A Grave Hunger (22 page)

"Ok, that's you cleaned up. You've lost a lot of blood, but the wounds should heal nicely as long as you keep them clean. I'll change the dressing again in the morning." She spoke quickly, the words rushing out nervously. It didn't escape my attention that she had said she would change the dressing in the morning. That meant she still wanted me around. An internal battle raged inside me as I thought about what I should do now. I knew I should leave, but now that I was with her, her pull was just too strong. It was as though she were a powerful magnet drawing me to her, keeping me here.

Relief strong and pure washed through me as my face returned to its human form. I felt like myself now that the monster was tightly back in its cage. An awkward silence lengthened between us. There was so much I wanted to say, but I didn't know how. I hid my discomfort with humour.              

"Thanks. You would have made a great nurse. And what's with the outfit? Pretty revealing ain't it?" I teased. I couldn't stop myself. Teasing her kept the conversation light, and I wasn't ready to face the questions just yet. "Why are you working at a place like that anyway?"  I watched her blush. She was obviously ashamed to be working at such a sleazy place.

"I've got to pay the bills somehow. My savings won't last forever."  She leaned forward, laser blue eyes staring intently. The heat from her body hit me like I was standing in front of a furnace. "What are you Finlay? You're not like any vampire I've ever met."

"Why aren't you scared of me? I'm a monster." I held her intense gaze, searching for an answer.

"Any other vampire would have attacked me, but you fought for me out there. You won't hurt me."

"How can you be so sure?" I whispered.

"If you were going to hurt me you would have done it already. Especially since I was bleeding.”  She reached up with her fingers to check that her wound had stopped bleeding.

“What are you?" she asked again. She placed her hand on my chest, over my heart. "I can feel your heart beat. And the blood lust, how you controlled yourself when I was bleeding. A normal vampire can't do that." Her blue eyes pierced into mine, searching for answers.

I sighed, running my fingers through my hair. Looks like the moment I had been avoiding was here. I closed my eyes, trying to formulate a good explanation.

"I'm a hybrid. Half human, half vampire."

"How?" she asked intensely. She leaned closer still.

"I think it's because I fed on animal blood, not human blood, during my transition."

She was silent, eyebrows creased, taking in what she had heard. Her expression suddenly hardened as she thought of something.

"What do you eat?" Her eyes narrowed imperceptibly. I knew what she was asking. She wanted to know if I was a murderer.

"I eat human food for the most part, but once a month ..." I had to look away from her intense stare. I didn't want to see the look in her eyes when I told her what I was about to say. "I need to drink blood once a month. Animal blood that I get from the butcher. I've never killed anyone."

When she didn't reply, I looked up alarmed. She was absent-mindedly twirling a stray stand of hair that had fallen from her pony tail.

"A hybrid. I've never heard of such a thing." She muttered the words quietly, more to herself than for my benefit. I sat silently and let her process what she had heard. She suddenly snapped out of her daze. "We can talk about this tomorrow. You need to rest. You can sleep in your old room. I'll take Robert's."

She stood and began to walk out of the room, gesturing for me to follow, but I hesitated. I wanted her to be sure. Her lack of concern worried me. She didn't seem to comprehend that I wasn't the same person she once knew. She gave me a quizzical look when I didn't comply.

"You sure you want me to stay over? It could be dangerous to have me around."

Her reply was a snort of derision.

I laughed in spite of myself. "Very classy, Scotland."

She sat back down on the chair opposite me. "You think you’re going to slaughter me in my sleep? You said you haven't killed anyone."

I flinched as her words reminded me of the dream I had about her.

"You don't seem to realise that I'm a monster, the creatures that a few months ago we hunted."

"You’re not the same as them. If you don't kill, you're not a monster."

"You saw my face. That's exactly what I am. How can you even stand to be around me?"

"You're still the same person, Finlay. That's what counts," she answered softly, eyes full of compassion. I didn't deserve it.

"How can you be sure?" I said staring at her intensely.

