A Dad At Last (15 page)

“Lacy, that's wonderful!” And then Shelby's enthusiasm was dampened as Lacy's expression penetrated her consciousness. “I take it it's not exactly that wonderful.”

Lacy drew a deep breath, then shook her head. The sympathy in Shelby's voice almost made her break down. “No.”

Chase was scrunching up the paper place mat in front of him. Very gently, Shelby pulled it out of his hands to keep the mat from going into the little boy's mouth. “Have you told Connor?”

Chase began to fuss. “No.” Digging through her purse, Lacy found the cookies she'd packed before she left. She opened the small bag and gave the boy one. Delighted, he gleefully began to gnaw on it.

Lacy was aware that Shelby's eyes never left her face. “Do you love him?”

There was no point in denying it. Shelby would see the truth. “Yes.”

“Then tell him,” Shelby insisted, leaning forward so her voice could carry emphasis without being raised. “Tell him you love him and that there's another example of that love on the way.”

If only it were that easy. If only this was some kind of fairy tale with the promise of a happily ever after in the offing. But it wasn't, and the sooner she
dealt with that, the better. She'd been a fool to let this go as long as it had.

“No.”

For such a little thing, Lacy could be infuriatingly stubborn. “All right,” Shelby declared, beginning to get up, “I'll tell him.” She intended to make the call to Connor immediately.

Lacy grabbed her hand, holding her in place. “No!” One of the people at the counter looked up from the paper he was reading. Lacy pressed her lips together and lowered her voice. “No,” she repeated, her voice no less urgent for the lack of volume. She saw it had no effect on Shelby. Panic began to set in. “Swear you won't tell him, Shelby. Swear.”

Frustration bit a chunk out of her. “All right, all right, I swear.” She blew out a breath, her anger directed at the situation rather than at Lacy. “But you're making a big mistake.”

“Maybe.” Part of her feared that she'd regret this. But it was for the best. “But it's mine to make.”

Shelby's eyes swept over her friend's trim form. The woman looked like a size nothing right now. But that would change. “It's not like you can keep it a secret, you know. He's going to notice.”

Lacy was silent, knowing she was on the cusp of another heated discussion. Shelby was going to try to talk her out of this.

“Not if I'm not around.”

Shelby's mouth dropped open. “You're leaving?”
Was she out of her mind? A pregnant woman needed the support of her friends at a time like this. Especially a pregnant woman with a child.

Lacy nodded, momentarily avoiding Shelby's eyes. But that was cowardly, and she was going to require a lot of courage to carry this out. She might as well begin now. She looked at Shelby. “It's the only thing I can do. I was thinking about leaving even before this happened.”

None of this made sense to Shelby. “But why, for heaven's sake?”

Lacy shared with her what she wouldn't have shared with anyone else. “Because I can't go on, day after day, loving him and not having him. Knowing that the only reason I'm there is Chase.”

Shelby frowned. “He didn't put that bun in your oven because of Chase.”

Lacy lifted a shoulder. She wasn't going to try to fool herself about why Connor had come to her. Why he'd made love with her. “He's only human, Shelby. And I made things easy for him.”

“Right.” Sarcasm twisted her mouth. “Running around without your clothes on again, were you?”

Lacy took no offense. She knew what Shelby was trying to do. Trying to shift the responsibility.

“You know what I mean.”

“Yes, I do, and I think you're wrong. Give the man a chance to tell you that himself. Don't put words into his mouth. From what I hear, Janelle did
that and ruined it for both of you the first time. Don't you be the one to ruin it this time.”

Shelby didn't understand, Lacy thought. She wasn't ruining anything, she was salvaging. Salvaging her pride. “He has very strong feelings about the age difference between us. If I tell him about the baby and he proposes, I know it's only because he feels it's the honorable thing to do—”

The laugh that escaped Shelby's lips had no mirth to it. “Well, it is.”

“I don't want honorable, I want love.”

“Then give him a chance to give it to you.”

