A Daughter's Dream (10 page)

Monday, September 7

A
round ten on Monday morning, Rebecca decided to have a bit of baked-good courage at Josephine's Café before she went to tell Rachel her news.

She'd just ordered a cup of coffee and a raspberry scone when she noticed Jacob Yoder had walked inside.

Taking off his hat, he glanced around and grinned when he caught her eye. “Hiya, Rebecca.”

Just like that, she felt a little tremor, which she was coming to learn was her body's reaction to him. “Hi, Jacob. Coming in for breakfast?”

“
Nee
. Just a cup of coffee,” he said as he walked over to her table. “My mother makes one pot of
kaffi
for us. When it's gone, it's gone. I've taken to coming in here for my third cup when I can.”

“I'm having
kaffi
, too. And a scone. Want to join me?”

“I do.” Motioning to Josephine, he held up his empty cup.

As he took the chair to her right, her skin tingled again. She loved how he didn't play games or act as if spending time with her was something he could take or leave. Instead, he always made her feel like she was worth his time.

“How was your weekend? Since it was our off-week for church, I didn't get to look across the way and see you and Lilly.”

After thanking Josephine for his coffee and refusing her offer of a scone, he met her gaze. “It could have been better, if you want to know the truth.”

“What happened?”

“Every once in a while, the reality of losing my brother and Anne hits us all hard. Sunday was one of those days. Lilly spent the majority of the day in her room. My mother went to their graves, and my father spent most of Sunday on the front porch in silence.” New lines of weariness formed around his eyes as he sighed. “I didn't know what to say to anyone so I spent most of the day in the barn working on a project for Lilly.”

“I'm sorry. If it's any consolation, my siblings and I have had more than a couple of days like that. They're hard ones.”

“Any suggestions on how to make them easier?”

She smiled softly. “Time and prayer.”

“Do you think that always helps?”

“I think so,” she replied after thinking about it for a moment. “I think I had been struggling so much with the fire at the mill and our father's death, I wanted nothing more than to get away from there.”

“Which is why you started volunteering at the school.”

“
Jah
. But guess what happened? It turned out that helping out at the school isn't helping either me or the
kinner
! I am ill-suited to the job.”

His green eyes shone with appreciation. “Surely you aren't that bad of a fit.”

She giggled. “Oh, I am. Jacob, even my sister-in-law's siblings couldn't think of anything good to say about my work there . . . and they like me.”

“So what are you going to do now?”

“I'm going to tell Rachel that I've decided not to help out there any longer.”

“Do you think she'll be upset?”

“I can't see why she would be. I was the one who asked to volunteer. She was doing just fine without me being there. I bet she'll be relieved more than anything.”

“I guess it's going to work out for almost everyone, then.”

“Almost?”

He winked. “I'm going to miss Lilly's stories about you. Because of those tales, I've gotten a pretty good idea of what you've been up to.”

He'd been keeping tabs on her. She was definitely not the only person who wanted to get to know the other better. “You know, if you're ever curious as to how I'm doing, you don't have to wait for Lilly to give you a report. You could stop by the lumber mill from time to time and say hello.”

“You wouldn't mind?”

“
Nee
. I wouldn't mind at all.”

He looked at her closely. “I'm glad we did this, Rebecca. You've made me feel better about a lot of things.”

“I'm glad, though I didn't say anything noteworthy.”

“You didn't? It sure felt like it. Must be the company.”

Her stomach fluttered again. “Maybe so.”

“You mind if I sit here a little longer? I'm starting to think I need a scone after all.”

“I don't mind at all, Jacob.”

R
ACHEL HADN'T EVER
imagined that she'd want to avoid her husband, but it seemed she was better at it than she would have ever thought. She spent her morning getting ready for work, making Marcus's breakfast and lunch, then claimed she needed to get to work early for some important meetings.

Marcus hadn't looked as if he believed her for a second but he hadn't questioned her. Instead, he had gone out—either to work in the barn or leave early for work. She wasn't sure which.

As the tension between them increased, he had begun staying later and later at work. She'd taken advantage of his absence by napping the moment she got home. By the time he came home, she'd rinsed her face and put on a fresh dress. Over supper, she would chat about things that didn't matter and pretend she didn't notice when he hardly said two words.

But as they continued this pattern day after day, the strain was starting to take its toll. Marcus looked worried, and her stomach was in constant knots.

