A Fire Within (These Highland Hills, Book 3) (40 page)

"Well, one way or another, if he still lives I'll be able to see and
speak with him one last time. And that's more than worth the
risk." Gently, Caitlin disengaged herself from her sister-in-law's
arms. "It's time we were going, Anne."

"Aye, that it is," the other woman said, stepping back. "Ye've
grown up, lass. I'm so happy for ye."

"Growing up isn't as easy as I once imagined it to be." Caitlin grimaced. "Indeed, it's verra hard and, at times, verra scary.
There are no guarantees that things will turn out like ye hope
they should."

"We're here for ye, should ye need to return. Kilchurn will always be yer home-and sanctuary-if ever ye should need it."

Caitlin's eyes filled anew with tears. "I know, Anne," she whispered.

Turning, she strode over to her horse and mounted. Then,
glancing down at the woman who had become her dearest friend,
she smiled.

"Tell Niall I love him, will ye? If I don't see him anytime soon,
I mean. And that I had to follow my destiny, follow the path the
Lord has called me to."

"I'11 tell him, lass."

"Farewell then, Anne." Caitlin reined in her horse. "I pray we
meet again someday."

"We will, Caitlin." Her sister-in-law smiled through her tears.
"I know we will."

With that, Caitlin looked to Goraidh. He nodded. They
nudged their horses in the side. As one, the animals set out at a
fast walk. Once clear of the drawbridge and back on solid land,
Caitlin urged her mount into a trot and then a rocking canter.
Goraidh did the same.

With the sun beginning its descent into the west, they made
their way along the northernmost edge of Loch Awe. Behind
them, mighty Ben Cruachan glinted in the sunlight, its craggy
twin peaks now bare granite in the summer warmth. Bright yellow broom covered the hills, and the hawthorn trees had finally
bloomed, garbing themselves in delicate white flowers.

Caitlin didn't dare look back to Kilchurn's massive, stone towers. The enormity of what she was doing had finally struck her
and she knew, if she looked back, her resolve might waver. Waver,
then crumble away, leaving her powerless to resist the seductive
call of home, of all she had heretofore known and loved.

As much as she loved Dar, as much as she truly believed this
was the path the Lord was calling her to follow, she was also
riding toward a frightful unknown. The journey to Dundarave
was dangerous. They might not make it there alive, or leastwise unharmed. Even if they did arrive safely, Dar might never come.
Indeed, he could already be dead.

Yet if he did live and did come, there was also no surety he
would allow her to stay with him or take her to wife. And that
was the best that might happen.

After several hours on the road, they decided it prudent to
rest the horses for a bit. The sun had set, and the only light now
was that of the full moon. After walking the horses for a while
to cool them, they found a small burn sheltered by trees. As
the animals drank their fill, Caitlin and Goraidh settled down
onto a fallen log and ate some of the food Maudie had so hastily
prepared for them.

"Yet courage, lass," Goraidh said finally, after he had finished
his bread and roast chicken, "puts mine to shame. Yet even more
may be required of ye in the days to come."

Caitlin lowered the water bag and swallowed before answering.
"I've been thinking a lot about that."

"What will ye do, if he sends ye back home?"

She looked down. "I don't know. I don't even want to imagine
such a thing."

"All along, ye've been so certain ye and Dar were meant to
be together. That it was the Lord's will for the both of ye." He
leaned toward her. "But have ye ever considered that, instead,
it's been the Lord's will for the both of ye to be together for a
time only? For ye to teach and learn from the other, in order to
bring ye both closer to God? And that, finally, when ye've learned
what He intended for ye to learn, the time may be past for ye to
share yet lives?"

His questions put words to Caitlin's deepest fears, fears that
had heretofore been little more than a roiling, nameless mass of
confused thoughts and feelings. She forced her gaze to lift and
meet his.

"If that truly is God's will," she softly replied, "I don't know if I'll have the strength to bear it. I keep telling myself it's
enough if Dar lives and is accepted back into his clan. That
he's finally happy and has found fulfillment in doing something worthwhile. But ... but I don't know if my love's equal
to that. And I don't know if I can accept it, even if it's indeed
the Lord's will."

"Sometimes," her companion said, "we aren't so verra good
at separating what God wants from what we want. And, more
times than we'd care to admit, in our minds-and hearts-we
fashion things to appear as if they're from the Lord when they
truly aren't." He smiled sadly. "I've certainly learned that in a verra
hard and painful way. Other times, though, we cling overlong
to the old, familiar path, when God's now beckoning us to take
a new one. One that will lead us even closer to Him, if we can
surrender our own desires, our hopes and dreams. If we can but
follow Him into something that, leastwise initially, appears dark,
fearsome, and even heartbreaking."

His gaze softened then, filled with a compassionate understanding. "Have ye the courage if need be, if the Lord asks it
of ye, now to sacrifice Dar to a different path than yers? If God
does ask it of ye? Even if the consequences to Dar might seem
dire?"

Caitlin laughed, the sound brittle, unsteady. "Now that would
really present a problem if, atop everything else, Dar wants me
and somehow God still makes it clear that I must not stay with
him!"

"I was thinking more of the possibility that if Dar, despite
the danger, was set on surrendering himself back to yer brother's
custody. And that, in the doing, it led to his death. Could ye
accept that? And could ye forgive yer brother for the eventual
outcome?"

"Niall would never kill Dar." Fiercely, she shook her head.
"He's not that kind of man."

"But he might be forced to turn him over to someone who
would."

A savage fury engulfed her. For a long moment, Caitlin didn't
trust herself to speak. Both Niall and Dar were men of honor.
That honor, though, might compel them to do things that ultimately could result in Dar's death.

