A Grave Hunger (20 page)

Looking down at my hands, I noticed that they still gripped the table tightly. I released my grip, pulling off a chunk of wood as I did so. I covered the damage with a napkin, and worked to rearrange my features into a casual expression as the waitress approached. The scent of spilled blood became stronger as she. I clawed my hands into fists. Digging my nails into my palms served as a reminder that I had to keep the monster under control.

"Ready to order?" she asked. Like a shark lured towards blood-filled water, my eyes were instantly drawn to the large gash on her palm. I was thankful it had almost stopped bleeding.

"Burger, fries and bring me a bottle of whiskey," I answered, impressed at how calm my voice sounded, considering the hammering of my heart.

"No problem."

I was jubilant for the first time since I had been turned. I had managed to control the transformation, even with fresh blood so close to me. Maybe there was hope for me after all. For the first time in four months, I was overcome with the feeling of optimism. The waitress returned ten minutes later with my order, and I devoured it hungrily.

I heard them before I saw them. High heels clattered towards the entrance of the bar. The women laughed and giggled as they neared, slurring their words when they spoke. I glanced at my watch - 3:30pm. Looks like I wasn't the only one starting early.

I silently groaned at the thought of having to listen to drunken women rambling on. I tried to block them out and turned my attention back to my drink.

"Oh my god, there's Finlay, the hot guy from the diner I was telling you about! How do I look?"

My head instantly snapped up at hearing my name. My gaze locked with Anne's. She beamed and waved, tottering over towards me. I cursed quietly under my breath. I watched, amused, as she struggled to walk in her ridiculously high stiletto heels. For 3:30 in the afternoon, she was quite overdressed, wearing a red, skin-tight dress that barely covered her ass and pushed her massive tits upwards. They wobbled precariously as she walked, threatening to overspill. Not a believer in the natural look, she had caked on the make-up. I could see dry flakes of foundation settling in laughter lines around her mouth. I wondered what she was like without all the camouflage, underneath the layers of heavy make-up.

"Finlay, it's so good to see you. You haven't been into the diner for ages!" she shrieked, sliding into the seat beside me. I was acutely aware of the heat emanating from her body as she slid closer to me. It was the closest I had been to a human in months. I leaned away from her, needing to distance myself from her heat, from her scent.

"Hi, Anne. How are you?" I answered unenthusiastically. She didn't seem to notice my discomfort. She shuffled closer, closing the gap between us.

"I'm great. What are you doing in Dryden?"

"I live here now. Moved a few months ago. You?"

"My best friend lives here. We go out for a few drinks here every now and then." She pointed over towards the bar, where her friends had already ordered and drank their first drink. So much for only going out for a few drinks. All three looked wasted.

"I'm going to the bar. Be back soon." She tottered towards her friends, stumbling as she went.

I couldn't help but listen to their conversation.

"Listen, guys, I know we said that we would only stay here for one, but I think I'm going to stick around," Anne said, winking suggestively.

Her friends instantly understood what she meant. "Oh, you're hoping for some action with the hottie." Her brunette friend cackled.

"You know it!" They erupted in laughter.

"All right, have fun. And we want to know all the sordid details tomorrow."

They downed their drinks and stumbled to the door. I rolled my eyes at her optimism. I wasn't interested in being with anyone except Leah. I'd been with countless women before her, but none had ever captured my attention or my heart the way Leah had. I respected her fiercely independent attitude. The women I usually went with were shallow pools of vanity and self-obsession. Women who fluttered their eyelashes and pulled the damsel in distress act whenever they wanted anything - women like Anne over there. Sex with them had always been just that - sex. A way to let off steam and release tension. I never had feelings for any of them. With Leah it was different. I was in love with her. Being apart from her felt as though I was missing a piece of myself. I couldn't go on like this. I needed to get over her, cleanse her from my system. I watched as Anne tottered back over to me carrying a bottle of tequila and two shot glasses. She slid back into the booth beside me.

"How's work at the diner?" I asked.

"Yeah, same old. Pays the bills, you know. I've seen Leah a few times. She still comes by most days."

I froze hearing Leah's name. My heart broke into a gallop.

"How is she?" The words were out before I had a chance to censor my tone.

"Leah?" Her face was blank for a moment, before her eyes narrowed imperceptibly, finally catching on to my agenda. Her face hardened, and she pressed her lips into a thin line. Taking a deep breath, she finally answered. "Leah's great. She came into the diner with a hot guy last week. Was all over him." There was a hard edge to her voice.

My heart sank. She had found someone else. Jealousy ripped through my body, potent and strong. Images of them together swirled in my head.

"That's great. I'm glad she's happy." I wanted those words to be true, but the pain clawing through my chest was proof of the contrary.

She nodded slowly. "You could try to sound a bit more convincing, Finlay." She smirked. "You're in love with her." It was a statement, not a question.

I smiled at her perceptiveness. "Yeah, I'm in love with her, but we can't be together."