“And if he doesn't?” Lacy asked. “What do I do with my heart then, Shelby? How do I put together all the pieces then if I see him just going through the motions and not meaning it?” She couldn't do that to herself or to him. Certainly not to Chase and the baby who was to come. “No, it's better my way. I won't be making a fool of myself and I'll still have my pride.” Picking up Chase, Lacy rose. “Thanks.”

Shelby looked at her incredulously. “For what?”

“For letting me talk to you.”

“If I had talked you into doing the right thing,
then
you could thank me.” She hadn't done anything helpful. She rose and gave Lacy a hug. “Let me know where you decide to go.”

Lacy nodded and crossed to the door. “As soon as I figure it out myself.”

Shelby stood very still as she looked through the
window and watched Lacy make her way down the block. Closing her eyes, she shook her head, then began to count to fifty.

She got to twenty-nine before she ran out of patience. Shelby turned on her heel and headed for the phone in the storeroom.

L
EANING LOW
over his horse, Connor pressed his knees against the stallion's flanks, urging the animal on.

A single refrain beat in his brain.
I need to get there in time.

Things had finally begun to take on a definite shape in his life, a good shape. He had a new ranch, a new family, not to mention a new son, all of which provided him with a new purpose in life.

And he was in love with a beautiful, selfless woman and he was going to do his damnedest to keep her in his life no matter what it took.

He'd made up his mind about it today, while he'd been riding the range, checking the new stock he'd bought at the auction. He thought more clearly in the open, away from distractions. Despite the concessions he'd made, willingly and otherwise, toward being a businessman and living a breath away from the twenty-first century, he was still an old-fashioned sort of man. He needed open spaces to clear his head. And to examine his heart.

There was a time Connor would have said he
didn't have to bother with his heart, but that was far in the past. He knew he'd been wrong. The heart was the most important organ. Without it, the brain was just keeping a shell alive.

He was tired of being a shell. He wanted to be a flesh and blood man. More important, he wanted to be the man who made love to Lacy every night.

Just when it appeared everything was finally going right and he'd finally come to his senses and was on the right track, he'd been suckered with a one-two punch when he wasn't looking. At least it sure felt that way.

The cell phone he'd purchased at the behest of his foreman, and which he'd been secretly convinced would never ring, had rung. Thinking it was Lacy, he'd been surprised to hear his mother's voice on the line. Megan had sounded so serious when she'd returned his greeting that Connor had instantly known something was wrong.

And was it ever. Very wrong. Not one something but two. And Connor had been completely unprepared for either of them.

Megan had begun with no preamble, no small talk. “Connor, Janelle's escaped.”

It sounded too fantastic to be true. “Escaped? How? When?” The last he had heard, the woman was in the Austin jail awaiting trial.

His mother spared him any dramatic pauses, giving him the basics.

“It seems a woman claiming to be her lawyer came to see her. And since she was Janelle's lawyer, she was able to see Janelle in a sequestered room.” Megan sighed. “Which was her mistake.”

“What do you mean?”

“The official story is that the woman told the guard she was ready to leave, and after she did, the guard discovered it was Janelle who had been allowed to walk out. Apparently the two women look enough alike to pass for each other.”

“So then the woman helped her escape?”

“No, Janelle knocked her out. Jake said Janelle positioned the woman so she was sitting in a chair with her back to the door. The guard thought nothing of it when he let Janelle out.”

Frustrated anger had filled his mother's voice. He knew what she was thinking. The same thing he was. Just when they all thought they were finally rid of the woman, Janelle had found a way to pose another threat.

“She is resourceful, I'll give her that, Connor.”

Resourceful was one way to put it. It wouldn't have been his choice of words. “Only because you're a lady, Mother,” he'd commented. “So I take it she's still on the loose?”

“I'm afraid so. The police are out looking for her right now, along with Jake and Max. I don't think Lacy or you are in any immediate danger, but, Con
nor…” This time, she had paused. “I'm afraid there's more.”

Connor braced himself, but it hadn't been nearly enough. “What?”

“Shelby just called me from the diner. Lacy's leaving with Chase.”

He'd almost dropped the cell phone. “Leaving?” He'd echoed the word in disbelief, its hard edges scraping over him. “Leaving where?”