Something was going to have to change.

She was stewing about it while her students were playing outside, being supervised by two of their mothers. The women had started volunteering a bit more so Rachel could have a small break in the middle of the day.

As she slowly ate her turkey sandwich, trying to keep her nausea at bay, the door opened and Rebecca Kinsinger walked inside.

“Hi, Rachel,” she said hesitantly. “I hope I'm not disturbing you?”

“Not at all. Come in and join me. I'm just finishing up my lunch.” Immediately, she started to feel better. This was what she needed! A good friend to talk to. Maybe Rebecca would even want to start working more. If Rebecca took on more of each day's duties, Rachel's days would get easier. Why, she might even be able to cut her hours. Maybe then Marcus would see that her job wasn't too taxing and agree that she could work through the rest of her pregnancy.

Rebecca sat down. “I said hello to all the children outside. Three of the girls even gave me a hug.”

“See, I told you that things would get easier. Children simply need time to build trust.”

“I guess that's true.” Rebecca smiled again, but it didn't quite reach her eyes.

Deciding to give up her attempt to eat the whole sandwich, Rachel put everything back in her insulated lunch sack. “Were you missing the
kinner
?” she asked encouragingly. “Is that why you stopped by?”

“Not exactly. I wanted to talk to you about my plans to teach.”

Not wanting Rebecca to fumble through any explanations, Rachel rushed forward. “I have to say, you have perfect timing, too. I have some news for you.”

“Oh?”

“I'm pregnant.”

“Rachel, bless you! That's wonderful!
Wunderbaar!
” Rebecca pulled her into a quick hug. “When are you due?”

“Sometime in March.”

“March! You'll be able to take your baby out to enjoy the warm spring weather.”

Rachel laughed. “
Jah
, I'll have a new babe, just like all the sheep and goats around Charm.” Feeling more optimistic than she had in days, Rachel smiled. “I have to say, I think you are going to be my angel,” she added in a rush.

Rebecca's happy expression dimmed. “Angel?”

“You see, I haven't been feeling too
gut
, and Marcus has been concerned. I am hoping that you will want to spend even more time here.”

“Oh. Well . . .”

“I'll be happy to speak with the school board and vouch for you, if you'd like. Maybe they can even start paying you for your time. After all, you'll be in here on your own when I have my baby.” She held up a hand when Rebecca looked ready to argue again. “Now, don't even start to worry about whether or not you'll be ready to be on your own in the classroom. I feel certain by March you are going to be an excellent teacher, especially if you start working more and more each week.”

Rebecca exhaled. “I don't think that will happen.”

“Come now, think positively! Take a leap of faith! After all, we always tell the
kinner
—”

“Rachel, I'm mighty sorry, but I came here today to let you know that I won't be volunteering anymore.”

“What? Why?”

“I decided that I am a better fit at the lumber mill.”

Not wanting to comprehend what she was hearing, Rachel shook her head. “Is this about that day when I went to the doctor's appointment?”

“Nee.”
She sighed. “Rachel, I haven't been enjoying myself here. Not because I don't like children or helping them . . . it's that I began to realize that being a teacher is not the job for me.
Please know that I am so grateful for your help. If it wasn't for you, I would've always had a dream that I didn't pursue. But the fact is, I don't want to be a teacher anymore.”

“I see.” Lifting her chin, Rachel attempted to act as if she wasn't devastated. “Well. Thank you for coming here to let me know.”

Rebecca's blue eyes filled with sympathy. “I really am sorry. I had no idea that you were pregnant or that you had imagined that I might fill in for you when you had the babe.”

“Of course you wouldn't have known such things. I wouldn't have expected you to read my mind. Thank you for coming to tell me in person.”

“I talked to Lukas. I'm planning to go back to work full-time tomorrow. But, if you need me . . .”

“I won't need you. I will be just fine.” Shaking out the skirts of her dress, she said, “Goodness! I hadn't realized how late it was! Those
kinner
are probably wondering if they're ever going to have to get back to work. And their mothers are no doubt wondering the same thing.”

Looking concerned, Rebecca nodded. “
Jah
. I had better go so you can get back to work. Thank you again for everything and . . . well, Rachel, I hope this won't hurt our friendship.”

“Of course it won't,” she said in a rush before turning away. Her head was spinning and she was so disappointed by Rebecca's change of heart, she could hardly look at her. Instead, she opened the door and stepped into the bright sunlight.