It felt good to open up to someone. I had avoided human contact for so long that it felt therapeutic to let it out.

She didn't question why. "Well, in that case, my suggestion would be to drink and have some fun with a cute blonde. Lucky for you, this cute blonde is available."

I laughed for the first time in months. The pain in my chest still raged, but the distraction had lessened it slightly. Leah had moved on and found someone new. Maybe I should make more of an effort to do so as well. I pushed thoughts of Leah from my mind. Anne poured us two large measures of tequila and handed me one.

"Are you trying to get me drunk, Anne?"

"Best thing for a broken heart." She giggled.

Chapter 33

I awoke to the feeling that I wasn't alone. My senses kicked in before I got a chance to open my eyes. The smell of stale alcohol, sweat ...the scent of human blood, a heartbeat other than my own. Memories from last night flooded back. I groaned internally, covering my face with my hands. What the hell had I been thinking, sleeping with Anne? Guilt flooded my body. I felt as though I had let Leah down, like I'd cheated on her. I was disgusted at myself. More than disgust, I had been reckless. I had put Anne's life in danger.

The fire returned to my throat, and my stomach twisted painfully as I thought of last night. I felt the heat from her body, her pulse reverberating through me as if it were my own. I shook off the feeling. I could have killed her. It was a miracle that I hadn’t. It came pretty close at one point. It had taken every ounce of self-control I had not to let the monster take over. I had wanted her blood, wanted to sink my teeth into her neck and taste her. I had wanted to give in to the beast and let it take over, give in to the release. But I didn't. I took some comfort in the fact that I had been able to control my blood lust. I had stopped myself before the beast had taken over. The man in me won the battle, if you can call running off to hide in the bathroom winning. My small victory from the diner yesterday had been short lived and had made me complacent. I had been able to control the beast around fresh blood, but sex was another thing entirely.

I silently cursed. I was such a fucking idiot. Not only did I put Anne's life in danger, I risked exposing what I was. Luckily, even in my drunken stupor I had the good sense to turn the light off so she didn't see me when I turned into the beast. Last night I had explained my sudden hasty departure by telling her that I couldn't go through with it because of Leah. She had seemed to buy it in her drunken state, but now that she had sobered, would she still?  An icy chill enveloped my heart, as I thought about how I could explain my bizarre actions in the cold light of day.

What was I thinking? I knew exactly what I had been thinking. I wanted to forget Leah, forget that she had moved on and left me behind, and found someone new. I wanted to push aside my pain. Well, that backfired. Today I felt even worse than I did before, if that was even possible.

I opened my eyes and rolled over to look at Anne. She was still sleeping peacefully, black eye-liner streaked under her eyes, giving her the appearance of a panda. It would have been comical if I had been in a better mood. I realised I felt nothing for her. I wanted her out of my motel room. My callousness towards her made guilt flood through me once more.

I crept silently to the bathroom and stepped into the shower, hoping that the warm spray would rejuvenate me, clear my head. I racked my brain, thinking of a polite way to make her leave without hurting her feelings. I wanted to be alone, to wallow in my misery, my guilt, my shame.

I dried myself and wrapped the towel around my waist. I stood behind the closed door, trying to rally the courage to explain last night. I heard her stir, the sound of the bed sheets rustling as she moved. Well, it was now or never. I pulled open the door, and forced a small smile as she regarded me from the bed.

"Morning."

"Morning," she replied sleepily, rubbing her eyes, and smearing eye-liner even further down her cheeks.

I walked over and sat beside her on the bed.

"Listen, Anne, about last night..."

"Finlay, it's fine. I knew what this was. I'm not expecting any commitment from you. You're in love with Leah. Not many guys would run off in the middle of sex because they felt guilty about being with someone else." She smiled slyly at me. "She must be some woman."

It looked like she bought my excuse then. I should have felt some measure of relief, but I didn't. A torrent of emotions flooded through me: embarrassment, guilt, regret. All I could manage in ways of an explanation was a measly, "Sorry."

"Don't worry about it. Last night was just a bit of fun... and it was fun!"

She thought last night was fun? She must have been more drunk than I thought. She threw her legs over the side of the bed, and started to pull on her clothes that lay on the floor.

"Do you want me to phone you a cab?"

If she picked up on my hint, she didn't show it. "Nah, it's fine, I'll walk. My friend stays at the end of the block."

"I'll walk you if you like." I felt as though I had to at least try to be a gentleman, considering the appalling way I had behaved.

She walked around the side of the bed, leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. "It's ok, you don't need to. It's a five minute walk. But any time you fancy round two, you know where you can find me." She winked seductively at me.

I rose from the bed and walked her to the door, pausing before I opened it. "Anne, please don't tell Leah that you saw me. It's just better that she doesn't know I'm here."

Her eyes narrowed, but she nodded. "All right, I'll keep quiet. See you around, Finlay."

I watched her totter along the road until she disappeared from sight around the corner. Last night had been a mistake. My misguided attempt to forget Leah. I should have known it wouldn't be that easy.