She answered without hesitation. "Because I know you. You are still the same kind, caring, passionate man I fell in love with." Her voice held no hint of indecision. She believed what she was saying, completely. I wished I had as much faith in myself that she had for me. "Come on. You’ve lost a lot of blood. You need to rest."

She stood, reaching out her hand to help me up. Her eyes registered hurt as I shook my head, declining her offer of help. I had been putting off this conversation, and I felt like it was now the time to bring it up.

"What about your boyfriend? I'm sure he wouldn't be happy with your ex staying over." A pain ripped through my chest as I said the words.

Her eyebrows wrinkled in confusion. "My boyfriend? Why do you think I have a boyfriend?"

I was taken aback. Had Anne got it wrong? Relief felt so exquisite as it ran through my body. It was as though a weight had been taken off me.

"I bumped into Anne. She mentioned that you had been in the diner with your new man." I worked at keeping my voice casual.

A cold look crossed Leah's face at the mention of Anne's name, and the warmth faded from her eyes to be replaced by a burning rage. Her expression was as black as midnight. Her abrupt change in mood surprised me. "Yeah, Anne went into great detail about how you two
bumped
into each other. I knew she didn't like me but to make up something like that. What a spiteful little bitch.  You and her together, ha, as if you would ever have sex with ...” She stopped her rant abruptly when she saw the chagrined look on my face. Her face flushed and she looked at the floor. “Oh, she wasn't lying.” Her voice was a mere whisper. The pained look in her eyes cut me to the core.  I was disgusted at myself for the torment my actions caused her. I had to make her believe that my night with Anne meant nothing.

"Leah, about what happened with Anne ...."

"Not now, Finlay. We can talk about it tomorrow. I'm going to put fresh sheets on your bed." She refused to look at me, as she turned to walk out of the room. Pausing at the door, she added over her shoulder, "Anne lied to you. I was never in the diner with any man."

Chapter 37

I lay awake staring up at the small cracks in the ceiling, following the lines as they snaked across the white artex in abstract patterns. My head pounded ferociously. I rubbed my temples with my fingers, willing the pain to subside. It wasn't just the pain that kept me awake; I couldn't clear the hurt look in Leah's eyes from my mind. I felt disgusted with myself that I had caused her so much pain. And for what? The night with Anne was the single biggest regret of my life.

From the next room I could hear the sounds of Leah thrashing about in bed. She couldn't sleep either. I sighed. There was so much I had wanted to say to her, but I didn't know where to start, especially about Anne. I heard the floorboards creak as Leah got out of bed and made her way downstairs. I lay in bed thinking of ways to make her understand that Anne meant nothing to me, but every argument sounded weak. I gave up trying to formulate a logical argument. There was no logic involved that night, only the pain of thinking that Leah had moved on, and the desperation of me trying to do the same.

I slowly pulled the sheets to one side and swung my legs over the side of the bed. My body ached with every minute movement as I shuffled over to the full length mirror. I cursed loudly as I saw my injuries for the first time. Purplish bruises shadowed under my left eye, down my cheek, to my jaw. I traced an angry looking gash with my finger, my fingertips following the laceration as it curved from my forehead to the bridge of my nose. I flinched as I grazed my nose. Great, it looked as though the bloodsucker had broken it. I looked like I'd gone ten rounds with Mike Tyson and lost. I couldn't see the cuts and bite marks on my chest and back due to the dressings that Leah had applied earlier. I didn't need to see underneath to know that I was in pretty bad shape. I needed blood. Once I had fed, I knew my injuries would heal quickly.

Shivering despite the warm night, I made my way slowly to the wardrobe, hoping that Robert hadn't thrown out my old clothes I had left when I moved out. Pulling open the door, I saw that not only were my old clothes still here, that all of my belongings from my motel had been moved here too. Leah must have packed up my stuff when she had moved out of the motel.  I reached for a sweater, and pulled it on, pain shooting up my arms and chest as I did so.