Thankfully, no one seemed to have noticed that her lunch had gone on for ten minutes too long. All the
kinner
were either playing four square, chatting with the mothers, or talking to one another on the picnic table.

“Scholars, it's time to line up!” she called out as Rebecca walked down the steps.

Immediately, the children started forward with a burst of excited chatter. Rebecca slipped out through the middle of the crowd. The children hardly acknowledged her. Instead, nearly every one of Rachel's thirty students was staring up at her with a look of expectation.

And trust.

That simple gesture eased Rachel like little else. She didn't know what was going to happen to her classroom or with her and Marcus. All she knew was that she didn't regret choosing to teach as long as she possibly could. She loved these
kinner
. She loved this job, and she felt as if the Lord had given her the temperament and knowledge to do it well.

Somehow, some way, she was simply going to have to get her husband to understand that. No, what she needed to do was take a page from Rebecca's book. She needed to find a way to follow her own dreams, even when that was hard to do.

As much as she wanted Marcus to be happy, she wanted to be happy, too. After all, she had a wee baby to think of.

Tuesday, September 8

A
fter breaking the news to Rachel and the energizing conversation she'd shared with Jacob, Rebecca had delved into household chores so she could go back to work feeling like she'd helped Amelia as much as she could.

She'd spent the majority of yesterday helping Amelia with laundry and turning the last of the tomato crop into spaghetti sauce. By the time Darla joined them at five and Lukas came home at six, all the sheets had been removed from the line outside, been neatly folded, and put away into the linen closet. There were also a dozen jars of sauce on the kitchen counter ready to be stored in the cellar.

For a brief moment, Rebecca had wondered if she'd been too hasty in deciding that teaching wasn't for her. But when she realized that doubt came from wanting to help Rachel through her pregnancy, not spend all her days in the Amish schoolhouse, she'd known she made the right decision.

Now, at last, Rebecca felt like she'd made peace with her decision. Perhaps there really was no shame in coming to terms with the fact that some dreams were not meant to ever be realized.

Because of that, she'd felt more than ready to head back to the reception area at the mill this morning. Her body had felt refreshed and her mood had been lifted. Renewed. She was eager to tackle whatever came her way.

“It's mighty
gut
to have you back, Rebecca,” Simon Hochstetler announced as he strode inside the main building. “I was beginning to miss your bossy ways.”

“You say the nicest things,” she teased. “I don't know what I did without you men making me feel so
gut
about myself.”

“Prepare yourself,” he said with a wink. “If you stick around, you might hear even more compliments.”

She knew his silly quip wasn't quite as lighthearted as it sounded. Things hadn't been running as smoothly in her absence as she'd been led to believe.

When Simon rested his arms on the marble countertop in front of her, she smiled at him expectantly. “What can I do for ya?”

His lips twitched. “Look a little farther to the left, Rebecca. What do you see?”

When she did as he bid, she gasped. Two unexpected items were on the counter. One was a white takeout cup filled with coffee and the other was a small paper bag. Both were emblazoned with the word
HOLTZMAN'S
in bold blue letters.

She got to her feet. “You brought me Holtzman
kaffi
and donuts?”

He smiled, no doubt catching the thread of wonder in her voice. “I did. And they are your favorites, too. I brought you a buttermilk cake donut.”

“Bless you.” He was right. Buttermilk cake was her favorite.

“Inside the cup is Holtzman's dark
kaffi
blend. I added just a hint of cream, too.”

Unable to wait another second, she pulled off the plastic top and took a tentative sip. Then another one. It was beyond delicious. A third sip led her to see that it was, indeed, prepared exactly the way she liked it. She almost moaned. It was really that good.

“
Danke
, Simon. This was the perfect welcome-back gift. It was so kind of you. So thoughtful. Really, thank you. I don't know what to say.”

He shrugged. “It's just
kaffi
and a donut, Becky. A simple thank-you is more than enough.”

Not caring that it would be better manners to wait until he went back to work to eat her donut, she pulled out her treat and took a bite.

Looking extremely pleased by her reaction, he said, “Does it taste as good as you had hoped?”

“Even better. You're wonderful.”

He laughed. “That's quite the compliment. Now I know what to do in the future if I need to soften you up.”

