A Comfortable Wife (25 page)

The rest of the night went in a fruitless endeavour, a futile attempt to mend her broken heart.

“C
an I fetch you anything, my lord?”

Seated behind his desk in the library, Philip looked up. Carring stood in the open doorway. Philip frowned. “No. Not at the moment.”

Carring bowed and backed, reaching for the doorknob.

“And you may leave the door open.”

Carring bowed again. “Of course, my lord.”

Smothering a growl, Philip refocused on the
Gazette.
The weak rays of the midday sun intermittently pierced the clouds, throwing fitful beams across the page.

The weather was not the only thing to have suddenly turned uncertain.

Antonia had given him no chance to explain, no chance to set the record straight. He trusted her implicitly; despite her agreement to do so, she obviously didn’t trust him. Admittedly, he carried a certain reputation, one he’d made no effort to hide, but they were friends and had been for years. He had thought that would count for rather more than it had. To his mind, the matter was clear. She should have known better—known him better.

Rather than believe the evidence of her eyes. And her ears.

Philip grimaced. His gaze, fixed unseeing on the page, grew more deeply abstracted.

A faint creak sounded from beyond the library door.

Instantly, he was out of his chair and rounding the desk. By the time Antonia started down the last flight of stairs, he was waiting to greet her.

“Good morning, my dear. I missed you at breakfast.”

The rest of his carefully rehearsed speech, his “I trust you slept well?” followed by a pointed request for a moment of her time, went winging from his head the instant he saw her face.

Antonia hesitated, one hand clutching the balustrade, her gaze deliberately unfocused. “I’m afraid…” Dragging in a breath, she lifted her head. “That is, I slept in.” She felt chilled to the marrow, very close to shivering, but if she wished to be his comfortable wife, she had to comport herself appropriately, even at moments like this.

Stiffly poised, she continued her descent, concentrating on her carriage. Behind her, Nell’s heavier footfalls followed down the stairs. Defiantly, she kept her head high; Nell had ministered with cucumber water and Denmark Lotion; she assumed the worst was disguised. Reaching the last step, she bestowed an unfocused glance on her husband-to-be. “I trust you are well, my lord?”

“Tolerably,” came the brief answer. Then, after a fractional hesitation, “I wonder, my dear, whether you can spare me a moment of your time?”

Surprised, not only by the request but by the gentler tone of his voice, Antonia blinked; unintentionally, she focused on Philip’s face. The concern in his eyes had her turning her head away; she disguised the movement by flicking out her skirts. “As it happens, my lord, I was on my way to the back parlour to write letters. I regret to confess I’ve been greatly remiss in my correspondence; there are many ladies in Yorkshire to whom I owe a degree of thanks.”

She was determined to make no fuss, but the idea of
being alone with him just now was simply too much. Her gaze fixed on his cravat, she continued, “I’ve put the matter off unconscionably long. I understand that if I complete my letters by two, Carring will be able to post them.”

“Carring,” Philip said, acutely aware of his major-domo hovering behind him, “may put them on my desk. I’ll frank them.”

Antonia inclined her head. “Thank you, my lord. If you’ll excuse me, I’ll begin them immediately.” She made to turn away.

“Perhaps we could take the air later—a stroll around the square once your correspondence is dealt with?”

Antonia hesitated. The idea of a walk in the fresh breeze was tempting but the vision her mind supplied—of them, stiff and silent, circumnavigating the square—was more than enough to dissuade her. “Ah—I believe Henrietta and I are due to take tea with Lady Cathie, and then we had thought to look in on Mrs Melcombe’s at-home.”

The lame excuse hung in the air; Antonia stiffened, her brittle façade tightening. Tension swelled and stretched, holding them all frozen, then Philip bowed with his usual fluid grace.

“In that case, I’ll see you this evening, my dear.”

Unnerved by the undercurrent she detected in his tone, Antonia cried off from their evening’s engagements. She did not even risk dinner, requesting a tray in her room on the grounds of an incipient headache.

