dinner.”

“Mom,” Mason starts to say. He looks toward the kitchen and then down to Caleb. “She’s having a hard time.” He sighs. “She wants this, what we have, with her mom. She wants her mom to
want
to see the kids and spend time with them like you and dad do.” Mason adjusts Caleb in his arms. “With the wedding coming up and all I think everything is just hitting her hard this year.”

“I’m sure she’s having a hard time, Mason. I couldn’t imagine not seeing my daughter and grandkids or even being at her wedding.” I reach up and cup the side of his face. “But she’s got everything she’ll ever need right here.”

As I walk away I hear Andrew say to Mason. “You should listen to your mom. She’s normally right when it comes to this type of stuff.”

Hailey is leaning up against the kitchen counter wiping her eyes with a napkin. I slide up next to her and wrap my arm around her waist while resting my head on her shoulder. She places her head on mine and the sobs start again.

“I’m sorry, Hailey.” I squeeze her arm in comfort. “I’m sorry your mom isn’t the mom she should be to you.”

She continues to cry as we stand there in the kitchen together. It’s good that she’s letting it out. It won’t do her any good holding it in. She’s missed out on something as simple as her mom holding her while she has a good cry her entire life. Hailey just wanted her mom’s love and a child should never want that. They should have so much of it that they feel like we’re suffocating them, suffocating the doubt.

When Hailey gets herself under control she wipes her face with her napkin. She turns and gives me a sad smile. “I’m sorry.”

My heart just aches for her. “No reason to be sorry, honey.” I tilt my head in the direction of the family room. “Your life is changing every minute of every day. With those sweet babies out there it’s making you miss what you crave. It’s natural and it’s okay. But Hailey, you’re a part of
our
family and I promise you, with your wedding you will never long for that bond with anyone ever again once you and Mason say I do.”

Hailey nods. I see the tears pooling again just before she wraps her arms around me. “Thank you.”

“I love you, Hailey, just like one of my own kids.”

She nods again and wipes her face once more. Hailey tilts her head towards the stove. “I pulled it out, it looked done to me.”

I nod. “Thanks. Did you and Mason get a couple hours of sleep?”

She takes a deep breath and blows it out. “Yes. Thank you again. I didn’t realize how tired I was until I sat on the couch and passed out. Mason had to carry me to bed once he cleared all the presents off of it.”

“Anytime you need us to help you can always call me. No matter what time it is I’ll always be there to help. No reason to run yourself into the ground.” I remove the foil from the lasagna to let it set and then pull the plates from the cabinet. I know she needs the help and never calls, it’s one of the reasons I stop over at least once a week and help her around the house even when she tells me I don’t need too.

Hailey holds her hands out for the plates. “Thanks. I’ll be sure to remember that when they refuse to go to sleep at three in the morning and they think it’s the funniest thing in the world.” Hailey smiles.

“I’m gonna remember that too when Ryder is up in the middle of the night throwing up.” MacKenzie says as she breezes into the kitchen. “I can’t handle that shit.”

“Mouth, MacKenzie.” I warn her. “Ryder’s going to be running around your house saying that.”

She rolls her eyes and shrugs out of her jacket. “You should hear Mason. I’m a saint compared to him.”

“You, a saint?” Mason walks in with Caleb in his arms. “That’s the funniest damn thing I ever heard.”

I sigh shaking my head. They don’t want to listen? That’s fine. They’ll learn when the calls from preschool start coming in.

“Anyone hear from Cooper yet?” Hunter asks as he shrugs out of his jacket.

“No, not yet. They should be here any minute.” I answer.

“I’m right here.” Cooper says walking into the kitchen rubbing his hands together. He comes over and kisses me on the cheek. “Hey, ma.”

I grin. “Hey, baby. Did you get all your shopping done?”

He takes a seat at the table that is filling up quickly. “Yeah.”

“Good.” I place the lasagna on the table then grab my glass off the counter and take my seat at the table. Andrew takes his seat at the head of the table.

“Are you letting Ryder sleep?” Andrew asks Hunter who is seated to the left of him.

“For a little bit.” Hunter responds and then is cut off by MacKenzie. “I’m not waking the devil for at least a half hour.” She picks up the glass of wine she poured herself and takes a sip. “You thought I was bad when you first wake me up you should see him, and that little princess of yours is like waking the dead.”

Andrew laughs. “It’s fun dealing with him in the mornings, huh?”

MacKenzie glares at her dad. “Oh yeah, it’s tons of fun. After we’re all done eating we’ll wake them up and feed them.”

“How are classes going?” MacKenzie recently started going back to school this fall. She is only doing a few online classes until spring semester. Then they’ll put both kids in daycare so she can take a few classes on the local campus. She is determined to finish her degree.

“Really good, I get most of my work done while Olivia is napping. I’m looking forward to the actual human interaction though.”

Hunter wraps an arm around her pulling her closer and kisses the top of her head. MacKenzie smiles lovingly at her husband. They are so perfect for each other and in ways remind me of Andrew and myself when we first started dating. We had Jackson when we were twenty, MacKenzie was just a year younger than me when we started our family but I think it helps that Hunter is three years older. He’s a little more mature and has his head screwed on straight and that evens the two of them out. They have the love and support of their family behind them just as Andrew and I did. Having that support makes all the difference.

Jaylinn walks into the kitchen followed by her mom, Sadie, who has Alexis in her arms. She looks to Hailey, “Someone here was standing up in her Pack ‘n Play reaching for the Christmas tree.”

Mason smirks. “Messing with Grandma’s tree will get you into trouble, Lexi.” He looks over to me because he knows I have a huge soft spot for the grandkids and they can never do any wrong. Even if they were to mess with the tree that everyone knows is off limits.

I hear Hailey say to MacKenzie, “At least your kids sleep.”

I hold my hands out for her. “Don’t listen to your daddy, Alexis.” She reaches for me and goes right for my necklace. She reaches for it every time. You would think I would have learned my lesson by now since she broke it three times already. “No, no, Alexis.” I pry her little hands off of it and give her a piece of my bread to sidetrack her.

Everyone is gathered around the table now. Jackson and Chloe, Hunter and MacKenzie, Mason, Caleb and Hailey, Cooper and Jaylinn, Sadie, Andrew, Alexis and I. Ryder, Olivia and Alex are sleeping in the other room. Everyone turns to Andrew.

Looking around the table at each and every one I see just how blessed I really am. Everyone is happy, healthy and successful. My beautiful wife and I have done a pretty damn good job raising our children.

I clear my throat and begin my speech that I give every year on Christmas Eve. “Thank you all for taking the time out of your crazy and ever changing lives to keep our family tradition. As I sit here and look around the table at each and every one of you I couldn’t be more blessed. It’s important that we take the time and still sit down for dinners together. Everything moves at lightning speed and passes us by in the blink of an eye. Our family is lucky to have the bond that we have. Family isn’t always blood as we know first-hand.” I look towards Sadie, Jaylinn, Hunter, Chloe and Hailey. “But that doesn’t matter in
our
family. Everyone here at this table accepts one another for who they are and would do anything for each other. Sometimes, some of us go a little above and beyond that.” I glance towards Mason, my hard headed son, who is smirking. “But at the end of the day, as long as we all know that protecting someone was done out of the goodness of their hearts, that is all that matters.” Hailey places her hand on top of Mason’s. “Sometimes we try and fight something that is a losing battle. We think we are doing the right thing for the other person but what we fail to see is that maybe we are what the other person needs.” Cooper looks down to his lap. He may be my strong silent son but I know more than he thinks I do. I don’t need him to talk to me about things but I do watch him from a distance and that’s enough.”