Sucking in some shallow breaths to help with the pain, I slowly and precisely made my way to the landing and headed downstairs, cursing silently with every fresh wave of pain. When I entered the living room, Leah was sitting on the couch, feet tucked underneath her with a large leather bound book sitting on her lap. She looked up when I entered and scowled admonishingly.

"What are you doing out of bed?" Her tone mirrored her expression.

"Couldn't sleep. Nice to see your taste in night attire hasn't changed," I joked, pointedly looking at her blue pyjamas covered in pictures of cows, with the words 'moo-dy cow' across the front.

She smiled.  "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine," I lied. I fixed on a smile as I sat down on the couch beside her, smiling through the pain. She didn't look convinced.

"What are you reading?" She looked uncomfortable, shifting nervously in her seat.

"I'm curious ... about hybrids. I've never came across one before. I wanted to see if Robert's journal held any answers."

Robert was fastidious about recording every hunting trip he had ever been on. If there was any information to be found about hybrids, it would be in Robert's journal. My heart skipped a few beats. I was still waiting for her disgust and repulsion to materialise, but it didn't.

"Well, I'm privileged to be your first." It was meant to be a joke, but the bitterness seeped into my voice. Her neon eyes flashed with pity. Pity was almost as bad as disgust. I looked away, unable to stand seeing it any longer. "And what did you find?"

"Nothing, zip, nada!" She sounded frustrated. A small crease formed between her eyebrows, and she stuck out her bottom lip in an unintentional pout. I found myself fixated on her lips once more. Vivid mental pictures flooded my brain - leaning closer to her and running my thumb over her warm, swollen bottom lip. Feeling the slick, wet heat as I gently pressed my lips to hers. I wanted so badly to kiss her; the impulse burned through me, the need becoming overwhelming. I frowned, the reality of the situation dawning on me. I couldn't allow myself to think this way. I was a monster, and I didn't deserve her.

The sound of her voice snapped me out of my fantasy. "What?" I asked.

"I said I would keep looking."

"I wish you wouldn't," I grumbled. I would rather she lived in ignorant bliss and remember me for how I used to be than know the monster I'd become.

"Are there any others like you?"

My mind flashed to what the blond vampire had said. "I didn't think so ... until tonight. One of the vampires mentioned an alliance between hybrids and hunters. In all my years hunting, I've never heard of any hunters teaming up with demons. Usually our job is pretty simple - kill monsters, not work with them."

"You're not a monster. You don't kill." Her eyes shone with conviction. "Maybe other hybrids are like you and survive on animal blood too."

I smiled at her optimism. "Have you seen much of Luke and Ryan?" I asked, changing the subject.

"I haven't really kept in touch with anyone. Ryan and Luke have phoned me a few times but ..." A sheepish look crossed her face as she spoke of the brothers. "I've been a bit antisocial since you've been gone."

I sighed. "This isn't how I had hoped things would end up for you. When I left you behind that night, I had hoped that you would go back to Scotland, return to teaching, have a proper life."

"That ship has sailed, Finlay. I know too much about things that go bump in the night. There is no going back for me."

I leaned closer and grabbed her hand. "Never say that! It's never too late for you to get out." I must have startled her, because her heart began to race and her breath hitched. She stared at me with wide, unblinking eyes. After a moment, her shock disappeared and her heart rate returned to normal. She ran her fingers over my hand, the movement causing a heated tingle. The electricity between us was palpable, sparking like an exposed wire. I dropped her hand and shuffled away from her. This was complicated enough.

I cleared my throat nervously and changed the subject. "Maybe we should keep my, erm... keep the subject of my transformation between us for a while. Not all hunters will be as understanding about my change as you are."

She nodded. "Yeah, probably a good idea until we learn a bit more about hybrids. You need to sleep. You're not going to heal if you don't let your body rest." She disappeared into the kitchen and appeared a few moments later with a glass of water in one hand and a plastic bottle of pain killers in the other. She sat the water on the table beside me and tipped out a couple of pills into her hand, handing them to me.

"Thanks." I gulped down the pills, not holding out much hope that they would do anything to take the edge off the pain.