Ensconced in lonely splendour at the head of the dining-table, Philip sat sunk in thought, his gaze fixed on the empty seat beside him. At the table’s end, Henrietta and Geoffrey were deep in machinations.

“I have to say that I’m not a great believer in newfangled notions, yet I cannot see my way clear, in this instance, to agree with Meredith Ticehurst.” Henrietta pushed away her
soup plate. “There’s nothing the least—well,
questionable
about Mr Fortescue, is there?”

“Questionable?” Geoffrey frowned. “Not that I know of. Capital fellow from all I can make out. Drives a neat curricle with a nicely matched pair.”

Henrietta returned his frown. “That’s not what I meant.” Raising her head, she looked up the table. “Do you know anything against Mr Fortescue, Ruthven?”

The sound of his name shook Philip from his thoughts. “Fortescue?”

Henrietta threw him a disgusted look. “Mr Henry Fortescue—Miss Dalling’s would-be suitor. I have to tell you, Philip, that I am not at all happy in my mind about the tack Meredith Ticehurst is taking with her niece. No—and not with the Marquess either, although he is, after all, a man and, one would suppose, capable of taking care of himself.”

Recalling the Marchioness of Hammersley, Philip considered that last far from certain. “I know nothing against Mr Fortescue—indeed, what I do know would suggest he is an eminently eligible, even desirable,
parti.
”

Having delivered himself of that pronouncement, Philip reached for his wine glass. As he sipped, Henrietta’s suppositions and concerns, and Geoffrey’s predictably straightforward views, drifted past his ears. Their tacit alliance and their half-formed plans to overturn the Countess’s applecart did not even register.

Then the meal was at an end; Philip could not even recall if he had eaten. He did not particularly care; he had lost his appetite, among other things.

But when they gathered in the hall preparatory to quitting the house, destined for Lady Arbuthnot’s drum, his gaze sharpened. He glanced at Henrietta, his expression bland. “No doubt you’ll wish to check on Antonia before we leave.”

“Antonia?” Henrietta looked up in surprise. “Whatever for? She’s not seriously ill, y’know.”

“I had thought,” Philip returned, steel glimmering in his tone, “that you might wish to reassure yourself that her indisposition is indeed merely that, and not something more alarming. She is, after all, in your care.”

“Phooh!” Henrietta waved her hand dismissively. “It’s doubtless merely an upset brought on by going at it too hard.” Slanting him a glance, she added, “Have to remember she’s a country girl at heart. She might have adapted well to town life but we’ve been racketing about in grand style these past weeks. She’s entitled to some time to recuperate.” Henrietta patted his arm in a motherly way then, beckoning Geoffrey, stumped towards the front door.

His expression stony, Philip hesitated, then reluctantly followed.

They returned from Lady Arbuthnot’s drum at midnight; to Philip’s relief, Henrietta had shown no interest in attending any other of the parties around town. Heads together, thick as thieves, she and Geoffrey negotiated the stairs; frowning, Philip headed for the library. From the corner of his eye, he caught Carring’s expression; he shut the door with a decided click.

He hesitated, then crossed to the sideboard and poured out a large brandy. Cradling the glass, he returned to sink into his chair, the one on the left of the hearth. Slowly, he sipped the fine brandy, his gaze broodingly fixed on the empty chair opposite.

Last night he had paced the hearth rug, glowering, possessed by an impotent and thoroughly uncharacteristic anger. Tonight, the anger was still there but tempered by growing concern.

Antonia was avoiding him; now Carring was regarding him with chilly disapproval.

Philip directed a steely glare at the empty chair.
He
wasn’t at fault. Antonia should have been more trusting—ladies were supposed to trust their husbands-to-be. She loved him—

Philip stopped.

For one instant, his world wavered—then he snorted impatiently.

He knew, beyond all doubt, beyond any possibility of error, that Antonia loved him. He had known it for more than eight years. Her love was there in her eyes, a certain wistfully warm expression glowing in the hazel depths. He had not responded to it years ago but he had recognised it nonetheless. It had been there even then.

