A Handful of Pebbles (27 page)

The energy of the musicians propels her feet, her arms over the shoulders of the person before her and the person behind. Someone shouts
‘
Opa!
’ and the person at the head of the snake turns under the uplifted arm of the person behind him. With his lead hand, he waves a handkerchief. The lady in front of Sarah breaks away and the man in front of her beckons Sarah to rejoin the line. It is the man in the shiny suit, with no cigar. The steps are becoming known, anticipated, automatic, the lightness in Sarah’s step joyful. Frona claps to the rhythm as she passes her.

Sarah looks out into the crowd. The shooting seems to have stopped. There is a crowd around the tables laden with food
, and children are still running between everyone’s legs. Someone breaks into the line behind her, and she turns to find Nicolaos already lost in the music, his eyes glazed over as he looks skyward. Someone breaks into the line in front of her. It is Jim, who smiles and for a moment looks just like Frona. The next time around, the dance area, Frona shouts ‘
Opa!
’ as her two boys with Sarah in between pass her, and then the leader takes a turn off the dance floor and makes his way lacing through the crowds. The pulse seems to be quickening and Sarah is enlivened as she tries to keep up. Ahead, she can see Liz sitting at a linen-covered table, a plate in front of her, and Neville with a forkful of food poised before his mouth as he talks, and Laurence next to him, staring straight at her. The eye contact is penetrating. Jim shouts something to her, and breaking the gaze with Laurence, she turns to him.

‘
Sorry, what?’ Sarah asks.

He repeats it
, but it is in Greek and he is speaking over her head to Nicolaos, who looks at her, laughing. She does not want to look back to see Laurence’s reaction. Between the two brothers, she feels appreciated, liked, part of something. She could dance on forever. But before the music stops, Jim pulls away to talk to some new guest, so when the bouzouki player finally stops for a drink and a cigarette, there is only Nicolaos to ask if she is hungry. She glances over all the tables. There is no sign of Laurence, Liz, or Neville.

‘
I haven’t seen Finn and Helena yet, nor my other son Joss and his wife.’

Nicolaos is loading his plate.
‘They are under the tree.’ He spits out the pit of an olive and helps himself to salad.

‘
Tree?’ Sarah looks around. There are many that border the property.

‘
You know.’ He inclines his head toward the side gate. It takes Sarah a moment, as in the same direction, beyond the barbeques, are cars, the bonfire, and, behind the garages, the dog cages.

‘
Oh right. Our tree.’

Nicolaos stops piling his plate and looks at her.

‘You know what I mean. It is where we have sat ... with Frona. The picnic,’ Sarah stutters. He purses his lips and nods, eyebrows raised.

‘
So Jim has said yes to Mama staying here with you,’ he states, offering her a spoonful of, well she is not sure what it is, roast vegetables perhaps. Sarah’s stomach turns. The food looks delicious, so she is not sure if her response is fear or excitement.

‘
Frona said she refused to go to the wedding unless he said yes.’ Sarah shakes her head. She is not sure if she wants to eat at all right now.

‘
Sounds like Mama.’

‘
Why has Jim got such a big say in everything, if you don’t mind me asking?’ She picks at an olive and takes a slice of feta.

‘
No, I don’t mind. It is just his way. It is what got him his big business and it is how he runs his life.’

‘
But Frona lets him and you have stayed away?’

‘
Mama and I are two of a kind: anything for a quiet life. No fight is worth the stress. Have you tired the
kolokithia
? They are so good.’ He lifts something from his plate and puts it on Sarah’s. For some reason, it seems like an intimate act and Sarah becomes aware that there are just the two of them helping themselves at the buffet. She hasn’t even spoken to her husband tonight and she has yet to meet Helena’s mother. Inside her head, the sound of Laurence saying she is irresponsible rings true. What would her boys say?

‘
You know, I think I will go and find the boys.’

Nicolaos looks at his full plate.

‘No, you’re alright. You finish your food.’ With which she puts her plate down, picks the feta off with her fingers, and nibbles away at it as she heads towards the side gate.