“
Jah
, this will do it.” She took another bite, enjoying the cake's crunchy exterior and sweet buttermilk goodness. After another sip of coffee, she set both down and pushed them to one side. “All right, Simon. Tell me what you need and I'll see if I can do it. What happened? Did you mess up an order again? Or do you need me to make some phone calls for you?” Simon hated to talk on the phone.

“
Nee
. It, ah, it ain't nothing like that,” he mumbled as he glanced covertly behind him. Directly at Lukas's closed office door.

At first Rebecca thought he was hoping to see Lukas. But closer inspection made her realize that he wasn't looking for her brother. Instead, it seemed Simon was actually hoping
not
to see him.

“Is something wrong? Is someone on your team giving you trouble?” she asked.

Every worker at Kinsinger Lumber Mill was part of a team. From time to time, disputes erupted. When that happened, most people simply went to Lukas for help. But every once in a while men came to her for advice. She was close enough to Lukas to know what was going on, but talking to her held none of the stigma of complaining to the boss.

His brows snapped together in confusion, then he shook his head. “
Nee
. It's not that at all.”

“What is it?”

“Well, I want to do something, but I'm going to need your help.”

She'd known him for most of her life and had rarely seen him look so serious or hesitant. Simon was outgoing. Simon was blunt. He did not beat around the bush.

“What do you need my help with?”

After glancing toward Lukas's closed office door again, he said, “Amelia.”

Amelia? As in her little sister? “I'm afraid I'm not following you,” she said slowly. Because she was really, really hoping he wasn't about to say what she feared.

He stepped back from her desk, his arms at his sides. “Rebecca, it's like this. I want to see her.”

Pure discomfort settled deep inside her. “You know where she lives,” she said, hoping he'd take her statement as a joke.

He didn't. Instead, he scowled. “Rebecca, you know what I mean. I want to court Amelia.”

“Nee.”
She shook her head for added emphasis.

Simon—much to Rebecca's dismay—didn't look surprised about her knee-jerk reaction. “Listen. She's more than old enough. I've been biding my time, but I canna wait anymore to make a move.”

“She is old enough, but Amelia is tenderhearted.”

“I know that.”

“She's also far younger than you.”

Looking irritated, he snapped, “She's six years younger. Not twenty.”

“That's still a bit of a gap,” she protested, trying her best to forget that Jacob Yoder was thirty years to her twenty-five.

“I know that, too. However, we have all known each other forever, Becky. You can't be surprised.”

She didn't want to hurt his feelings, but she didn't want to encourage him, either. “Since we have known each other for so long, you and I both know what you're asking ain't a
gut
idea. At all.”

He folded his arms over his chest. “I don't see why you would say that. I've been your brother's best friend for most of our lives. I work for your family's company.”

Everything he said was true. But none of that mattered when it came to protecting her sister's heart. “This is different, though.” Why,
why
had he come to her instead of Lukas?

His tone turned hard. “Why is me wanting to court Amelia any different? She's a beautiful girl, Rebecca. Sweet as can be. I'll treat her well. You know I will.”

That was the problem. She knew Simon would treasure Amelia. But no amount of care would ever change the fact that
he was not suitable for her. Simon was from a troubled home. It was no secret that things had been bad enough there for him to leave when he was fourteen or fifteen.

Furthermore, she'd heard more than a couple of disturbing rumors highlighting his activities once he'd moved out. When he returned to Charm at eighteen, he'd gone directly to her father and had a private meeting with him. When he left, it had been with both an entry-level job at the mill and, she suspected, enough money to lease a small apartment. Her father had never talked about their conversation, but he had trusted Simon enough to offer him employment.

Still, Rebecca was fairly sure that he would have had someone far different in mind to be Amelia's beau. Someone from a secure family. Someone who didn't have a secret past or all sorts of rumors swirling around him.

Ack, but she wished things could have simply stayed the same!

At the very least, she wished that he would have approached her brother instead. “I wish you would have gone to Lukas about this.”

He rolled his eyes. “Why? So Lukas could tell me no before I even had a chance to explain myself?” Staring at her intently, he said, “Rebecca, I need you to give me a chance. I know Amelia wants me to court her. I
know
it. But she ain't going to go against Lukas, not after losing your
daed
.”

“Amelia is still grieving our father. She might not be ready to think about courting.”

“Just like you aren't?”

Immediately, she thought of Jacob Yoder. Would she turn him away if he approached her? After the warm connection she'd felt at Josephine's, she knew she wouldn't.