“She's leaving Austin. And, Connor—”

A sense of urgency seized him. There was no time to waste. “I'll talk to you later, Mother. And thanks for letting me know.” He'd cut off the connection even though she was saying something. Probably wishing him luck.

He was going to need more than luck, but it was a start.

All the way to the ranch house, Connor searched his mind for what he'd say to her. Nothing seemed right. He vacillated between ordering Lacy to stay and begging her to stay.

And letting her go.

He knew the last was the only right thing, the honorable thing to do. To let her go so she could move on with her life. After all, it wasn't as if he hadn't known this day was coming, hadn't tried to prepare himself for it by keeping her at arm's length. But he had failed miserably. And now that the day was here,
the only thing he wanted to do was postpone it. Indefinitely.

Arriving at the house, Connor jumped off his horse, leaving it in the care of one of the ranch hands.

“You going out again?” the man called after him, but Connor didn't hear him. He was too focused on finding Lacy. On praying he wasn't too late.

The second he walked in, he knew what his mother had said was true. Lacy was leaving. The two suitcases lined up by the door bore silent testimony.

He could have sworn the very air felt different somehow. Stifling, oppressive.

Damn it, she wasn't leaving. Not without one hell of a convincing argument.

Like a man possessed, Connor ran through the house searching for her, bellowing her name at the top of his lungs.

He found her in the nursery, packing Chase's things. The baby was in his crib, sound asleep. Oblivious to the upheaval that was about to occur in his life.

When Lacy turned to look at him, he saw that she'd been crying. Some of the rage within him abated, mitigated by the sight of her damp cheeks.

But he was still angry.

Hands framing the doorway on either side, he physically barred her exit. “What the hell do you think you're doing?”

Somehow, despite the fury she saw in his eyes,
she managed to find her tongue. “What are you doing here? You were supposed to be gone all day.”

“Sorry to disappoint you,” He bit off the words. For a moment, his eyes shifted to the baby's crib to reassure himself that Chase was still there. “Lucky thing I invested in this little doo-hickey.” He held up the cell phone. “Otherwise, my mother couldn't have called me.” His eyes narrowed as he struggled to curb the rising tide of fury. “She said Shelby called to tell her what you were going to do.” His face hardened. “Seems you can tell everyone else but me what you're planning.”

She banked down the hurt at the sarcasm in his voice. Maybe he was entitled to it. She didn't know. All she knew was that this was hard enough to do without being confronted by him.

“All right.” Lacy raised her chin and delivered the message he'd demanded. “I'm leaving. Satisfied?”

He threw the cell phone across the room. It landed on the floor just shy of the wall. “Just like that? Without a word?”

She picked up a long white envelope from the bed and held it out to him. “I wrote you this letter.”

He knocked the envelope aside. Did she think he was some damn employee she was giving a severance note to? “I don't care about a damn letter.” He loomed over her. “I want you to tell me, Lacy. Face
to face. I want you to tell me why you're sneaking off like some thief in the night.”

Lacy stood her ground, refusing to be intimidated. “I'm not sneaking off.”

“Damn straight you're not.” Not if he had anything to say about it.

She sighed, her courage flagging dangerously. Nothing seemed to make sense anymore. “I just thought it would be better this way.”

His eyes widened incredulously. “Better for who? For you?”

She'd thought it over a hundred times since she'd made up her mind, jumping from one side to the other and back again. If it wasn't for the baby she was carrying, she would have stayed, even if staying meant dying slowly by inches because she couldn't have him.

But the coming baby changed everything. She couldn't add this to the weight he was already carrying. “No, for you.”

Connor's mouth dropped open. Was she serious? “How?” he demanded. “How is it better for me to come home and find that you and Chase are gone? That the woman who's brought sunshine into my world is gone?”

It took a second for her to peel away the anger wrapped around his words and absorb their meaning. When she did, she was stunned, certain she hadn't heard correctly.

“What?”

“You heard me.” What did she want, diagrams? All right, he'd give her diagrams. “I said you brought sunshine into my world. Colors, lights.” He fairly shouted the words into her face. Getting hold of himself, he lowered his voice. “You made me feel like a man again, Lacy, and maybe I don't have the right to make you stay, but I'm going to try anyway.”