It is hard to see if anyone is under the tree
, even though the moon whitens the ground around it and the fireworks cast colour every now and again. Then she hears Pru’s voice murmuring.

Sarah counsels herself to not be so selfish
, but the voice inside her head repeats:
Tell them. Get it done with. Just tell them and be free.
She must put her own thoughts and troubles to one side until after the wedding. It is very tempting to spill it all out, lift the weight of it all from her chest. But that is not what is best for Finn.

‘
Hey Mum!’ Finn stands.

‘
Hi guys. I wondered where you lot had got to.’ Apart from her boys and Pru and Helena, there is one other person there, sitting on the stone, her knees neatly together, her hands in her lap. No one introduces her. Sarah smiles an introduction, which is reciprocated, but there is a cautiousness in the woman’s eye contact, a nervousness. Sarah recognises a reflection of part of herself in the woman’s demeanour, the part of her whose sole purpose was the washing machine filler and dinner maker. This immediately warms her to the woman, an understanding. It is the part of her that is quickly shrinking away but until she stands up to Laurence, nothing has really changed, certainly not in his mind, and that matters!

‘
Joss is going to make the world’s worst best man speech.’ Finn laughs as Helena hugs onto his arm.

‘
Right, that’s it. I rescind my position as best man.’ Joss keeps a straight face but Sarah recognises his humour. Pru is only visible by the glowing end of her cigarette, her face in the dark as she leans her back against the tree.

‘
So why are you all out here?’ Sarah asks.

‘
No reason,’ Helena replies. ‘Just came to look at the stars.’

‘
They give such hope,’ the un-introduced woman says.

‘
Greece is such a beautiful place,’ Sarah confesses.

‘
I just love it. You know, Mum, Helena and I have been trying to figure out ways we could work from here,’ Finn says.

‘
Really? I would love to live here, too.’ There, it’s out. Sarah keeps her eyes fixed on the stars. She cannot meet anyone’s gaze having just said that. Why can she not keep her mouth shut?

‘
The problem is work,’ Finn says.

Tell them the plan
. Let it all out. Have a clear conscience for the wedding.
No, that’s not fair. It is the kids’ day tomorrow. There should be no worries in the back of their minds.

‘
It would be amazing, though, to come out here, live the dream, or at least to spend some time out here.’ Sarah tries to sound light, dismissive, not really telling them anything.

‘
You should, Mum,’ Finn says emphatically.

It feels like such an opening, it would be so easy, just let it all tumble out.

‘Ha, what about your Dad?’ Sarah feels like a traitor to herself as she hears her own words.

‘
Do him good, a spell on his own,’ Finn sniffs and puts his hands in his front pockets.

No one says anything. They all continue to look at the stars.

‘So have you figured a way to stay out here, then?’ Sarah addresses Finn. Even just to talk about it feels exciting, satisfying.

‘
No, we both need to be in London really, or maybe New York. Joss says there are loads of opportunities there.’ Finn squeezes Helena to him.

The subject seems closed. The fireworks have stopped now and the field is darker without the occasional shock of coloured light. Pru leans forwards and stubs out her cigarette and then takes hold of Joss
’s arm to pull herself up.

‘
Why don’t you, Mrs Quayle?’ Pru brushes down her skirt.

‘
Sorry.’ Sarah feels thrown by the question.

‘
Do it. Stay here. Live a bit. See if you like it.’ Pru’s tone is flat, but Sarah can sense there is a little dig in there, the implication that she does not live by Pru’s standards.

‘
Oh, I ...’

Finn
’s head turns from the sky, watching, and she meets his eye. He looks at her hard. The top of his cheeks are lit by the moonlight, his white shirt glows. He nods. It is such a small movement, it is almost imperceptible. Helena, who is still wrapped around his arm, looks up at him and then at Sarah before her mouth tightens into a sideways smile that looks decidedly wicked. She raises one eyebrow. It feels like a challenge, a dare, a collusion.