"Finlay, I think we should really get you to a hospital. I think you might have a broken nose." Her gaze dragged over my face and body, assessing my injuries once more.

I shook my head. "Don't worry, I'll heal." I didn't add that my injuries would heal quickly once I fed.

She frowned. She looked as though she was going to say something, but thought better of it. "What have you been doing for the last four months?" She looked at me blankly, her expression unreadable.

"Mainly trying to learn to control ..." I struggled for the words. "It was difficult to be around anyone for a while."

"Well, you seemed to have overcome that particular difficulty." I could hear the hurt in her voice seeping through her carefully composed mask of sarcasm.

I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. Where to start? I stiffly turned my body towards her and took her hand in mine. She wore a mask of indifference, her blue eyes unreadable. "It meant nothing, Leah." She didn't respond, her poker face holding strong. I moved my hand to cup her face as I unleashed the full force of my eyes on her. I had to make her believe what I had said. "It was the single biggest mistake of my life." Her composed expression wavered, and pain flashed bright in her eyes. I felt a stab of remorse in my chest watching her response.

"Then why?" Her voice trembling, she left the sentence unfinished.

"I was trying to get over you. It was killing me being away from you. I was going out of my mind. And when I bumped into Anne, she told me you had found someone new, moved on." She frowned at the mention of Anne, her eyes darkening. "I was trying to do the same. It didn't quite work out that way." I chuckled mirthlessly. "It just made me feel even worse. I guess that's why I ended up here tonight. Stalking you like some sort of peeping Tom." I dropped my hands from her face and scowled, wondering how I became such a loser.

"Trying to get over me by getting under someone else?" she mumbled, looking at the floor, eyes intently studying the knots on the wooden floor.

"It was never my intention to hurt you. God, I should never have come back here, should have left you to get on with your life. I can't stand to see you hurting." Her head snapped up, eyes registering alarm.

"You're leaving?" Her voice was an octave higher than usual, and her heart pounded erratically. Her reaction pleased me. Did it mean that she wanted me to stay? I wasn't sure I had the strength to leave.

"Do you want me to stay?" I subconsciously leaned closer, eager for her reply. The warmth of her breath on my face hit me hard, and I had to lean back away from her mesmerising scent.

"Don't leave, Finlay. I don't think I could take it if you left again."

"I'm not the man you used to know. What life could we have together if I stayed?" Contradictory feelings swirled in my head. As much as I wanted to stay, I had to make her realise that it wouldn't be the same as it once was. For her sake I had to make her see what I was. Maybe then she would have the strength to do what I couldn't - make me leave. She deserved a proper life. It was selfish to stay, to deny her that. I struggled against the internal battle between what I knew I should do, and what I wanted to do.

"We will figure it out together." She didn't get it. She still believed I was the same man I had once been.

"What kind of life could we have together? I mean what about kids? Vampires can't reproduce, so it wouldn't be a leap to say that I couldn't have them either. Don't you want kids?"

"To be honest, I don't know. I'm not sure I would want to bring a child into the world knowing what's out there. If we did decide we wanted kids, there’s always adoption."

"Ok, then. Do I age? Vampires don't. Will I? How will you feel when you are seventy, and I still look thirty?"

"I reckon I'll feel pretty good about that. If it will bother anyone, it will be you. I can't see you wanting to date a seventy year old." Her voice trailed off towards the end. She obviously hadn't considered my ageing.

My heart thundered in my chest as I watched her conviction falter. If she was having doubts, what I was about to say would put the final nail in our coffin. I took a deep breath and blurted out the words. "We could never have a normal, physical relationship." Our relationship was more than just sex, much more, but I wasn't naive enough to think that it didn't matter in a relationship.

Confusion swept over her face, and she was silent for a few moments before she replied, "But you and Anne..."

"What I did was reckless, I could have killed her," I whispered. A fresh wave of disgust washed through me as I thought of how careless I had been. I had to make her see how we could never have that kind of relationship again.