As much as she sometimes bemoaned the consequences of such
high ideals, Caitlin also knew honor was an issue from which she
would never be able to sway them. Nor, if the truth were told,
would she want to. Honor was what made them the men they
were. The men she loved.

She fought back against the sudden swell of despair, shoving it
into the furthest recesses of her mind. "There's naught I can do
if Dar chooses to return to Niall's custody," she said at last. "All I
can do is fight my hardest to save him. And I will. Still, though
I know the Lord will sooner or later have His way, I'm not yet
certain what that way must be. When I do know it, then, and
only then, I'll try to accept it."

"That's all any of us can do, lass. Just try and listen. Listen to
Him with the ear of our heart."

There was nothing more to be said after that. Her appetite
gone, Caitlin wrapped up what she hadn't finished of her meal.
They packed away the food, refilled their water bags, and climbed
back on their horses.

Save for one more rest stop to cool and water the horses, they
rode through the remainder of the night. By the first light of
dawn, Dundarave came into view. The front gate was wide open,
and no one moved within. Whatever the eventual outcome, they
had reached it before anyone else had.

Goraidh, in case Athe lived and decided to seek sanctuary
here, took the horses around to the forest entrance to the secret
passage into the tower house. Caitlin locked the gate behind
him, knowing, if the need arose, a Dundarave secured from the inside would buy them time to escape. Then she made a bed on
the parapet with the woolen plaid she had brought with her, and
lay down to rest and await Goraidh's return.

Any sounds of an approaching force of men, she well knew,
would awaken her. A force of men that might be those of Athe,
Niall, or, if all went as she prayed, Dar. Until that time came,
however, she needed to sleep and rebuild her strength.

Strength for what was to come ... as the Lord willed.

Despite everyone's pleas to rest at least another day before
setting out for Dundarave, Dar couldn't be swayed. Today was
the day the Regent would ride through Hell's Glen. Today was
the day Niall Campbell would await the attack of the MacNaghtens against the Regent and his party. And today, when
no attack came, the Campbell would next turn his attention to
Dundarave.

Dar couldn't afford to miss his arrival. Too much was at stake.
And, though the going might be slower than usual, thanks to
his injured leg, he intended on reaching his home no later than
midafternoon. Once there, he could rest all he wanted until the
Campbell's arrival.

"Ye should've told the others where ye were headed, and why,"
Kenneth said, intruding on his thoughts just then. "As the new
chief, ye now owe them more information than before."

He had known something was festering within his cousin. Dar
was just surprised it had taken him several hours into the ride to
finally speak his mind.

"And do ye seriously think that if I'd told them why I was setting out for Dundarave they'd have let me go?" Dar asked with
a derisive snort.

"It would've likely been better for ye if they hadn't," Kenneth
muttered. "This is the most harebrained and potentially fatal plan ye've ever devised. Not to mention, ye now have an even
greater obligation to the clan to stay alive."

"Aye, well I know that." Dar sighed. "But I gave my word,
Cousin. And of what value am I as clan chief if I go back on my
word?"

"Under the usual circumstances, I'd agree with ye. But the
proscription sets everything askew. And I say yet first loyalty
must always be to yet clan."

"Do ye imagine I haven't thought long and hard on this?" He
shot Kenneth a sharp glance. "Even now, I wonder if I'm doing
what's truly best. But it's more than just the giving of my word.
It's-

"Och, well I know what else is involved here!" There was now
anger in the bard's voice. "It's Caitlin, isn't it? Ye imagine that if
ye continue to cozy up to her brother, there's still a way to win
her for yersel£ Admit it, Dar. Ye're still willing to risk everything,
even the clan, to have her."

"Aye, I want her," Dar ground out, "but honoring my word
isn't cozying up to Niall Campbell. I do what I do solely because
it's the right thing to do. Besides, with the life and death straits
Clan MacNaghten's in right now, he'd never give her to me. To
do so would be to condemn her to our fate. And that's a verra
sad fate indeed."

"That's the first thing ye've said that makes any sense. Still,
this plan of yers is daft and will likely get us both killed. Ye're no
longer a broken man, ye know. And that makes ye as marked a
man as me.

"I'm well aware of the danger." Dar looked to his cousin.
"Mayhap it's best ye turn around now and hie yerself back to
Ben Vorlich. There's no point in both of us dying."

"Nay." Kenneth shook his head. "I'm as much to blame for
the fine state of affairs that rescuing Athe got us in. I'll not desert
ye.

"Still, if the Campbell's willing to let me take the punishment
for the both of us, I want ye to return to the clan. They'll need to
know what has happened to me, and why. They're not to blame
Niall Campbell in the bargain, though. This isn't his doingwhatever happens to me. It's my doing, and mine alone."

His cousin gave a strident laugh. "Och, and well I know whose
doing it is! But what will it matter? Ye'll be dead, and we'll once
more be without a chief."

"A bad chief is worse than no chief at all," Dar shot back,
beginning to tire of this particular discussion.

"Aye, I'm sure they'll see it that way as they mill around, leaderless, with no idea what to do next."

Dar didn't have any further reply, so he lapsed into silence.
Beside him, Kenneth fumed for a time then settled down for the
rest of the ride to Dundarave. The familiar landmarks indicating
they were nearing the tower house came none too soon for Dar.
Though they had walked the horses nearly the whole way, his
wounded leg had begun to throb fiercely several hours ago. He
yearned to rest for a while.

As they crested the last hill, Dundarave came into view. The
first thing that caught Dar's eye was the closed front gate. It was
almost as if someone were already there and had taken possession
of the tower house.

But who? Surely not Niall Campbell. Dar doubted the Regent
had ridden through Hell's Glen at dawn, but more likely mid
morn at the earliest. In any event, Niall Campbell and his men
couldn't have covered the distance between Hell's Glen and here
quite this quickly.