‘
Dad couldn’t manage.’ Joss breaks the silence. It is a long time since she has heard Joss call Laurence
Dad
. Clenching her teeth, she is aware of why he has decided to use the term now.

‘
Don’t be silly, Joss,’ Pru says. Her tone could not be more dismissive as she takes control of the group by leading the way back towards the house.

The two couples go ahead. Sarah finds herself walking beside the woman.

‘Greece does that,’ the woman says.

‘
Does what?’

‘
Filters out the important things in our lives, shifts priorities.’

Sarah chooses not to answer. As they reach the house
, Helena waits for Sarah to catch up and, grabbing her hand, she pulls her towards the dance floor. The un-introduced woman goes with them and the three of them dance to the next two songs. Pru sits, smoking. Then Helena pulls Finn in. He struggles to be let free but her grip is insistent. Once dancing, he seems to know the steps.

The warmth and the dancing, arm in arm with Finn
, feels joyous to Sarah, and she forgets about everything but the moment. Finn pulls Joss into the line, who, surprisingly, does not resist. With their dark hair, they could be Greek; they certainly fit in. After the next dance, Sarah needs some water. Returning from the bar, she finds Nicolaos between Finn and Helena. Finn’s head is turned, talking to him. Joss is between Helena and the woman. By the way Helena and the woman move, the twist of their hips, the turn of their feet, it is apparent that this could be Helena’s mum.

Sarah is only standing long enough to finish her water when Jim links her arm as he passes her and pulls her back into the line.

They seem to dance on and on. The rhythm changes and the steps become more complicated. To her amazement, Finn seems to know these steps, too. Sarah watches with Joss and Pru until Pru suddenly stands and grabs Sarah’s arm, pulling her nearer to the house and demands that Sarah teach her the simple steps she knows. They laugh as their feet get tangled, but Pru’s tenacity makes the lesson short.

Within the half hour
, they are all dancing to shouts of ‘
Opa!
’ There seems to be no specific timing to these calls; it just seems an explosion of happiness, a release of euphoria.

The songs merge one into another. When one musician tires
, another takes over and, as they perform in rotation, the dancers strut on and on until, slowly, the lawn thins of people and the revellers lose their energy. Pru yawns and Joss uses this as his cue to bid them all farewell, scooping her into his arms. The horizon lightens and the top of the hills burn orange as a slither of intense light peeps over the hills. As the sun creeps from its rest, there is now a slight chill to the air and the cicadas are, just for this hour, silent. A bird song whistles across the relative quiet as the musicians put their instruments into cases and the stage lights are switched off.

There is no sign of Laurence
, and Neville’s car has gone, along with most of the other vehicles. Looking towards the dog cages, Sarah catches sight of Nicolaos leaving through the side gate.

‘
I guess it is bedtime.’ Finn is grinning at Helena. ‘Where’s Dad?’ He looks over at the garages, searching for the hire car.

‘
I think he’s gone,’ Sarah says. Her dress for the wedding is back at the holiday cottage, so she will need to go there to change, but she wants to avoid Laurence as much as she can.

‘
Oh stay here.’ It is Helena’s turn to yawn. The waiters are beginning to tidy the drink tables. The food table has been cleared. ‘Maria,’ she addresses one of the people who has been serving. ‘Are any of the guest rooms free?’ The woman nods. ‘There, sorted.’ Helena leans on Finn as they all slowly make their way into the house.

The next morning seems to pass seamlessly. Someone knocks on Sarah’s door to let her know breakfast is available. New caterers stand bright eyed and ready to serve them in the beautiful sunshine. It seems many of the guests stayed on. The man in the shiny suit is there, looking rather creased. Helena is full of life and shows no tiredness at all. The woman Sarah was not introduced to is by Helena’s side, and in the light of day, there can be no mistaking their relationship. That and Helena calls her
Mama
, but the time has passed for formal introductions.

Finn is nowhere to be seen, nor is Jim. It seems they are maintaining tradition and the groom is not allowed to see the bride.