It was as if her brain had gone numb. “Wait, I don't understand.”

“Then I'll say it more simply.” His eyes held hers, making his plea far more eloquently than he could. “Don't go. Please.”

She wanted to melt into his arms, to say yes, she'd stay. Stay forever and always.

But she couldn't stay, not for the wrong reasons.

She felt shaky inside as she tried to sort his words out. “Listen, if you're saying that because you feel guilty—”

Now it was his turn to be confused. “Guilty about what?”

Exasperated, she dragged her hand through her hair. “Maybe guilty's the wrong word.” She turned to face him. “Responsible,” she decided. “If you're saying this because you feel responsible for some reason, don't. It's not your fault, it's mine.”

Her words were only making things murkier. “What isn't your fault? Lacy, I haven't got a clue
what you're talking about or why you're leaving like this, and I'm not going to read any damn letter to find out.” He caught her shoulders, afraid she might run out on him. “What are you talking about and what the hell am I supposed to feel guilty about?”

“Responsible,” she corrected.

“Whatever,” he snapped, in no mood for semantics. “Don't you realize that the only thing I feel is love? Love for you, love for Chase.”

She couldn't get herself to believe what he was saying. This was a dream she was having. The dream she was always having. “And the baby?”

“I already said Chase,” he told her impatiently.

“No, not Chase.” Tremors began to shake the castle in the clouds he'd begun forming for her as it dawned on her. “You don't know, do you?”

He felt more tired than he had in a long while. “Apparently I know very little about what's going on.” And then it hit him. Suddenly. Like a ton of bricks. Hit him so hard that for a second, the very breath was knocked out of him. “You're pregnant, aren't you?” It all made sense now. The pale color, the tired appearance, her refusal to see Abby. Everything. It all tied together.

“Yes, but—”

“But?” he echoed, catching her hands. “There is no but. You're pregnant and the baby's mine. And Chase is mine,” he informed her sharply. And then his tone softened. “The only thing that isn't mine is
you. I guess I did too good a job convincing you that I was too old for you.”

“Too old?” She stared at him. “Is that why you think I'm going?”

He couldn't think of any other reason. “Well, isn't it?”

She didn't know whether to laugh or cry and did a little of both. “I'm going because I don't want you to feel you have to marry me out of a sense of obligation. I don't want to hear another proposal from you, because this time I might not have the strength of character to turn you down.”

He drew her to him, not firmly but gently. Hopefully. “Then don't turn me down. Say yes, Lacy. Say yes and accept my love.”

Her heart began to hammer. She refused to listen to what her heart was saying, knowing how easily it could seduce her into believing dreams. “You're just saying that.”

“Yes, I am saying that. But give me a chance and I'll prove it to you, Lacy. Every day for the rest of your life.” He took her hands in his again. “Lacy, I'm not the sharpest tack on the board. Sometimes it takes me a while to work things through, to see them in their true light. But I've worked it through now, and I know that I'd be the luckiest man under the sun having you for a wife, even for a little while.”

It finally penetrated. She finally allowed herself to believe. He wanted her. Connor really wanted her.
She felt as if she was going to cry again. But this time, her tears would be tears of happiness. “Why only a little while? Are you planning to make this a five-year renewable marriage?”

His mouth curved, but his smile was sad. “No, because I
am
too old for you. They say that men reach their peak at nineteen.”

She didn't care what they said. “That's just an average, and there is nothing average about you, Connor O'Hara. There never has been.” She threaded her arms around his waist. “I know that firsthand.”

Having her against him like this felt so right. “So is that a yes?”

She turned her face to his. “It's always been yes, Connor, right from the very start. You were just too stubborn to hear.”

“I plan to rectify that, starting now.”

She felt the smile spreading throughout her whole body. She hugged him harder. “Just what did you have in mind?”

Connor brought his face to hers, his eyes making love to her. “I'm a man of few words, Lacy, and I've already used them all up today. I'd rather show you.”

And he did.