But that was different, wasn't it?

“Amelia is far more tenderhearted than I am. With Mamm gone, I need to look out for her.”

“You aren't. Your interference is only going to cause her harm. I don't want her to start doubting herself or doubting my regard for her. I need to call on her properly.” Sounding even more frustrated, he added, “You have to know how awkward this is for me, Becky. I'm a grown man asking permission to call on a grown woman. You need to respect that.”

“I do.” She stopped herself before saying anything unkind. “I like you, Simon. But you and I both know that you would not be a good match for someone as sheltered as my little sister.”

“You're serious, aren't you?”

“I'm afraid so.” Seeing the pain in his eyes, she winced. However, she knew she was doing the right thing. All of them—Lukas, Levi, even their parents—had wanted the best for Amelia. As much as it pained her to admit it, it wasn't Simon.

Now feeling more sure of herself, she said, “Simon, with our parents now gone and Levi off doing who-knows-what, it's up to me and Lukas to look after Amelia. She was little more than a child when our
mamm
passed. In many ways, I raised her.”

“I understand that. But we both know that I am not going to treat her badly. I am not going to take her for granted. I want to look after her, too. You know she would be happy with me.”

Even thinking about Amelia in Simon's care made Rebecca uncomfortable. “I'm sorry, Simon, but I don't agree.”

“Don't say that.”

Seeking to end the conversation without making things even worse, she ignored his harsh tone and angry expression. “Listen, don't worry about Lukas. I won't say anything to him.”

“No, feel free to share. I can't wait to hear what he says.”

She hated hurting him, but she needed to do the right thing, even if it made things between them uncomfortable. “I appreciate you coming to talk to me, and the donut and coffee, too. But my mind is made up. I don't want you courting her. Ever.”

“Ever,” he echoed. His voice was bleak. “Can I ask what exactly I've done that makes me so unsuitable?”

“You know what you've done.”

He shook his head. “Don't be vague. You owe me more than that.”

She really didn't want to answer him. However, his expression was hard. So different than she'd ever seen it. She owed him an explanation. “I heard rumors about your
rumspringa
, Simon. And what happened to you.”

He flinched.

Thinking about the whispered comments and veiled references made her stomach feel like it had a cold knot sitting in the middle of it. She imagined that some of what was said about his “running around time” was exaggerated. But not all of it could have been made up. Like her father used to say, where there was smoke there was fire. “Don't make me say any more.”

“No, you don't have to say a single thing more,” he said, just as Lukas's office door opened. Simon walked out the front door as Lukas entered the reception area.

With a sinking heart, she watched Simon turn left, no doubt taking the long way back to one of the older warehouses on the property. She'd just made an enemy out of him, or at the very least, she'd lost his friendship.

Now she was going to have to figure out what to tell Lukas. As much as she had hoped to keep him out of it, she feared that
he was going to notice the new animosity looming between her and Simon.

But when?

The clearing of a throat knocked her back into the present. She blinked, then blinked again as she took in who was approaching her circular reception desk. Lukas—with Jacob Yoder by his side. Had she been so fixated on Simon that she hadn't even noticed Jacob enter the offices?

“Hi, Jacob,” she said.

“Hey. Are you okay?”

She was still pretty rattled from her exchange with Simon, but she sure wasn't going to tell him about that. “I'll be fine. I just, um, had a difficult conversation with someone.”

While Jacob continued to watch her, Lukas glanced out the window. “What kind of difficult conversation? And why did Simon just leave out the front door?”

“I'm not sure.”

Lukas's brow wrinkled. “Huh. Well, what was he doing here? Is there a problem?”

“I don't think there are any problems that you need to know about.” She held up the takeout cup, which didn't seem nearly as inviting as it had just minutes before. “Simon just stopped by to bring me coffee and a donut.”

Lukas raised his eyebrows. “From Holtzman's. Wow, I'm impressed. What did he want?”

Rebecca would have smiled if she wasn't so upset. “Oh, um, nothing.” When Lukas's eyes narrowed, she blurted, “He just, um, wanted me to help him with a couple of phone calls. You know how he hates those.” Turning back to Jacob, she attempted to laugh. “That was our friend Simon Hochstetler. He's a capa
ble man and one of our best managers. He ain't too good when it comes to talking on the phone, however.”