A whole fleet of cars leave the house around mid-morning, and Sarah is bundled into one them in the same dress she wore to the party. Sliding in next to her is Helena’s mother, Nicolaos, who looks amazing in his morning dress, and the man in the shiny but now crumpled suit. The smell of cigars accompanies his slamming the door closed.

As they drive around the village in convoy
, more cars join them as they snake through the lanes. Sarah hears a light ringing and only after a minute does she recognise her phone. By the time she has pulled it out, it has gone to voicemail, but there are several text messages from Laurence and one from Liz. She reads Liz’s.

‘
Where are you?’ is all it says, sent today, about an hour ago.

‘
With Helena’s family, see u at the wedding.’
There, Liz can tell Laurence if she wants.
And with that thought, she snaps her phone shut and looks out of the window at all the passers-by waving. Behind them, the convoy of cars seems to go on forever as they leave the village.

By comparison to the preparations
, the service, in a very large and central church in Saros town, is a sedate affair. Conducted in Greek, Sarah finds herself looking around the church for a great deal of the time. Helena’s mum spends a lot of the time gazing up to the ceiling, too. Maybe she doesn’t understand Greek, either. Maybe Jim met her in Australia. Helena looks amazing. Her dress has a fitted lace bodice and, as Helena suggested, it is sensational. Maybe even slightly too sensational for a white dress. Finn and Joss also look amazing in their grey morning suits. Flowers cover every corner of the church, and hanging from the ceiling are brass chandeliers under an icon-covered ceiling. Everywhere glints with gold and brass, incense hangs in the air, and all corners glow with candles. The priest, in white robes embroidered in gold thread, begins to sing in monosyllabic tones. A thrill runs through Sarah and she shivers slightly. The priest sings on and on. After half an hour, it appears that nothing is really happening. No one has moved and the priest continues. Not wanting to look behind and meet an angry glare from Laurence, Sarah contents herself with imagining Finn’s life ahead of him. Surely Helena will want children? It is becoming apparent Pru will not be having any and Joss seems happy with that, but Finn will make such a good father.

A movement break
s her daydream. Joss steps behind the couple. It occurs to Sarah that there must have been rehearsals but instead of feeling left out, which is what she would have expected, she feels nothing but happiness: that her boys have each other, that Finn is marrying. Everything in the world seems perfect. The priest has taken a step back. A man with a microphone drones a religious script in a monotone that is halfway between a chant and a song. Outside, a dog barks, as if in accompaniment.

The priest steps forwards again and the chanting stops. The dog outside continues. The heavy
, embellished robes of the priest rustle and swish across the tiled floor as he moves to face the couple, where he begins his own chant over two intertwined thin metal crowns that he uses to bless Finn and Helena before placing them upon their heads, a ribbon joining the two. He then steps away and Joss takes his place behind the couple, lifting the crowns. He crosses his arms and the crowns switch heads. He repeats this two more times and then the crowd stirs.

Children push to the front with baskets of rice. Modest handfuls are taken by the guests and then eager young men elbow forward
, taking as big a handful as they can. Helena, Finn, and Joss—behind them and still holding the crowns—begin to circumnavigate the altar. The priest retreats and the guests throw handfuls of rice, the young men with as much force as they can. Helena and Finn duck, Joss dips his head below his arms. With their faces bent to the ground to withstand the stinging onslaught, they try to sedately walk the full circle. The young men in the crowd push for second handfuls and some receive halting hands on their wrists to curb the competitive play. The priest continues his drone and Sarah looks at the sun pouring in through the coloured glass windows. Suddenly it is all over and people are leaving the church. Moving with the throng, it occurs to Sarah that she could have been more involved, maybe studied up on Greek Orthodox weddings before she came, understood what was going on a bit more, and she is not sure why she didn’t. She almost falls into feeling guilty but decides the day is too perfect for such thoughts and as she leaves the church, she is given a silk bag of what looks like sugared almonds by Jenny, who is lined up with several other children, all handing out these gifts.