Philip let the thought warm him. He took a long sip of his brandy then frowned at the smouldering fire.

If she loved him, she should have trusted him. She should have had more confidence in him. She should have had the courage of her convictions.

Again his thoughts faltered and halted; Antonia possessed abundant courage. The courage needed to fearlessly manage high-couraged horses, the courage to face with equanimity eight long years of seclusion and deprivation she had never been raised to expect. Her reservoir of courage could not be questioned; why, then, would she not face him over this? Why had she so readily accepted the obvious and retreated, rather than confronting him and letting him explain?

Why hadn’t she had the confidence in him that he had in her?

Philip slowly blinked, then grimaced and took another sip from his glass.

He had told her he was smitten, that they shared a deep mutual attraction—she knew he desired her. Surely it was reasonable to expect a lady of her intelligence to make the appropriate deduction?

His frown deepening, he shifted restlessly.

The clock in the corner ticked relentlessly on; when it struck one, he drained his glass. Grimacing, he stood.

They couldn’t go on like this. The pain he had seen in her face that morning was etched in his mind; her misery
lay like a lead weight around his heart. If she needed some more formidable declaration, then she would have it.

He would talk to her privately—and sort the matter out.

He had forgotten what a quick learner she was.

Despite his best endeavours, his next opportunity to speak with Antonia privately occurred the next evening when they took to the floor in the first waltz at Lady Harris’s ball. As he drew her into his arms, Philip felt a distinct tremor ripple through her. Drawing her closer still, he deftly swung them into the swirling throng.

“Antonia—”

“Lady Harris’s décor is positively inspired, don’t you think, my lord? Whoever would have thought of a fairy grotto lined with miniature cannon?”

Philip’s lips thinned. “Lord Harris was a naval man—something to do with Ordinance. But I wanted to—”

“Do they fire, do you suppose?” Her features animated, Antonia raised her brows. “I wouldn’t think that would be too wise, what with young sprigs like Geoffrey about.”

“I doubt anyone else has considered the matter. Antonia—”

“Now there I am sure you are wrong, my lord. I’m perfectly certain the idea of firing one would have occurred to Geoffrey by now.”

Philip drew in a slow, steady breath. “Antonia, I want to explain—”

“There is, my lord, absolutely no reason you should.” Resolutely, Antonia lifted her chin, her gaze fixed beyond Philip’s right shoulder. “There is nothing you have to explain—it is I who should beg your pardon. I assure you such an incident will not occur again. I’m fully conscious of my indiscretion; I assure you there’s no reason we need discuss the matter further.”

Metaphorically girding her loins, she let her gaze fleet
ingly touch Philip’s face. His expression was hard and distinctly stern.

“Antonia, that’s—”

She missed the beat and stumbled.

Philip caught her, steadying her. For an instant, he wondered if she had stumbled on purpose; the startled, darting glances she sent this way and that assured him she had not. “Nobody saw—it was nothing remarkable.” He eased his hold once they were circling freely again. “Now—”

“If it is all the same to you, my lord, I suspect I should concentrate on my steps.”

Inwardly, Philip swore. The tremor in her voice was entirely genuine. Reining in his impatience, he guided them on through the couples crowding the floor. When next he spoke, his voice was carefully urbane. “I wish to see you privately, Antonia.”

She glanced up fleetingly, then looked away. He could feel the quivering tension that held her.

Antonia took a full minute to gather her defences, to ensure her voice was steady when she said, “I believe, my lord, that it would be wisest for us henceforth to follow the conventional paths. In light of our yet-to-be formalised relationship, I would respectfully suggest we should not meet privately until such meetings are customary.”

It took every ounce of Philip’s
savoir-faire
to smother his response to that suggestion. To quell the primitive urge that threatened to shatter his social veneer. “Antonia,” he said, his voice deadly calm. “If you imagine—”